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Dear Blackberry,

I have been sooooo busy; I totally haven’t been able to write to you until now! Like I’ve even been too busy for Benji and I totally love him. Not like I love you or Tink or myself. Or all of my mirrors. And my car. And my reflection in store windows. But I love him. Screw all of those other guys. This is for real. You know how I know it’s for real?

Because I get to go on tour with his band. He knows that music is my life. I bet he’ll want me to sing with them soon and then they’d be even more famouser! He totally gets me.

Did I tell you that he takes me to all of these made-up places? South Africa – you never heard of it either, right? Like West Africa is a real country, but South? Also, he can wear my hats. That means that when I play dress up with my doggies he’ll fit right in. It’s so totally perfect. Read More »

Is it just me, or does Hilary Duff never seem very happy?

Sure, she’s on the cover of magazines posing with her new abs proclaiming that she’s comfortable at 5’2” and 109 pounds (down almost 20 pounds from her reported weight of 130 in 2003), has been seen out and about since her split with ugly, ugly, ugly Joel Madden, and is giving interviews saying she’s “all set” with the ending of her first big love affair…but I just can’t help detecting weariness in between all those words.

First of all, at 5’2”, 109 is not the easiest weight to maintain. I’m that height, and the last time I weighed 109 was when I had just gotten out of surgery and spent three weeks puking from anesthesia side-effects. These days I’m almost spot on with the Duffster’s old weight, and even those numbers prove to be difficult when it’s 98 degrees and all I want is a giant cone from Cold Stone Creamery.

Second, it’s gotta be hard as hell to see your Ex cavorting around Hollywood with Nicole Richie, and even harder to know he got the chick pregnant. Read More »

Okay, you have three whole months before returning back to campus in the fall. That is a solid amount of time to get your ass in shape. During my freshman year of college, I definitely took advantage of all the wonderful food that my dining hall had to offer and partook in late night pizza binges.

And it showed…I put on at least ten pounds. But, have no fear if you are in a similar situation, that extra weight is easy to peel off and there’s no better time to do it than summer.

The satisfaction you will feel upon returning to campus and leaving that guy, who you hooked up with regularly but haven’t seen since May, totally speechless and begging to get you back because of your bangin’ body will be amazing. Trust me, it’s worth the pain and effort.

So, what better hot broad to emulate than Jessica Biel? I mean, she was named Esquire’s “Sexiest Woman Alive.” Lucky for us, personal trainers of fit celebrities such as Biel revealed their best diet and fitness advice to US magazine for getting in shape. And I must say that the list, surprisingly enough, is some of the best and sane advice I’ve read in awhile.

1. Change is good!

Jessica Biel’s trainer, Jason Walsh, likes to keep his client mentally stimulated. “I’m a big advocate of recreational sports and stuff. If someone can get out there, even if it’s a hike or something like that, just to break up the monotony of going to the gym…I really like that.” Read More »

Like myself, you’ve probably spent the past year watching The Hills and screaming at the television everytime Heidi would get herself further mixed up with the sleaze-bag, Spencer.

Well if you haven’t already heard, Miss Montag has proven to be even more of a pathetic idiot in her toxic relationship: Heidi is engaged to be the future Mrs. Pratt! Gross.

According to US Magazine, “Pratt, 23, popped the question to Montag, 20, Tuesday night at the Bacara Resort & Spa in Santa Barbara, says a source who adds: ‘She said ‘yes.’ She’s over the moon!’”

These twits have only been dating for eight months so far and I really thought that Heidi moving in with him would be the last straw.

I figured that she would come crawling back to Lauren for friendship and forgiveness after a month of living with “Playboy Spence.” But, alas, I guess they are scared of falling out of the public eye and need to pull some sort of stunt.

For some reason, I am having frightening thoughts that a new version of “Newlyweds” is in the future…

How long could it possibly last?