CollegeCandy - Life, Love & Style For The College Girl » victoria secret

Friday Faves: An Open Letter to the Inventor of the Thong

CC Staff — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 16:00:44 +0000

Dear Mr. Thong Inventor,

I would like to preface this letter by saying that your work has made a large yet incredibly skimpy contribution to my adolescent years. And while I do believe in the nobleness of your cause, I am rather puzzled by the method to the madness of such an invention. As I hold up the tiny piece of fabric that is my underwear, several questions come to mind, such as:

Which came first: The thong, or “The Thong Song”?
The first time I heard The Thong Song, I was 11-years-old. Try explaining to a sixth grader, still under-clad with flower-print Hanes granny panties, the concept of a thong. Watching a leprechaun of a man do cartwheels on the beach doesn’t really do that good of a job of explaining the exact science behind the thong. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought he was singing about summertime footwear up until 2001, when I realized I needed to wear this contraption to be socially acceptable.

Where the devil did you get this genius idea?
Was it a public service project? Did you see one too many VPLs (Visible Panty Lines, for you not-in-the-knows) and proclaim “I’ve had it! I’m inventing buttless underwear!” To you, Mr. Thong Inventor, going commando just wasn’t an option. Now that point I can understand, as I probably have not washed my jeans since the opening night of “Sex and the City.” And who really likes walking around with that, “I’m wearing the pant equivalent of dirty underwear” feeling all day? Yeah, neither do I. So really, Mr. T.I, you were the answer to my laundry-lazy, VPL-phobic prayers.

How the hell did you get it to catch on?
No seriously. It takes pure skill to get a woman to try on a permanent wedgie, let alone make it a long lasting trend in the sexy lingerie industry. Think about it: it’s a tiny scrap of cotton, satin, silk, or pearls (hey, I dunno what kinda stuff you’re into…) that is designed to chill between your butt cheeks all day. But women still go crazy for them! They even tease other women that don’t wear their underwear up their ass.

I remember my friend Emilie was the first of our 8th grade “group” to wear a thong. She finally caved in after much ridicule from her older sister regarding a tragically obvious VPL in a tacky polyester skirt (honestly, can you blame the older sis?). The day of her thong debut, she literally screamed in agony every time she bent down to open her locker. Even after witnessing her shriek six times before the end of third period, I still thought “Man, I gotta get me one of those!”

Even now, as a “mature” college girl, I will not be caught dead touching a pair of grannies, let alone wearing them during a hook up. You didn’t just sell them to the women of the world, you fooled guys into thinking they were the sexiest form of underwear. Yeah, I get the whole “more is better” thing when it comes to women’s asses, but that still doesn’t really explain to me why butt floss is an attractive option. You must have had to have some pretty solid endorsements to sell this baby to the masses. In this case, I think this product would even be a toughie for the OxyClean man (and that’s saying something – that guy could get me to buy anything). Was Sisqo dancing around a few lubed up beach babes really all it took?

Please find time in your busy pants-dropping schedule to get back to me as soon as possible. Seriously, we need to talk. I have a great idea for an invisible lingerie line that could really use a boost…

Yours truly,
Miss Thong Investor

[This story was originally posted by Elizabeth - UC Berkeley]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

An Open Letter to the Inventor of the Thong

Elizabeth - UC Berkeley — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 14:10:41 +0000

Dear Mr. Thong Inventor,

• Which came first: The thong, or “The Thong Song”?

The first time I heard the thong song, I was 11-years-old. Try explaining to a sixth grader, still under-clad with flower-print Hanes grannie panties, the concept of a thong. Watching a leprechaun of a man do cartwheels on the beach doesn’t really do that good of a job of explaining the exact science behind the thong. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought he was singing about summertime footwear up until 2001, when I realized I needed to wear this contraption to be socially acceptable.

• Where the devil did you get this genius idea?

Was it a public service project? Did you see one too many VPLs (Visible Panty Lines, for you not-in-the-knows) and proclaim “I’ve had it! I’m inventing buttless underwear!” To you, Mr. Thong Inventor, going commando just wasn’t an option. Now that point I can understand, as I probably have not washed my jeans since the opening night of “Sex and the City.” And who really likes walking around with that “I’m wearing the pant equivalent of dirty underwear” feeling all day? Yeah, neither do I. So really, Mr. T.I, you were the answer to my laundry-lazy, VPL-phobic prayers.

• How the hell did you get it to catch on?

No seriously. It takes pure skill to get a woman to try on a permanent wedgie, let alone make it a long lasting trend in the sexy lingerie industry. Think about it: it’s a tiny scrap of cotton, satin, silk, or pearls (hey, I dunno what kinda stuff you’re into…) that is designed to chill between your butt cheeks all day. But women still go crazy for them! They even tease other women that don’t wear their underwear up their ass.

Even now, as a “mature” college girl, I will not be caught dead touching a pair of grannies, let alone wearing them during a hook up. You didn’t just sell them to the women of the world, you fooled guys into thinking they were the sexiest form of underwear. Yeah, I get the whole “more is better” thing when it comes to women’s asses, but that still doesn’t really explain to me why butt floss is an attractive option. You must have had to have some pretty solid endorsements to sell this baby to the masses. In this case, I think this product would even be a toughie for the OxyClean man (and that’s saying something – that guy can get me to buy anything). Was Sisqo dancing around a few lubed up beach babes really all it took?

Yours truly,

Miss Thong Investor

[photo from www.environmentaltalk.com]

Plus Sized and Fabulous (Even When Your Wallet Isn’t)

Donyae - University of Maryland — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:30:48 +0000

When I was a plus sized beauty my biggest gripe was that there was never anywhere to go shopping. I was a size 18-20W and I felt horrible in just about everything I owned. It seemed the only stuff I could find in my limited price range made me look like a sack of potatoes. Nothing was ever flattering. Nothing ever quite right.

I don’t want anyone else to have to live like that. Looking fabulous is everyone’s right no matter what size! So here are some shops (online and at the mall) to visit to find that inner-whatever-your-personal-style diva.

Remember ladies: Don’t be afraid to mix and match. Just because you can’t find a top to those jeans at that store doesn’t mean there’s not one for you at the next. And if it doesn’t make you feel fabulous, it’s not worth buying.

1) Lane Brynt

Yeah, this is a no brainer. I didn’t start this list off with Lane Bryant because it’s the most fab place, but because it does have something that every girl needs. A good bra. Vicky’s (Victoria Secret) can get kind of pricy for us larger busted ladies and I found that LB had a good quality product for an excellent price. But don’t discount them too quickly. They have some cute separates and are a good place to get old standbys (i.e., black pants, solid colored tees, dresses) to outfit your wardrobe. The prices are a little more on the high end but the clothes are well made and well worth it.

2) Macys

Believe or not they have a really good selection of very cute things for plus sized girls. It’s not all your mama’s clothes. I personally only shop the clearance racks at Macys. They have some excellent deals. You can get plenty of items to augment your look from here as long as you buy off season. For example, swimsuits are super cheap right now. Getting ready for next summer, anyone?

3) Mechanical Bunny

The internet is a place full of wonder and majesty. And also clothes. So for our more punky/goth/just alternative ladies out there (of which I am clearly one!) Mechanical Bunny has what you’re looking for. Their stock is rather small but it does have diversity. They also add new items constantly, so check back often to see what they’ve put up.

4) Torrid

Their stock is awesome! Little school-girl skirts, drop dead sexy dresses, sultry shirts and tops. And the clothing quality is good, as well. They have a different sizing system (instead of 18, 20 it’s 1, 2, 3) but there is a comparison chart on their site. There’s a range of prices, but it’s all still pretty reasonable.

5) Dots

This is a chain store that carries plus sizes as well as junior miss. The clothes aren’t the best quality, but they’re cute and cheap. It also caters to a variety of styles, so it’s a sure shot that you’ll find something you like there if you dig. There’s no online shop so you’ll have to look for a location near you. Well worth it; a little bit of cash goes a long way there.

6) Fashion Bug

This is another chain store. Same do as Dots for the most part, just a little more well-known. The store is stocked with very cute things and has a little more to offer if you are looking for more professional attire. You will have to pick through some ugly stuff, but the deals you will find are well worth the time.

7) Target

Probably the easiest place to shop. It’s darn near everywhere, including the web! The clothes are super cute and nicely priced. Once again, STALK the clearance rack! Tons of styles for work and play. The clothes are of pretty good make and everything is reasonably priced. A great stop no matter what your style is!

So I hope this little list helps you out. There are a ton of other places to go to as well. Old Navy, Forman Mills, not to mention the slew of little boutiques that can be found all over the place if you look hard enough. Chime in if you have any other goodies!

Happy shopping, lovelies!

[Photo courtesy of dapperdiva.com]

Smack Underwear: Don’t Buy It (Or Your Butt Will Hate You)

CC Staff — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:30:07 +0000

Rather than doing my laundry I often find it fun to buy new things…particularly underwear. I know I’m not the only one, either. Laundry day or Victoria’s Secret? C’mon.

Granted, it would be much cheaper to wash, but I digress.

Just yesterday I hit a low point in my stack of floral, striped, polka dot, lace, days of the week undies, and even every thong…so I headed out in search of spankin new skivvies.

I found myself at Urban Outfitters (it’s always fun running through Urban, checking out the goods but lately I’ve noticed EVERYTHING is a play on Vintage. I work in Vintage clothing sales and it’s hard to buy a “Vintage” looking top when you know five girls on the street will be wearing it too).

I’m getting away from my point — back to the underthing situation. I grabbed a sweet little lace forest green bra (so cute and comfortable) and three pairs of “Smack” underwear in solid shades of yellow, blue, and purple. I was excited, the colors were muted and the cotton felt soft.

Ha! Excited, nothing! I was swindled.

Smack? It was more like Crack! I don’t know how anyone could want to wear these or find them sexy. These underwear are low rise (which is great) but there’s more room in the front than in the back. I don’t have a very large butt, still, my behind was suffocating in these little wannabe drawers.

No one likes a granny panty, but no likes post-its either.

The jury stays: PASS

Victoria’s Secret Pisses off Ohio State. Bonus: Woman Attacked by Thong!

CC Staff — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:30:06 +0000

Limited Brands, a Columbus Ohio-based company that owns Victoria Secret, has announced that their immensely popular lingerie store is going to come out with a line of logoed sweat pants, tank tops and panties for 33 colleges, including UCLA, Harvard and University of Michigan.

Apparently this idea isn’t going over too well at Ohio State, whose Buckeye logo we won’t see slapped on the ass of any Victoria Secret product any time soon. It probably wouldn’t have been such a big had not the company been based in the same city that houses OSU, or if OSU rival Michigan wouldn’t get the Vicky Secret treatment.

So why is Ohio State going to be deprived of that rarest and proudest of honors? Well, because the CEO of Limited Brands, Leslie Wexner (who is a guy) is on the board of Trustees at OSU and feared a conflict of interest. In fact, last Spring OSU president E. Gordon Gee, (whose initials, I have to point out, spell EGG) stepped down from the board at Limited Brands for similar conflict of interest issues.

It all sort of sounds dirty and incestuous to me, made more so by the fact that some old dude is the head of Victoria Secret. In my mind, Victoria looked a lot like Dynasty-era Joan Collins.

Anyway, it is a sad day for all the Victoria Secret shoppers who go to OSU. Instead of buying over-priced underthings proudly bearing the logo of their school, they will have to buy over-priced underthings that have no logo at all. And all the money that they spend on said over priced underthings will go straight into the pocket of Wexner, the very man responsible for their misfortune. It’s a vicious cycle asking for some hard hitting investigative journalism.

But perhaps the Buckeyes should be counting their lucky stars. They could be like 52-year old Macrida Patterson, who injured herself while putting on a Victoria Secret low-rise v-string thong. Apparently there was a design flaw that caused a metallic piece of the underwear to fly up and hit Patterson in the eye, causing her permanent corneal damage.

This story inspires any number of humorous or horrifying scenarios, but here are the ones I’m most struck with, no pun intended.

1. A 52 year old wearing a low rise thong. I’m 23 and you would not catch me dead in a thong.

2. The way you would have to position your body to hit yourself in the eye while putting on underwear

3. The fact that Patterson will not allow defense attorneys to examine the offending thong.

[image from image and style news]

Candy Dish: Kaitlyn Maher Replaces EVERYTHING That Was Ever Cute

Jess - NYU — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:00:51 +0000


Kaitlyn Maher might just be our answer to world peace
Peice of your G-String hit you in the eye?  Yeah.  Her too.
Here's 10 new weird things to hope you never see in your kitchen
This video about John McCain calling his wife the C-word should insult me.  But it doesn't.  Instead, it makes me laugh (if around others, listen to it with earphones ON)
Sunken cheekbones and coke eyes.  Yes! Totally sexy
AskMen.com probably lied about Billy Bob's weird anti-Angie quotes.  My question is, why make up a story about a celebrity no one cares about?
These girls aren't afraid to look and sound like idiots
Diddy -- or Puff --(f*ck it, I'm making up my own name) DittyPuff likes to wax his "privates" and then smother himself in cologne.



Bitch!  Don’t Say That Word!
Jess - NYU — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 22:50:19 +0000

 How many times do I say the word in a day?
I couldn’t rightly tell you.  It’s one of my favorite swears.  One of my favorite terms of endearment. It looks so good italicized.   Plus, it sounds pretty fantastic coming out of someone’s mouth.
Don’t get me wrong, bitch can be completely derogatory, especially when it’s said with malice, or spoken by a guy to describe a girl, but is there really anything better than walking into a room and greeting your girlfriends with a rousing yell of hey, bitches! ?
Darlene Mealy, a Brooklyn member of The New York City Council, thinks there is.  What’s better than using it as a term of endearment?  Eradicating it all together.
Explaining that the word carries with it “a paradigm of shame and indignity”, Ms. Mealy has introduced a measure against the word, a measure that has the support of 19 out of 51 members on the council.
Even while she declares bitch a “vile attack on our womanhood”, Mealy admits that if the measure passes, it will almost be impossible to enforce.  Which of course begs the questions of why. 
Why spend months of political time and attention on eliminating a word in theory, a word that’s only as powerful as the context it’s in?  And why stop at bitch?  What about slut and whore, two equally satisfying yet derogatory words?  Why not erase all the deprecating words aimed at women?
I understand that Ms. Mealy is offended by the word bitch, but I’m incredibly offended and disgusted at the word panties (seriously, it makes me shudder), and satisfy myself with simply keeping it out of my vocabulary.  Do I ask my friends not to say it around me?  Sure.  But do I try to pass a civil rights measure every time someone slips up and exclaims “Look at those adorable Vicky’s panties!”?  Of course not.
Before she wastes anymore time and paper, Ms. Mealy should consider laying off the hardcore rap (10 rappers were cited in her legislation), ask her friends to refrain from wearing their Skinny Bitch shirts around her, and perhaps, just perhaps…take one or two chill pills every night before bed.

         


Hey, Creepy Dude! Buy Me Bigger Boobs!
Jess - NYU — Wed, 30 May 2007 23:31:07 +0000
I live in New York. It takes a lot for me to get sketched out. I walk by a legless ventriloquist who sings Sinatra on my way to work and have witnessed a mouse jump from my TV and land smack inside a potato chip bag I had eaten out of only moments earlier. Strange men say things to me almost daily, and feeling someone lean in too close on the subway is more than an occasional occurrence.
That being said, I am seriously skeeved out by myfreeimplants.com.
This web site is exactly what it says it is: a place where people (men mostly, I’m assuming) can help woman buy plastic surgery—boob jobs being the highlight. (Although it also advertises “Gummy Bear” implants. Which I can only guess would be…actually, I can’t guess. I’m afraid to.)
Chicks upload photos of themselves, and creepy men look at those photos and talk to them about how big they want their new boobs and how much money they need to raise. Women can put “personal items” up for sale (let your imagination go wild on that one, I’m sure you’re right), and men can request “custom photos of [their] favorite girls” in “specific outfits”.
So, and correct me if I’m wrong here, myfreeimplants.com seems to be a website where women whore themselves out and sell their used underwear to get bigger tatas (and Brazilian butt lifts). Some may call it ingenious, but I just call it cheap. If I were to do something that personal and body-altering, I’d at least make sure I was paying for it with my own money.
If you’re gonna carry around extra silicone, take pride in the fact that both of them are yours. Don’t be sharing your boobs with some freaky dude from across the country who needs to pay to get his hands on a girl’s panties. That just makes the whole scenario gross enough for a Jerry Springer episode.
It’s a free country.  You can spend your money on kids in Darfur or you can spend it on Double D’s.  But in either case, use your own Benjamins. The last thing you want is the person who helped you out knocking on your door in the middle of the night, wanting reimbursement…and a new pair of your Victora’s.