Kim Kardashian’s music video makes ‘Friday’ look like record gold

An easy back-to-school make-up look you need to try out

Britney’s dancers outdo the VMA’s tribute with their very own

Guess who’s going to be in ‘Dancing With the Stars’?!

Best colleges to find a husband

Evil dictators and their secret crushes

How to get long, sexy lashes

The seasonal hunks of summer

What to do if you meet your doppelganger

Once upon a time, music videos were just that: a video to go along with a song, but over the past few years, music videos have gone from simple, low-budget, dance-along clips to 10 minute long mini-movies complete with deep plots, intense battle scenes, and A-list actors. Although I’ve come to prefer the latter, I think we can all agree that music videos are no longer cute, little visuals to play in the background of parties, but feature-length films that require popcorn.

In honor of the upcoming 2011 VMA’s, let’s check out some recent videos that made us all make the “WTF” face.

1. Beyonce feat. Lady Gaga – Video Phone

This video is basically five minutes of Beyonce and Gaga chair dancing, hanging out with dudes who have cameras for heads, wearing multicolored costumes, and shooting plastic guns at each other. Kind of a crazy concept for a song that’s more or less just about letting some guy videotape you. Sidenote, Gaga looks really… pretty in this video — not weird or obscene, just pretty.

2. MGMT – Kids

I didn’t even think this was legal, but apparently it’s perfectly fine to scar a baby for life by pretending to be a monster for 6 minutes. I know it’s supposed to have some deep, philosophical meaning about how adults act towards children, but all I can think after the first 30 seconds is how badly I want to punch monster/insect man in the face.

3. Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce – Telephone

If you haven’t seen this video, you’ve obviously been living under a rock for the past 2 years, but just in case you need a little refresher: Beyonce bails Gaga out of jail (where she was having fun hooking up with inmates and rocking cigarette glasses) and they drive to a diner where they proceed to kill everyone using poison sandwiches and maple syrup. I can tell you right now- if either of them ever opens up a restaurant, I’m staying FAR away.

4. Kanye West – Power

As if we didn’t already have enough proof of Yeezy’s humongous ego, we have this 2 minute gem where he just stands there… wearing a halo and having women worship him. Strangest part? It’s not even the whole song!

5. Black Eyed Peas – Meet me Halfway

When I first heard this song on the radio, I thought it was about two people in a relationship who weren’t cooperating, but man, was I wrong. Apparently, it’s the story of Wil.i.am (who rides an elephant on top of the moon while dressed like Aladdin) and how badly he wants Fergie: the princess of Fern Gully. And oh yeah, for some reason, Taboo is chilling in the sun… and somehow doesn’t die.

Like what I have to say? Then join me tonight as I live-tweet the VMAS from @cc_intern.

Adam Levine loves being naked?  Good for me

What does your favorite summer cocktail say about you?

The accessory that never goes out of style

Will there be a Britney Spears Tribute at the 2011 VMAs?!

This is the most brilliant thing ever

SATC is coming back!  And not as a terrible film!!

There’s something very sexy about tattooed men

Assume positive intent

The Dos and Don’ts of Bedroom Talk

This week I’d like to dedicate this post to Chelsea Handler, who despite flubbing some punchlines at the VMAs, is still totally awesome.

That being said, this week has been filled with a lot of post-VMA talk over T-Swift’s downer of a diary entry, Biebs owning it, Rihanna’s red hair, and Kanye’s ode to douchelords. Kanye’s song (and sick gold necklace) rocked, by the way. Just sayin’. Anyway, there were some non-VMA related things that happened so let’s break it down.

Big Mac (and a milkshake)

1. Shelley Malil, that guy from 40-Year-Old Virgin, has been found guilty of attempted murder. He’s facing 21 years to life for the premeditated attempted murder of his ex-girlfriend, Kendra Beebe. Shelley pled not guilty and claims he accidentally stabbed her (over 20 times) because he thought it was someone else trying to attack him. Mmmmk.

2.Watch out world – Speidi’s back! We all speculated that their “divorce” was a publicity stunt, but now the two claim they’ve reignited that special flame. (And how they did that when Satan Pratt is sporting a giant pube beard I’ll never know.) Wondering what this duo has been up to? Well, they were reportedly renting a home in Malibu this summer, made a bunch of renovations without telling the owner, and then hopped over to Costa Rica where Spencer got arrested last week on weapon charges. I guess congrats for saving your marriage?

4. Bob Barker fainted at a shooting range! Thankfully he’s OK! (And didn’t shoot anyone in the face on the way down. Hear that, Cheney?!) The 86-year-old Price Is Right host was taken to the hospital for dehydration. He’s taking it easy at home. Goodness gracious, Bob! Don’t scare us like that!

5. Joaquin Phoenix is a jokester! Remember when Joaquin said he was quitting acting to become a rapper? Well, according to the director of his documentary, Casey Affleck, it was a hoax! I’m Still Here follows Joaquin as he tries to break into the hip hop world, but the duo behind the project claim they “never intended to trick anybody.” Joaquin played this character on and off screen, even when he did interviews, for two full years. This has to be the longest running prank ever and makes Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d days look like small potatoes.

Kids’ Meal (with apple fries)

1. Are Rachel Bilson and Chace Crawford a couple? The two were spotted out in New York together, but her rep said they aren’t dating and she’s friends with his manager. And didn’t we just hear speculation that Rach is gettin’ down with Jake Gyllenhaal? I think it’s about time she reunited with Hayden Christensen and put an end to all these rumors.

2. Jennifer Hudson keeps dropping the pounds! The Weight Watchers spokeswoman has lost another 20 pounds…the healthy way. Impressive! You’re looking fabulous, J-Hud!

3. David Blaine and fiancee, Alizee Guinochet, are expecting. Congrats! I wonder if Baby Blaine will pull a rabbit out of the womb with him.

4. Natalie Portman’s new movie, Black Swan, is getting tons of Oscar buzz. I’m not surprised – Natalie is a superstar. Although I’m not exactly sure what a ballet thriller is.

5. New Calvin Klein ads. You’re so welcome! DROOL.

So if you watched the VMAs last night, you saw Taylor Swift’s yawn-inducing performance.  When she took the stage and that reel of last year’s run-in with Kanye began to run, I was probably thinking the same thing as you.  Wait, you were actually surprised to find out she wrote a song about someone who did her wrong?  Right, because she’s never tried that one before.  (Ahem: Tears on My Guitar, You’re Not Sorry, Picture to Burn, Should’ve Said No…shall I go on?)

I’ll be honest, while blond country-pop crossover phenomenon was up there strumming away, I waited on the edge of my seat for Kanye to pop out (also barefoot) and join her for a few notes. And after I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I spent the rest of that dreadful performance thinking of the other great artists out there who should have been in the spotlight instead.

Pink
Talk about one talented lady who was totally overshadowed at this year’s VMAs.  Not only is she tough stuff, Pink has been belting out tunes and hanging from tightropes and doing all crazy stunts lately.  I would have loved to see her tear it up on MTV with something a little more exciting than strumming a guitar on a chair.  You know she would have delivered.

Katy Perry
Granted she did get a couple nominations, but sadly Ms. Perry didn’t walk away with any moon men.  Putting aside the fact that I’ve been completely obsessed with Teenage Dream lately, I think she would have put on a great end-of-summer performance.  Maybe a cameo from Russell Brand as back-up dancer or a duet with Snoop to California Gurls… Would have been pretty amazing.

Miley Cyrus
Oh wait, JK.

The Black Eyed Peas
Seriously, what happened to them?  Did I miss the break-up memo?  Since Will.I.Am has been celebrating a hit with Usher this summer, it seems like the rest of the group has been sitting back.  The VMAs would have been a great opportunity to have the whole gang come back with a stellar performance.  They could have introduced a new song, gotten crazy with the pyro, or Fergie could have worn a hideous ensemble while doing backflips.  I mean, I could be making fun of her camel toe right now instead of hating on Taylor Swift.  Totes better.

The Black Keys
Oh, how I lust for these guys’ music.  It’s indie done right.  They won for Breakthrough Video and I certainly think a stage performance would have gone so well.  While Taylor put me to sleep while she waxed poetic on Kanye West’s morals, The Black Keys could have kicked a little ass and rocked out.  And if you haven’t seen the video in full, watch it and tell me that little kid who “smells like ranch dressing” isn’t the cutest ever.

Kanye apologized to Tay Tay via Twitter.
Eminem rose from the ashes.
Beyonce had 1,453 new hits.
Gaga wore a lot of…er…interesting ensembles.
And Vinny got stood up. Awww.

And with that, it’s time for the 2010 VMAs. We’ll be updating all the LOLs, dramz, acceptance speeches and memorable performances as they happen. Share your thoughts and updates in the comments section below OR Tweet us (@CollegeCandy) and we’ll share it all right here.

Now bring on Chelsea Handler!

9:02 pm: Welcome back, Eminem. And might I say: you’re looking as delicious as ever. And that’s not the wine talking.

9:04 pm: OK, not sure what dress-up box Rihanna got her outfit from, but it’s OK. I like the way it hurts. And this duet is pretty killer.

9:05 pm: Lindsay Lohan is way less entertaining sober. Just sayin’.

9:08 pm: Is Chelsea wearing a bump-it?

9:10 pm: Chelsea’s “The Situation” joke was funny, but homegirl needs a drink. She’s so nervous/awk. Not to worry – I’ll have three for her. That should make this better.

9:13 pm: “It’s time to address the big, black elephant in the room….where’s Kanye?” AMAZING.

9:14 pm: I take it back – Chelsea. is. hammered.

9:15 pm: THANK GOD GAGA WON.  I swear, if Taylor took this award I was prepared to drown myself in this bowl of pudding.

From CollegeCandy’s Senior Editor via Twitter: @collegecandy: ummm is there going to be an LFO tribute?

9:24 pm: Is it weird that I really (REALLY) wanna see Jackass 3d?

9:27 pm: And the award for WEIRDEST GROUP OF PEOPLE EVER TO BE ON ONE STAGE GOES TO: The Jackass Guys and 30 Seconds to Mars.

9:29 pm: Strangely turned on by Justin Bieber….. I hope Chris Hansen isn’t reading this.

9:31 pm: Do you think the Jonas Brothers are sitting at home mourning the loss of their youth/fans in a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s?

9:33 pm: Speaking of Ben and Jerry’s….BRB.

9:38 pm: USHERRRRR. Must. stop. drooling on my keyboard. It’s a good thing he looks so good….maybe no one will notice the fact that he’s not even TRYING to mouth the words to the song.

9:42 pm: I’ve always dreamed of seeing Usher sweat. I just thought it would be in my bed and not on a national award show. Sigh.

9:44 pm: And with that, we’ve got the first camel toe of the night. Thank you, Nickie Minaj.

9:45 pm: YAY EMINEM! DETROIT REPRESENT!

9:47 pm: Dead Mau5 makes me feel stoned without the munchies. I think I like it.

9:55 pm: OMG Florence and the Machine. Best performance of the night so far? Fo sho. The only way that could have been any better is if Cee Lo joined her for some super duet.

10:04 pm: Is Cory Monteith wearing a toupee?

10:05 pm: Gaga wins again. And puts on another spiky head-dress. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was wearing all her Moonmen on her head by the end of the night.

10:07 pm: COME ON, KANYE! LET’S DUET!!!

10:09 pm: OK, I’m bored, Tay Tay. I was really hoping this new song would be called “Thank you for making my career, Kanye West.”

From CollegeCandy writer, Melanie – Northeastern via AIM: I’m really worried about deadmau5… Do you think he can breathe in there? he may be Sam ronson in disguise.

10:23 pm: Mmmm Drake. Come to MAMA. Can MTV please stop panning over to Mary? Girlfriend is gorge and talented, but really? MORE DRAKE.

10:33 pm: How do you think Ronnie, Sammi and Angelina feel about getting the shaft from the hot tub? And first Vinny gets stood up and now he’s not invited to the hot tub party? WTF?!

10:35 pm: What the f**k did Sofia Vergara just say?

Sidenote: To Taco Bell and Rhapsody – THESE ADS AREN’T WORKING.

10:42 pm: I didn’t realize Neyo was the same height as Chuy….

10:44 pm: Do you think Hayley Williams’ carpet matches the drapes?

10:52 pm: If Kanye doesn’t come out and do something stupid in 4 minutes, I’m going to bed. Angry.

10:54 pm: GAGA JUST GOT BEAT BY A 4th GRADER?! Either the world is ending or 12-year-old girls with cellphones have more power than I thought.

10:56 pm: Question: Is this Linkin Park thing A) a prank, B) a drunken hallucination, or C) did I somehow travel back in time to 2008?

10:58 pm: Answer: It doesn’t matter. It’s bad. Why so much screaming?!

11:04 pm: Where. Is. Kanye?

11:05 pm: HOLY SH*T! Cher stole my New Year’s outfit.

11:07 pm: Lady Gaga in bacon FTW!

11:13 pm: I’m not sure what is going on in this Kanye performance but I like it. Welcome back, Kanye. We missed you. Well, everyone besides Taylor.

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2010/09/12/collegecandys-vma-live-blog/feed/ 9 ccandystaff vma liveblog copy http://collegecandy.com/2009/11/23/taylor-swift-is-overrated/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/11/23/taylor-swift-is-overrated/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:00:10 +0000 Lauren - University of Michigan http://collegecandy.com/?p=47014 ]]> Ok, before you jump down my throat, search for my coordinates on Google maps and hunt me down in my sleep, please hear me out.

First of all, I like Taylor Swift. I like that she’s sweet and wholesome, I like that she writes her own music, I like that they play her music all the time on the radio so I can turn it up loud when I’m driving and sing at the top of my lungs. I think she’s got awesome hair and love that she doesn’t let her 5’11 frame bother her.

I really do like her.

But all that being said, I also think the Taylor-mania is getting a little out of control. When she beat out Beyonce at the now infamous VMAs this past September, I agreed with what Kanye said. (And that made me rather unpopular, to say the least.) Sure, Taylor’s song was catchy and the video was cute, but it was not better than Beyonce’s jaw-dropping choreography for “All The Single Ladies.” The lyrics weren’t anything new or brilliant, the tune wasn’t anything we hadn’t heard before (assuming anyone ever listened to country music before…) and while the song was good, it was by no means the best.

And it was at that moment – when Kanye acted a fool – that people started looking at Taylor in a new way, putting her up on some pedestal that she never really deserved to be on.

Just last week Taylor beat out Martina McBride and Reba McEntire to take home the award for Entertainer of the Year at the CMAs. Then at last night’s AMAs, she took home 5 awards, even beating out Lady Gaga, KOL an MICHAEL FREAKING JACKSON for Artist of the Year.

Now, I get the love for T-Swift, but really?
Better than Michael?

This is a little much.

Taylor Swift has done a lot to bring country to the forefront of the music scene and she knows how to write a good sing-along jam (I can’t help but belt out some Love Story at the bar), but she is not the artist everyone is touting her to be. Her voice isn’t strong like Celine, she doesn’t dance like Beyonce and she’s not really pushing any envelopes like Gaga.

So what is all the fuss about? What is it about Taylor that is so effing great?!

I’m sorry, but she’s is just another run of the mill sugar coated pop star with a great PR team around her making us all believe she’s something that she’s not. And when she looks at those 10 new statues she’s taken home in the past 3 months alone, she better be giving thanks to the one and only Kanye West.

Homeboy handed her career to her on a Hennessy-soaked silver platter.

Lykke Li hearts CollegeCandy. And we heart Lykke Li.

This has been the weekend of insanely glamorous things going on. From the VIP seats at the Ruffian show to experiencing fashion week, I thought that life couldn’t get anymore glam.

But it could. And it did.

Last night, I was lucky enough to interview celebs on the red carpet for the VMAs! I asked them about the show, their fave videos and advice for college chicas. If you weren’t following my live Tweets on the CollegeCandy Twitter, here is a little bit about my night on the red carpet!

Winners: Pitbull might’ve been the coolest guy, ever. Seriously, dude, take me to the hotel room any time. Akon, Jay Sean, Kevin Rudolf and Sean Kingston were also incredibly sweet. Rappers love me, what can I say?

Kid Sister was amazing and her nails were beyond fabulous. Look for this girl to blow up soon. Lots of love to Amerie of “One Thing” fame: down-to-earth and adorable. Lykke Li was phenomenal and the celeb I was the most starstruck by, even though she’s kind of unknown right now. Helloooo, girl crush.

Holly Montag and Stacie “The Bartender” from The Hills were super buddy-buddy, which is interesting considering the major dramz from last season. Not surprising, though, those two are not the brightest bulbs in the tanning salon.  But it’s okay -  Holly told me she “minored in drinking,” which CollegeCandy totes magotes approves of. Unless all that drinking turned her into the girl she is today, in which case I’m staying sober from here on out.

Jimmy Fallon talked to me when I basically verbally assaulted him with the fact that I go to school in Boston. He told me I looked great. We’re basically married now, right? He was perfect and talked to every possible reporter that he could. What a gem!

Oh, and Cobra Starship tried to eat my sign.
Which was not made of real candy.

Losers: Anjulie wouldn’t give me an interview. And I quote, “No, I don’t know you, but once I do, I will.” It’s okay, though – no one knows who you are either. She also was giving reporters a hard time if they hadn’t seen her video. RUDE! Also straight out of the douchebag factory? Cast of Real World: Cancun. Really? Why? Just, why?

Other points of interest: Kanye and his freaky-deaky girlfriend straight up swigging from a bottle of Hennessy on the carpet. Classy. Could explain his later outburst at Tay-Tay (who looked gorgeous, sparkly and all kinds of shiny).

Perez whored it up a bit in yellow gloves and boots, but who even wants to talk to him!? Also spotted embracing Lady GaGa. Not impressed by either of them. Was impressed by Jack Black’s fake muscles and standard ridiculous red carpet antics, though.

Blew by almost every press person: Lauren Conrad (really?!), Leighton Meester, Pink, Chase Crawford (sadface), Adam Brody (but he did turn around and wave for me!), J.Lo, Gerard Butler, Jackson Fam and Gaga.

No shows on the carpet: R.Patz & K.Stew, Eminem, Madonna, Jay-Z, Beyonce and Megan Fox.

And now for the highlights:

TREMENDOUS thank you to Meredith editing the video and making my shaky flipcam filming look fantabulous. Meredith is a freshman at Boston University studying film. She hearts yorkies, Jack Nicholson movies and the Beatles. Oh, and she just so happens to be the best little sister in the universe. Love.

Russell Brand.
A Michael Jackson tribute.
Taylor Swift, Beyonce, and Pitbull performances.
Moon men.
Red carpet fashion you’d only see on MTV.

The VMAs are always the best show of the year, and tonight will definitely be no different. We’ve been waiting for weeks and now we’re ready with a bowl of cookie dough in one hand and a MacBook in the other to catch every. last. minute.

Tweet your thoughts to @CollegeCandy and we’ll include them here!

And here we go….

8:00: WTF is Lady Gaga wearing? The woman can’t even move!

8:01: Ashley Greene is the star of the pre-show. Looks like all I need is a saucy sex tape and I could be the queen of MTV.

8:06: Shakira’s on the red carpet and she looks totally different. Maybe it’s the straight hair? Her breasts, however, are still small and humble.

8:07: Commercial break. And it’s MTV, so this will probably be 10 minutes long. Enough time to get some Diet Coke/have a mini Michael Jackson dance party in my room? Let’s find out.

8:11: And we’re back. Who’s that on the fire truck? Hot firemen? Check! Oh yeah…and Pink. Lookin’ good, woman. But are you wearing Shakira’s dress?

8:13: Lady Gaga is a freak. Yeah a said it. All those feathers? That mask? Kermit as her date?  I swear she’ll do ANYTHING to prevent people from seeing what she really looks like…

8:17: OH MY GODDDD!! TAYLOR LAUTNER. He’s almost 18, right? I mean, I can drool over him and not end up talking to Chris Hansen, right?? P.S. This Ashley girl is the worst red carpet correspondent, ever. Can we get a little Giuliana Rancic up in here?

8:19: Buzz Aldrin? Who let the old guy in? And why can’t he read? We sent this man to the moon, for god’s sake!

8:25: Taylor Swift arrives in a horse drawn carriage. Obvi. And OMG her dress is ridic. Beautiful. Sparkly.  I want to be this girl. Or raid her closet.

8:28: My dog is curled up on my feet. Asleep. Clearly she isn’t as excited about this show as I am.

8:30: I could be Justin Beiber’s mom. If I had a kid when I was 11, of course. And someone should let Diddy’s date know that I can almost see her nips. One fast move and we’ll have a Janet Jackson moment on our hands.

8:33: Ok, why did they stop to talk to baby Beiber and only FLASH QUICKLY PAST CHASE CRAWFORD?! He’s the one we all wanna see. Naked. I mean…

8:36: Kristin Cavillari: Great makeup, great dress, greasy/flat hair. Maybe she should stop smooching with John Mayer and get herself into the shower.

8:39: Faaaaame.  Anyone else as excited to see this as me?

8:46: Can we stop talking to randos and just get out to the red carpet to show us everyone coming in? I don’t care what this random former ANTM contestant has to say or what this crazy Twitter girl is seeing in the Twitterverse.

8:51: Well, hey there, J-Lo. Are you using drugs? All that moving and swaying is making me trip out.

8:55: Now, I’m completely straight, but I can’t stop looking at Beyonce’s boobs. She looks like a freaking Barbie doll. Does this woman ever look bad!?!

8:59: Worst. red carpet show. ever. How boring!? Let’s just hope the main event is way, WAY better. Let’s get this show on the road!

9:03: Madonna may be a great performer, but no matter how great this story is about her and Michael Jackson, she’s not so good at telling it…

9:07: I’m bored, Madonna. Let’s start the performances already!

9:11: None of these people can dance like MJ. It’s a shame to have other people try and mimic that man.

9:13: Katy Perry singing Queen while accompanied by the Aerosmith guitarist? WTF is going on here?!

9:20: Did Russell Brand just say he wanted to make Gaga’s nubbin hard and hang his hat on it? Wow. Awful mental images. Wow wow wow. Vomit. Barf. Ew.

9:24: TAYLOR SWIFT BEAT BEYONCE!? I get that she’s adorable and great, but how does THAT video beat Single Ladies?! Do you know any dance moves from Taylor Swift? I don’t think so! But how many times have you done the Beyonce dance?!

Uh. Apparently Kanye agreed. WTF?! Has there been a year yet where he didn’t get up and say something incredibly stupid? Enough, Kanye. Oh and PS: your hair looks ridiculous.

9:30: Ok, I got some cake. And I’ve calmed down. Maybe Kanye would like some?

9:33: Does Russell Brand have a perm?

9:36: Green Day beats Coldplay. Clearly the MTV voting audience doesn’t recall ANY song that didn’t come out in the last month!

9:38: I wonder if Taylor Swift is enjoying the scent of urine in the NYC subway. Or if Kanye is gonna come out and knock her off the top of that cab.

9:48: Here comes GAGA! Looking like a freak, as always. What is this look? Madonna/Like a Virgin meets the Easter Bunny??

9:51: OMG. Why does it look like she just got her period!?

10:00: I will not comment on Lady Gaga’s latest outfit. I will not do it. (But if I were planning on it, I might liken this latest look to a dirty tampon.) That is all.

10:03: Kristin Cavillari and Nelly Furtado announce best pop vid. Figured Kristin can’t pronounce anything in Spanish. The girl can barely speak English.

10:04: Hey, Megan Fox: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ADAM BRODY. He’s mine, bitch.

10:10: Green Day may still be old, but those guys definitely know how to rock. The hairstyles could use a little help, though.

10:15: Falling. Asleep. Too much partying this weekend. Must stay awake for Beyonce. Drooling. Snore. So torn.

10:16: Oh lord. New Moon trailer. Girls around the world are wetting themselves. But I’m just fighting to care.

10:19: Chase Crawford. Now that’s a man I can get behind. Or under. Or on top of. Drool.

10:20: OMG. If I had moves like Beyonce (or her hair/body/voice/wardrobe), I most definitely would not be single right now.

10:22: I could never be one of the dancers in this video. My bikini line is just not clean enough for all these crotch flashes.

10:25: Beyonce just killed it. THIS is what the VMAs are supposed to be about.

And with that, I’m signing out. I’ve seen what I wanted to see and a whole lot of what I didn’t (like Gaga’s crotch up close and personal). Leave your comments below and we’ll discuss it all in the A.M.

Good night, CollegeCandies!

In my experience, musicians are vain, self-absorbed creatures who live for their instruments (much like any art form).  Since one of my majors is studio art, I am constantly surrounded by self-proclaimed artists and their idiosyncrasies.  Therefore, I can understand why some people in the music business act in a certain way.  They can’t help it, they’re artists!

The art department of any university is a strange place and it takes a special kind if person to put themselves through the torture that is any art class.  I’m sure the music business is the same way.  That is why when I see “artists” like The Pussycat Dolls or P. Diddy, I’m not exactly surprised.  However, once in a while there comes a person who is so terrifically self-absorbed that it shocks (and annoys) even other artists.  Enter:  Kanye West.  And John Mayer.

This installment of Celebretard Showdown could easily be called The Douchebag Edition, considering our subjects.  Who is more pretentious?  Who has talent and who just has a big mouth?  So many questions, so little time (let’s face it: there’s only so much time you can spend reading Kanye West quotes before losing all faith in humanity and wanting to smash something).

Love Life
Kanye West is in a loving relationship…with himself.  Sure, he’s had a couple pieces of arm candy come and go, but he remains faithful to his number one fan.  After he split with his fiance, he seems more concerned with how to coordinate a woman with his outfit, rather than how to sustain an actual relationship.

John Mayer is a notorious man whore.  Seriously – there should be a warning memo distributed to all actresses about him.  All women should be warned, really.  What’s confusing is how he can fit all this sexy time in between clubbing, attending awards shows and Twittering…

Point: John Mayer. His love life comprises most of the content covered by People magazine in the last few years.  I hope they’re paying him a commission or something.

Fame Whorishness
Kanye West is probably the King of all Fame Whores.  He writes his blog in all-caps, says and does ridiculous things to get attention, and is generally an a-hole whenever people don’t give him what he wants (see: MTV Music Awards).  He even wrote a book of “observations” (which has a lot of blank pages…hmm) after he said he didn’t read books because he’s too busy doing real things.  Oh, Kanye.  You’re such a gay fish.

John Mayer pretends not to be a Fame Whore, but since he Twitters about ev.ery.thing. it’s hard to ignore him.  He also makes a point to pose and dance for photographers whenever he sees them.  Oh, and the whole dating slews of famous women probably has something to do with it as well.

Point:  Kanye West. We get it…you’re awesome.  Now shut up.

Fashion
Kanye West is pretty damn fashionable (at least he certainly thinks so).  Unfortunately, some of his style choices seem to border on douchebag chic.  He also has made a big issue out of stating his heterosexuality – he’s not gay, people, he’s just stylish (like we care…).  Still, the man can dress and always manages to pull off something edgy.

John Mayer dresses like a dirty hippie most of the time (cargo pants that are three sizes too big don’t look good on anyone), but has been known to whip out a couple sweet outfits now and then.  He was even part of a Gap advertising campaign and looked pretty hawt.

Point: John Mayer. Step it up, Broseph.  You’re famous now.

Talent/Career
Kanye West is undeniably talented, whether you regard him as a rapper or a producer.  He is churning out hit after hit and I’m powerless to resist (and so is the rest of the world).  Pretty much whatever he touches turns to platinum.  Incredibly addicting and douchy platinum.

John Mayer is also incredibly talented and has taken his guitar playing to impressive heights.  If you can move beyond his sugary pop hits like Daughters and Your Body Is A Wonderland, then John Mayer can be respected as a legitimate musician.  Too bad he spends most of his time Twittering instead of writing song lyrics, otherwise we might have a new album by now. And don’t even get me started on those weird faces he makes when he’s performing.

Point: Kanye West. If he didn’t go around telling everyone how talented he is, I’d be less annoyed with him and more likely to listen to his albums without feeling slightly ashamed of myself.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Kanye West. Did anyone even have any doubts about this?  Kanye West = Huge Douchebag.  Done deal.