St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th, MISSION AT HAND: Find. green. beer.

Oh? Is that just me?? No, it isn’t. I’m on a mission for two things: green beer and a leprechaun.

I’ve already found the pot of gold, and I’m spending last year’s treasure on this year’s beer, so I’ll leave some wealth for you all…::hint hint::…it has something to do with a rainbow (a slightly watery, chunky rainbow)…

Though green beer is delicious, in every way, it is not so delicious if there’s nothing to soak it up and then ends as green bile regurgitated on your friends shoes, if you know what I mean.

And who doesn’t enjoy an excuse to eat potatoes, or hearty stew?

Being that I am someone who has been vomited on, I would like to make sure that doesn’t happen to ANYONE, EVER. AGAIN. Please kids, eat a substantial meal before drinking green beer and green eggs and ham all day, I’d really appreciate it.

I will even assist you with some ridiculously good recipes. Deal???

You eat, my babies. No vomiting. Don’t drink and drive. And if you aren’t wearing green, I will pinch the sh*t out of you. Capiche?! Read More »

Tequila may be the touchiest alcohol out there. And by that I mean—we’ve all had those nights, and have sworn off the cursed drink since.

I’m about to tell you one of my most embarrassing drinking stories ever for the sake of this piece. Are you ready?

I was 18, met a 30 year old guy who I fell head over heels for, and became a regular at his local bar (you can legally drink in France at 18, thank God). He liked me too, which was a bonus. But he had an issue with the age difference. Yet, because of my undeniable charm (and extreme persistence), I was slowly but surely convincing him that age ain’t nothing but a number.

One night, sitting around with all of his friends who I had never met before, we decided to do a round of shots. Tequila it was, and when I asked for training wheels (don’t you just automatically get salt and a lime?), I was denied. “Katy, we’ve seen you drink. You can handle a big girl shot.” Nope. No, I couldn’t.

We took the shot, and as it was sliding down my throat, I felt it make a U-turn and begin to come back up. Nothing else—just the shot. And I kid you not, I literally projectile vomited this fucking shot of tequila all over the guy, and most of his friends. How’s that for bringing sexy back? I got him in the end, but that’s a whole other story…. Read More »