• Someone had sex with Piers Morgan. 9 months ago…judging by the fact he has a baby now.

•  A LOT of college freshmen dumped their high school sweethearts. #notshocking

• According to the Huffington Post, J.Lo celebrated Thanksgiving with Casper…Smart, Casper Smart. I know I wished it was the ghost too.

• Michael Lohan went to the hospital. Our prayers are with the doctors and anyone else who’s holiday was ruined by Michael Lohan.

• Wal-Mart shoppers rioted over a $2 waffle maker. Reporters are ecstatic over the news. I mean, they knew there would be stampedes, but nothing quite this exciting!

• The new Twilight movie is causing seizures. It’s also causing grown women to act like horny prepubescent girls. But no one is reporting that news today.

• Kirsten Dunst went make-up free at the airport. How very brave of her!!!

• There was some kind of balloon parade in NYC yesterday. I think it might have been a one-time thing. So you should look at photos now, because this parade might not happen ever again.

•Lady Gaga says she posed nude. We say that’s her most boring outfit yet!

• The crazy “inject-anything-into-my-butt-to-make-it-bigger” story keeps getting more ridiculous.

• A deleted scene from Harry Potter was released. Harry4eva!

• Aziz Ansari wants you to spit. It’s for a good cause, so just watch the video. For realsies.

• Reasons you’re bloated

• Remember valley girls?

• 10 fashion lessons from horror movies

• Who are you calling crazy cat lady

• Moonwalk your way through Walmart (video)

• Would you wear this?

But with T-minus 36 hours to arguably the biggest party night (week?) of the year, you got nothing. Eff. You need to throw something awesome together fast.

Never fear.

Here’s a quick list of insta-costumes, all using stuff you probably have in your closet already or can snap up at Target on the cheapsies.

Super Hero: Mid-drift baring Wonder Woman costumes are so overdone. And also $60. Ouch. Save yourself the cash and the killer ab workout and opt for bright swimsuit bottoms over leggings, topped with a cami or another snug-fitting top. Decorate with your monogram in masking tape or Google image search a cause—maybe you’ll be super pizza bagel girl, or captain celebrity gossip. Complete the look with one of those thick workout headbands; fashion a cape from a sheet, or make a run to the fabric store for something snazzier. Wear boots and recruit sidekicks.

Beyonce: This one may take a little more effort (and guts) but if you got it, work it. You can pick up a black leotard at Wal-Mart, or any dance supply store. From there, all you need is a gaudy ring, tall heels, taller hair (great time to break out the Bump It) and YouTube dance moves. Convince the boyf, or another suitable male, to go as Jay-Z. Otherwise, live it up as a single lady. Hello, Sasha Fierce.

Toga: Nothing screams stereotypical college party like a toga. (Ok, maybe a keg stand, but that’s not really the point here, OK?)  There’s a reason those Animal House guys rocked out with their sheets out – toga’s are easily the simplest last minute costume known to co-ed kind. It’s a classic, and though you won’t get any creativity points, it’s still a very respectable choice. Spice up your linens with gold jewelry and this summer’s gladiator sandals. Hey, it’s the perfect excuse to pick up a sale pair during the off-season.

Barbie: Sure, she isn’t exactly a role model, but neither is the slutty flight attendant next to you. What Barbie lacks in realistic proportions, she makes up for in recognizable attributes, perfect for last minute costumes. Pull on something pink, break out that Beyonce bump it, and carry a hot pink hairbrush. If you can pull it off, speak in high-pitched catch phrases for most of the night and maybe that Ken doll lookalike will invite you back to the dream house. Consider renting a hot pink Ferrari.

Hey, You Look Familiar: Pick one of your friends with an especially unique, memorable style. Raid their closet. Develop their mannerisms. Make out with their boyfriend? Depends on your level of commitment. This costume works best if your friend has a high profile and a good sense of humor.

Balloon Boy: We were all waiting for one more piece of culture to pop and we got it just in time for Halloween. All you really need is a giant balloon wrapped in tinfoil and perhaps a Tupperware to barf into when you’re being interviewed on national television. Easy peasy.

All right dear readers, help some sisters out. What’s the best last minute costume you’ve ever pulled off? Any stories of impromptu get-ups gone wrong?

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

(It’s a scarce week for funnies this time around, as nothing interesting happens during the Thanksgiving holiday.)

In the mall:

Wife 1: “Is your husband being a Scrooge, too?”

Wife 2: “No, we’re just tired out. Taking a break.”

(Husbands exchange meaningful glances.)

Wife 1: “We haven’t even started shopping yet, and he’s already complaining!”

Husband 1: “I just don’t think we have the money this year.”

Wife 1: “Oh, stop being such a baby.”

Husband 1: “So… about that divorce, honey… oh, c’mon, I’m kidding. I’m kidding! Mostly.”

Two little girls running around an African sculpture exhibit:

Girl 1: (pointing at exhibit) That one’s… Googly! And this is Trumpet. And this one is Scary!

Girl 2: This one is Nick. And this one is Too Big-Too Small!

Girl 1: This one is Mr. Underpants Cat!

Girl on the train:

“It smelled like a cookie, and it looked like a cookie – and so I put my hand in my pocket, and it felt like a cookie. And then I was really confused, because Sarah was like, ‘They don’t make cookie-flavored cell phones!’”

“So I guess the people in line – they actually broke down the doors of one Wal-Mart, and one employee – someone got killed. I know, it’s terrible, and it’s really sad. Like, what did Wal-Mart even have, anyway? You kill someone for the chance to spend $100 less on a crappy laptop? Did that Wal-Mart even have a Dunkin’ Donuts?”

In the dorm kitchenette: “What’s that you’re frying, oh. Onions! Man, I love onions. The smell alone makes me hungry. How was Philadelphia? Oh, those are oranges. You’re frying oranges. Why are you frying oranges?”

“So that’s not gonna work. We need a new name. And it has to scream ‘Gay World War Two Aviator Romance’.”

“Wings of Lust?”

“Too easy. Propellers of Passion?”

“Igloos of Innocence?”

“That doesn’t even make sense. Eskimos?”

“Fuselage of Friendship? Cannons of Camaraderie? … Bouncing Bratwurst?”

“So what are everyone’s Thanksgiving plans? We’ve all got plenty to be thankful for. Like, we can all be thankful that we don’t have to eat tofu, you know?”

“I have to eat tofu. Actually, tofu and wheat gluten roast, cooked in coconut milk.”

“Ew. Sorry. I’m thankful that my Thanksgiving plans don’t include shooting myself in the head because my dinner is so gross.”

1. The Mumbai Massacre

It was not even a month ago that the United States elected Barack Obama as our 44th President, inspiring support and celebration for our fair country all over the globe. But the latest string of terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India have served as a cold reminder of the state of the world today. As our nation prepares to move into a new era of change, it is sickening to see a renewed display of hatred and violence in other parts of the globe. News reports have not yet confirmed who is responsible for the continuing siege on the financial capital of India, and some are noting that as-yet-unheard-of terrorist cells are taking responsibility for the attacks. Regardless of who is responsible, reading reports of the climbing death toll is absolutely despicable.

2. The Stampede Death Of The Wal-Mart Worker on Black Friday

Uncalled for, people. Jdimytai Damour, 34, was literally trampled to death by a raging mob who physically broke down the doors to a Long Island, NY Wal-Mart at 5 am on Black Friday. He was not a Wal-Mart employee but a temp hired by an employment agency specifically to help with the holiday rush. My guess is that he would have much rather been sound asleep at home with his family than awaiting the rush of greedy bargain-hunters that morning. Unlike the careless, selfish crowd who ultimately caused his demise, it was not Mr. Damour’s choice to be at that Wal-Mart so early on the day after Thanksgiving. I hope those shoppers are happy with their mp3 players, because while they may have saved a little extra cash on their purchases, they didn’t save Jdimytai. For shame.

3. The Subway Fare Hike

I live in New York City, where riding the subway is an integral part of everyday life. I probably take the train at least two or three times a day, and at the present cost of $2.00 per ride, I’m spending about as much for transportation daily as I do for lunch. But with the economy slipping these days, it’s no wonder that the Metropolitan Transit Authority (which runs the city subway system) is in bad shape, too. But the MTA’s proposed solution to its money troubles includes hiking the fares, eliminating some train and bus lines altogether, and increasing wait time between trains. Which means a more crowded, more expensive, and more time-consuming commute for us all. Ughh!!

4. Thanksgiving Break Blues

Okay, hear me out on this one. I love Thanksgiving break–it’s my favorite holiday, and I love me some terrific home cooking, but when it comes to its position on the school calendar, it couldn’t occur at a worse time. There’s nothing quite as crummy as getting settled in at home only to know that you have to go back to school on Monday for the three most agonizing weeks of the semester. For the forseeable future, I will be a library zombie writing ten-page paper after ten-page paper and studying my ass off for my final exams. (And a special note to all of you professors out there who like to assign 3-hour final exams in addition to term papers of more than twelve pages: why do you have to be so cruel?) But for now, I will remain curled up on my couch with my tea and newspaper, in utter denial of the academic marathon I’m set to run starting tomorrow morning.

What’s pissing YOU off this week?

[photo courtesy of NYT.com]

Seriously. Wal-mart shoppers trampled and killed an employee.

Michael Phelps bring his GF home to mama.

Carry your lunch in (super cute) style!

Make your hair look 10 years younger! 

Old people aren’t so safe about sex. 

Milo Ventimiglia is better than sweeter than pumpkin pie. 

Jessica Simpson is anti-bras, apparently.

He’s Just Not That Into You, the movie.

Creative ideas for downing those leftovers. 

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“So this sandwich – portabello and provolone, I mean, it should have been good — but I mean, it was, like, a slab of provolone. Like, exactly a blob. Like I was trying to eat a brick. And so then I ate it, and I went back to my room, and I threw it up, and it was like ‘Yup, now I get to have dinner again’.”

“My mom, you know, she’s pretty, but she’s not that pretty.”

“Yesterday, I did that thing where – you know? You’re, like, Wal-mart, and you’re Halloween shopping, but you end up in that weird kinda retail fog. And so you go, hey, furniture, maybe I want a … futon, and hey, mechanical stuff… I want some turpentine, and then you walk around some more and then you’re outside and it turns out all you bought was an industrial size thing of Cheez-Puffs.”

A child — six, maybe seven — is at the counter in a Salvation Army store. He has a small bag of plastic Wild West action figures in his hand, and some change in the other.

“That’s one dollar and five cents,” says the old lady at the counter.

“There, now, give the lady the dollar,” says the boy’s father, behind him.

Slowly, carefully, the boy takes out each coin. He needs to make sure that he counts them perfectly — he needs this to be absolutely correct. He pushes them across the counter, looking up solemnly.

“Is this right?” he asks.

“Yes, that’s right.”

He smiles.

“So I went back to my room, and of course I figured nobody was there, so I opened the door and was just ‘All right! Masturbation seems like a good idea!’ And then my roommate’s girlfriend was on the couch, just kinda looking at me.”

“I wanted everyone in high school to call me ‘blow me down’. Then it sorta came back in my face. Like, the blowing.”

“Maya Angelou’s coming here?”

“Yeah, I’m imagining it sorta like this: Maya Angelou sets up a half pipe on the stage, and just takes an Impala and does tricks for an hour. Then she flies off a jump into the audience and the crowd goes crazy.”

“It’s a shame that ‘penis’ defines what it does, you know, because it’s such a good word.”

Awwww.

Then the idiot took the pics to his neighborhood Wal-Mart to get developed. Because why wouldn’t the boyfriend of a millionaire want to get a deal on his digital prints?

And what happened? Obviously, the under-paid employee of America’s most controversial store made extra copies of the pics and is shopping them around to the tabloids. Normally this wouldn’t be a huge deal, except for the fact that the pictures included shots of JL breastfeeding her newborn.

Yup! Another celebrity boob is exposed.

The Spears family and local authorities are looking into this whole scandal, but dirty dudes everywhere (Jamie Lynn is a minor!) are patiently waiting those pics.

Just remember this the next time you want to save a few cents on those pictures of yours; you never can trust the photo dude.

Besides all the sucky-ness that moving has to offer, it does have on hell of a silver lining: DECORATING!That’s right ladies – whether you get to trick out a house, apartment, townhome or dorm, you get at least one special private room that will reflect your amazing style. Not only will your boudoir be your locale for sleeping (or not sleeping, wink wink!), it will be where you study, get ready, pre-pregame, watch trashy TV, and lie in bed doing nothing.

No doubt it will be as fabulous as you are, but in case you needed some help getting started, here are some of this years’ hottest decorating trends.

Robin’s Egg Blue on Chocolate Brown

This pairing of ultra-pastel and super dark is per.fec.tion. Aim for a super rich brown in a luxurious fabric (or one that looks luxe, for way less and pair with super soft, silky sheets).

The palest shades of blue look amazingly tranquil on your walls and expand your room, no matter how itty bitty it may be.

By mixing crazy textures or prints all in similar colors, you can add depth to these pretty, pretty colors.

For accents and decorations on your walls, stick with shades of bronze and gold to warm up the blue and play up your brown pallete.

A funky, intricate selection of accessories keeps these colors feminine–beware of going ultra-modern, because these colors can look masculine if left too bare.

Black, White and Purple All Over

Black and white is always classic, edgy and cool. Throw a rich, royal purple into the mix and you’ve got a sexy, lush vibe goin’ on.

For a sophisticated, urban look try a deep plum semi-gloss for paint (but only if your landlord gives you the OK);

For a more playful look choose a brighter purple like the one below:

Tip: If your room is tiny (as so many of ours are), experiment with painting only one wall, or adding an inexpensive chair-rail and painting only the bottom half.

For your bedding, stick with black and white so you don’t overpower the walls. The simplicity of this combo will pop against your vibrant walls, especially if you choose a great graphic.

For your accessories, choose sleek, contemporary designs in black, white or nickel. Keeping things like lamps and bedside tables simple keeps the focus on your sweet bedding with the gorgeous walls as the perfect back drop.

For finishing touches, keep a look out for bold picture frames and crystal finials or curtain tie backs to add some sparkle.

Sunny Side Up

Nothing can put you in a good mood like happy, sunny yellow. Choose a very pale shade (it will be waaay brighter on your walls!), because going too citrusy will make your eyes water.

You can use your bedding to determine which direction you want to steer your room’s theme. By picking an airy, frilly coverlet you lend an ultra-girly hint to this pretty pastel.

If you choose a buttery gold, your room will always look like it’s glowing and gleaming, giving it a bright, bold feeling.

Again, use your accessories to customize the look you want your yellow to take on.

The best way to score quality stuff without blowing your budget is to comparison shop. Check out Target, Walmart, and K-Mart. These stores all have great home departments with fabulous accessories at great prices. But don’t forget about discount retailers like Ross, Marshall’s, and Stein Mart; you’ll find expensive department store stuff at discounted prices.

No matter how you decide to decorate your humble abode, just keep a few simple things in mind.

1) Determine your color scheme

2) Find your bedding.

3) Match your paint color(s)

4) Personalize with accessories

5) Have your friends help – grab a bottle of wine and some friends for a painting party.

Happy Hunting, and enjoy your beau-ti-ful new room!

Ben and Jen: Super Fertile.

Too cloudy to go to the beach? Add these 80′s classics to your Netflix queue.

Exclusive look at the crazy new script from Tarantino. Awww yeah!

Nothing ruins a day at the beach quite like a shark. And I really needed a tan!

The new iPhone is out. We are not too happy about it, but what do the critics say?

Teen pregnancy on the up and up for the first time in over a decade. Could this be Juno’s doing?

Also on the rise, Wal-Mart stores. They. Are. Everywhere.

As if TV couldn’t get any worse – Nicole Richie gets another show.

2 words that should never go together: orgasmic and childbirth. Yes, there is a video.

Maybe this will inspire you to recycle. Think of the dolphins, people!

Gender equality on the road at last! Well, at least on the signs. Baby steps, ladies; baby steps.