In case you’ve been locked in a soundproof, internet, cell phone, and calendar-free room for the past week, let me be the first to remind you that there’s a holiday happening this Saturday. A wonderful holiday full of tricks, sweets, and more grown-up treats. A holiday that lets every girl unleash her inner sex kitten, vixen, or Beyonce—provided she’s old enough. A holiday that makes it okay to wear anything, even glow in the dark pants. (Um… unless you’re a dude who wants to wear leggings. That’s never okay.)

But Halloween’s not all candy and luminescent trousers. You’ve got to be careful that you know how to get rid of full-face makeup before you make a move on that chubby but hilarious cutie in the SuperJew costume. You’ve also got to remember to watch the volume after taking him home. And try to manage your expectations about the encounter—this isn’t a movie, after all.

It’s also important to make sure you don’t accidentally raise the dead. Of course, if you do have any encounters with a zombie, it’ll be easy enough to find another final resting place for him—just stop into your local Walmart .

Either way, you’ll definitely have a ton of sweet pictures to add to your Facebook on November 1. And if your overindulgence on Saturday gives you a little bit of extra cushion for the pushin’, you can always call your friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon and get that flab turned into something fabulous.

Transformations: they’re not just for Halloween anymore.