He texted me every once in a while, and sometimes we would chat on Facebook; you know the drill. I saw him again at the bank; he offered to proofread my paper, invited me to a party, yadda, yadda, yadda. (Insert obnoxious movie montage of cute bonding scenes here.) We even kept in touch over winter break.

It wasn’t a head-over-heels situation, but the boy was nice enough. I enjoyed talking to him, I looked forward to seeing him when I got back to school, and it was just nice to have a guy pursuing me. Every girl loves that.

But then, as soon as I got back to school, he just disappeared. Like completely. He stopped texting me and chatting online with me. I never even ran into him on campus anymore. No matter how hard I suddenly started to try.

And then I began obsessing. I’d log onto Facebook 20 times a day (as opposed to my usual 10) and check to see if he’d been on. Or added new photos. Or had some new girl writing on his wall. I’d keep my cell phone on uber loud and jump across the room when it blared, feeling my heart sink when it was just a text from my mom. I even went back to that same coffee shop in the library on the same day of the week when we met, hoping he might be there. And he was not.

Saying these things out loud (or typing them for the world to see) is embarrassing, because I am generally a (somewhat) rational person. But I just got too caught up in the whole situation to pull back and look at it rationally. If I had, maybe I would have noticed that I didn’t really like this kid. What I liked was being pursued and now that it was no longer happening, it stung.

It is one of the more confusing aspects of being a single girl; the moment that a guy starts being unavailable, we find ourselves convinced that he is our soul mate and become frantic to talk to him again. We confuse our feelings, letting our pride get in the way. We want so badly to be liked that we muddle our desire to be pursued and loved, and the desire to be with that person. Soon we’re planning a wedding to a kid who won’t even Facebook chat us when we’re both online. The same kid that we weren’t totally into just a few weeks before.

Eventually we stop. Some of us get so worked up, have a mini breakdown, call him 17 times and give up. Others, like myself, wake up one day (after walking past his dorm to see if he’s home and putting on makeup to go to the library to “study”) and realize that we had gotten so caught up in wondering if he liked us that we had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: Do we like him?

Because our opinion matters too! Dating is a two-way street and we can’t forget that our feelings count. We can’t let our pride get the best of us and dictate our actions. In order to lead a happier (and saner) single girl life, we have to stop, evaluate, and separate our feelings for him from our feelings for our shattered ego.

Easier said than done, right?

The Backstreet Boys said it best: “Quit playin’ games with my heart (with my heart…).” I didn’t quite understand the meaning when I first jammed out to that song back in 1996, but now I get it. And I want to get on top of a mountain and sing that to every guy who has ever effed with me….and the many more that surely will.

What the eff is up with the games? Why do guys do one thing (kiss you) and then confuse the hell out of you (not call)? Why do they play with your head so you can’t do anything but think of them, emotionally eat, then think about them some more?

Why can’t we all just say what we mean and stop making calculated moves? It’s all a big waste of time and I’m sick of it. If you like me, tell me. If you don’t, fine. But don’t purposely not call me because you want me to think about you and then, just when I’m on the brink of being over it, say something cute in a text message.

Guys make me crazy and I needed to know why they feel the need to do so. Apparently, it’s all our fault…