Question for La Tuff? Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to be featured in this column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

The last two years have been a whirlwind for me. I was really overweight pretty much all throughout high school and was really shy/awkward towards anyone who I didn’t know very well. A year after I graduated high school, I decided to start losing weight and since then have lost nearly sixty pounds. I still have a little weight to lose, but this new body of mine has definitely caused me to feel more comfortable with myself, and the male attention has increased drastically. I didn’t date in high school because I felt so bad about how I looked, and only until this year did I start going on dates. Since then, I have dabbled in oral sex with a few different men I knew casually but I never get off from receiving it. Actually, it has never felt good receiving, but I still continue to do it in hopes of that changing. I never went all the way with any of these guys, partly because I am not still not 100% okay with how I look yet and I would silently freak out and back off. I am turning 20 in August and did not want to be a virgin when my teen years came to an end.

So, after not being able to go through it with any of the men I had gone down on, I decided to take action and find a random guy I would never have to see again on Craigslist. Well, I found the right man, we talked for about a week, and we met up, hung out and had sex. That’s where the next part, and my problem, comes in. It didn’t hurt at all, but it didn’t feel good either. I could feel him but there was no pleasure. I saw him again a few days later and nothing, even though I’m highly attracted to him not just physically but I felt mentally as well from what I did know about him. I even suggested he take off the condom the second time we were together thinking maybe that was the problem, but nothing! That was nearly six weeks ago, and I have since slept with two other guys who have approached me and it is the same thing. I am attracted to them and I like going down on them, but I have yet to receive any pleasure when it comes to receiving oral and intercourse. I feel hopeless. I was not expecting fireworks or anything, but no pleasure from any of these encounters is leaving me frustrated and insecure. Is there something wrong with me? I finally have had sex and it is such a major let down.

Can’t Enjoy Sex

P.S. I forgot to mention that I have had orgasms before, plenty actually, with the help of a vibrator. I started using one more than a year ago and was (obviously) still a virgin at the time. I know that I may have to take a break from it since I am probably used to the strong vibrations to get me off, and that could be a part of the problem, but I still don’t know why I can’t at least feel some sort of pleasure from oral and/or intercourse.

Dear Can’t Enjoy Sex,

WHAT THE FLOOP ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!!

Seriously, I just about had a heart attack reading your stupid, foolish letter. Gurgling sounds rose in my throat. Or perhaps that was the vomit.

Look. You can’t just go around meeting strangers on the internet to have sex with. And you CERTAINLY can’t be having sex with random strangers and taking off the condom. You also should not be having unprotected oral sex. Okay? I’m serious here. You march your tushy to your OB/GYN (or to Planned Parenthood) RIGHT NOW and get tested. You can get all kinds of nasties this way.

DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX!!!!!!!! You are opening yourself up to disease, and you are opening future partners up to disease too. I swear to Gaga. CONDOMS ALWAYS!!!

And, for real, picking up random strangers to have sex with is really, really foolish. You don’t know these guys. You could be raped, or killed. It is really, really dangerous. Please don’t do it. Herpes is almost the BEST case scenerio.

Okay, but let’s deal with your actual question now, which is neither stupid nor foolish. You are worried about not being able feel pleasure during sex. And, girl, you deserve to be feeling pleasure during sex. Pre-babies, that’s the whole point.

There’s probably nothing wrong with you. It usually takes several gos for sex to start feeling good. And in terms of oral–well, a lot of guys suck at oral (no pun intended). You just haven’t found someone who knows how to make you, the sexual person YOU, feel good.

And that’s really probably at the root of all this. Girl, one-night stands are fine (IF YOU USE PROTECTION). But for someone to know you and what feels good to you, and even what turns you on, you’d be much better off finding someone you connect with on a more personal and intimate level. It doesn’t have to be the guy you’re gonna marry. But a guy that you’d like to keep seeing–well, that might really help. That’s the guy who will be willing to find out what sex stuff works for YOU. Those are the kind of guys you should be sleeping with.

Of course, that said, if you continue to find that sex is uncomfortable or just never ever good at all, it couldn’t hurt to get checked out by a gynecologist, just to make sure everything is running smoothly. Especially since you WILL be going there anyway to get checked for STDs.

More importantly, you gotta ask yourself–why are you being so reckless with your body? You are literally putting yourself in harm’s way by being with random guys and having unprotected oral and intercourse. I suspect it’s because, as you yourself said, you’re still feeling bad about your body. But you worked so hard to lose all that weight! Don’t squander it on some random guys who may leave you hurt or diseased. Save that good body for the guys who are worth it. And, more importantly, respect yourself and not just your body but your heart and mind.

Seriously, please be more careful with yourself. Aunt Tuffy’s over here having conniptions.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

For my 20th birthday last year all my friends congratulated me on surviving teen pregnancy. Although we had a little chuckle, teen pregnancy is a huge issue that is only getting worse. Honestly, with shows like I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant holding marathons every weekend I’m completely baffled as to why young girls are still getting knocked up. But they are. A lot.

Clearly these young ladies need a real lesson in Sex Ed, because whatever they’ve been taught is not sinking in. So being the baby fearing girls birth control experts that we are, CollegeCandy has put together a few rock-solid ideas to preventing teen pregnancy in this here country. If teachers and parents do things our way, teen pregnancy would be a thing of the past. And MTV would have a few time-slots to fill during the week.

1. Give them the facts.
This may seem obvious, but science has shown that teens have less of an ability to think things through and see future consequences, so it’s time to spell things out for them: Pregnancy sucks. You will get fat, you’ll act like a bitch-on-wheels, and those perky teenage boobs? Forget about them. Pregnancy can also wreak havoc on every part of your body: you’ll sprout hair in weird places, your skin will break out, your back will ache and it can even put stress on your heart and lungs. Oh, and forget about all those tasty snacks you love so much. You can’t have caffeine (which is in chocolate), nutra-sweet (see ya later, Diet Coke), un-cooked food (TTFN, sushi and lunch meat) or booze (which you shouldn’t be drinking anyway!) for 9 freaking months.

Did I mention you poop on the table when you give birth?

2. Show them their future.
If any of that doesn’t sink in, maybe it’s time to show pics of a woman’s body before and after pregnancy. I’m sure most girls would jump on a bowl of condoms if they saw all those stretch marks or realized they may never fit into their favorite skinny jeans again. On average, women should expect to gain at least 25 pounds during pregnancy, but most gain more (way more) than that, and those pounds are extremely difficult to lose when you’re taking care of a baby 24/7.

3. Give them a dose of reality.
Why not show a few episodes of Teen Mom? Watching Amber move into a dirty motel with her baby had us running to Costco for jumbo packs of Trojans.

4. Educate them.
Let’s stop with the abstinence-only education and give these girls some real information. It’s 2010 in AMERICA, for god’s sake. Even if you believe in the whole “save yourself for marriage” stuff, it’s time to arm our youth with the facts (and the condoms) so they can protect themselves.

Here you go: 5 Condoms That Make Sex MORE Fun!

Trojan Vibrating Ring Condoms
Turn his penis into your personal play-thing with these condoms that come equipped with a vibrating penis ring, enhancing both of your sexual experiences! The only downside is that the vibration only lasts 20 minutes, and with such intense sensation down there, he probably won’t last much longer either! But it will be good while it lasts. Trust.

Flavored Condoms
Turning his penis into a Popsicle makes oral sex more enjoyable for you, which means it will be more enjoyable for him. Win, win? Just make sure you find a flavor you like; these ones can be hit (mmm chocolate) or miss (ew, banana).

Trojan Pleasure Mesh Condom
This condom is an updated version of a ribbed condom, designed to increase both of your sensations during sex. Not all women can feel the difference of ribbed condoms, but those that do really love them! I’d say it’s worth trying out.

Pleasure Plus
Pleasure Plus condoms have a loose-fitting pouch of extra latex that slides back and forth against sensitive nerves during sex. Both women and men have given these condoms rave reviews. I’ve already ordered a pack to test out myself. Merry Christmas to me. And a very happy New Year.

Climax Control Condoms
Climax control condoms contain a little bit of desensitizing gel, and provide an easy at-home remedy for frat boys premature ejaculation. The benefit of the condoms (vs. a climax control gel or lubricant) is that the gel is already inside, so it minimizes the chances of it desensitizing YOUR parts too.

Give the gift of great (and safe!) sex this season.

"Hm. That doesn't smell right..."

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: After unprotected sex I noticed my urine becoming really smelly on a consistent basis, which is a new thing for me. There are no other symptoms-no burning or itching or anything, just the smelliness when I pee. Could this be an STD??

A: Usually, healthy urine has almost no odor (unless you’ve been feasting on asparagus or other foods or vitamins that are known offenders).  If you are dehydrated, your urine will be more concentrated and may have a stronger smell. Also, if bacteria have contaminated the normally sterile urinary system, which happens when you have a urinary tract infection, you may notice an odor.

Most of the time, when women approach me complaining of foul-smelling urine, they’re actually smelling their vagina. If you have a vaginal infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or trichomonas vaginalis, you may notice that your vaginal discharge, when it mixes with your urine, smells icky.

While it could be a sexually transmitted disease, such as trichomonas infection, which causes a vaginal infection characterized by a foul-smelling odor, most STD’s do not cause your urine to smell. Sex however, can trigger urinary tract infections, and infected urine may smell icky.

I would suggest a visit to the gynecologist. Make sure they check out your vagina, as well as your urine, to make sure there are no infections either place. And if you’ve had unprotected sex, go ahead and get tested for everything while you’re there. You can set a good example for your partner and feel more secure about next time.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

These days, forgoing condoms is practically considered proof of love … but intentionally unprotected sex isn’t merely a practice exclusive to the betrothed or married. “Forget ‘sex without condoms is the new engagement ring’,”writes journalist Rachel Hills in this month’s edition of Australian women’s mag, Cleo. “For a lot of people, it seems, sex without condoms is the new ‘going steady’.”

I see where Rachel is going with this one, but I’d even take it one step further and say that condomless sex (the non-accidental variety) isn’t even limited to those in love.

In my post-high school romances, the sexual exclusivity (A.K.A. “Who else are you sleeping with cuz I’d like to ditch the condoms”) talk has always preceded the relationship talk, but I’ve also discussed the issue with guys who I never had an interest in seriously dating. The subject has been broached with f**k buddies, casual interests, and boyfriends alike. What I’ve learned is that the nature of the relationship — whether it’s a serious romance or a sexual fling — matters less than how well I know and trust my partner. I might go out on regular dates with a new guy for a couple months and never suggest giving up condoms, but will bring it up after a just few short weeks of sleeping with a trusted male friend.

That doesn’t mean I approach unprotected sex with a flippant attitude. Rather, I bring up sexual exclusivity not so I can secure a regular hook-up, but as part of a larger conversation about responsible practices. Unfortunately, the only thing more awkward than officially defining a relationship is initiating a conversation about sexual exclusivity. You may be concerned about appearing presumptuous, especially if you’re sleeping with someone who you’re not dating and don’t want to send the wrong romantic signals. But uncomfortable as the conversation might be, you can’t skip that step altogether if you’re thinking of losing the glove (nor should you be having sex if you’d rather cross your fingers than actually communicate about these issues).

Rather than leaving it up to a drunken game of “Just The Tip”, think ahead and bring up sexual monogamy when you’re sober, coherent, and level-headed. The most important question isn’t always “Who else are you currently sleeping with?” but rather, “When’s the last time you got tested?” You might not think your current partner has picked up anything sketchy along the road, but when it comes to sexual health, seeing is not believing. Just because someone isn’t sporting warts doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re clean. It’s not uncommon for a person with a STI display no signs of infection.

Hills warns, “Many STIs have no outward symptoms, so if there’s nothing obviously ‘wrong’ with the person you’re sleeping with, it’s easy to assume that they’re STI-free.”

But being asymptomatic doesn’t mean that either of you are in the clear. Symptoms or not, STIs can still be transmitted and can cause serious health problems like infertility if you leave the infection untreated. Hills notes in her article that the majority of new HIV infections happen because people don’t realize they’re infected. In a post-AIDS world, there’s a reason why mandatory condom use has become sex ed canon. If you make the decision to ditch the glove, certain prerequisites should first be met: an agreement to be sexually monogamous, up-to-date test results, and a clear understanding of each other’s stance on issues like accidental pregnancies.

Even if you decide to leave condoms on your grocery list for now, these are conversations that you should be having with your partner anyway. Since even consistent condom users wind up with broken rubbers, you need to be comfortable with discussing the possibility of pregnancy and STIs. The golden rule of intercourse? Do others as you would have others do you.

Ok, so you’ve gone and gotten tested–and the test came back positive.  Now what?  After you talk to your doctor about treatment, the next thing you should do is to tell your partner.  And not just your current boyfriend/hookup buddy, I mean ALL your ex-partners, too, because there’s the chance that they’ve been infected and don’t know it, either.  I know, I know… it’s super embarrassing, but it’s your responsibility to make sure they don’t spread an STD, either.  And, who knows? It’s possible you got it from them and they should know to be checked.

But don’t stress–there are some things that you can do to make the whole ordeal less painful.

First of all, you should know about inSPOT, a site that lets people send e-cards (like the one at the top of this post) to their current and ex sexual partners, telling them that there’s the possibility that they’ve been exposed to an STD, and urging them to go get tested.  There’s even the option to send the card anonymously, if you’d like, which eliminates the embarrassment of a face-to-face meeting.  It’s also a great option if you aren’t on speaking terms with your ex.

However, if sending a e-card isn’t an option for you, or you think it’s better, telling the person face-to-face is the next best option.  Choose somewhere casual to meet, and try to keep as calm as possible.  If you’re nervous, try writing down what you want to say and practice before you talk to them.  I know it sounds corny, but it will help make sure you get out everything that you need to say.

They might be angry with you, which is completely understandable–so be apologetic, and make sure they understand that you didn’t know you were infected. Also, bring along information about getting tested and treatement options.  Most importantly, make sure they know that you’re going through the same thing they are and that you’re there for them.  inSPOT has some more good tips on their website if you want more information.

You hear it all the time – in sex ed class, during your yearly trip to the doctor, and during every commercial break on MTV: always use a condom.

But I think we all know that sometimes you can get really caught up in the heat of the moment and you might, well, forget to put one on. Or think to yourself, “I’m clean (and on the Pill), he’s clean – we’re fine!”

I’m not proud, but I know I’ve had a few moments like that.  And never did I ever think anything would happen to me.

Until recently. I went in for my yearly PAP at my campus health center, where testing for Chlamydia and Ghonorrhea is standard procedure. I didn’t think much of it, until I got a call a couple days later to come back in to discuss the results. I got a little nervous, but I definitely didn’t think they would tell me I have an STD.

The doctor came in and told me that I had tested positive for Chlamydia.

I was shocked. She reassured me it was totally treatable and curable with some antibiotics; as soon as those were done I’d be free and clear.

Free and clear of the disease, maybe, but not of the trauma. Or embarassment. I had to think back to anyone I may have gotten the STD from, or given it to. Then I had to call the guy I hooked up with to tell him. He was the only man I’d been with and he was less than thrilled with the news. I felt guilty, but quickly caught myself; this wasn’t all my fault. I mean, we were both there.

After talking with a close friend, I calmed down and realized I’m lucky that it was only that, and not something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. But I feel like it is. I may not have symptoms, but the reminder will always be there.

I know sometimes it seems like nothing will ever happen to you, but it can. It’s so important to practice safe sex, and more than that, it is absolutely essential that you get checked and tested every year. PAPs are probably one of the most uncomfortable things we will deal with, but they can save your life and prevent the spread of STDs through your campus.

So I have a confession to make: Before reading your insightful comments on my, ‘Reconnecting With the Ex‘ post I did something stupid.

Like a mindless monkey, I welcomed the guy into my house. He greeted me with a bottle of wine. Nervously, we sat in my living room chit-chatting (both knowing in the back of our minds what could happen). He was trying to find a corner to sit in comfortably while I was painted the room. Awkward as humanly possible.

I wasn’t ready to give into him again. But, as always happens with alcohol always, my opinion was slightly different after a few glasses of wine. So, an empty bottle later, we were sprawled out on my couch, covered in paint, holding hands.

(Awww, cute, right? PUKE.)

I laid there wondering whether or not he was man enough yet to have sex. I mean, he did recently tell me that he regretted NOT having sex with me and that he would like to if I ever let him get that close to me again. Well, this was his golden opportunity.

And he took it.

Just to f*ck it up.

Without any emotions involved, we were soon lying under my covers making out. One thing lead to another, of course, and, finally, it was time to have sex…or not have sex. We started to (and by started, I mean, one second past the no-zone) and I said,

“Wait, we need a condom.”

I dug one up and when I came back to the bed, he simply could not perform. He blamed the condom; I blamed his gayness.

Last night, we had a talk about this condom issue and the truth behind why my ‘soul mate’ would never sleep with me before came trickling on out:

“I’d rather never have sex with you than try to with a condom.”

Yep.

And he meant it. He also told me that having sex with a condom is a ‘job’. He told me that he hates sex now (because of me). He made three, utterly invalid points to me that I’d love to share with you:

1. That oral sex without a condom is JUST as dangerous as regular sex without a condom.

2. That we both probably have tons of STDS that just haven’t shown up yet in tests, so it doesn’t matter

3. That since we already sort of started to have sex without a condom, that it’ll never matter now if we do or don’t.

I can’t even begin to detail how livid this condom issue – not only with him, but guys, in general – makes me. This is how diseases spread! Is a difference in sensitivity really worth contracting an STD? Or a child?! What is wrong with these guys that they think they’re so invincible? Or do they just not give a damn?

I’m infuriated. And, for the record, my ‘soul mate’ freaking BLOWS.

(photo from: mylifetime.com)

Just kidding, but with all the relentless (and unprotected) celebrity sex stuff going on recently, that sort of thing wouldn’t be hard to believe.

In case you’re not big into tabloids (but of course you are, since like, what else is there to read these days?), Little Spears isn’t the only one on the fast and furious “accidentally pregnant” train. 22-year-old singer Lilly Allen announced she’s carrying Chemical Brothers musician Ed Simons’s baby almost at the exact second Jamie Lynn jumped onto the cover of Ok! Magazine, while beating out both starlets in the baby drama department was presidential hopeful John Edwards.

That’s right. John Edwards. The guy with the hair. Who’s running for president.

Apparently, some chick told the National Enquirer a few months back that Edwards cheated on his sick wife with her, leaving her sperminated and disgraced.

The news today is that an “ex-key official” in Edwards’s campaign (who has a family of his own) is actually the baby daddy, allowing Edwards to have some of his integrity back, but not all, since he totally had a lying bastard working for him.

Now, I’m aware that sex is a pretty popular activity, but when the hell did it start to become popular to have unplanned pregnancies?! Obviously, this sort of thing happens, but when you’re rich and famous, one would think you’d have enough change in your pockets to buy a few boxes of condoms or get yourself a nice supply of birth control pills.

Kids aren’t like designer purses. Just because they’re fashionable right now doesn’t mean that you can trade them in for something better later. Young Hollywood (and ex-presidential officials) better start smartening up fast, or there’s gonna be a whole lot of baby backlash.

Forget birth control, forget condoms. I have found IT. And by IT I mean the foolproof way to stop teenage/unwanted pregnancies, stop the spread of std’s, hell–it might even stop you from wanting to have sex (I said might). Okay, all of the above may put Maury Povich out of a job- but I’m pretty sure my idea is like, uh, genius. How come no one has ever thought of this before? Sure all those conservative-good-Christian-political people preach teaching abstinence only education as a way to stop std’s and pregnancies out of wedlock (which is clearly not working in this country) and those a bit more liberal preach the importance of teaching safe sex practices and forms of birth control. I am not discounting that. BUT I do think my idea is a fantabulous new way to put a halt to this “who’s my baby-daddy” nonsense going on in our society right now.

Where did this brilliant idea come from? Wellllll, moving back home for the summer has made my Friday and Saturday nights … different (to say the least). I have traded in shots and bar crawls for yoga class and early bird movies. Partayyy, I know. The past two nights, I have seen Knocked Up and Waitress, both which have given me the inspiration for a new found form of birth-control.

It happened in an instant- a theater chock full of horny teen and twenty-somethings on dates or in groups screamed and squirmed at the sight and very real experience of birth. Nothing says romance like seeing a close up of a baby’s headed crowning in Katherine Heigl’s (or body double-which gets me thinking… how do they even cast for that?) vajayjay or Keri Russell’s full frontal face close-up screaming bloody murder.

Within seconds guys dropped their girl’s hands and placed them back in their buckets of popcorn and just like that it was goodbye late night hookup plan and hellllo Playboy and lotion. My gal pal and I were scarred for life- no kids and no getting into any situation that might lead to that whole baby-crowning, screaming my head of kind of thing (I am shuddering as I am typing this because I haven’t been able to get the image out of my head for the past 48 hours)

Not to mention this new proposed birth control of mine is not only cheaper (around 9 bucks or less if you have a valid student ID) it also screams ‘no weight gain or mood swings here-thank you very much’.

So trust me, force yourself to see Knocked Up (it is actually hysterical minus the whole birthing thing) or watch any real-live birth delivery. That oughta help next time you are thinking of getting it on without making sure he has one on.

And if not… that’s what the paternity tests on Mr. Mo Po’s show are there for.