So I changed it. And focused my love on other things. A now – for your benefit – I will bring you a weekly Love List. On all things I love. Because if I love them – well then obviously you may love them too. And there was once a song that said what the world needs now is love sweet love. So sweet love I will bring to thee.

My love list for October 4th, 2008:

1. The word Adore. I don’t know why, but I LOVE this word. Lately I’ve replaced the word “love” with “adore.” As in, “I Adore pay day,” or “I absolutely ADORE that Marc Jacobs bag (but not adoring the not-so-adorable price tag),” or “I don’t care if Jeremy Piven is a shmuck – girls have been drawn to them for ages – why stop now? And, therefore, I adore him.”

2. The Solange Knowles CD and, more specifically, her song, Sandcastle Disco. I mean, for realz, why does that family breed so much talent and beauty? If only there was a Knowles brother I could marry. But seriously; this song puts the swing in my step. Before you know it, you too will be singing in your hair brush in your underwear at 10pm on a Thursday night… (Embrace it.)

3. Bangs. Some say they are a throwback to the 4th grade and that we are just a step away from stirrup pants and puff painted sweatshirts. But I say… I adore them. Bangs I love: Demi Lovato, Halle Berry, Rachel Bilson, and adorably cute, Miley Cyrus.

4. Mac Photo Editor. I get red eye in every. single. picture I take. But thanks to this lovely tool, you can get rid of that! And shiny-ness! And crop that pic to not include that girl with the muffin top who is standing in the background.

5. Giveforward.org. This is a great site that helps you get involved in either fundraising yourself, or giving to others projects. It’s targeted to PLU (people like us!) and hopes to inspire that we (the little people) can make a difference.

6. The Don’t Vote Video. It’s cute, it gets the message out, and most importantly, it’s 5 whole minutes of procrastinating. And if there is one thing I L.O.V.E. (and excel at) it’s procastination.

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust.

I think we all take for granted the fact that, no matter what, at the end of the day we have someone we can turn to that has our best interest at heart. And if no one else, it is usually a parent. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for a lot of people in showbiz (just look at Britney!) and it is certainly not the case for LiLo.

Even her father has been known to leak her personal info to the press just to see his name in print. On many occasions. And now he is trying to get back on Lindsay’s good graces with this voicemail. The message is creepy and just total bullsh*t. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he thinks of how he can use her next. He is a total sleazeball. I am beginning to wonder if he paid that Kristi Kaufmann to plant that “He’s the father of my baby” story.

Poor Lindsay has to cut her own parents (we know she’s not talking to Dina since she wants nothing to do with her terrible reality show) out of her life to get some privacy. That is just sad. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t keep my family around me or count on them to protect me.

No matter how many Miu Miu bags this girl has, I can’t help but feel bad.

Not that I still don’t want one. In fact, I’m just gonna keep my eyes open for one of them on EBay. I’m sure Michael will have them up there soon.

[photo courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com]

Not the actual nuts and bolts of the deed, those always vary, but the way we react afterward.

No matter who we are, our pain tends to mirror each other during these times. We make the same decisions, fall into the same bad habits, give ourselves the same pep talks, and feel the general sh*ttiness so strongly that most of us, by our mid-twenties, have experienced some kind of life really can’t go on moment.

When a girlfriend goes through a break-up, we give advice, comfort her, but most of all, completely understand what she’s feeling. We completely understand, and never really want to go there again (although most of us will, according to the numbers. Damn you statistics! I knew I got a B- in your class for a reason!).

So certain that we all share the same brain when devastated, author Sandra Ann Miller has written a book, A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him, in which she lists “10 essential ground rules to prevent the recently jilted from making the most common breakup mistakes”. The rules are listed here.

Although I think she’s in the right ballpark with this little expose,Sandra’s regulations are a tad heavy.

“I will screen all of my calls” she wants us to promise. “I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put “private call block” on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it’s not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.” Sheesh, lady. Unless the dude you were dating is some kind of psycho stalker with a pension for hunting knives (and in that case, you have no boyfriend skills), I’m not sure you have to buy Caller ID just to make sure you never answer his calls.

If he’s half decent, he should be giving you some space and not calling much if at all. If for some reason he’s harassing you, the solution isn’t Caller ID, it’s a cell phone to his head followed by an order to leave you alone.

No matter how intense the other 9 rules are on this list, there’s one that I think we all need to hear—although the Just-Broken-Up-Me of three years ago would have refused to. “I will not believe this is temporary” the promise begins. “I will see this Error: Break shortcode syntax invalid permanent until proven otherwise.”

That’s the killer, isn’t it girls? When we’re going through something shitty, no matter how bad the other person hurts us, no matter how much we know it’s probably for the best, if we loved them, there’s always a part of our brain that’s going, This is just transitory. We’re gonna get back together soon.

I hate that part. I’ve tried to knock that part out of my head more than once, but have yet to be successful. The hard thing is, this rule is probably the most important. This is the rule that can keep the break-up blues from turning into full-blown break-up depression.

Talking ourselves into the fantasy that we’ll get back together soon does nothing but prolong the pain. We break-up for reasons. No one ends a relationship arbitrarily. Letting the pain and loneliness talk you into forgetting those reasons and reaching for the familiar is hazardous.

Easier said than done, right? Right. Of course it is. Everything is, but the best advice I can give is that if you feel yourself breaking this important rule, stop, breathe, and reevaluate the situation. Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Remind yourself of the negatives. If you need someone else to remind you, find them. If the relationship is worth salvaging, it will be salvaged.

If not, you’re allowed to be in pain. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to eat four hot dogs like my recently jilted friend. But you’re not allowed to trick yourself. You’re not allowed to do more damage to your already fragile emotions by sabotaging an action that was made for a reason.

Those’em my rules. And I know all.

…Seriously. Got a plaque and everything.