Thanks to my Jewish mother, I’m the kind of girl that is always prepared for everything. People are constantly making fun of me and my 30lb purses, but that’s what happens when you carry around anything you could possibly need in a day: bleach pen, gum, band-aids, tampons, candy (lots and lots of candy), hand cream, multiple lip balms, hair care products, multiple cans of Diet Coke, etc.

I really thought I covered all my bases until I ended up in a situation to which I had no fix: a guy who couldn’t get it up.

At first I was distressed that I had done something wrong. Were my legs too hairy? My tan lines unattractive? Did he prefer girls with more than a landing strip?

After I got over that (“Uh, hello, the guy last week didn’t seem to have any issues!”), I still couldn’t shake the disappointment in myself. That was the first time in a long time that I was unable to reach into my Mary Poppins bag and pull out a cure. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to carry a penis pump in a Marc Jacobs bag (what would Marc think of me?!), but at the same time, there has to be something I can do to prevent further unfortunate occurrences. Read More »

Free Viagra for all!

Are fanny packs back?

What’s the deal with BJs?

Kim Kardashian sees marriage in her future.

Celebrity Twitter overkill.

Miss California’s got Sarah Palin in her corner.

One is an old dude with an obsession with ditzy blondes. The other is a weird guy with an obsession with jewelry…and making things disappear.

And it seems the world has brought these drastically different men together…to battle.

For a woman, obvi.

Though Hugh Hefner has 3 live-in girlfriends and a billion other hot ladies roaming around his house, he has recently been heartbroken as one of his favorites moved out.

Where did she go? Into the tattooed arms of Criss Angel. Poor Hef has never been snubbed like this; especially for a nobody like Criss Angel. I feel bad for the poor old guy and have to wonder what it is about Mr. Angel that wooed little Holly away.

Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe Criss has a killer personality and is awesome in bed. Maybe Holly was sick of waiting for Hef’s Viagra to kick in. Who knows?

I just want to know which dude you’d prefer: reliable old Hef, or mysterious Criss Angel?

For this week’s Wednesday Night Encounters, we’re going to observe Men Of Few Words. Not everyone finds it necessary to go on and on about what they want in a partner. Some people enjoy eulogizing for hours about their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams, their “future”, but these guys aren’t interested in bogging us down with such trivial matters. In only a few small sentences, they get to the heart of the matter. They know what they want…and they want it now.

Nice. Read More »

Christian Bale was merely defending his wife? Awwwww!

Wanna work in politics? Just have an affair!

Sick of Facebook yet? Yeah, me either. But it just got even better.

Viagra may work for women?

Apparently, some dudes agreed that women in skinny jeans could not be raped because removing them would require consent? Yeah…took awhile, but that’s been reversed.

The Jo-Bros are probably pissing off a lot of Dallas homeowners right now….

Porta-Potty art! (Doesn’t make the smell go away, though.)

Earth-friendly junk mail? Hot granny panties? Declining gas prices? Impossible!

An old favorite to get you through the day. Weeeeeeeeeee!

“The Girls Next Door star Holly Madison and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner still have babies on the brain. ‘There has been lots of trying — lots of trying!’ she told Usmagazine.com at Playboy’s Ninth Annual Super Saturday Night bash in Arizona.”

But no really, for the sake of everyone’s imagination, please stop trying.

Does Holly keep bowls of Viagra throughout the Playboy Mansion trying to convince Hef that they’re M & Ms? Doesn’t Hef fall asleep after three thrusts? He’s 82. I’m sure he’s young at heart, but come on. I’d imagine that any sperm that he’s got left is bent or way too exhausted to swim very far.

And as for the title of that US mag article, I highly doubt that Hef has babies on the brain. His to-do list consists of robe wearing, a nap, eating, another nap and trying to find his way through his mansion. Trust me, being one of the oldest fathers on the planet is not on there. Read More »

Apparently, a lot of women suffer from low libido.

According to ABC News, hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which sounds very clinical but for the most part I’m pretty sure refers to a lowered sex drive caused by life (hormones, supplements, exhaustion), affects about one-third of American women. That’s a lot of headaches.

Deciding that it just isn’t fair women still get the short end of the stick (ha ha) when it comes to sexual desire later on in life, scientists have been busy developing a Viagra-like product called LibiGel. Although it’s still in the testing stage, LibiGel had a reportedly “283 percent increase of satisfying sexual encounters for the women taking the drug” in trials at 17 different institutions.

The gel comes in a pump bottle, and a small amount is rubbed into the skin of a woman’s upper arm. Over a period of 24 hours, “the gel’s testosterone seeps into her bloodstream, boosting her energy and libido.” Read More »

Not sure what to get your boytoy for Christmas or Hanukkah this year? Why not get him the gift that (supposedly) keeps on giving—a life supply of pomegranate juice?

University of California scientists have gone a step further with the whole “pomegranate juice is totally healthy” theory. According to a study that tested “53 men with impotence problems”, the antioxidants in pomegranate juice (which “increase blood supply to the genitals”) helped nearly half of the study participants perform better in the bedroom.

Besides possibly helping dudes everywhere satisfy their mate in the bedroom, pomegranate juice has also “been associated with reducing the risk of heart disease and preventing prostate cancer.”

With all this great research behind it, why not buy some pomegranate juice for all the men in your life this year? (just block out whole better-than-Viagra part when it comes to your dad) It’s tasty, healthy, and has a festive red color, making it perfect for holiday stocking stuffers! Read More »

In a college whirlwind of saucy stories, sexcapades, and scandals I guess I’m just a little confused. Women’s viagra??? Is there actual demand for that?

Alright so I understand that after thirty years of marriage things might uh, burn out… especially if your once abs of steel husband has steadily grown to resemble the Pillsbury Doughboy. Fair enough. But do we really need more meds solving our everyday human nature problems?

Womenra (can anyone say pla-ce-bo?) is a drug awaiting approval from the Food and Drug Administration. The pill is said to boost female sex drive. Yeeeeeahhh…

Technically it just helps you reach arousal more successfully, which in turn is supposed to make you want to romp around in bed more often, a fair correlation to make, I’ll give them that.

I don’t know, I guess I’m just old fashioned… shouldn’t the whole physical attraction/love for your significant other/just wanting a good piece of A-S-S be enough?

Silly little pharmaceutical companies, tricks are for kids! And Viagra is for men. A more effective product would be a life size Mark Wahlberg, not that that’s on my Christmas list or anything…

Strawberries and oysters are supposedly great aphrodisiacs, although they’ve never worked in that way for me personally. Well now, there’s a new aphrodisiac on the market that isn’t so much a food, but rather…a nose spray?

PT-141 promises to turn up a woman’s libido, by causing a “stirring in the loins” within 15 minutes of nasal contact. Who says “loins” anymore other than authors of romance novels? (And, yes, there’s really a romance novel out there called “Kanagroo Gangbang”)

Anyway, enough about kangaroo gangbangs. PT-141 (look at its official website!!! It is a romance novel) is an “odourless and colourless synthetic chemical that you inhale deeply through a small, white plastic inhaler. The compound, produced by Palatin Technologies and currently undergoing regulatory assessment, is a melanocortin-based therapy that seems to work directly on the brain rather than simply stimulating the loins as is the case with Viagra.” Read More »