August has GOT to be one of the best months out there for dudes. And I’m just going off of the subtitles on the cover of this month’s Maxim magazine. Between Shark Week, hot and humid Skype sex, free beer and a half naked chick on a beach – I don’t know what else any guy really needs (aside for maybe a napkin and a cigarette – hehe). But I’m sure Maxim thinks they know, so let’s get digging.

After paging through the awkward ‘Maxim Office Assistant’ photos (think, girl spread-eagle cartwheel past the printer) and a page dedicated to large bicycles and office pranks, I landed across the lovely ‘Ask Maxim’ page. This month, I learned how fat you need to be to actually…explode. Maxim’s answer? Apparently someone’s stomach actually ruptured after eating 19 pounds of food in one sitting. I need to be careful the next time I order Taco Bell at 3 a.m.

This month’s ‘Woman With a Tool’ featured a leggy lady carrying around a weed whacker. This is unrealistic for two reasons. One, no lady in their right mind would weed whack with shorts on (do you have any idea how much that hurts!?) Two, any guy in their right mind is going to want more than a machine to do the whacking, if you catch my propane-powered drift. Read More »

Have you seen those ads? You know, those Match.com ads? The ones where some HOT guy is “video chatting” right on your screen? If you frequent MySpace, I’m sure you’ve seen them.

Every time one of those redonkulous video ads pops up on my browser, I want to punch whoever made them in the face. Because those guys aren’t on Match.com. Those guys have never needed an online dating site to help them find a chick (or a dude, as the case may be). Those guys are hot. Those guys have fantastic smiles. Those guys are actors.

According to this little article, the success rate of the online dating industry is 22%. Of course, the ads for EHarmony and Match.com don’t want you to know that. They want you to think hot, happy people are all over their websites. They want you to pay money to find these hot, happy people with fantastic smiles.

But I gotta say, after doing my own (ahem) research, I have found the amount of hot guys on dating sites to be alarmingly low. There’s certainly no body building Brad Pitt lookalike hoping to video chat with me. There’s someone who wants to chat about how it’s cool to be a nerd or make vegan cupcakes, but sadly, this someone cannot hold a candle to those dudes in the video ads.

What do you think? Is internet dating really as easy / successful as people say? Or is it just false advertising?