In case you’ve been hiding under a rock these past few weeks and haven’t heard the shrieks of 8-year-old girls and 45-year-old women everywhere, Eclipse is coming out in two days. Yes, on Wednesday we will have yet another opportunity to watch Bella get herself into trouble that requires her two loves to come and save her.

AKA watch two sexy shirtless men run around for an hour and a half.

While Taylor Lautner is the most likely the sexiest werewolf in history (seriously, go watch a werewolf movie; his only competition is Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf), Robert Pattinson is far from the hottest vampire. Sexy vampires have been around for years leaving women weak in the knees and wishing one would stand over their beds in the night and take a little bite out of their necks.

Yeah, Edward is a fine piece of vampire meat, but he’s got nothing on these 10 blood-sucking hotties. These guys are delicious enough (in a looks sorta way, not a tasty blood sorta way) that even the most staunch Team Jacob fanatics might consider switching allegiances.

Jason Patric as Michael Emerson in The Lost Boys.

Jason was steaming up movie screens before I was even born, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate his brooding eyes and sexy bod performance nowadays. He started and ended a human, but for a solid hour he was one of the first drool-worthy vampires out there, setting the stage for the sexy that was to come.

Kiefer Sutherland as David in The Lost Boys

(OK, for this one you have to look past the mullet. It was the ’80s – he has an excuse.) While Jason Patric was running around trying to become human, Kiefer here was the (hottie) bad boy gang leader terrorizing town. Seriously, who doesn’t love a bad boy, especially when he also happens to be a vampire…and Kiefer Sutherland? Sadly, he had to die in the end, but he sure looked good vamping it up for the rest of the movie.

Wesley Snipes as Blade in Blade

From the comic book of the same name, Wesley Snipes showed up on screen as Blade, the half vampire with a soul (awwww) who just so happens to hunt (less fortunate looking) vampires. Guys loved to watch him kick butt, and girls just liked watching his…well, you see where I’m going with this?

Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries

While 13-year-old girls are fawning over him in CW’s The Vampire Diaries, Ian Somerhalder will always be the sexy yet somewhat useless Boone from Lost to me. However, I must admit, if he wants to take a chunk out of my neck, come to mama, Damon Salvatore.

Brad Pitt as Louis in Interview with a Vampire

While he started off trying to stick to a “vegetarian” diet, Louis here gave in to his dark side and women everywhere were perfectly OK with that. He’s a young Brad Pitt…biting people’s necks. Need I say more?

Stuart Townsend as Lestat in Queen of the Damned

Stuart Townsend replaced Tom Cruise in The Vampire Chronicles franchise and may I say, good choice Hollywood execs! He’s got eyes that can make a woman melt and can somehow manage to pull off greasy vampire hair unlike anyone else. I’d like to see Tommy Cruise do that.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood

With the return of Twilight, I couldn’t possibly ignore the return of True Blood. Bon Temp’s resident Scandinavian has been melting our hearts for the past 2 seasons, and we can only wait to see more in season 3.

James Marsters as Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Oh Spike. You were probably the baddest and most disturbing vampires around (he earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes), but I could easily look past that the moment you opened your mouth thanks to your British accent and your dark, witty remarks. That chiseled face didn’t hurt either.

Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton on True Blood

Bill here has been looking this damn good since right after the Civil War, which makes Sookie one hell of a lucky girl. Who knew Vampires could rock the tight t-shirts so well? Or the sexy, floppy hair? Mmmm.

David Boreanaz as Angel in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Angel, the vampire so freakin good looking he went from a two episode guest spot to having his own show. From the initial swoon when he first walked on screen, to his triumphant last hurrah, David made the “Vampire with a soul” thing look GOOD. Really good.

The stars return for the U.S. premiere.

Who are the hottest vampires in Hollywood?

Why do contraceptives fail?

What did the Kardashian’s really think of Kourtney’s baby?

Lindsay Lohan’s meltdown continues….

Evil soccer player is full of regret….

So Spring Break is coming. Hellooooo, beach! For those of you out there who won’t be spending all day getting boozed (you can’t imagine anything more horrendous than the mixture of heavy alcohol, sun, and waves), you are going to need some beach entertainment. And soberly watching drunk people bury each other in the sand gets boring after day one.

So, here is a handy list of books to bring with you to your tropical destination this year. They’re not your typical cheesy chick lit for the most part, but they’re pretty addictive in their own rights. Read More »

Nothing is worse than signing onto Facebook, getting excited you have a friend request, and then seeing its your fourth-grade-brownie-troop-leader who is not only miraculously still alive but also alert enough to sign up for a Facebook account.

It’s not that I don’t want to see what my wonderful leader is up to, it’s more like I don’t think I need to see it through Facebook. I would love to visit her at her nursing home and hear all about her there.

And even though everyone is allowed to have a Facebook nowadays doesn’t mean they should have them. I’m allowed to buy Depends, but it doesn’t mean that I am going to start wearing them. I work very hard at participating in age appropriate things and I wish everyone else would follow my lead.

No matter who the over-aged friender is, I’ve learned they all share three traits in common.

1. Over-usage of applications

Immediately after accepting their friend request (and putting them on the most limited profile possible) they start throwing vampires, sending goblins, and flinging hug requests. I’m forced to spend more time blocking applications than stalking people’s wall-to-walls. And it seems that for every application I block, five more spring up in its place. Yesterday I blocked the hug-me application request and today I woke up with 14 new requests from the hugger application, huggiest application, huggable application, and hug thrower application. I don’t even know what hug-throwing could possibly mean but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in at least 34 states. Read More »

Makeup is fun. With makeup I can make myself look like anything I want. I can glam myself up, or play out a more natural look. I can turn myself into a sex kitten, or an innocent girl next door.

But it has taken years and years of trial and error to know what looks good on my face and what makes me look like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Looking back I’ve had some pretty disastrous makeup moments that I have comprised into my top 5 makeup regrets.

1. Sweat + black eyeliner = scary raccoon eyes. Now I love me some black eyeliner, especially when I’m putting on a cute little dress and going out to a club, but there are certain places where it’s probably not a good idea to pile on the black and, unfortunately, I’ve learned this the hard way.

One night my friends and I dressed ourselves up to go out dancing and I had put on a ton of dark eyeshadow and eyeliner. The dance floor was completely packed and after about half an hour we were all sweaty and gross. My friend and I went to the bathroom to cool down and when I looked in the mirror, I found that the makeup I had so meticulously applied was now all over my face! Seriously, it looked as if I had rubbed a huge piece of charcoal all around my eye and down my cheeks. My black eyeshadow had literally melted from me sweating and was now sitting in clumps on my eyelids. Needless to say I had to scrub it all off before anyone (besides all those people I saw pre-bathroom trip) saw my disaster of a face. Read More »

…So I finished Danse Macabre, the 1,123rd* book in Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series.

Well, kinda.

I finished it in the sense that I got about halfway done and said to myself “I’m so finished with this series.”

If you aren’t familiar with the series (which is now actually on the 16th book) it follows reluctant heroine Anita Blake as she tries to save the world, or whatever. She does this by raising the dead, killing rogue vampires and having sex. Lots and lots of sex. Don’t get me wrong, the first couple of books are great, they would have to be for me to even get to Danse Macabre (which was the 14th in the series) in the first place.

Before I got to Danse Macabre I had read all of these user and critical reviews of the books and sort of rolled my eyes as they lamented about how horrible the once-great series had become. Everyone talked about how tedious and unsexy the constant sex in the story was and I thought, hey, I’m totally all for non-stop sex in books. In fact, that is one of the main things that drew me to the series in the first place.

I could not have been more wrong. Read More »

MTV (who apparently has nothing better to do) is reporting that a movie musical called “Barackula” will debut online in the next few weeks. Billed by its director, Mike Lawson, as a “short political horror rock musical about young Barack Obama having to stave off a secret society of vampires at Harvard when he was inducted into presidency at the Harvard Law Review in 1990,” the film…hell, I’m not even going to finish that sentence.

Surprisingly enough, the cast and crew actually appear to have some talent. Lawson reportedly worked with Clint Eastwood on “Letters from Iwo Jima,” and one cast member has acted on “The West Wing.”

All this begs the question of… why? The movie’s site makes it clear that the cast and crew support Obama, but maybe they could’ve donated a few thousand to his campaign instead of making a movie that depicts him as a singing killer of vampires. Read More »