It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college. Read More »

I had the perfect relationship. We met in my junior year of high school, and continued to date for the next year. While I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my high school sweetheart, he had not (as far as I knew). During the first couple weeks of our relationship, I avoided the topic of virginity like the plague, as I didn’t want to rehash my embarrassing and somewhat regretted first time.

The time eventually came for us to get it on, and while I hadn’t asked if he still carried is v-card, after our first time lasted a good 10 minutes I figured I had not been the one to take his innocence. (What? Guys with their v-cards tend to finish at just the thought of getting some…)

Shortly after, the big conversation rolled around and I found out that I was indeed his first. I fessed up to my previous experience, and it seemed to be cool with him. He told me he was relieved that I knew what I was doing, as he was without a clue. It was a constant joke in our relationship that I had been the one who corrupted him, ha ha ha. Read More »

I met Josh* one night in October and thought he was cute. He was tall, had dark hair and eyes, a nice body and dressed REALLY well. (You know boy’s attire can be important, so don’t even deny it.) We met when I was pre-gaming in the dorm, so it wasn’t like I ever knew him when I wasn’t under the influence, and this tends to lead to bad decisions on my part. Very bad decisions.

Post-pre game with the girls (and him) we went out – a frat party, a house party, who really remembers? All I remember is what happened when I got back to the dorm, which I definitely wish I could forget. We ended up having a really drunken emotional talk (while watching Wedding Crashers) and I found out he was a virgin. Was. Until that night. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we were hooking up. And then I swiped his V-Card.

This alone would have been bad enough, but afterwards we were sitting in his bed and he was all “Oh my god, I need to make some calls.” Thinking he was going to grab his phone and tell his roommate he could come back from his sexiling, I moved over to let him get out of bed. Only that wasn’t the call he was making.

He jumped out of his twin extra-long bunk, grabbed his phone and proceeded to call his best friend from home. I know this because this is how the conversation went: Read More »

After undergoing a week long sex-education unit in my seventh grade health class, my creepy health teacher passed out two promise cards for us girls to sign, which stated that we promised to remain abstinent until marriage. While we were told to sign one for ourselves to keep in our purse, we were also expected to leave our John Hancock on one of the cards to turn in as an assignment – no questions asked. As my classmates complacently signed their names on the dotted lines, I remember thinking how ridiculous this task seemed – why was my stance on virginity anyone’s business? If only my feminist hero, Jessica Valenti was around then!

Feminist blogger (Feministing) and author of Full Frontal Feminism and He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know, Jessica Valenti’s latest book The Purity Myth tackles the issue of “how America’s obsession with virginity is hurting young women.”

And it truly is.

Let’s get real. Regardless if you believe in saving sex for marriage or not, it is very alarming in a disparaging way to see girls only being granted value or worth for staying sexually pure instead of for their character. Why should sexuality (in the sense of remaining abstinent) be highly coveted over a teen girl’s qualities or accomplishments that make her unique? In a society that continues to worship abstinence (with virginity programs across the nation and federally funded purity balls), Valenti points out that while virginity is acceptable, having sex is also okay because at the end of the day, a young woman’s choice should not decide her existence as being morally up to standard or not.

From the get-go in The Purity Myth, Valenti confronts the definition of “virginity” and how for such an abstract idea, the concept controls and impacts girl culture today immeasurably: “The Purity Myth is for women who are suffering every day because of the lie that virginity exists, and that is has some bearing on who we are and how good we are.” Read More »

"This'll teach my boyfriend to call me naggy!"

People have all kinds of reasons for engaging in casual sex. To our generation, casual sex is a college staple, much like after-caf diarrhea and late-night Adderall binges. To youth of the 60s and 70s, casual sex was an act of rebellion and a representation of a new way of life. To the generations before them, casual sex was the devil’s playground and giving away free milk.

I’m not going to debate the morality of casual sex. Everybody has different reasons for “hooking up” and everyone experiences different consequences. There are some reasons for having casual sex, however, that really are just bad news. I know this because I’ve tried most of them… So I decided to put a list together so you guys don’t have to make the same mistakes I have, or some I haven’t. Read More »

Breaking news!  Brooke Shields didn’t lose her virginity until she was 22!

Big deal, right?  Well, clearly with the absurd amount of publicity surrounding her most recent interview with Health magazine, where this alleged shocking secret was revealed, it is obvious that to many, this is a big deal.  But why?  If people spent half the time obsessing about literally anything of the slightest bit more importance, our world would have a lot less to worry about.

Having sex for the first time has evolved into one of society’s biggest concerns and issues of controversy.  With movies like American Pie, teens have been brainwashed into believing that they’re some freak misfits if they haven’t sealed the deal before graduating high school.  All that the media has done is distorted the truth.  Just because nowadays some teens are having sex before they freakin’ finish puberty, doesn’t mean that, 1.  Everyone is doing that and 2. There is a right or appropriate age to do so.  In fact, as a college student, I have met many people, older and younger than me that have held on to their virginity for whatever reason, and it honestly has not changed my opinion about them at all, nor should it!

What kind of society do we live in where waiting until you are in your 20’s to lose your virginity is a bad, a weird, or an abnormal age to do so?

Call me crazy, but I used to think that losing your virginity was a somewhat private and personal matter.  Everyone is different and comfortable with sex in his or her own way and should be able to decide if and when they are ready without being judged, questioned, or, in Brooke Shields’ case, considered the latest juiciest gossip.  Virgin or not, does it really define who you are as a person?

As a society, we really need to just let go of the whole virginity thing, because at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if 40-Year-Old Virgin was remade into 20-Year-Old Virgin (starring Jonah Hill, of course).

I waited a long time to swipe my coveted V-card. It wasn’t like I was waiting for my Prince Charming – more like I was waiting for the right opportunity. The right guy. The right comfort level. I wanted it to be something I could look back on down the road without regrets.

And I don’t have any, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would be some really intense situation where I’d feel completely different after the entire thing was over. And maybe it would have been had it lasted longer than 4 minutes. Instead, the entire sitch was just….weird. And when it was done? I didn’t feel more connected to my partner – I just felt sore downtown and a little bit sweaty.

Everyone’s first time is different, but do we all feel the same way going into it? What do guys think of losing their virginity, and what do they think about taking it from someone else? Let’s find out… Read More »

It’s Friday night and you throw on your hottest little black dress, toss back some shots with your girlfriends and then hit the club, bar or, everyone’s favorite, the kegger.

Soon you’re in a first class seat to Blackout City (population: who the eff knows? You’re seeing double), and the next thing you know, you’re waking up topless in a strange bed, wearing someone’s boxers and one high heel. You turn over slowly, silently pleading that at least he’s good looking.

But regardless of what you see (there’s no turning back now, sister!), there are 10 major things you don’t want to hear:

1.    “You’re on birth control, right?”
(OhMyGodPleaseLetThereBeACondomWrapperOnTheFloor…..)

2.    “That video is going to get so many hits online”

3.    “What was your name again?”
This problem is two-fold. One: he put his P in your V and he doesn’t even know your name?! What a sleaze. Two: Sh*t! What name did you give him last night!?

4.    “Thank God those warts went away!”

5.    “I love you.”
You knew you were good, but that good? Read More »

Video games and virgins are a timeless pairing as classic as  Thelma and Louise, Brad and Angelina, and Simon and Garfunkel. The two fit so flawlessly together that it’s hard to look past the age-old stereotype. Perhaps that was the key to Heather Kelley and Erin Robinson’s win at this year’s Game Developer’s Conference where the two women took home the top prize for the Game Design Challenge after creating a video game concept entitled  “My First Time.”

Yes, these two women came up with a video game about swiping the old v-card. Read More »

Question for Tuffy? Email her at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com to be featured in her column, which used to run every other Tuesday, but, starting in two weeks, will run every flipping Tuesday! Ask away!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m probably the least experienced person I know. Here’s a secret: I may have been kissed before but it was one of those sexless pecs so no real love there. I feel really awkward. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends but I’m really shy about sex. None of them has even gotten close. I’m only a freshmen in college but I’ve been here a while and have had opportunities to hook up ( I try however to avoid alcohol so some parties I won’t go to).

Anyway I was hoping to hook up with my crush but I don’t think I could tell him I like him or anything really. We hang out in groups a lot but I want to know how can I tell if he likes me? And if he does, how to confess?

Sincerly,

VERY Shy

Dear VERY Shy,

First of all, honey, be safe, please. Always use condoms EVERY TIME, no matter what. Okay? Got it? For real. It’s not worth the risk, EVER.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way: Read More »