Years before girls were swooning over Twilight and seriously debating werewolves vs. vampires, this mentally unstable psycho delightful and charming young woman was living as a real-life vampire. Like “cut her friends with a razor blade and suck their blood” vampire.

Is it enough already with the fangs?

Eclipse is out, True Blood is back and there’s a veritable smorgasbord of undead hotties floating around right now in all their pale, gorgeous glory. Vampires, much like leggings and giant purses, have pretty clearly been the trend of the past couple of years with rip-off series’ and cash-ins than you can shake a stake at, but now I’m starting to wonder, is it time to say enough is enough?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m an unashamed vamp fangirl from way back in the Buffy era (Spike, *sigh*) and have read more than my fair share of vampire novels from Dracula to Anne Rice to Twilight. Likewise, I’m not going to debate the artistic merits of the recent incarnations of the vamp craze. What I’m asking is, is it time to say our blood-sucking appetite is sated and maybe give something else a crack at the limelight, or are we still desperate for all things “children of the night”?

On one side, vampires are a part of our cultural heritage. Practically every culture on the planet has some version of the creature in it’s lore, and people have always been almost inexplicably drawn toward the idea. Since the birth of vamp fiction, readers have been pulled to the idea of the taboo, the danger, and yeah, the hot hot (or, you know, cold, undead) sex. Vampires have everything it takes to make for a theme that will always be in our psyche’s so to say that we’ve had enough of them is like saying we’ve had enough of handsome, heroic male leads – sure, it’s been done to death (ha!) but that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped loving it.

Still, it does seem like the whole vampire thing has gotten a little over-played in the last couple of years. Between the books, the movies, the TV shows… the really creepy sex toys that have forever scarred my brain; everywhere you turn, it’s “vampire this” and “vampire that”. It’s really kind of gotten out of hand. It seems like now it’s just an excuse to get some hot guys to be all broody and shirtless (the myths never mention vamps being allergic to shirts, but that certainly appears to be the case).  All trends have their time, and this one has been big for a long while now. Isn’t it about time we moved on?

So girls, are you still on the vampire bandwagon? Or do you think that this trend has passed it’s expiration date? DO you dream of a cold-blooded hottie coming to take you away, or are you ready to start drooling over guys with pulses again? Duke it out!

How to prepare for a one night stand

Ugh! Dating a vampire is so difficult

10 photos that prove John Mayer is a tool

Do’s and don’t of dressing for an internship

The only dating advice you’ll ever need

Our fave Old Spice guy is back

Such a lady.

Dear Kristen Stewart,

You’re kinda new to this whole superstar thing.  I get that.  Sure you did movies before, but ever since Twilight’s wild success, your career has completely taken off.  I’ve read a lot of interviews wherein you say odd things (“I don’t want to make movies for kids, and I don’t want to make movies for adults either.”) and you’re more than awkward when people ask you questions.

Still, I want to like you and for a brief minute, while blinded by the bearded hotness that is Emile Hirsch, I decided I didn’t mind you in Into the Wild.  Funny thing happened, though.  He walked off screen and then it was just you in a dirty tank top and I in my living room and suddenly I hated you again.  Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.  Perhaps you just need a little guidance from someone with a different perspective.  Well, I’d love to help you.

First, you need to stop telling people you’re pregnant and/or a lesbian.  So you don’t want to admit to maybe dating your costar.  Fine.  But do so tastefully and with offending the smallest number of people possible.

Smile.  If I have to look at your face on nearly every single website I visit and in all the magazines I pick up, then please, for the love of sparkling vampires, pretend that you don’t hate your life.  You are the only girl I know who could stand on the red carpet wearing a Dior dress, surrounded by gorgeous men, and scowl.  Snap out of it.

E-nun-ci-ate.  You’re a mumbler.  A head down, eyes averted, hand wringing, digging the toe of your shoe into the freaking dirt, grade-A mumbler.  Seriously, your movies and television appearances require subtitles.  Who are your PR people?  Do you have a handler?  How about a best friend?  Find someone to pinch you every time you don’t speak clearly.  Maybe a shock collar will do the trick.  I don’t know, but find something fast.

Put on a little makeup.  Not a ton, like when you do those red carpet coon eyes.  And not none, though I know this is how you’re most comfortable.  Tinted lip balm, blush, mascara.  Three things.  Not scary.  Do you really want to go for the gold here? Shampoo your hair and wash your face at the end of each day.  You’re young.  Look fresh and clean, not haggard and unhygienic.

Dress like a female.  Little girls everywhere thought you were so hot when you were cast to play Edward Cullen.  Then, when you appeared on screen kissing Robert Pattinson, they realized either a) you weren’t a dude or b) they had grossly misinterpreted the plot of Twilight.  Cutoff black tees and ripped jeans may work for some people (Hells Angels, the cast of Flash Dance, AC Slater), but you need to tone down the “I’m in the midst of a sex change” vibe you send out.

Kristen, look, I’m not asking you to change who you are.  I’m sure deep down you’re a lovely, cheerful, charming young woman.  Actually, I highly doubt that.  You’re probably just as blasé on the inside as your perpetually bored face and signature dead eyes lead us to believe.  But lighten up a little.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Jon and Kate Plus 8!

What do you think of the structured shoulder?

Nick Lachey is employed.

What is Robert Pattinson most afraid of?

Is anyone really shocked by this Hugh Hefner news?

And this is why you should always leave a tip.

I bought “The Night Watch” a while ago, but had yet to pick it up. I remember very clearly seeing it at the bookstore and being intrigued by the critical acclaim on the front. “Harry Potter in Gorky Park” is what it said, which totally hooked me (Gorky Park is a famous amusement park in Moscow, Russia and I REALLY feel compelled by Russia for some odd reason….). Anyways, back to the book.

The story revolves around Anton. In Anton’s Moscow, there is a fight going on between Good and Evil that the humans don’t even see. Only the Others see, special beings who choose to fight for either the Light or the Dark. Anton, our protagonist, is of course of the Light and also a member of the Night Watch. He patrols the streets and subways of Moscow, protecting humans from the agents of the Night (vampires, supernatural beings, etc). I don’t know about you, but that totally reminds me of the opening fight scene in the subway platform from “Underworld,” which is SO badass. Okay, seriously, back to the book.

The book is written in a straightforward fashion, not wasting time on unnecessary description. It moves at a fast pace and doesn’t hold back. The characters are well-written and believable and, as I said, a bit stronger and darker than those of the popular vampire series. It’s so odd to read about a violent vampire attack instead of, you know, Bill sucking on Sookie when they are making love, or the Cullen’s feasting on animal blood (I know, that sounded a bit sadistic, but I swear that it’s a just a nice change!). I found this one to be very refreshing and totally got me in the mood for some ghoulish fun this Halloween!

I am definitely a fan of supernatural and horror novels and I can’t say whether or not someone who was impartial to them would enjoy “The Night Watch.” However, if you’re finding “Twilight” and the Sookie Stackhouse novels a bit too “nice,” then maybe it is time to come to the dark side of “The Night Watch”….

Let the Amy Winehouse downward spiral continue!

Need answers to your tricky love questions?

Chris Brown gets sentimental.

This takes the vampire obsession a bit too far.

Who will host the Golden Globes?

Bradley Cooper is single once again!

Those Twilight people are really selling out.

The worst celebrity plastic surgery.

The 80s are back in a major way.

Lady Gaga “tones it down” in Israel.

Heidi Klum is done having kids.

Australia does plus-size fashion. Well.

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

I’m a fan of movies.  Netflix is my homie and I try to go to the movie theater every week.  Every movie is like a 2-hour escape from reality.  Every movie is also 2-hours that you have to spend with the actors and actresses who are trying to convince you that the movie set they’re running around on is actually another planet instead of a back lot in L.A.  Sometimes, those actors and actresses get a little annoying…and sometimes they get a lot annoying.

Today we’re going to look at two pretty annoying actresses – Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart.  Which one makes the title “actress” more of an irony than a career?  Which one is more ridiculously over-hyped? We shall let the list decide.

Career
Megan Fox is enjoying a successful career of acting and posing for provocative photos.  Unfortunately for her acting career, she seems to be much more successful at posing semi-nude for just about any camera that flashes nearby.  Oh well, at least we have such gems as Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen to fall back on.

Kristen Stewart is young, but has already been thrown into some pretty serious roles…most of which have already been forgotten (sorry, but I was way distracted by Adam Brody to even notice little ‘ole Kristen in In The Land Of Women).  Maybe if she sparkled like her vampire boyfriend I’d actually pay attention to her while she murmurs her lines.

Point: Megan Fox. Kristen is younger and not quite as skanky as Megan Fox, so there is a chance that she’ll pull some sweet movies in the near future.  That is, if she can speak above a whisper.

Cultishness
Megan Fox has fans like you would not believe.  Most are of the geeky, slightly chubby, and introverted class, but she has a nice proportion of Maxim-reading fraternity brothers avidly following her career as well.  She’s gotten to the point where even her thumbs are famous on their own (toe thumbbssss).

Kristen Stewart shares some of the same fan base with Megan Fox, but she definitely has the pre-teen, vampire-loving market cornered.  Every boy who secretly wishes he was a vampire also secretly wishes he had Kristen Stewart by his side, constantly touching her hair and mumbling something unintelligible.

Point: Kristen Stewart. Sorry, but Megan Fox is ranked way higher on Google Trends (and in every guy’s spank bank).

Pre-Teen Cred
Megan Fox fights robots.  Rad!

Kristen Stewart dates vampires.  Hot!

Point: Kristen Stewart. Yeah, every pre-teen girl (okay, and pretty much every other girl) loves Twilight.  But the reason they love it are those hottie sparkling vampire dudes, not sweet, unassuming Bella.  Megan Fox is hot AND she gets down with the autobots.  Win.

Love Life
Megan Fox isn’t dating anyone at the moment (I think), but she’s romantically interested in just about everyone, women included.  All those Comic Con geeks might actually have a chance after all…

Kristen Stewart is dating (pretty quietly, too, I might add) the cute little dork from her movie, Speak.  Sorry, aspiring vampires.  Guess you’re going to have to find your own Bella.

Point: Megan Fox. She needs to calm herself and just pick a sexual orientation already.

Press Coverage
Megan Fox is all over the internet (and high school lockers).  We’re talking mass coverage here.  So much so that if I see one more blog post about any part of Megan Fox’s anatomy, I will seriously consider turning my computer off for a full three hours.

Kristen Stewart is, surprisingly, well covered in the media.  Apparently, the gossip hounds love Twilight, too (or their children do…).  Otherwise, I can’t come up with an explanation for the countless hours of coverage on her love life, her hair, etc.  Really? I mean…how interesting can her hair possibly be?

Point: Megan Fox. Seriously, we get it.  She’s hot.  Enough already.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Megan Fox. Girl, you were in Transformers and some crappy Lindsey Lohan movie.  Why don’t you put down the bottle of sunless tanner and try reading a script that doesn’t cater to lonely men and geeky teenagers?

Ladies, do you like a good nibble during a makeout sesh? Do you get off on the idea of escaping from the perils of public life into seclusion with your hunk? Do you get hot for precariously messy coifs? If you said ‘yes!’ to all of these questions, and can stand the sight of blood without fainting, Robert Pattinson may be the boy-toy for you.

At 23, Pattinson has set the world ablaze with his vacant, erotic stare that communicates the only emotion I ever need to know: ‘I want to eff the sh*t out of you.’ The hottie shot to fame last fall  for his film role as bloodsucking, sexy vampire Eddie Cullen in the Twilight series. Ever since, ladies aged 8 to 88 have been fainting in the streets at the mere sight of the British hunk, who has been known to instigate spontaneous orgasm with a single scowl.

Most recently, Robert has been making headlines in New York for the legions of girls who’ve come out to stalk him catch a glimpse as he films his new movie, Remember Me, in the Big Apple. Just last week, the effable villain was clipped by a New York taxi cab as he tried to escape the hordes of tween girls throwing themselves upon him in lust. But breathe easy ladies, he’s fine (or shall I say, he’s foyne!).

So, RP, I confess: your devilish grin has inspired me to return to my TigerBeat roots and pin up your photos all over my walls. And refrigerator. And, well, the inside of my medicine cabinet. No facade in my home has been spared from your infinitely effable visage. When you’ve decided you’ve had enough of the tween fandom and want a real woman, come scowl in my direction.