Looks like Lindsay Lohan won’t be completing her full 90-day jail sentence.  Due to “overcrowding” in the L.A. county jail system, she can make it out from behind bars in less than two weeks.  Sounds to me like the judge’s daughter couldn’t go three whole months without a little LiLo crazy in her life.  Good thing, because neither could we!

While this whole reduced sentence thing is totally great for Linds, it still completely sucks for us.  She was so inconsiderate to be incarcerated during the summer.  Seriously!  Most of our fave TV shows are on hiatus, the celebs have shipped out to various luxury islands, and the three-year-old sitting next to me just bit a chunk out of my Us Weekly (ugh, babysitting).

Fear not, because in a moment of absolute panic I devised a brilliant schedule to keep us entertained while Lindsay knits leggings in jail.  After all, what do they say to do after a loved one departs?  Gotta keep busy!

Day 1: Today is a day for reflection.  We, as a society, need to look at what we have done to drive the Queen of Spandex into a bottomless downward spiral.  I encourage everyone to watch The Parent Trap and shed a tear for the good ol’ days.  Rice crispy treats and juice boxes optional.

Day 2: You probably ended up sobbing yesterday as you enjoyed your double dose of drug-free Lindsay.  Do you look like hell today?  Puffy eyes, tissues stuffed in your pockets…maybe just a little?  Well good news, it’s detox day!  Go for a run, eat some blueberries, throw on a face mask. Here’s your chance to do everything our favorite girl didn’t.

Day 3: July 23^rd is National Ice Cream day.  Yum!  Call the girlfriends over and turn your kitchen into a Sundae Buffet.  In honor of Lindsay’s once-curvier figure, go all out by splurging on toppings.  Oreo crumbles, gummy worms, hot fudge…LiLo was never afraid of mixing substances, so you shouldn’t be either. Read More »

Nick Lachey’s already got a new girl!

I prefer my Christian Bale with some meat on those bones.

Mmm. McDonalds has a new burger.

It’s official: men are getting uglier.

Wow, those Germans really give it to Brit Brit.

Express jeans get a hottie makeover.

Can you believe TRL has been on the air for 10 years?! I know! I didn’t know that show was on anymore, either. I think the last time I watched I had just gotten home from (high) school and called in my vote (for Christina Aguilera, duh!) to 1-800-VOTE-MTV. And I don’t think I even had a cell phone yet!

Well, TRL is still on…but not for long. MTV execs have decided to give in to the low ratings and close the doors on Total Request Live this November. The final show will be a major spectacle with tons of popstars, bands and former hosts coming back for the big goodbye. (Maybe they will play a full song for once? One can only hope!)

TRL was over for me when Carson Daly left and all those weird/random/unknown hosts started comin’ in (and then Carson got all rexy on us). But I guess other people sorta liked the randoms, so in honor of the end of the TRL era, I put together a little gallery of some of the bigger TRL hosts. Read More »

MTV wants you to be informed in 2008.

The network has recruited 51 youths to report on the 2008 presidential election using blogs, videos, and animation. Sounds…innovative?

The vehicle for these reports will be Think.mtv.com, which is MTV’s political and issue based website geared toward viewers with an interest in social action.

According to the Associated Press, “The participants in the program will be equipped with laptop computers, cell phones and video cameras and tasked with finding political stories that will particularly resonate with young people. Participants in the “Street Team ’08″ project have profiles on Think.MTV.com. MTV recruited one member from every state as well as Washington D.C.”

This is good news! Mostly. As long as MTV goes the Gideon Yago route and not the Vanessa Minnillo route when it comes to who they’ve recruited to report election news in the coming year. If this political milestone becomes overshadowed by the fact that the chick reporting from Mississippi is smoking hot, then well, I’d rather watch The Real World. Read More »

Like nails scratching a chalkboard, I cannot stand PDA. Some call me cold. Some call me heartless. I call myself considerate of humankind.A peck on the cheek here and there, fine. You like each other. You’re having a lot of sex. I get it. But Lapdog Syndrome seems to be the STD plaguing my peers even more so than syphilis.

You know the symptoms: the girlfriend becomes a lifeless, glassy – eyed rag doll on the overprotective boyfriend’s lap. It’s more precious than erotic, but equally gag – inducing. It’s almost as bad as the patented crotch – grab. Read More »

I’m not a big fan of photography. Let’s just say I’m not very photogenic and don’t have much time to practice my skinny poses. In about 80% of photos taken of me, I bear a strange resemblance to Weird Al Yankovic. Thus, anytime someone pulls out a digital camera, I bolt.

Perhaps Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minillo should take a cue from me. While they may be more photo – friendly than I am, posing sexily with weapons ain’t gonna do anything for anyone. Were they planning to frame those pictures and hang them on their walls as cherished memories?

In general, I question the need to document everything with a camera. Come on. Do you really need a picture of all that alcohol you bought? Do you really want your parents finding a picture of you smoking pot or passed out in an alley in a clown costume in your iPhotos?

It may have been funny at the time, but let your memory capture the moment instead of your Nikon. Read More »