CollegeCandy » val kilmer

Celebrity Breakdown Watch: Val Kilmer

Alex- University of South Carolina — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 23:00:42 +0000

Earlier today the CollegeCandy editors were talking about how boring this summer has been in terms of celebrity freak outs. Think about it. Where are the Charlie Sheen-style rants? The Britney-circa-2007 breakdowns? The sext addict scandals so shameful they’d make even Tiger Woods blush?

We were pacing the office, pulling our hair out, cursing the Hollywood heavens above for the gossip drought with which we had obviously been cursed. Clearly we did something really bad to deserve such treatment. (Okay, so maybe we shouldn’t have poured our drink into that bitchy girl’s handbag at happy our last night…) With our heads hung in shame, we made our way back to our desks. Defeated, or so we thought.

One quick look at our tumblr dashboard yielded Christmas morning-worthy gifts. It appeared as thought the hand of Celebrity God (Morgan Freeman, obvs) reached down and presented us with a new addition to the tumblr-verse. Looks like Val Kilmer has joined the neighborhood, y’all. And he’s freakin’ insane.

There aren’t many posts yet — his page is clearly a work in progress — but words like “sweet creature,” “doofus motivational speaker” and “fourth dimension” are everywhere. Is this research for a role? The rantings of a crazy man? Does he even know what the internet is? I suggest you all stay tuned to this rapidly developing story.

Any guesses on how long until he goes full-on Joaquin nuts?

PS- Don’t forget to follow CollegeCandy on tumblr, too!

Body of Lies: Keep The Clothes On, Dudes

Katie - Michigan State University — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:00:54 +0000

Some people were just meant to be naked. They worked hard on their bodies (or were blessed by some freak chance of natural awesomeness) and I won’t stand in their way of presenting perfection to the world. Hell, I always say that if I had the goods, I’d be showing ‘em off, too. However, there’s a reason I’m not showing my “goods” to anyone. Some people just look better with clothes ON. Like me. And these dudes:

Leonardo DiCaprio.

The man is smoldering on the red carpet…and pretty much everywhere else you find him with clothes on. However, the beach (and we’re not talking the movie)? Leo is a bit heavy on the man boobs and whatnot. He should stick to the jeans + tee shirt rule at the very least.

Daniel Radcliff

Everyone’s favorite wizard is a bonafide cutie patootie. He’s got the eyes, the hair, the smile, and the accent to pull any girl he likes – but watch out! The minute Daniel strips down, you better put on some shades because that kid is paler than I am. Yes, he’s got a pretty sweet body from all those nude plays and Harry Potter fight sequences, but you won’t be able to see it beyond the glare his freakishly white skin produces.

Chris Noth

Oh, Mr. Big. Just like Carrie, I have a love/hate relationship with you. I love when you wear deliciously tailored suits and crack a smug smile or two. I hate when you take your clothes off and obliterate any sexy time imaginings I may have been having about you. Put the gut away – you look too sexy in clothes to be seen without any.

Pierce Brosnan

James Bond = Sex. That’s just the way it goes. Any 007 is pure sex walking around in a Gucci suit or whatever he feels like pulling off at that moment. They can wear anything and I’ll be all over it (well, not literally…stupid restraining orders). When they wear nothing, even better – oh wait, no. Not true. Throw a shirt over that thick mass of gray chest hair, please, Pierce.

Steven Tyler

As a rock legend, Steven Tyler has been workin’ it for decades. He’s the original hipster, rolling with the skinny jeans and scarves. He represents the epitome of rock and roll and all the strange and fascinating fashion choices that come with that title. He’s also really skinny and kind of scary looking without any clothes on. Really scary. The word “skeletor” comes to mind.

Russell Crowe

I love my gladiator sandals, but a real gladiator…now that I could get on board with. Who didn’t want to be locked up with Russell Crowe, wearing a toga and some sweet sandals? The man is cut…sort of. Well, he was, anyway. Now he’s in need of some serious Man Spanxx and clothing at all times. And even he thinks so – he won’t be seen without a shirt anywhere. Way to be considerate, Russy.

Val Kilmer

If you can make a suit of black spandex, latex, and a cape look good (especially when you throw a pair of bat ears on top), then you deserve the title of “sexy pants.” Val Kilmer has shown us over and over again why we adore him. Unfortunately, when he goes out without his clothes on, he also gives us reason to team up with The Riddler to take him down.

The Batman Franchise Listed According to Hotness

Jess - NYU — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:30:00 +0000

Batman. He’s rich, brooding, favors skin-tight latex, and tends to speak in a real low sexy-scratchy voice (no matter who’s playing him at the time). He’s obviously got some issues, but how can you hate on a guy who’s buff and saves the world on his off days from being a millionaire playboy?

I mean, I’d hit that.

There have been 5 Batman films since 1989, with a 6th one coming out this weekend. Not all of them have been critically acclaimed, but certainly all of them have tried to manufacture true hotness in a batsuit. Because we enjoy hotness even more than we enjoy things blowing up and campy dialogue, we here at CC have listed the Batman movies in order of their attractiveness factor. That’s right. Hot. Bod. Action.

5) Batman and Robin (1997)

Why it’s HOT: George Clooney, Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, requisite skin-tight body suits

Why it’s NOT: Ahnold Schwarzengovener, Chris O’Donnell, the whole idea of “batboy” (please. Never seen anything gayer), the whole idea of “batgirl” (double please. She sucked), and this plot summary from IMDB.com: “Batman & Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City” (sounds like a chick flick where people have idiot names).

4) Batman (1989)

Why it’s Hot: Jack Nicholson being crazy, Michael Keaton’s expressive eyebrows, pre-Ihatemyhusband Kim Basinger

Why it’s Not: Everything about Michael Keaton besides his eyebrows, boring plot, and how come it’s never sunny in Gotham?

3) Batman Returns (1992)

Why it’s Hot: Michelle Pfeiffer (and her catsuit), Michael Keaton’s eyebrows (now with more expression!) Christopher Walken, a plot that is interesting, Danny DeVito’s penguin laugh

Why it’s Not: Danny DeVito’s small penguin body, everything else about Michael Keaton (on what planet is this man attractive?), stupid obvious title

2) Batman Forever (1995)

Why it’s Hot: pre-fatness Val Kilmer in spandex, Nicole Kidman, hilariously ADDified Jim Carrey, Drew Barrymore, Tommy Lee Jones (when isn’t he fabulous?), lots of stuff exploding into fiery plumes

Why it’s Not: Chris O’Donnell (just.go.away), the wicked long plot, Jim Carrey in a green bodysuit, a title that makes no sense

1) Batman Begins (2005)

Why it’s Hot: Christian Bale in spandex, Christian Bale doing various shirtless things including push-ups, Michael Caine, Liam Neelson, a really good plot, Christian Bale smiling, Christian Bale’s accent…

Why it’s Not: Katie Holmes (all downhill since Dawson’s Creek, sweetheart), the fact that Christian Bale is not shirtless more often

[Any hot or not parts to your favorite Batman film? Also, how psyched are you for The Dark Knight (and possible shirtless Bale action)?!]