Years before girls were swooning over Twilight and seriously debating werewolves vs. vampires, this mentally unstable psycho delightful and charming young woman was living as a real-life vampire. Like “cut her friends with a razor blade and suck their blood” vampire.

Is it enough already with the fangs?

Eclipse is out, True Blood is back and there’s a veritable smorgasbord of undead hotties floating around right now in all their pale, gorgeous glory. Vampires, much like leggings and giant purses, have pretty clearly been the trend of the past couple of years with rip-off series’ and cash-ins than you can shake a stake at, but now I’m starting to wonder, is it time to say enough is enough?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m an unashamed vamp fangirl from way back in the Buffy era (Spike, *sigh*) and have read more than my fair share of vampire novels from Dracula to Anne Rice to Twilight. Likewise, I’m not going to debate the artistic merits of the recent incarnations of the vamp craze. What I’m asking is, is it time to say our blood-sucking appetite is sated and maybe give something else a crack at the limelight, or are we still desperate for all things “children of the night”?

On one side, vampires are a part of our cultural heritage. Practically every culture on the planet has some version of the creature in it’s lore, and people have always been almost inexplicably drawn toward the idea. Since the birth of vamp fiction, readers have been pulled to the idea of the taboo, the danger, and yeah, the hot hot (or, you know, cold, undead) sex. Vampires have everything it takes to make for a theme that will always be in our psyche’s so to say that we’ve had enough of them is like saying we’ve had enough of handsome, heroic male leads – sure, it’s been done to death (ha!) but that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped loving it. Read More »

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Dear Kristen Stewart,

You’re kinda new to this whole superstar thing.  I get that.  Sure you did movies before, but ever since Twilight’s wild success, your career has completely taken off.  I’ve read a lot of interviews wherein you say odd things (“I don’t want to make movies for kids, and I don’t want to make movies for adults either.”) and you’re more than awkward when people ask you questions.

Still, I want to like you and for a brief minute, while blinded by the bearded hotness that is Emile Hirsch, I decided I didn’t mind you in Into the Wild.  Funny thing happened, though.  He walked off screen and then it was just you in a dirty tank top and I in my living room and suddenly I hated you again.  Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.  Perhaps you just need a little guidance from someone with a different perspective.  Well, I’d love to help you.

First, you need to stop telling people you’re pregnant and/or a lesbian.  So you don’t want to admit to maybe dating your costar.  Fine.  But do so tastefully and with offending the smallest number of people possible.

Smile.  If I have to look at your face on nearly every single website I visit and in all the magazines I pick up, then please, for the love of sparkling vampires, pretend that you don’t hate your life.  You are the only girl I know who could stand on the red carpet wearing a Dior dress, surrounded by gorgeous men, and scowl.  Snap out of it.

E-nun-ci-ate.  You’re a mumbler.  A head down, eyes averted, hand wringing, digging the toe of your shoe into the freaking dirt, grade-A mumbler.  Seriously, your movies and television appearances require subtitles.  Who are your PR people?  Do you have a handler?  How about a best friend?  Find someone to pinch you every time you don’t speak clearly.  Maybe a shock collar will do the trick.  I don’t know, but find something fast. Read More »

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Considering today is Halloween (finally on a weekend!), I was in the mood for something supernatural this week. Of course, you first think of the blockbusters: Twilight, The Historian, maybe even a classic like Frankenstein. But, I decided to go with something a little less mainstream. Something darker and more of a true horror novel. So I rummaged through my bookshelf and found “The Night Watch” by Sergei Lukyanenko.

I bought “The Night Watch” a while ago, but had yet to pick it up. I remember very clearly seeing it at the bookstore and being intrigued by the critical acclaim on the front. “Harry Potter in Gorky Park” is what it said, which totally hooked me (Gorky Park is a famous amusement park in Moscow, Russia and I REALLY feel compelled by Russia for some odd reason….). Anyways, back to the book.

The story revolves around Anton. In Anton’s Moscow, there is a fight going on between Good and Evil that the humans don’t even see. Only the Others see, special beings who choose to fight for either the Light or the Dark. Anton, our protagonist, is of course of the Light and also a member of the Night Watch. He patrols the streets and subways of Moscow, protecting humans from the agents of the Night (vampires, supernatural beings, etc). I don’t know about you, but that totally reminds me of the opening fight scene in the subway platform from “Underworld,” which is SO badass. Okay, seriously, back to the book. Read More »

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Lady Gaga “tones it down” in Israel.

Heidi Klum is done having kids.

Australia does plus-size fashion. Well.

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

I’m a fan of movies.  Netflix is my homie and I try to go to the movie theater every week.  Every movie is like a 2-hour escape from reality.  Every movie is also 2-hours that you have to spend with the actors and actresses who are trying to convince you that the movie set they’re running around on is actually another planet instead of a back lot in L.A.  Sometimes, those actors and actresses get a little annoying…and sometimes they get a lot annoying.

Today we’re going to look at two pretty annoying actresses – Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart.  Which one makes the title “actress” more of an irony than a career?  Which one is more ridiculously over-hyped? We shall let the list decide. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

Ladies, do you like a good nibble during a makeout sesh? Do you get off on the idea of escaping from the perils of public life into seclusion with your hunk? Do you get hot for precariously messy coifs? If you said ‘yes!’ to all of these questions, and can stand the sight of blood without fainting, Robert Pattinson may be the boy-toy for you.

At 23, Pattinson has set the world ablaze with his vacant, erotic stare that communicates the only emotion I ever need to know: ‘I want to eff the sh*t out of you.’ The hottie shot to fame last fall  for his film role as bloodsucking, sexy vampire Eddie Cullen in the Twilight series. Ever since, ladies aged 8 to 88 have been fainting in the streets at the mere sight of the British hunk, who has been known to instigate spontaneous orgasm with a single scowl.

Most recently, Robert has been making headlines in New York for the legions of girls who’ve come out to stalk him catch a glimpse as he films his new movie, Remember Me, in the Big Apple. Just last week, the effable villain was clipped by a New York taxi cab as he tried to escape the hordes of tween girls throwing themselves upon him in lust. But breathe easy ladies, he’s fine (or shall I say, he’s foyne!).

So, RP, I confess: your devilish grin has inspired me to return to my TigerBeat roots and pin up your photos all over my walls. And refrigerator. And, well, the inside of my medicine cabinet. No facade in my home has been spared from your infinitely effable visage. When you’ve decided you’ve had enough of the tween fandom and want a real woman, come scowl in my direction.