Let’s be serious: everyone and their mother (literally) watches the Super Bowl. Whether it’s for phenomenal commercials, gorgeous athletes, a scandalous halftime show, or for the actual sport, the entire country stops what they’re doing on Super Bowl Sunday and tunes in.

Personally, I watch for a combination of all four of these reasons (plus 4 hours of dipping delicious crispy things into delicious mushy stuff), and revel in every second of it. Sure, I’m used to being a little more involved in the actual outcome of the game (I’m a Steelers fan, so I’m used to winning these type things….), but this time I really am excited, because its going to be a battle of two great powerhouses this season.

The Teams:

The Colts (14-2), an unstoppable force from Indianapolis, bring with them a strong team lineup as well as one of the greatest quarterbacks in the league. A four-time MVP, and first round draft pick his rookie year, Peyton Manning has done much more than just show up to play the game. The older and more successful brother of the Giant’s current quarterback Eli Manning, Peyton has shown his prowess on the field with his laser rocket arm and perfect sight on the field.

As for the Saints (13-3), they’ve got some hidden talent hiding among their ranks as well. Drew Brees, a highly underestimated quarterback from Purdue, has shown his worth; not only in his multiple pro-bowl appearances but his uncanny ability to lead his team to multiple early season victories (did anyone else watch the first few weeks of this season??). Though you don’t usually hear his name in many “best of the league” talks, you can be sure that he will do his job and do it well in the upcoming game.

As for the three most vital parts of any Super Bowl…

Halftime:

Experts say: No nip-slips this year. Be this good or bad, the TV moguls of the world are making sure that the Halftime Show is as clean as ever. The Who has been confirmed as the official halftime entertainment. Don’t worry, though; as always, those same moguls are trying to make everyone happy. Carrie Underwood will sing the Star Spangled Banner and Queen Latifah will sing America the Beautiful.

I say: I’m excited! There’s really not much else to say, except I’m pretty sure that nobody wants to see any wardrobe malfunctions that The Who will have…

Commercials:

Experts say: GoDaddy.com will be the very first commercial aired for the Super Bowl. And there’s a 99% chance it will involve a hot girl and her boobs. However, in even more controversial news, there won’t be any Pepsi commercials. At all. Despite the past 23 years where Pepsi commercials have been a mainstay during the Big Game, the company has decided to pull itself out. (Editor’s Note: probably because that stuff tastes like crap.) As for some other contenders in the commercial line-up, you can expect all of the regulars: Audi, Honda, Volkswagen, Dove, Disney, Coke, and more as well as a few surprises like…. The US Census Bureau? WTF?

I say: Fingers crossed for talking babies.

The GAME:

Experts say: Last, but certainly not least, it’s game time. According to ESPN, regular visitors to the site have voted the Colts at a significant advantage (nearly 20% when I casted my own vote!). Football experts and the people over in Vegas agree. On paper, the Saints actually come out with a higher likelihood of a win, but everyone (and their mother) believes that the Colts will come out on top.

I say: The Saints. Hands down. I think they’re a great team, and they deserve this win. They had a phenomenal start to their season and have shown dominance in this sport all year. Additionally, it’s their very first Super Bowl. Though this may make some skeptical, they’re a highly skilled team who knowwhat they’re doing and have proven to react well under pressure. After all, the Steelers won their first Super Bowl appearance (and then went on to win four of the next six ), so I have confidence that another team could certainly do the same. (Sorry, had to throw my boys in there at least once….)

And that, my friends, is all you need to know before Super Bowl Sunday. Now go grab a beer, some wings and a giant bowl of guac (everyone else can get their own) and enjoy the game.

All week I’d been running around Manhattan delivering costume jewelry or picking up edited music video reels, though some days staying in the office and making phone calls and writing e-mails (Not to James Franco, but to his agent’s agent). Needless to say, I was starting to crave a more conventional daily grind.

Today I was scheduled to help with a wardrobe fitting. Figuring I’d be pinning blouses to mannequins in some broke down warehouse. I wasn’t that bothered when my alarm didn’t go off and I was forced to shower quickly, neglecting my usual primping and hair straightening ritual. I’m Persian, and not one of those blessed Persians with the silky dark hair. I got the fro. The frizzy kind.

Rushed to make it to work on time, (Pierre, my very talented and very flamboyant boss would undoubtedly stick me with phone duty if I was even a minute late), I figured I could just pull it back in a wet bun and hide it under a hat from wardrobe.

After memorizing rushed directions from Pierre’s secretary, I set out to wardrobe fitting, Prada dress in hand (Moreso in the nervous clutches of my little white knuckles. I’d never held something so expensive), looking around the city streets for some sort of hidden warehouse. Surprisingly, I found myself heading towards 5th avenue. Confused, I rechecked the directions as I opened the door to a lovely looking studio. There, in front of me, stood an A-list singer whose-name-I-am-forbidden-to-release. Think: rhymes with burger…or maybe turkey. THE Burgie Burg. Turkalicious, to be exact.

My jaw dropped as I raised a hand to pat down the unfortunate rat’s nest that was my hair. I cursed myself for not even thinking to put on some lip gloss. She asked me if I had her dress. I nodded, holding it towards her in my outstretched (shaking) arms. She told me she liked my updo. (Here’s one for the tabloids, Turkey’s a LIAR.)

This all was happening too fast, why had Pierre sent me here? Why did he assume I could handle this job? “I’m just an intern!” I thought out loud. She looked at me as though I must undoubtedly have tourettes.

Obvi, she didn’t care who I was. She just needed help zipping up the damn dress. I looked around trying to figure out where the dressing rooms were in this studio, but when I turned back to ask her I realized that she was stripping down right there in the middle of the studio. This is not at all what I imagined my internship to entail. J.Timberlake naked? Yes please. Her, here in her birthday suit? Cracked out internship had just turned into a gateway drug, it was fair to say the summer was on some kind of acid at this point.

I zipped the dress, (I zipped a famous singer’s dress!) and she looked in the mirror in silence for what felt like a decade. She turned to me, “What do you think? They want me to wear this on air this afternoon.” I nodded, smiling queasily. I realized I’d been holding my breath the whole while. “It’s nice, I like it!” I squeaked. (I could not have been more original.) I thought I was off the hook now, she’d take off the dress, I’d take it back to the studio, and then I’d quit this job and run back to Maryland and life could be just as dull and normal as ever because then at least I’d be COMFORTABLE and remember to do important things, like breathe.

But the worst was yet to come… she smiled at me and nodded, and I unzipped the dress. And that is when any paparazzi’s biggest fantasy came true for no one but me. The big whopper, the Janet Jackson…or maybe the Tara Reid, you could call it. I can proudly (In other words, red-faced and full of shame) tell you all, that I saw her nipple. The left one.

Of course she giggled and was graceful, blushing and realizing almost instantaneously, but surely that didn’t erase the look of horror on my face. I don’t know what was worse, that I, with two very well covered ‘lovely lady lumps’ could be more embarrassed than she, with ‘the one that got away’, or the fact that I didn’t snap a picture of it to sell to E! for some serious money. Either way, she packed up and left, off to make another hit album, and I gathered my things, bracing myself for what was shaping up to be a very interesting summer, and a completely mortifying internship.

But I’ll update you again, once I catch my breath. Inhale…exhale, yea?