I’m sick of them, so sick that if I see something about them on E! News or in a magazine I have to turn it off or stop reading. And then punch something and question the heavens above as to why they exist.

That’s not okay with me. So join me in my quest to rid the world of these offending celebs:

5. Tom Cruise- We loved you in Top Gun, Rain Man, and Mission Impossible, but the whole Scientology/keep Katie Holmes captive thing is down right annoying. There are not little aliens inside of you. You also happen to be a hypocrite: you criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants to take care of depression, an illness, and yet most recently were quoted saying, “They say, ‘Get your physical, get your medication, get your physical illnesses handled.’” Which is it Tom? Get your medication or don’t? You confuse me. And Valkyrie sucked. Go back to Xenu.

4. Jessica Simpson- Personally, I love your music, but you’ve become a fallen star. We don’t want to see you sticking your tongue down Tony Romo’s throat or licking cake off of his face. We don’t want to see your attempts to get more attention than your sister, who looks fab post-pregnancy, by the way. She’s overshadowed you, Jess, and good for her because she lived in yours for too long. Either get in the studio or stay out of the limelight.

3. Amy Winehouse- I’m sick of seeing emaciated, cracked out pictures of you. You have had a beautiful voice once upon a time, but the only thing we hear from you now is the sound of whiskey being poured down your troat. Your skeezy husband is just as crazy as you, and we don’t want to hear about him either. You have a problem. Please go to rehab (yes yes yes) and then make a comeback. Just look at Britney – she did it and now she’s hotter than ever.

2. Madonna- I never liked Madge, but I especially don’t like her this year. She cheated on her husband, who I’ve heard is a very nice man, with A-Rod of all people. Now she’s whoring herself out to a male model named Jesus. Not only am I sick of Madonna, but I’m actually afraid of her, too. Have you seen the veins sticking out of her arms? I think everyone can do without that in 2009.

1. Miley Cyrus- Possibly the most annoying “celebrity” of this day and age. The only reason she’s famous is because Billy Ray got her a TV show on the Disney Channel. She can’t act, and she can’t sing either (it’s a shame her songs are so catchy). And maybe her teeth can use a little work. I’m sick of seeing her face on every backpack and tshirt in the mall, and especially sick of seeing pictures of her pulling up her shirt and showing us her training bra. She’s fifteen. And I’ve already had enough.

So posters for the new Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie (which has been pushed back like, 7 times) have just come out, and we gotta say, adding a lame picture to a weird title is definately not the way to get people interested in this flick.

What does this poster say to you?

(Besides “Tom Cruise and a bunch of old white dudes are gonna be in a long and serious movie that is based on a true story so it will also probably be boring but Tom Cruise is a CELEBRITY and the MAIN CHARACTER so you’ll sit through it regardless.”)

We already came up with that one.

[photo from JustJared]