I want Serena’s boobs.  Ok, now that we have that out of the way….

Burrr. It’s cold in the Midwest and the frostbite that was last night’s episode of Gossip Girl isn’t making it any better. GG is turning into the LAX airport; I hate going there, but the celebrity fashion is great. I really think the CW network has the ability to turn any show into the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen.  I mean look at One Tree Hill.  GG has turned into such a downer, it’s no wonder they air it on Mondays. Just the cherry on my I-Hate-Monday cream pie.

Since GG is sucking it up lately (see last week’s suck-fest here), how is one supposed to keep the Upper East Side hot? Chuck keeps warm the old fashioned way (under the covers…with a slut bag!), Eric seeks the comfort of loved ones (even if they’re drug dealers), and others try to keep away the gloom by keeping things bright. Like me!

This week, it’s time we look on the bright side of the Upper East Side. You know, see the glass (of $1,000 champagne) half-full. Find the silver (or platinum?) lining. Stop and smell the roses (and Chanel No. 5). Or any other cliche that means “try to find something good going on in this stupid show so I can bring myself to keep watching it every week.” Read More »

Heart melting. Heart melting. WHY ARE THE CREDITS ROLLING?!

For some reason, I was under the impression that last night’s Gossip Girl was the season finale. Imagine my horror, then, when the show ended and I thought I’d have to wait a whole 4 months to find out if Blair met Chuck at the top of the Empire State Building, if Nate and Jenny got. it. onnnnnn., and if Jenny then decided to pack up her extensions and haul ass out of New York.

“NOOOOO!” I screamed as the credits rolled. My mom came running into the kitchen, worried that I’d cut myself or choked on a Stacy’s Pita Chip (have you tried the cinnamon sugar kind? They’re so good I don’t even want to waste time chewing).

“Are you OK?!” She looked worried.

“THAT CAN’T BE THE SEASON FINALE. IT CAN’T!” But before I even finished my thought, “Scenes from The Next Gossip Girl” came on, I jumped out of my seat in total ecstacy, and my mom gave me a look of anger mixed with pity and stormed out of the room.

Thank GOD we get one more week. Things are really heating up around here and I can’t handle another untimely GG break, like that awful 3 month hiatus we had to deal with earlier this season. I need some closure, dammit. Some answers! Read More »

Anyone else hoping that it wouldn’t be Lily opening the door when Serena arrived in Florida last night? I mean, everyone but Rufus knew she was there – couldn’t Pops van der Woodsen just open up so we could finally get to see what sort of magical creature he is? He’s gotta be something fantastic, right? Some sort of Brad Pitt/Jake Gyllenhaal hybrid with just a hint of John Krasinski and a pinch of Joel McHale’s humor. Why else would these two women risk everything they’ve got (for Lily, a husband who knows his way around a waffle iron; for Serena, CHACE FREAKING CRAWFORD a boy who looks damn good in a pair of Topsiders) for this guy?

I just want to meet him already. Then I want to reach into the TV and smack him for somehow creating the two most self-centered, annoying women in New York. (And that’s saying a lot, considering The Real Housewives exist…) I am finding it harder and harder to like Serena this season (especially when she does that weird thing with her hair like she did for Dorota and Vanya’s wedding), and it is clear she’s inherited her worst qualities from her hard-to-please mother. Honestly, if Serena didn’t wear that ridiculously awesome necklace to the wedding last night, I’d have written her off completely.

Those van der Woodsen women need a big can of whoop ass, and I hope they open it soon.

But let’s stop talking about them for a moment and get to the real Cartier-wearing white elephant in the room: Blair and Chuck. I was dragged into their lives by my heartstrings the moment the show began and my heart hurt until the very end. (Although that could have something to do with the McDonald’s breakfast I had….) I’ve never had a guy trade me for a hotel (I think?), but I have woken up after a break up and had that moment when I realized that it wasn’t just a nightmare and that the pain was very real. And it is the worst. I immediately hurt for Blair (but don’t think I didn’t notice how perfect her hair looks when she’s moping….), but I also couldn’t help but hurt for Chuck. Read More »

Who's Queen B now!?

Like some of my fellow College Candies, I was not smitten with the season 3 premiere of Gossip Girl. In fact, I felt lost, upset and alone after the show ended. All I wanted was the simplicity of Season 1, which got me thinking about just curling up on the couch, diving into a box of Godivas and rewatching my box set of that first glorious season.

For the 4th time.

Luckily, before I reached that point of desperation, our friends at On Location tours gave me a far better option to rekindle my love affair with GG. In the form of a bus tour of Manhattan, showing off the hot spots of the show. So. much. better. and only slightly less caloric than my original plan. Mostly because I brought some Godiva for the road(iva).

OK, so the tour was pretty touristy. So touristy that me and my friend were two of the five Americans on the bus. Pretty much everyone else was a visitor from another country. But I guess Gossip Girl and a love for all things WASPy and UES are the only things people around the globe can agree on. And despite the mix of languages and accents, we all came together to see the sites and scenes of our favorite TV show.

The tour kicked off at the Palace hotel, home of the Van Der Woodsens (and now Chuck Bass), in addition to being the office of the former Bart Bass (RIP, BB boy). As we moved on to each of the famed GG locales, our bubbly redheaded guide explained the significance of each location and spiced things up by showing us clips of the show featuring the very site we were visiting. (So I got to enjoy my Season 1 marathon afterall!) Read More »

I confess… I’ve missed the past couple weeks’ worth of new GG episodes. First of all, I’ve been crazy busy and can’t even keep my days straight. Second, GG comes and goes so sporadically with new episodes that I wasn’t even aware I’d have to set my TiVo. Out of all of the nights to get reunited with Serena, Blair, Chuck, and Nate, I have to say, I picked a rather juvenile occasion.

To me, a lot of characters regressed in this ep. I’m not shunning last night’s 43 minutes of soapy rich-kid-ness, just making an observation. When we first met Serena, she was a former party-girl elitist who was trying to make a fresh, less-shallow start. Yet, last night, S was all about being the “cool kid” once again, no matter the cost of Jenny’s feelings. She plans a Sweet Sixteen bash for Little J, and then is obviously hurt when celebutante Poppy smirks at her social calendar. Haven’t you grown beyond that, Serena?

Jenny, after dabbling in the high-class fashion biz for a few eps, wants a low-key, family-only party (complete with Rufus’ famous homemade chili), and Serena concedes. Until the lame-o cliquesters announce that they had their own party planned all along. So, unbeknownst to birthday girl Jenny, Serena decides to reinstate the bash she’d originally planned. How second-season Blair of you, Serena. Read More »

If there’s one thing I learned from Gossip Girl last night, it’s that you can have sex with whomever you want, and the person you actually have feelings for (but aren’t banging, for some reason) will completely understand, and forgive you, and maybe even like you more.

If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial. Read More »

So, we’re two seconds into the highly-anticipated season premiere of Gossip Girl, and already the hormones are flying! Cue gratuitous shot of Chace Crawford, panting and frisking some girl in the front seat of a car.

Mmmmm.

But this is GG, people. Chace Crawford sexcapades can hardly satisfy our thirst for smut clothed in Prada. Cut to Chuck, chardonnay in hand, on a beach with one…two…three insanely hot girls. Oh, Chuck Bass. You are what every sixteen-year-old boy should aspire to be before graduating high school.

First shocker of the episode: GG informs us that “Lonely Boy” Dan isn’t so lonely after all. It seems he has a new chick — wait, maybe two new girls? Can you spell R-E-B-O-U-N-D?

Of course, before our first commercial break, we need a love triangle, and some legit dramz. Send Chuck to meet Blair, looking sweet and dapper with roses in hand. Insert random new man (James), let Blair make steamy eye contact with Chuck and then shove her tongue down new guy’s throat. This is how it goes down for high schoolers in the Hamptons.

It’s game, set, match for Blair when she enjoys dinner with both James and Chuck, yet she still feels the need to run after Chuck when he storms away from the table with his tail between his legs. WTF Blair? We know you don’t feel the same way for James as you did for Nate. Otherwise you wouldn’t be chasing Chuck. Alas, poor Chuck, who used to be made of steel, turns on the waterworks again, just in time for another gratuitous Chace Crawford shot — hottie Nate running down the street in his underwear after his new lover’s husband comes home early from work. Read More »