Valentine’s Day has a truly obnoxious reputation. In its most popular form, I find it a totally worthless and empty affair. Couples are expected to fall over themselves to celebrate this totally arbitrary day in February because that’s what’s expected. There’s all of this make-or-break pressure that is usually put on the guys to make it the most romantic day ever, and us ladies are supposed to be shrieking, superficial harpies desperate for blood diamonds, overpriced chocolate, flowers that will die in two seconds and a dinner that breaks the bank. Heaven forbid you’re single, then you are expected to be utterly miserable because your life obviously has no meaning. It’s a mess.

Therefore, I’m totally up for reclaiming this day and making it about sexy self-indulgence. That’s definitely something our society doesn’t value nearly as much as it should; and I mean, who isn’t in love with feeling sexy and sensual, whether it’s for a partner or for yourself?  I was given the incredible opportunity to review an array of sexy products. While a few of them are couple-centric, the vast majority are totally appropriate if you’re riding solo.

initiating the gallery...

In accordance with FTC guidelines, I must disclose that I was given these products free exchange in exchange for my honest assessment. 

[Lead image via Zametalov/Shutterstock]

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Did anyone keep their New Year’s Resolutions?

Our favorite former NBA star is engaged!

Get ready to write 2012!

Most anticipated albums of next year

image via stryjek/Shutterstock

We at CollegeCandy are huge proponents of masturbation. We love it so much we’d shout it from the rooftops… that is if we were willing stop doin’ it and actually climb up to the rooftop.

The topic maybe a bit taboo to many, but it shouldn’t be. Besides the mere pleasure of it all, there are so many wonderful benefits of a little self-stimulation: it helps you sleep, it helps with cramps, it helps your sexy time encounters….

It’s also really, really, REALLY fun.

Especially when you have a fun toy to do it with. Enter OhMiBod, the vibrator that connects with your iPod and pulses to the beat of the music. It’s pretty much the best combo since chocolate and peanut butter, or since Cole Haan teamed up with Nike. We’ve talked about it before, but it just got better.

Yes, the OhMiBod has gone wireless!

Gone are the days when you’re literally attached to your iPod (because no one wants to be tied down). The new Freestyle uses a wireless signal to connect you to your favorite jams in a way you’ve never experienced before.  Rock out (and get your rocks off) with hotties like Justin Bieber, Jason Derulo or old school Backstreet Boys. Or, if you’re feeling saucy, try some Rolling Stones and Metallica. You’ll never listen to music the same way again. And if you’re not sure what music goes best with this gift from Gods, the people at OhMiBod have got you covered. Just buying one of their revolutionary toys gives you access to their specially designed OhMiBod playlists.

But there’s more. And this, my friends, is not for the newbies. Allow me to introduce you to the Club Vibe, a portable little guy that will make going out a lot. more. fun. Basically, you attach this to your pants (or skirt) and it picks up the pulsing of the music in the club (or concert?) and transfers it to….well, you get it. It’s totally discreet, so you can shake your groove thing/get your groove on without anyone knowing.

Honestly, who needs to deal with beer goggles and a walk of shame when you’ve got this?

Masturbation shouldn’t make you squirm (well, squirm in a bad way) – it’s totally natural, totally acceptable and, with these toys, it’s totally awesome. If you’re in the market for somethin’ new, these little guys have the CollegeCandy stamp of approval.

For us single girls, Valentine’s Day can seriously suck. Even if you love being single, all the PDA (puke), listening to what your coupled friend’s boyfriend did or (more likely) didn’t buy them, and the concerned phone call from your mom checking up on you, gets real old, real fast. And, for the love of god, if one more coupled friend tells me I’ll “find someone soon,” I’m going to scream.

But you can make Valentine’s Day better. Why should you miss out on the gift-giving and indulgence V-Day has to offer just because you’re single? Yes it might just be another day of the year, but it’s also the perfect excuse to buy you yourself a fabulous gift.

Lingerie – Why do you need a guy in your life to buy something lacy?  Buy yourself something that makes you feel pretty and sexy, because feeling good about yourself trumps all.  This ruffle bralette from Aerie is feminine and flirty; the perfect gift from you to you.

Vibrators – It’s 2010, baby. You don’t need a boyfriend (or anyone, really) to have a good time.  These bullet buddies, available at Babeland, are a discrete, non-threatening first-time toy for any girl.  And if you’re looking for something a little more…er… well endowed, Babeland has a large selection of toys for everyone.

Indulgent Fashion Item – Which would you rather have on Valentine’s Day: boyfriend drama or a fabulous and functional L.A.M.B. wristlet?  Your attached friends will most definitely be laying out the cash for their S.O., so it’s time you splurge on the number one in your life: you.

Hot Dress – The best way for any girl to feel better about herself is to look hot. The second best way is to look hot and hit the town. You can do both in this adorable, blue, ruffled mini-dress from Forever 21. I guarantee this will turn heads and, who knows, you may even score yourself a Valentine for 2011.

Jewels - I’m a true believer in buying jewelry for yourself.  There are many benefits: 1. You know you’ll wear it, and 3. It is timeless (if you bought it, it won’t forever be known as something “what’s his name” bought you).  So all the single ladies, don’t wait for a guy to put a ring on it; go and buy your own damn ring.

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2010/02/07/show-yourself-some-love-this-valentines-day/feed/ 8 Leah - Ryerson University I love me intro Aerie cc-divider Babeland cc-divider LAMB cc-divider forever-214 cc-divider love ring http://collegecandy.com/2010/01/10/overheard-son-of-sam-eagle/ http://collegecandy.com/2010/01/10/overheard-son-of-sam-eagle/#comments Sun, 10 Jan 2010 22:00:29 +0000 John - UConn http://collegecandy.com/?p=50619 ]]>

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get listening.

(Girl, guy at a basketball game.)

Girl: Oh, man, I can almost taste that KFC.

Guy: No. No, do not taste it.

(Girl, two guys at a party.)

Guy 1: Well, I mean, like, I’ve never done … water sports.

Girl: Water sports? What’s water sports?

Guy 2: You know, like, swimming, diving, water-skiing.

Guy 1: Uh, dude.

(Girl, taking a call outside a party.)

Girl: That porn star isn’t even cute ! . . . I mean I bet she knows what she’s doing, but no way.

(Two girls, eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant.)

Girl 1: There once was a man from Nantucket.

Girl 2: Who got his head stuck in a bucket.

Girl 1: Then he died in that bucket.

(Girls, talking during lunch.)

Girl 1: Apollo.

Girl 2: How about Poseidon?

Girl 1: No, I feel like that’s asking for trouble. Achilles.

Girl 2: Even worse.

Guy (coming over): What’s up?

Girl 1: Naming vibrators.

(Two guys, in the lunchroom.)

Guy 1: I’ll give you a hint. His name rhymes with Awesome.

Guy 2: Plawsome.

Guy 1: No.

(Guys, watching TV in the dorm lounge.)

Guy 1: I like this commercial. It’s cute.

Guy 2: How about “There will always be babies. There will always be … death. See this baby? It’s gonna die.”

Guy 1: “You will also die. Thank you for your attention.”

(Girl and a guy, eating in an Italian restaurant.)

Girl: Remember all those friends from home?

Guy: You know, I realize they weren’t my friends really.

Girl: Yeah, more like big drugs with legs.

(Two girls, in the grocery store seafood section.)

Girl 1: I don’t know. How do you even sedate a lobster?

Girl 2: Boil it for a few seconds. Just give it something to think about.

(Girl, guy, talking in a coffee shop.)

Girl: Can you even have a lint fetish?

Guy: Yeah, sure. You know what, let me check my belly button right now.

(Girl, other girl, at a basketball game.)

Girl 1: Can we trash-talk something nice? I don’t wanna be mean.

Girl 2: Hey Duke! Your coach looks like Sam Eagle!

HighJoy.com and Sinulator.com made it happen. These sites not only offer sex toys to peak your pleasure principle, they now make it possible to connect these toys to your computer so that with the touch of a button, you can control your partner’s sex toy o’choice and send them into pleasure heaven. And vice versa.

Sinulator.com offers a package of all the software necessary as well as the ever popular “rabbit” vibrator for a mere $139.95. Simply install the software, name your toy, and you are on your way!

HighJoy.com offers similar packages.

As if this isn’t awesome enough, the remote can not only connect to your computer, it can hook to your palm pilot.

This is a godsend for long-distance relationships…and really horny people.

Yes, I know – if I could just find a guy to stick with, it would all be easier. This is true. And maybe, just maybe, I will eventually meet a good guy who I can really rely on and want to commit to. Until then (which is off in the way distant future), I think I found a substitute.

The SaSi.

I haven’t actually tried this thing out yet, but I am deeply considering it. And once you know more about it, you most definitely will, too.

It seems as though, thanks to new technology, this little vibrator knows more about how to please women than most men do. (Editor’s Note: Which isn’t hard. Ayooooo!) SaSi has a learn mode wherein it tries all different sorts of movements. If you don’t like one, you can simply skip to the next and it remembers the ones that you prefer. The next time you use it, the SaSi will skip the stuff you hate and stick to the stuff you love. If only it were that easy with the boys…and they didn’t get all self-conscious/curled up in the fetal position and cried when you tried to guide them.

The SaSi also combines different movements all the time, so it never gives you the same sexual experience twice. Cha Ching!

How many of you know men who can measure up to that? I’m only sayin….

I bet SaSi won’t admit to liking me as more than a friend and then link me to a blog where a skank details having sex with SaSi last week…

Oh, whoops, that was just some as*hole I cut out of my dating life as of yesterday.

[Photo from: msnbc.com]

Let’s face it; we’ve gotten to a point in time where “sex” comes into conversation more than last night’s game, politics, or the weather. Whether or not it’s being praised or shunned, it’s being talked about. After all, you guys see how often we talk about it here, don’t you? Sex is here, and I really doubt it’s going anywhere anytime soon.

That said, of course, there are still people who kind of linger on the edge. People who want to explore their sexual side, but are afraid of the way society will perceive them after the fact. People who really have no interest in actual intercourse, but still want to explore their “carnal” side, pardon the expression. For most girls and some guys, the quickie answer to this is usually some kind of sex toy.

There are TONS out there, some wonderful and some horrifying. And still, this is a bit too much for some people. What do you do if you fall into that category? No worries; there’s a whole line of products just for you. And I don’t mean vibrators that pretend to be ordinary items. I mean vibrators that actually legitimately think they’re ordinary items.

No, but really. These are perfectly innocent items that happen to look otherwise. Take for example this vibrating chair in the shape of a hand. …alright, maybe that’s not so innocent.

Oral-B’s vibrating toothbrush, the Pulsar, is a revolutionary breakthrough in dental hyg- …no, really, who the heck am I kidding?

Gillete’s Venus Vibrance razor has the technological wonder of the new century, making shaving easier by using vibrations that cause the hair to stand on end. …Of course, how you achieve said hair-standing is entirely up to you.

And finally, Neutrogena’s new Wave Power Cleanser uses gentle vibrations to help exfoliate and stop breakouts, giving you smoother skin. Erm, ignore the shape. I swear it’s entirely coincidental.

Okay, I’m sorry for my immaturity. Vibrating technology offers a – *giggle* – better quality product in several fields. Other vibrating items, like computer mice – *snicker* – and even dish-washing brushes – *teehee!* – can all be improved on with the very simple and beneficial aid of vibrations.

*breaks into fits of uncontrollable laughter.*

I have no damn space. I swear my ass may get stuck in my own hallway if I eat another Cadbury Egg.

Like many college students, I have been forced to find a way to sleep, eat and basically shower/sh*t/etc. all within 5 feet of each other. Books are piled on top of stacks of clothing, shoes are collecting dust bunnies under my bed along with a variety of other dust collecting partners; bills, blankets, bras and the one sock I’ve been looking for forever. I can never find anything and generally am forced to throw on whatever happens to be crumpled under my feet. Organization? I’m sure that I wouldn’t be able to give the definition of the word if a million dollars were on the line.

…Until the other day, when I had a calling from what must have been a divine being…something told me to hop into The Container Store on my way home from work.

The moment I stepped foot into the store I was sure I had been saved. As a notoriously messy person, it had seemed like nothing would be able to shake me of my slobbish ways. How wrong I was.

Whether you’re in a dorm, a studio apartment, or your bedroom is actually a converted closet, The Container Store has all you need to stack your messy life into one little corner. You can properly store your high school photos, vibrators, journals, and everything else in a way that will look nice and neat. After all, cardboard boxes are to be thrown out, not lived out of.

If you choose to shop online, you can even shop according to space, travel, COLLEGE, etc!

Go on, clean up your act and have a love affair with the glory that is…storage.

to figure out your body and have more fun, alone or with a partner.

Yes, sex toys are a blessing for us all.

Except when they aren’t.

Sad to say, not all sex toys are invented by brilliant Swedish feminist engineers who work with an eye toward improving society one orgasm at a time. Some of them – many of them, in fact – are designed by scary cheeseballs with a limited sense of anatomy and the sensibility of a coked-up frat brother. That is to say, some of them are ugly, ill-functioning, and just plain gross.

When you go sex toy shopping (which you ought to) odds are high that you may encounter some of these terrors. Hopefully, you’ll have researched the subject at a reliable, pro-girl website – like, say, babeland.com – and will know enough to steer around them. But, to further assist you in your shopping choices, I offer this column, dedicated to the worst of the lot.

Check out the NSFW Latex Sex Toys after the jump

JENNA JAMESON’S DREAM DONG

Mere words cannot describe this thing. Even a photograph won’t really do it. For you see, the Jenna Jameson Dream Dong glows. It’s full of multi-colored fiber-optic lights. When you turn on the vibrator at the base, these lights shimmer and change colors, thereby turning your humble vag into an enchanted Christmas wonderland. Also, the whole thing is made of some futuristic material called “UR3,” which is supposed to feel like real human flesh. Because, you know, realism is important when it comes to glowing, translucent, vibrating dicks from space.

RUBBER COCK RING

So, the purpose of a cock ring is to cut off circulation to a penis. Some people enjoy the feeling, or report that it helps them to last a bit longer in the sack. Also, the purpose of a cock ring is to cut off circulation to a penis. If you keep it on for too long, you’re looking at one unhappy weiner. Knowing this, why on earth would you choose to imprison your lover’s business in what is essentially a tiny rubber band? When you put this thing on, it’s on for good – which means that, if emergency strikes, you may find yourself reaching for the kitchen scissors.

Sources recommend against buying this for your special someone, unless you’re cool with being remembered as “that girl who crushed my junk” for all eternity.

PETER NORTH EJACULATING DILDO

Okay, first of all: the balls. I have nothing against balls. If you have them, I’m sure they’re a lot of fun. However, I don’t really feel the need to purchase a hyper-realistic ball sculpture that I can keep around the house. I just don’t get that much out of looking at testes.

With these aesthetic objections duly noted, I must go on to tell you that the real horror of the Peter North lies in its functionality. It squirts. Much like the Booze Bra, it’s designed to conceal a pouch full of fluid, which you can squeeze to simulate… well, one of two bodily functions.

Some recommend filling the Peter with milk, but the possibilities are endless. You could do tequila shots out of this thing. And, if you’re Steve-O, you probably have.

FLESHLIGHT

OH DEAR MOTHER OF GOD NO.

The Fleshlight may look like a prop from Naked Lunch, but its real origins are far more sinister. It was invented by a married, sexually frustrated policeman, as a device for “discreet sperm collection.”

Again: there’s nothing wrong with sperm. In my experience, boys like ejaculating almost as much as they like Stephen Malkmus. But collecting that sperm in a bucket seems to stretch the bonds of sanity.

I mean, think about cleaning this thing.

No, on second thought: don’t.

But hey, here’s a sexy thought: the next time you meet someone attractive, and begin to entertain the notion that you might want to touch his penis, consider the fact that, at some point in his life, he may have put it in one of these.

That mental image alone should keep you at home with your Rabbit for the next few weeks. All things considered, you’re probably better off.