Until one day, I got a very strange call from One Night Stand guy. It went like this:

One Night Stand guy: Hey Jessica, how are you?

Me: Fine, busy. How are you?

ONSG: Um, I’m okay. Hey, have you ever been in a porn?

Me: Excuse me?

ONSG: It’s just, well, I was looking at some porn on the internet and I’m pretty sure that you are in one.

Me: (After about ten seconds) Are you sure?

ONSG: Well, she looks a lot like you, um, naked.

My mind started racing, trying to go back to every guy I’ve ever slept with and who would be the most likely to film us having sex without my knowledge. I couldn’t think of anyone, so I called my friend and asked if her guy friend was a creepy weirdo who liked to lie about things like this and not only did she say that he was generally a normal guy, but she had watched the video too and seemed to think that it was me as well.

One Night Stand Guy sent me the link and I watched it with horror as someone who looked remarkably like me got doubly penetrated.

I’d never seen the two guys in my life, and I could tell that the human pincushion on the computer wasn’t me, but I was still weirded out. She looked enough like me to confuse one of my best friends and a guy I’d slept with.

I was glad that I wasn’t the star of that video, but I still felt uneasy. What if I had been videotaped without my knowledge? Or if someone took naked pictures of me while I was drunk or sleeping?

And so I Googled my name and the words “sex tape” and “naked”, and of course found nothing (because the guy would have to really have it out for me to post naked pictures of me with my full name). No, more likely if things like that did exist, and I have no rational reason to think that they do, they would most likely be a part of someone’s personal collection.

Years later, though, I still do a sporadic google check just to make sure that nothing has surfaced and thus far I’ve been lucky. I did let my boyfriend take one or two naked pictures (boobs only) of me that I erased from his camera and the computer almost as soon as they were taken. It makes me uncomfortable to have something so intimate be out of my control. Some people get off on being on such public display, but this whole mishap has made me realize that I’m just not one of them.