Once upon a time, I cared a whole lot about my number of sexual partners. I remember hearing a girl in high school tell me she had slept with 5 people, 5 whole people, and I remember thinking, ‘WHOA!!! What a slut! I’m never going to have sex with that many people! Ever!” But, you see, that was when I was religious and very into the idea of marriage…and the idea of waiting for the ‘right one’.

So, I waited for the right one. Two years later, after we’d finally had sex, I knew he wasn’t really the one for me. It was like pushing the Go button on our sexual relationship facilitated him finally showing me who he really was. I maintained some faith and made another guy who was ‘the one’ wait. He broke up with me the day after I finally slept with him; four months into our relationship.

I started to really doubt there was a ‘ONE’ for me. But I still really wanted sex. I longed for it. I didn’t want to be tangled up in emotions anymore. I didn’t want to be a part of the pursuit of my perfect match anymore. I didn’t want to be in love. I didn’t want any of THAT anymore. I just wanted to still have sex. You know why? Cause I thought sex felt really good.

But I felt a certain dissonance about the whole thing, too. I was already at 2 (my number) and I was scared that one day, if I met someone who knocked me off my feet, that they’d think less of me if my number was 10 or 20 or, god forbid, 50. But then I realized something…

All of the people I would sleep with would be people who I wanted to sleep with. Simple as that. If I ever found the ‘right’ person for me one day, he would have no problem accepting my past, my choices, and the events that helped me develop in time. I realized that as long as I did exactly what I wanted to do and always respected myself, that no ‘right’ man for me down the road would ever hold that against me.

I don’t understand why more girls can’t adopt this mentality. Why does a NUMBER mean so much to so many people?

(Photo from: teamsugar.com)

The random hook-up at the bar turns into a passionate relationship — whether titled or untitled is irrelevant. It could have been a one night stand, but because of the chemistry between the two people, it wasn’t.

Think this never happens? Well, you’re wrong. Plenty of my friends’ relationships started in this exact fashion and a few of my own past relationships started in the same manner.

Of course the sparks aren’t always there on the morning after, but you know what, the sparks aren’t always there after long-anticipated sex, either.

Sometimes — and I hate to admit it — but sometimes when you wait to have sex, you are, in fact, making sex the focal point of the relationship. You’re doing the exact opposite of what you’ve intended to do without even realizing it. To some guys, waiting to have sex becomes much more like a game that a foundation for a relationship. You set aside an unobtainable thing for a man to desire and he will, a lot of the time, do and say whatever he can to get that thing…regardless of whether or not it’s what he means inside. Does this have any relevance at all to whether or not the two of you are good for each other? NOPE.

I choose to have sex sooner than later — and always safely. I’d rather give a man the opportunity off the bat to drop his in-the-pursuit-of-sex act and show me who he really is. Who wants to waste months getting to know a guy who is still just fronting because he secretly can’t stop wondering when he’s going to have sex with you? I sure don’t.

But for those of you out there who think a man either A) loses respect for girls who have sex sooner than later or B) gains respect for girls who wait to have sex…I simply disagree. Most of my friends are guys and they have backed me up on this: respecting a woman has to do with WHO SHE IS, not long she makes you wait to f*ck her.

Anyone else agree?

[photo from: redbookmag.com]

A self-described “Relationship expert” (I mean, honestly, how do you become known as a relationship expert? I find that title retardulous) in this article wants you to wait 1 MONTH before you sleep with a dude you’re dating.

Uh. Really?

I’m not sure I have the willpower for that. In fact, I’m almost positive I don’t have the strength to withhold for 30 days from a hot someone. I don’t use sex like a handshake, and it takes time to decide if someone is bed-worthy, but a whole month? How do you do that? Do you take tranquilizers before you go out? Take your date to a library or a slaughter house or something? Wear contacts that make you go blind?

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I mean, hot guys aren’t put on this earth to be merely looked at.

Mr. “Relationship expert” claims that if you give in to a guy too early, he’ll get bored and move on. The longer you withhold sex, the longer the guy will stick around.

Really?

I mean, I guess. If the guy was only hanging around you for sex. What articles like this seem to discount is that sometimes, just sometimes, a guy dates a girl because he actually likes her. He thinks she’s cool, and when she sleeps with him before a month is up, he doesn’t stop thinking she’s cool, he just thinks she’s cooler, ‘cause she’s not only smart but fantastic in the sack.

Ultimately, it comes down to your own personal comfort level. Does it serve you better to get to know a guy before picking out flavored condoms with him? Of course. Does making them chase you a little add suspense to a budding relationship? Yup. But having someone put a redonkulous time limit on how long you should go before sleeping with an awesome person is just plain stupid. I don’t tell him how to cook his eggs, so he really has no place telling me when I can break out the lingerie.

What about it, sweethearts?

Is 1 month too long to wait? Or just right?