[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not sure what crazy ass women were questioned for this, but a recent survey found that women prefer video games to sex.

Yeah, let that marinate for a second.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There was a 6-month period in there where I did nothing but play Guitar Hero. All the time. Every day. One time in a towel immediately upon stepping out of the shower. (Seriously.) I was addicted and loved the pleasure I felt when I finally mastered Heart’s Barracuda on medium.

But it didn’t make my toes curl. Or my neck tingle. Or my eyes to roll back in my head. Or…give me an orgasm.

I mean, really? How can a stupid video game even compare? (Or, better question, what kind of losers were the women surveyed sleeping with?!)

It is true that there are some things in life that are better than sex, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that video games aren’t on that list. Not even Wii Tennis, which we all know is pretty freaking awesome.

“But Lauren, what IS on that list?” Why, thank you for asking. I do love it when people look to me for answers. And lucky for you, I happen to have that list right here. Although, really, these things should be blatantly obvious.

1. An amazing sale. A few months ago, I fell in love with a Laundry dress at Bloomingdales….that happened to cost nearly $400. I walked out of the store, empty handed and head held low, and dreamed about that dress for weeks. A few weeks later, I was telling a friend about it and hopped on over to Google to send her a pic. And what did I find? That same exact dress on sale for 60% OFF…and FREE SHIPPING. I’ve never felt so good…and I didn’t even have to wash the sheets after.

2. Post-bar pizza. True story: I once turned down an invitation for late-night nookie to get some late-night pizza. There is nothing better on this earth. Nothing.

3. The conquest. You see a guy, you want him, he comes home with you. No matter how good the sex is (or how good he looks naked), it’s nothing compared to the feeling of looking over in the morning and knowing that you got exactly what you wanted. (Cue the sh*t-eating grin.) Hell, he could have merely told you he wanted to come home with you and that would have been enough. You know it’s true.

4. Playing hookie. Sure, a lazy Saturday is one of the best things on earth…lying in bed in front of the TV, ordering in greasy Thai food, not doing anything at all. But you know what’s even better? Doing all that when you know you should be in class or at work or in study groups. Happy sigh.

5. Fitting into your old skinny jeans. I just lost 20 pounds (which, by the way, means I get drunk off of one beer….score!) and finally got back into those $200 Sevens I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years. I’m feeling so good right now (mostly because my jeans aren’t cutting off the circulation to my legs anymore…) that I could probably go a full year without booty and be OK with it.

6. Winning. Whether it’s a game (Bananagrams, anyone?), an argument (“I TOLD YOU Urkel’s sexy alter-ego was Stefan!”) or a job offer, not even a 57-hour sex marathon with with Ryan Gosling can top the nearly-orgasmic feeling of accomplishment that comes with a good win.

Hm…so maybe there is some truth to that video game thing, after all.

God, so much bliss. I need a cigarette.

What’s on your ‘better than sex list’?

And what’s on his? Check out what our guy at Coed has to say.

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like the longer our relationship goes on, the greater the pressure there is to give him a seriously kick ass gift. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s “the thought that counts” and yes, David would be equally happy with an iPod or a 3 day cruise (speaking from experience…unless he was just faking his excitement to make me feel better). I just love the process of finding the perfect gift for my perfect boyfriend. (I feel the same way about gift giving in general. It takes me a solid 2 months to Christmas shop.) And after 2 and a half years, I’ve built a pretty impressive record for gift giving.

Of course there are the times when I get it totally wrong (I thought getting him a sex toy for graduation was both hilarious and practical- he did not agree), and those are the gifts that haunt my memory while I try to find his 23^rd birthday present.

It can be hard shopping for your boyfriend. You know him so well, you should be able to spot from a mile away the thing or experience he’d love most. But, unfortunately it’s not always that easy. So whether you’ve got a boyfriend with a summer birthday, your anniversary is coming up, or you just want to surprise him with a little something, I’ve compiled a go-to boyfriend gift guide. Happy shopping!

Hobby Gifts

Does your man have a passion or pastime that he absolutely loves? What about getting him an upscale accessory? David is chess obsessed, so I’ve been trolling the internets to find a nice chess set for him. Does your boyfriend love poker? Check out this Texas Hold ‘Em chip set with a table (and it’s only $99!) For bonus points, tell him to invite the boys over for a poker night, complete with man-food and his favorite beer provided by you.

Dating an athlete?

Well, even if you’re not, chances are the guy you’re dating loves a certain sport (or all of them). If he’s baseball obsessed check out this cool score ticker. David’s been obsessed with it since he saw it at the mall, so it’s definitely on my list of possibilities for him. If your man is more the kind of guy who likes to get in on the action, think about signing him up for a sports league. Depending on where you live and what sport you register him for, prices range from around $50- $75 for seasons that last for a few months. A lot of leagues have happy hour specials and post-game sponsor bars with drink specials included in the registration fee.

Road Trip!

Take advantage of summer time, gas up your tank and pack him a weekend bag without him noticing. Tell him you guys have to go run errands, and hit the open road. Blind folds are optional (and awesome) and so is telling him where you’re headed. Check out what deals are around where you’re living. Hit an amusement park for the weekend (The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is calling my name), see if you can rent a beachfront condo (or better yet, ask a friend or relative if you can stay there for two nights), check out last minute hotel deals near the beach. Even if you stay in or near your hometown, staying in a sweet hotel will make it feel like a vacay. And the weather is gorgeous (but the mosquitoes haven’t noticed yet) so why not go camping for the weekend? Use your imagination and get excited to totally sweep your boyfriend off his feet.

If all else fails…turn to video games.

No matter how old he’s turning, he probably still loves video games. Here are the hottest video games out right now, ranked by sales. Just make sure you get a game that’s compatible with his system, and when in doubt, call his best friend to ask what they’ve been playing lately.

What’s the next gift you’re thinking of giving your boyfriend? Do you have a tried and true method for picking the perfect present? If so, let’s hear it!

I know there are a lot of girls out there who wish their boyfriend would just put down the friggin controller already and step away from the Playstation. I get it – no one likes sitting around watching their boyfriend play videogames for 4 hours. I can’t imagine anything more boring. But (and yes, this is the nerd in me talking), maybe instead of standing in front of the TV or tearing the controller out of his hand, you should join him!

My boyfriend and I are both gamers and, trust me, it’s a lot of fun to play together. (Seriously, there’s a reason he plays so often. These games are addicting.)

Video games are a great way to unwind after a long day of class. Especially when the only shows on TV are repeats of The O.C. (from the 3rd season when it sucked) and Judge Judy. They also happen to be a great way to take out some boyfriend frustration in a healthy way. Instead of yelling at your man because he forgot your birthday (because he was so busy playing Halo…), you can just beat the crap out of him in a game of Super Smash Brothers.

Also, much like any activity you do together, playing video games is a good way to get closer with your BF. You’re showing your guy that you’re interested in his interests and that’s something he’ll definitely appreciate. Probably not enough to let you play all the games he’s obsessed with (he doesn’t want to affect his standings), but there are tons of games out there that he won’t mind playing with his girl.

For those girls who are new to video games, look into download-able games on your system. Most are cheap, crazily addictive, and, best of all, they’re simple. There’s everything from puzzle games to updated versions of old arcade games. Matt and I have played everything from Zuma to the old Xmen arcade game on our XBox.

For those who are more experienced, pretty much anything with a multi-player mode will do. If you’ve got the hand/eye coordination for a shooter, then go for it, girl! My favorite is Left 4 Dead, because it’s really straightforward: just kill zombies. Plus with co-op modes you have to rely on and strategize together, which is great bonding time for couples.

The best games to play together? Obviously anything on the Wii. My favorite is Wii Sports resort. It’s a lot of fun and all about the competition. And let me tell you, there is no better way to take out your frustration on your man than with a sword fighting duel. You can work up a sweat and show that boy who’s boss and no one actually gets hurt. (Well, besides that one Wiimote mishap….)

Whatever system your boyfriend has, there’s definitely something out there to play, so stop begging him to drop the controller and pick up your own. You’ll be happy you did.

Seriously, click that link and read it. Then join me as I ask, “Um, really?” The list is chock full of some pretty asinine and totally dated characteristics of a “gentleman.”

A gentleman eats the garnish on his dinner plate if he so desires? Waits until a lady at the table lifts her fork before he takes his first bite?

Yeah, I don’t think so.

I’ve decided to revamp this list of 21 ways to be a gentleman, geared toward your typical college bro. Chivalry might be dead and douche bags abound on every campus, but these 21 rules shouldn’t be too hard to follow.

1. Always offer to pay for drinks, even if you know she’ll refuse.
2. Never layer collared shirts. Even more importantly, keep those collars down.
3. Don’t blow her off for video games. Real sports games? Acceptable with a forewarning. Impromptu Madden tournament? Not so much.
4. Even if her best friend is a perfect 10 smoke show? Don’t let on that you think so. Ogle her on Facebook instead.
5. Don’t text at dinner.
6. Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.
7. Don’t make her walk of shame home at 4 AM, shoeless and in a ridiculous outfit. Even worse if it’s a slutty Halloween costume. Would you like to be traipsing home in the wee hours wearing nothing but a slutty school girl kilt and tank top after getting tossed out of some dude’s bunkbed? Not. Cool.
8. Let her watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or whatever girly show she likes without mocking it the entire way through. Bonus points for putting it on your DVR.
9. No, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Yes, even if she does.
10. Do not ever, EVER push her head or hand downtown.
11. Don’t be ashamed of her in front of your buddies, even if she’s sipping wine coolers instead of Bud Light when you’re all hanging out.
12. Even if you don’t care, ask her about family/friends/shopping excursion. You’ll make her smile, guaranteed.
13. Farting isn’t funny, but occasionally tolerable. Dutch ovening? Never acceptable.
14. Please warn her before you bust. Surprises in the form of gifts are nice, but not so much when they are hot sticky ones in her eye.
15. Once in a while, suggest she wears something that you like to see her in. She’ll be impressed and flattered by the compliment, provided you’re not asking her to wear lingerie out on the town.
16. Plan something. Anything. Even just a dinner and a movie. Pull some weight in the social planning, even if it’s just once in a while.
17. If she, you know, for lack of a better term, slobs on your knob (thank you 3 6 Mafia), return the favor please! Unless she’s not a fan, in which case, prove to her that she should be one.
18. Messed up? Apologies are always better with chocolate.
19. Kiss her on the cheek in public once in a while. A little PDA isn’t awful and reminds her how much you care about her. Just no sloppy make outs. That’s just gross.
20. Keep your word. Don’t say things you don’t mean. If you promise something, stick to it.
21. No socks with sandals. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

What would you like added to the list? Anything dudes can do to step it up to gentlemen status nowadays?

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

The system is touted as having many advanced features from the older DS. A slightly larger screen and a lot of really great new abilities: downloading full games directly to the system, camera and photo editing, more memory, etc. Sure, these aren’t things I really needed (I only want to play games on my way to class!), but I’m a sucker for bells and whistles.

And let me tell you, I’m glad I bought it!

The system looks different from the former having a matte finish which keeps it from getting all smudged. Vain and silly I know but I HATED when I had fingerprints on my DS. It just looked messy. But that’s the least of its features.

So what other tasty things does it do?

Le’s start with the camera. The resolution isn’t bad. There’s no flash and it tends to get blurry when anyone moves (like the crappy iPhone camera), but it’s good for taking quick pictures of friends or funny things on the bus. You can also edit the photos that you take on the fly. Wanna add hearts to your boo? Done. Wanna give your BFF fish lips to show her what her obsession with plastic surgery will do to her? Done and done.
It also happens to be a main component of some new games. Brain Age Express: Math uses the camera for some of the features in the actual game.  How cool is that!?

There’s also a voice recorder that you can play around with. It doesn’t record much and you have to be rather close for it to be clear, but it’s good for a quick note to yourself. It’s also good to one-up your friends who have that old DS.

Much like the new iPod Touch, the DSi comes with internet capabilities. It can’t pick up on every wireless router, but it is pretty useful. Although the memory is small and can’t load every page you may want to use (probably to prevent porn surfin’) I was able to check my mail and update my Myspace. It’s browser is powered by Opera and is functional for small internet tasks.

It also has a download shop where you can directly download games to your DSi. The shop is pretty empty right now but I’m sure Nintendo will be adding things in the near future. I purchased Brain Age and have been having fun training my brain in minutes a day.

The only real downside to this puppy is that it only handles DS cards. For most people this is a non-issue, but if you’re really addicted to your old school NES games that were re-released in GBA format a few years ago, you are gonna be upset.

All in all, the DSi is a fun little toy.  And now I have to get back to Animal Crossing. Those weeds aren’t going to pull themselves.

(Frustrated girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Who is this person? This ‘giant-nasty-rotting-vagina’ person? Wrote the thing about the giant Husky penis?

(Girl and guy, at the dining hall.)

Guy: This fish is weird. It’s like salmon, but it’s not quite there. I don’t like it.

Girl: Did you eat the skin?

Guy: Uh. Oh. Yup.

(Girl on the phone.)

Girl: I can’t get on that plane! I hate planes! I’m always afraid they’re gonna commit ritual suicide or something!

(Girl reading a paper.)

Girl: I think the world is ending. We all stopped smoking [weed], and suddenly we’re comedians.

(Guy, being snarky.)

Guy: Changing the laws of physics isn’t something you just do. It’s something I just do.

(Two guys in the hallway. One has a snazzy jacket.)

Guy 1: I like it. You look like a really… cool, gay English professor.

Guy 2: Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Well, the gay part, at least.

(Angry girl.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Two guys on a bench outside.)

Guy: They’d all say, oh, that’s horrible. Then they go jerk off. Pretty much the human response to every problem.

(Two guys standing near a crosswalk.)

Guy 1: I bet these crosswalks are, like, big video games for drivers.

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: Like Frogger.

Guy 2: I guess I was thinking like Mortal Kombat. Or Doom.

(Girls talking between rows of desks.)

Girl 1: I’m gonna get so fat on Easter.

Girl 2: Yeah, my weight loss plan goes sex, sex, sex, green beans, sex, sex.

(Guy and girl, yelling at each other.)

Guy: I’m getting my ass kicked by zombies and you’re just sitting there! What do I pay you for? Stop jerking off and help me!

(Boy, regretful, with coffee.)

Boy: I hate what the Internet’s done to me. If anyone ever asks what I’m listening to, I have to say “a Mega Man rock opera I found on YouTube.”

Video games and virgins are a timeless pairing as classic as  Thelma and Louise, Brad and Angelina, and Simon and Garfunkel. The two fit so flawlessly together that it’s hard to look past the age-old stereotype. Perhaps that was the key to Heather Kelley and Erin Robinson’s win at this year’s Game Developer’s Conference where the two women took home the top prize for the Game Design Challenge after creating a video game concept entitled  “My First Time.”

Yes, these two women came up with a video game about swiping the old v-card.

The game was imagined as a series of mini-games to be played on the Nintendo Wii or Apple iPhone as players would advance through a series of challenges that would end with the ultimate prize of doing to deed. Players have to shave their legs, pick out an uncomplicated outfit for a date with no buttons or zippers (wish I thought of that), choose the right mood music (Kelley uses Miles Davis), avoid falling off the top bunk in a college dorm room and flip off a smirking roommate (college can be a very special time).

The two levels of the game  mimic each of the creator’s first times, a level for Kelley, and one for Robinson. Robinson’s level starts with a drive home from ultimate Frisbee practice where she stops off to pick up some condoms, goes back to his place to “watch a movie” and ends with a phone call to the best friend (hmm, sounds familiar).

It’s no surprise that Kelley and Robinson took home the first prize. Sex sells and if you throw in the hilariousness of what inevitably is everyone’s first time and add a hint of nostalgia,  you’ll have yourself a winner. There’s something about a futon and some cheap beer, a sloppy make out session with lots of fumbling that will make a girl reminisce as she goes out to buy this new game.

What would your video game include?

Maybe that can explain why I’m about ready to hump a vacuum. But my lack of booty isn’t all bad; I’m saving tons of money on birth control, which is a way overpriced on campus. And I don’t have to worry about getting an STD from some un-cut rando, or having to fake it with a lousy one.  Oh, and it gives me plenty of time to do those things that I could never do when I had a man.

I have too much crap to do to get into a relationship, anyway (unless he’s interested). Plus, what’s the point? Technology is going to ruin it. Even if having a boyfriend could save me money, I’d rather save it in other ways.

So I guess I’m fine with staying in tonight. I’ll just pop in a DVD, play some video games, order in some Thai food and catch up on all that crap I was too lazy to do all week. Like spot treatments for my zits and making that much needed gyno appointment. Now doesn’t that sound like fun!?

So I was browsing the shelves of Gamestop the other day and noticing that Nintendo was putting out a slew (well maybe not a slew so much as a few) of games that were Gamecube games remixed for the Wii’s controls. I was totally stoked because one of them is Pikmin, which I love. Yes, fight for my supplies my colorful horde. . .

In any case, it got me thinking back to the systems of ancient times. They were fun weren’t they? And so cheap now. So, if you are looking for something to do when you come home from the bar or when you don’t want to study, here are my top five not-really-so-retro-games for your playing enjoyment. Grab one of the gaming systems online and have a grand ol’ time.

Final Fantasy VII (Playstation)

This was the game that brought FF back to the forefront of RPGing. It pits characters against a sprawling world filled with not only monsters, but quirky side games. The story is engrossing and addictive. You just had to play it until the end. The cut scenes were super but the in-game graphics look lame now. Still it’s an excellent game for anyone.

Katamari Damacy (PS2)

You roll a ball around collecting things to make it bigger. That’s the premise of this game. Simple, relaxing, and oddly addictive. With a perky soundtrack and a ton of tiny little things laying around to pick up, the possibilities are endless.

Psychonauts (PS2)

Action Adventure anyone? You play a Raz, a creepy kid with mind powers who sneaks into a summer camp for other kids with mind powers. Along the way he manages to stumble upon a nefarious plot to take over the world and then save it all while dealing with his daddy issues. The game play is varied and original, the levels lush and varied. Fun all around. (Though I have no idea who thought of this one!)

Viewtiful Joe (Gamecube)

I’m not going to lie – I was madly frustrated with the last level. I wanted throw my controller at the TV… and I did. It’s in the past now. All I know is that Viewtiful Joe was a great and original game. The story is basically that an action movie fan gets sucked into the movie he so loves and then becomes the hero himself. It utilized a SFX meter to control your powers, which were all based on movie special effects. Slow motion, speed up, posing. All at your command. Frustrating, maybe, but still a great game.

UmJammer Lammy (PS)

It was the rock version of ParRapper the Rapper. She was a girl with a guitar trying to get to her gig. Along the way she meets a ton of people in her crazy town who all NEED her help! What is she to do? The only thing she can do: play guitar. It’s a musical extravaganza. And when you beat it you unlock PaRappa.

What are your favorite classics?

That’s right, a taco.

Dena Moir, Zachary’s mother, called Volusia County sheriff’s deputies to on Tuesday to report the incident. After several attempts to get him to come to dinner, she did what any frustrated mother would do: she went upstairs to her son’s room and disconnected his xBox. Well, Zachary wasn’t having that, so he called his mother a name and asked her to leave his room.

If only it ended there, Zachary Moir would just be another bratty teenager who wanted to play video games instead of join his mother for some delicious tacos. But, of course, Zachary got hungry. Maybe the smell of ground meat wafting up to his room were too much to handle, or perhaps he even felt a little guilty that his mother slaved over a hot stove. Either way, he went to the kitchen to nosh on some mouth-watering Mexican.

And this is where the taco meat hit the fan. Or, rather, the face. The report says Mrs. Moir pushed Zachary, after which he slapped her left arm, called her a “retard,” and threw the taco in her face.

I can’t help but wonder if his bail would be quite so expensive had it had been something softer like maybe an enchilada, or a quesadilla? Those don’t have quite the harmful edges like a good taco shell. What I do know is this: if I had thrown a taco in my mother’s face she would have done a lot worse than call the police.

No one wastes food when there are starving children in China.