Remember the days when a chaste woman wore a white wedding gown and saved herself for the honeymoon? Me neither. Times are changing, and so are society’s views on sex. Just look at prime-time television.

Gone are the days when the big Dawson’s Creek episode was the one that kept everyone glued to the screen trying to guess whether it was Joey and Jack, Pacey and Andy, or Dawson and Jen who finally took their relationship to the next level (remember that one?). Instead, we’ve got Blair and Chuck’s one night stand in the back of a limo (definitely remember that one!).

Outside of the small screen, relationships in the real world are dwindling. “Dating” is becoming a thing of the past, and casual sex is flourishing. The value of the once-prestigious “first time” isn’t such a big deal for many of us as it was for our mothers, aunts, or even our older sisters. Hell, my first time was not the stuff that teen romances are made of, but I walked away without any permanent emotional scars and afterward. Since it was out of the way, I was able to make better choices regarding who I chose to sleep with.

And yet, I couldn’t help but be surprised when my younger cousin proudly announced that sex was one of her favorite activities (albeit with a steady boyfriend, but still). Just a few years age difference, and there’s still a difference in our mindsets.

Sure, there are still plenty of people out there who put a lot of pride into their virginity, and hold out for a long time. There are still plenty of cherries being popped in the honeymoon suite, after all. But our society’s views on sex can send out mixed signals. People who haven’t found “the one” by a certain age begin to feel alienated by their more-promiscuous peers. Nobody wants to be likened to the Forty-Year-Old Virgin, do they?

I don’t think it’s such a big deal. In fact, I think that once you’ve lost it, you can start to enjoy sex, be adventurous, and learn about your partner’s (and your own) body. Why wait for such a wonderfully erotic experience?

That said, I’d like to know: how many CollegeCandy readers out there expected rose petals and fireworks when they finally relinquished their v-card? Furthermore, how many of you just gave it up because you were curious? Whatever the less-than-fairy-tale way we may or may not have lost it, I’m willing to bet that hardly any of us walked away tarnished with a Scarlet Letter.

Most guys get to college and lose their virginity faster than you can say “Mom, just leave already and stop reorganizing my shower caddy!” Let’s be honest, having a V-Card on top of a freshman ID card is social suicide. At least, according to all the guys who claimed to lose it their freshman year of high school (Can we all say together: yeah right!). But there are some guys that not only wait for the right girl, but they wait all the way to marriage. Like Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow is famous for two things. Being an amazing football player and being a virgin. I don’t watch football, nor do I watch Virgin Diaries and even I know that. So after hearing his name nonstop this week I decided it was time to take action and take his virginity.

But only on one condition. That enough people retweet the below:

And if we define enough as 13 retweets, then it’s official. I’m taking Tim Tebow’s virginity. Tim, the ball is in your court. Call me.

While we wait for Tim and I to set a date, here are some photos of my new beau:

Hi Dude,

I’m finishing up my sophomore year in college and I’m STILL a virgin. I’m not the prettiest pumpkin in the patch, but I’m not unattractive either. I’m confident and kind, and I’m not at all clingy. To be honest, I  haven’t had very many (zero) serious relationships. But also, I don’t want my first time to be a fairytale… A wham-bam-thankya-ma’am would be fine. Just, ANYTHING. But, I can’t, like, go out and act all slutty, go home with some guy and then be like, “Oh, by the way, I’m a virgin.” But I can’t not tell him either… because then what happens when he goes for it, things get all bloody, or I scream or something?

I need help, Dude. My gut tells me that I should chat up one of my guy friends and be like, “Hey, I’m tired of being a virgin, so, let’s f*ck.” Although, that could end horribly.

Bottom line, I want to get this over with so I can start having fun. Please, Dude, tell me how to go about this. (With hopefully as little drama as possible.)

Thank you!!!
- The Twenty Year Old Virgin

Dear The Twenty Year Old Virgin,

How to lose a virginity in 9 steps:

1. Start with the mantra: “I will lose my virginity.” Repeat 10 times daily.

2. Go to a public place where eligible heterosexual males are known to socialize.

3. Pick out one of these males that has strayed from a pack of several (unless you are likewise in a pack, in which case you may all approach together or divide and conquer as a unit)

Optional: Order and consume alcoholic beverages together.

4. Say to said male: “Want to get out of here?”

5. Take him to a private location.

6. Have condoms on you of various sizes.

7. Make the first move.

8. Don’t stop making moves.

9. Break hymen.

It doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than that if you want to git ‘er done. But it sounds to me that by trying so hard to treat it like it’s nothing, you’re actually building it up into a big ass something.

Notice in my 9 steps 2 things were missing: the male mentioned was NOT a friend. Second, there was no point where a confession was made that you’re a virgin. Because the former leads to Gossip Girl-esque drama and the latter is nobody’s f*cking business but yours.

If you bleed? So be it. If you scream? So what? You don’t have to “warn” a guy that you’re a virgin. If you’d feel more comfortable telling him that you are, then of course do that. But you do not need to wear a scarlet V on your little black dress.

There are plenty of young twentysomethings who haven’t turned in their V-card yet. Ladies and men. I’ve known plenty of so-called “pretty” girls that for one reason or another haven’t gotten laid and girls who you wouldn’t go near with a 20 foot pole covered in Lysol that have a stable of stallions to choose from. The underlying factor: confidence. And what’s the key to confidence? Accepting who you are and who you aren’t.

If it’s not a big deal then the next guy you talk up and get the urge to hump, take initiative. To 4 out of 5 guys at 1am on a Friday/Saturday night, “let’s get outta here” is an offer they can’t refuse. It really can be that simple, if you want it to be.

On the other hand, if this is about your comfort then spend a little time working on that. Embrace your virginity! Love it, lick it, touch it, feel it, take it for a walk, write it a song, break it’s heart, make a new heart, just don’t make it something it’s not: a freak flag.

And, if you’re concerned about a guy freaking out over waking up to soiled sheets then get yourself a battery operated fantasy friend and break it yourself (while having so much fun you may question why a man’s necessary in the first place). Really, though, that sorta stuff isn’t as common as you think.

Don’t sweat being virtuous. It’s as big of a deal as you make it. And if others try to give you s*it over it, drop ‘em faster than Lindsay dropped boys. Losing it is all a matter of opportunity meets preparedness. Either make your own or wait for the right one to come along. The gate swings both ways.

Flying the flag proud,
El Dude de Guadalupe

[Isn't he amazeballs? Sigh, we know. Too bad he's taken. Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what is virginity, anyway?

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I was with my boyfriend for three months the first time sex (and, simultaneously, something else, if you know what I’m sayin’….) presented itself. It was his birthday, we were in his bed, neither of us were wearing clothes, and after an hour of a whole lot of other stuff, I was ready for it.

And it was my first time.

“Baby, let’s do it.” I breathed into his ear. Yes, I know it wasn’t the most eloquent proposal, but gimme a break. How many of you are poets between the sheets?

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I expected some romance. Not like John Mayer would walk in and start playing in the background or that we’d have the kind of intense sex I’d seen (far too many times) in The Notebook. But, you know, I thought he’d be happy about it. I did not expect:

“OK, but I don’t want you to get all clingy and stuff.”

Uh. Yeah. That happened. And I slept with him anyway. And continued to date him for another 3 months. The thing is though, I didn’t blame him for thinking that way. First, the kid was kind of dumb. And second, he’s not the only guy that assumes that a virgin becomes instantly attached to the first guy she sleeps with. Guys are conditioned to think that way from the moment they have their first erection. They assume that all girls think of their first time as some magical moment and that they’ll live happily ever after with the first guy who put it in.

They don’t realize that many of us are just looking for someone we feel comfortable with. Someone we trust to see us in that most vulnerable moment. Someone who won’t slander our names when we make them stop because it hurts so effing badly, or run from the room when they see the unsightly virgin stain on their sheets. There are a lot of things girls have to deal with when they lose their virginity and many just want to make sure they’re dealing with those things with someone who, I dunno, knows their last name.

For guys, on the contrary, losing their virginity is easy. Hell, I’m sure that many of us have slept with virgins and didn’t even know it. I mean, there are plenty of experienced guys out there who are terrible in bed or finish in less than a minute, so how are we supposed to know if that’s because it’s their first time or they just suck?

And even if we do know we’re about to go to bed with a virgin, do we care? Not really. The only reason we’d even question it is because we’re worried his inexperience might leave us hurting more than our first Spin class/walking funny for days. But in reality, most girls don’t give much thought to taking someone’s virginity. And of the ones that do, many love the idea of being someone’s first. We like knowing that this guy is clean, he’s not a total player, and that we can have total control of the situation. And control in the bedroom is HOT.

Look, it’s 2011. For most people losing your virginity is a big deal, yes, but it should be a big deal to the person losing it, not the person they’re losing it to. If someone is choosing to give me their V-Card, more power to them (but good luck ever finding someone who’s gonna rock their world as hard as I do); I’m not gonna freak out that they’ll be proposing marriage in the morning. It’s a very personal decision and if they decide that I’m the person they want to have their first roll in the hay with, that’s their call.

Because at the end of the day, it’s sex, and whether it’s their 197th time or their 1st, I’m just excited to be gettin’ some.

Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com.

[Get more He Said/She Said right here.]

Dear Dude,

I’m a college sophomore and still a virgin.  I’ve had my fair share of “almosts” and do enjoy the occasional heavy petting but I have yet to go “all the way.” I’m not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for a serious relationship with someone I can trust. I used to be confident in my decision (I mean, so what?) and felt no pressure to lose my virginity but lately I’ve been feeling like being a virgin is hurting my chances of finding that someone.

The problem is the handful of boys that I’ve started relationships with in college (emphasis on the word started because it never gets very far) initially say they respect the fact that I am a virgin. However, when that boy finds out that I’m REALLY not going to have sex with him (like never, ever) I don’t hear from him again. And when I try to hide the fact that I’m a virgin guys get mad at me for being a “tease” and disappear, too.

So basically I don’t want to lose my virginity because I’m waiting for “the right” relationship but I feel like being a virgin is preventing me from having ANY relationship. It’s a never ending cycle! Everyone around me is telling me to stick it out and wait for “the one,” but the thought of going through my college career without a real relationship is depressing. So dude, why do guys run away when they find out I’m a virgin? How does a virgin get a guy to stick around? Should I just give it up and get it over with? Or should I start filling out applications for the nearest nunnery?

Sincerely,
Not Necessarily DTF

Dear Not Necessarily DTF,

If you don’t want to lose it, don’t lose it. I’m pro-choice, not just when it comes to abortion or virginity but in terms of life. There’s always a choice. What’s unfair is when it feels like the choice you’re making is depriving you of something you want. Which sounds like the dilemma you’re dealing with.

Guys “run” from virgins for a few different reasons and myths: they don’t feel confident enough to be the sexually more experienced partner (because some of them barely have more than you), they’re afraid that a virgin will be bad in the sack (a harsh judgment, but one many a frat boy has made) and then there’s the responsibility factor. When a guy has a choice of taking a girl’s V-card there’s something in them that provokes the thought, “do I want to be somebody’s first?”

For the guys who don’t want a relationship, they might be scared that being someone’s first will automatically give the girl the impression that they’re in a relationship. In this peon’s brain, sex automatically equals commitment.

Another question of responsibility is whether the guy feels comfortable being the measuring stick for the rest of the girl’s life. They think that’s a lot of weight on their shoulders. Again, this is a guy who is NOT looking for a relationship, just a hook up.

The aforementioned 2 examples are acting out of ego and crappy juvenile knowledge gained at their 8th grade lunch table. Like that Mountain Dew reduces sperm count.

Now there is the opposite type of mental midget: the guy who flocks toward virgins. This specimen loves nothing better than to plant his flag. In fact, he plants his flag everywhere he can and sees it as a benevolent act. This is also a creature to be weary of and avoided if what you want is something serious. Handle with latex gloves and a Hazmat suit at all times.

If you put value on your purity (to use a euphemism straight from Sophocles), then treat it with the appropriate value. I’m not saying keep your standards unreasonably high, demanding an IQ, blood, driving, or DNA tests and having them display a detailed financial portfolio with his 5 year plan outlined in Calibri font. But don’t lose it for the sake of losing it. You’re devaluing yourself and it’s a decision that will nag at you, most likely, for the rest of your life, certainly having consequences on the next guy you get involved with.

Lying isn’t the answer either. I’ve written in other columns dealing with the “should I/shouldn’t I” question that lying denotes shame and you need not be ashamed of being a virgin. There are a lot of people in their early 20′s with their virtue intact. So don’t feel alone.

The best thing I can say is this: those who pressure you for something you clearly don’t want to do are not acting out of affection for you. Negative influences like those needed to be confronted and told to chill the f*&k out and let them worry about their own sex lives instead of yours.

You’ve got to make the decision as to who the “right” guy is. I recommend someone who you trust and makes you feel comfortable. A guy like that is out there and if you’re not finding him, it’s probably NOT just about you being a virgin.

Keeping the torch lit,
Marathon Dude

[Don't you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I met Josh* one night in October and thought he was cute. He was tall, had dark hair and eyes, a nice body and dressed REALLY well. (You know boy’s attire can be important, so don’t even deny it.) We met when I was pre-gaming in the dorm, so it wasn’t like I ever knew him when I wasn’t under the influence, and this tends to lead to bad decisions on my part. Very bad decisions.

Post-pre game with the girls (and him) we went out – a frat party, a house party, who really remembers? All I remember is what happened when I got back to the dorm, which I definitely wish I could forget. We ended up having a really drunken emotional talk (while watching Wedding Crashers) and I found out he was a virgin. Was. Until that night. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we were hooking up. And then I swiped his V-Card.

This alone would have been bad enough, but afterwards we were sitting in his bed and he was all “Oh my god, I need to make some calls.” Thinking he was going to grab his phone and tell his roommate he could come back from his sexiling, I moved over to let him get out of bed. Only that wasn’t the call he was making.

He jumped out of his twin extra-long bunk, grabbed his phone and proceeded to call his best friend from home. I know this because this is how the conversation went:

“Dude! Dude! It’s Josh, man. I had to call you cause you’re my best friend… Guess what I just lost?!?”

Thankfully, the call ended after about 30 seconds. Unfortunately, that was longer than we spent having sex.

But then I saw him dialing again. Was there something he’d FORGOTTEN to tell him?! Nope – he just had another friend to call. This call was even worse than the last. He opened with the same “guess what I just lost” line, but apparently Bro-Love number two was too stupid to figure out what he meant.

“No, no!” he said. “It starts with a V and rhymes with birginity!”

I wish I was kidding. I was now semi-sober, listening to some d-bag call his friends from high school to tell him that he’d finally put the P in a V. I climbed out of bed and told him I had to pee, but really ran back up to my own room in shame.

If the calls to his friends weren’t bad enough, the next day he texted me: “What R we?”
I’ll give you guys hint: it starts with an N and rhymes with Othing.

You got a good story? Send it to editor@collegecandy and we’ll share it (anonymously, of course!) right here on CollegeCandy. And don’t be embarrassed. It can’t be worse than this.

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but there seems to be a nearly tangible divide between certain groups of college students. There’s the involved and the uninvolved, the passionate and the ones who are just trying to appease their parents, the drinkers and the non-drinkers, and the sexually active and those who are waiting until marriage.

While I respect a person’s right to choose when they are going to have sex, I’ve realized something lately: it’s a really bad idea to wait until marriage. The thought itself is lovely – being penetrated for the first time on your wedding night, surrounded by candles, with the man who is wearing a ring on his left finger that matches yours –  but logically speaking, it’s not quite that simple, and definitely not that practical. It’s also incredibly naive.

First off, something a lot of people are too afraid (or too “nice”) to admit – sex is a huge part of a relationship. I’m not trying to patronize virgins, but maybe when you haven’t had sex yet, you don’t realize how true that is. Being intimate and sharing those vulnerable naked moments are important for getting to know someone as a whole. Who someone is as a person and who they are sexually can sometimes be completely different. Would you really want to marry someone who has an entire part of their being that remains a mystery to you?

Along with the fact that waiting can put you in an awkward position (for real, what would you do if the sex was awful?), but according to this ABC News/Health article, waiting until later in life to lose your virginity can actually be detrimental to your sexual satisfaction, and could even cause sexual dysfunction. There are lots of factors involved that I’m honestly not qualified to get into, but… it’s scary.

Regardless of how often we’re told it’s slutty of immoral, it’s a normal feeling to want to experience what sex is like with more than one person. As a friend once told me, “they call it growing up and settling down for a reason. You’re settling down from being wild and crazy. So do wild and crazy things,” – how perfect. As much as they might tell you otherwise, marrying someone who hasn’t gotten to experience other people is a risk. Not everyone has the desire to sleep around – but it is something that needs to be talked about and negotiated before saying “I do.”

So much value is put into virginity. It’s old-fashioned to believe that a person’s virginity is the key to their “innocence” or “purity,” and those outdated ideas just add to the disappointment, guilt and shame that can sometimes follow people if they don’t wait (plus the whole “what would Jesus think?” thing I’m trying not to get into). I never put a lot of thought into my virginity; it was just a fact for me, not the value of who I was. When I did have sex, I didn’t feel like I had lost a part of me, I didn’t feel like a different person, I was just Ness who happened to have had sex before.

I’m going to come out and say it – I think there are people who wait until marriage just to say that they waited until marriage. Of the people I know who have waited, or continue to wait, none of them are quiet about it. “My husband and I waited, because he loves me enough to only be with me,” as if a man who has been with other women can’t possibly love their partner the same as someone who has only been with their spouse. Or, “I’m waiting until I’m married, so then it will be special,” as if having sex before marriage can’t possibly be special. Or, my personal favorite, “I want to give my husband something I’ve never given anybody else!” Um… what about the fact that you’re marrying the guy? You haven’t given that to anyone else. I call bullsh*t.

Not all “waiters” are like that, of course – but I find there’s a definite sense of superiority resonating from those who wait.  If waiting is your choice, then it’s just that, a choice to make at your own risk. I just think it’s important to point out that the morality in sex lies not in when you do it or who you do it with, but how it makes you feel in the long-run.

This is a ticking time bomb. Get out. Fast!

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance at getting your just desserts.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s my problem: when I first started college back in summer of 2007, I met this awesome guy at a party, though we were both drunk (and at the time I was a virgin). After making out we decided to stay friends. That arrangement has worked out great for both of us in the past (we both dated other people, we both broke up with said people, but we always had each other to “vent” to….and occasionally play kissy-face with).

After I lost the v-card in a relationship that then went sour, we then turned into friends with benefits and everything was working just fine. Recently however (as in last month), he has said that he loves me, and yes in the form, ” *name* I love you!” The problem is, I don’t love him back. He’s said to me that even though he loves me, if I find someone I want to date then he would be okay with that and still be my friend. But last summer when I dated a guy, he went bat-sh*t bonkers stalker crazy calling my cell, my house, and he even found my mom’s cell.

Here’s the biggest problem: there’s a new guy in the picture I want to date (who has asked me out officially). I don’t know what to tell my ‘friend’ and I don’t know a way to tell him I don’t want to sleep with him anymore (since a lot of the time he guilted me into doing it).

Tuffy Luv, I really need your help please.

–A Confused Sunshine State Girl

Dear Sunshine,

Please stop seeing this guy. For your sake and his. (But, really, mostly yours.)

Honey, Aunt Tuffy worries. A boy like that, you know, the kind who guilts you into sex–well, that just really isn’t a good situation for you to be in. It’s very sweet that he loves you and all, but it’s time for you both to move on.

The fact of the matter is, you don’t love him. No matter what you do, you can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t love, nor should you. Have you told him you don’t love him back? I hope so. If you haven’t already, I advise you to strongly consider doing so.

In the meantime, what I’m really worried about is this business of his going nuts when you dated someone else. Now, realistically, chances are he’s just a little overzealous, nothing more, nothing less. But times is tough, girl, and you have to make sure you protect yourself.

So, my advice is this:

Arrange to meet him in a public place where there will be lots of people around (but somewhere quiet enough that you can have a real conversation, NOT a bar). Explain to him that you’ve really enjoyed what you’ve had, but you care about him as a friend enough to not want to hurt him. Tell him you like him very much as a person and as a friend, but that you don’t love him back and that it would be cruel of you to keep leading him on.

See how he takes that. If he starts getting upset, leave it there for the moment. Say that you’re sorry he’s upset, but that’s your final decision and you hope that he can come to understand. If he seems threatening or way over-the-top upset, alert campus authorities and stay at a girlfriend’s place for a little while.

If, however, he takes it like a man (read: sad but not insane), go on to tell him that there’s someone you’re interested in dating, and that, although that is not WHY you’re ending your fwb-relationship with him, it is something you are going to pursue. Chances are good that this will be the way things go.

And then you can get on with your life and find a guy who you actually, you know, want to date and have sex with. I’m pretty flippin sure that’ll be better (for everyone) in the long run.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college.

It’s OK to be a virgin.
This had to come first because I think a lot of students are under the impression that there aren’t any virgins left in college, or that it’s weird to be a virgin in college. It’s completely normal to be a virgin in college and you should never feel pressured to “lose it” just to fit in.

There are more than three sexualities.
Most people think of sexuality in three categories: gay, straight, or bi. Most people, however, don’t fit neatly into these three categories. I prefer to see sexuality as a spectrum, ranging from completely heterosexual to completely homosexual, with the majority of people falling somewhere in between. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, or even if you don’t know where you fall on the spectrum, you are NORMAL. Don’t ever change yourself to fit someone else’s expectations of you.

Casual sex can be HARD.
Casual sex may seem like the norm in college, but don’t let that trick you into thinking it’s an easy solution to your sexual frustrations. Casual sex can be great if you’re horny and not looking for any type of attachment, but it can also result in a lot of painful feelings if one person cares more than the other. Make sure you know what you’re getting into before you have sex with anyone, be aware that you might get hurt, and USE PROTECTION no matter what.

Monogamy isn’t a golden standard.
Our society tends to regard monogamy as the natural result of romantic relationships, and this isn’t necessarily true. Some people are happy in monogamous relationships, some aren’t. Many college students explore open relationships or multiple relationships. Find out what type of relationship makes you happiest and pursue it.

I had the perfect relationship. We met in my junior year of high school, and continued to date for the next year. While I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my high school sweetheart, he had not (as far as I knew). During the first couple weeks of our relationship, I avoided the topic of virginity like the plague, as I didn’t want to rehash my embarrassing and somewhat regretted first time.

The time eventually came for us to get it on, and while I hadn’t asked if he still carried is v-card, after our first time lasted a good 10 minutes I figured I had not been the one to take his innocence. (What? Guys with their v-cards tend to finish at just the thought of getting some…)

Shortly after, the big conversation rolled around and I found out that I was indeed his first. I fessed up to my previous experience, and it seemed to be cool with him. He told me he was relieved that I knew what I was doing, as he was without a clue. It was a constant joke in our relationship that I had been the one who corrupted him, ha ha ha.

Fast forward a year later, and it’s time for him to go to college. Three hours away. So, after much contemplation, we decided the best thing to do would be to break up. We both needed to live a little before settling down with the person we truly felt was the one. We knew that we would both be attending the same college after this year was over, and if it was meant to be, it would happen again. It was hard, and we remained friends (who had sex on a semi-regular basis…) and things were going well.

But now that year is over. I had a few hook-ups, and while they were fun, I missed the stability and love of being with my sweetie. We’re back together now, and things have worked out essentially as planned. The chemistry is still there, we’re madly in love, and we are basking in being able to see each other every day. There’s only one problem – I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed some hook-ups on our off time.

I found out he had sex with two girls, a couple times each. He no longer talks to these girls because they wanted more and he didn’t. Actually, the experiences weren’t even that great for him. But the fact is, I can’t get it out of my head. I know he is the same person as he was before, and his sexual history shouldn’t matter, but there’s just something about knowing I’m no longer the only one that makes me feel weird.

Is it normal to feel so much jealousy about no longer being the only one, even though I’ve done the same? How do I no longer feel threatened by these girls I don’t even know?

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