Remember the days when a chaste woman wore a white wedding gown and saved herself for the honeymoon? Me neither. Times are changing, and so are society’s views on sex. Just look at prime-time television.

Gone are the days when the big Dawson’s Creek episode was the one that kept everyone glued to the screen trying to guess whether it was Joey and Jack, Pacey and Andy, or Dawson and Jen who finally took their relationship to the next level (remember that one?). Instead, we’ve got Blair and Chuck’s one night stand in the back of a limo (definitely remember that one!).

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Most guys get to college and lose their virginity faster than you can say “Mom, just leave already and stop reorganizing my shower caddy!” Let’s be honest, having a V-Card on top of a freshman ID card is social suicide. At least, according to all the guys who claimed to lose it their freshman year of high school (Can we all say together: yeah right!). But there are some guys that not only wait for the right girl, but they wait all the way to marriage. Like Tim Tebow.

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Hi Dude,

I’m finishing up my sophomore year in college and I’m STILL a virgin. I’m not the prettiest pumpkin in the patch, but I’m not unattractive either. I’m confident and kind, and I’m not at all clingy. To be honest, I  haven’t had very many (zero) serious relationships. But also, I don’t want my first time to be a fairytale… A wham-bam-thankya-ma’am would be fine. Just, ANYTHING. But, I can’t, like, go out and act all slutty, go home with some guy and then be like, “Oh, by the way, I’m a virgin.” But I can’t not tell him either… because then what happens when he goes for it, things get all bloody, or I scream or something?

I need help, Dude. My gut tells me that I should chat up one of my guy friends and be like, “Hey, I’m tired of being a virgin, so, let’s f*ck.” Although, that could end horribly.

Bottom line, I want to get this over with so I can start having fun. Please, Dude, tell me how to go about this. (With hopefully as little drama as possible.)

Thank you!!!
- The Twenty Year Old Virgin Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I was with my boyfriend for three months the first time sex (and, simultaneously, something else, if you know what I’m sayin’….) presented itself. It was his birthday, we were in his bed, neither of us were wearing clothes, and after an hour of a whole lot of other stuff, I was ready for it.

And it was my first time.

“Baby, let’s do it.” I breathed into his ear. Yes, I know it wasn’t the most eloquent proposal, but gimme a break. How many of you are poets between the sheets?

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I expected some romance. Not like John Mayer would walk in and start playing in the background or that we’d have the kind of intense sex I’d seen (far too many times) in The Notebook. But, you know, I thought he’d be happy about it. I did not expect:

“OK, but I don’t want you to get all clingy and stuff.” Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m a college sophomore and still a virgin.  I’ve had my fair share of “almosts” and do enjoy the occasional heavy petting but I have yet to go “all the way.” I’m not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for a serious relationship with someone I can trust. I used to be confident in my decision (I mean, so what?) and felt no pressure to lose my virginity but lately I’ve been feeling like being a virgin is hurting my chances of finding that someone.

The problem is the handful of boys that I’ve started relationships with in college (emphasis on the word started because it never gets very far) initially say they respect the fact that I am a virgin. However, when that boy finds out that I’m REALLY not going to have sex with him (like never, ever) I don’t hear from him again. And when I try to hide the fact that I’m a virgin guys get mad at me for being a “tease” and disappear, too.

So basically I don’t want to lose my virginity because I’m waiting for “the right” relationship but I feel like being a virgin is preventing me from having ANY relationship. It’s a never ending cycle! Everyone around me is telling me to stick it out and wait for “the one,” but the thought of going through my college career without a real relationship is depressing. So dude, why do guys run away when they find out I’m a virgin? How does a virgin get a guy to stick around? Should I just give it up and get it over with? Or should I start filling out applications for the nearest nunnery?

Sincerely,
Not Necessarily DTF Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I met Josh* one night in October and thought he was cute. He was tall, had dark hair and eyes, a nice body and dressed REALLY well. (You know boy’s attire can be important, so don’t even deny it.) We met when I was pre-gaming in the dorm, so it wasn’t like I ever knew him when I wasn’t under the influence, and this tends to lead to bad decisions on my part. Very bad decisions.

Post-pre game with the girls (and him) we went out – a frat party, a house party, who really remembers? All I remember is what happened when I got back to the dorm, which I definitely wish I could forget. We ended up having a really drunken emotional talk (while watching Wedding Crashers) and I found out he was a virgin. Was. Until that night. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we were hooking up. And then I swiped his V-Card.

This alone would have been bad enough, but afterwards we were sitting in his bed and he was all “Oh my god, I need to make some calls.” Thinking he was going to grab his phone and tell his roommate he could come back from his sexiling, I moved over to let him get out of bed. Only that wasn’t the call he was making.

He jumped out of his twin extra-long bunk, grabbed his phone and proceeded to call his best friend from home. I know this because this is how the conversation went: Read More »

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but there seems to be a nearly tangible divide between certain groups of college students. There’s the involved and the uninvolved, the passionate and the ones who are just trying to appease their parents, the drinkers and the non-drinkers, and the sexually active and those who are waiting until marriage.

While I respect a person’s right to choose when they are going to have sex, I’ve realized something lately: it’s a really bad idea to wait until marriage. The thought itself is lovely – being penetrated for the first time on your wedding night, surrounded by candles, with the man who is wearing a ring on his left finger that matches yours –  but logically speaking, it’s not quite that simple, and definitely not that practical. It’s also incredibly naive.

First off, something a lot of people are too afraid (or too “nice”) to admit – sex is a huge part of a relationship. I’m not trying to patronize virgins, but maybe when you haven’t had sex yet, you don’t realize how true that is. Being intimate and sharing those vulnerable naked moments are important for getting to know someone as a whole. Who someone is as a person and who they are sexually can sometimes be completely different. Would you really want to marry someone who has an entire part of their being that remains a mystery to you? Read More »

This is a ticking time bomb. Get out. Fast!

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance at getting your just desserts.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s my problem: when I first started college back in summer of 2007, I met this awesome guy at a party, though we were both drunk (and at the time I was a virgin). After making out we decided to stay friends. That arrangement has worked out great for both of us in the past (we both dated other people, we both broke up with said people, but we always had each other to “vent” to….and occasionally play kissy-face with).

After I lost the v-card in a relationship that then went sour, we then turned into friends with benefits and everything was working just fine. Recently however (as in last month), he has said that he loves me, and yes in the form, ” *name* I love you!” The problem is, I don’t love him back. He’s said to me that even though he loves me, if I find someone I want to date then he would be okay with that and still be my friend. But last summer when I dated a guy, he went bat-sh*t bonkers stalker crazy calling my cell, my house, and he even found my mom’s cell.

Here’s the biggest problem: there’s a new guy in the picture I want to date (who has asked me out officially). I don’t know what to tell my ‘friend’ and I don’t know a way to tell him I don’t want to sleep with him anymore (since a lot of the time he guilted me into doing it).

Tuffy Luv, I really need your help please.

–A Confused Sunshine State Girl Read More »

It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college. Read More »

I had the perfect relationship. We met in my junior year of high school, and continued to date for the next year. While I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my high school sweetheart, he had not (as far as I knew). During the first couple weeks of our relationship, I avoided the topic of virginity like the plague, as I didn’t want to rehash my embarrassing and somewhat regretted first time.

The time eventually came for us to get it on, and while I hadn’t asked if he still carried is v-card, after our first time lasted a good 10 minutes I figured I had not been the one to take his innocence. (What? Guys with their v-cards tend to finish at just the thought of getting some…)

Shortly after, the big conversation rolled around and I found out that I was indeed his first. I fessed up to my previous experience, and it seemed to be cool with him. He told me he was relieved that I knew what I was doing, as he was without a clue. It was a constant joke in our relationship that I had been the one who corrupted him, ha ha ha. Read More »