While we may not like all of them, rules exist for a reason. They keep us safe, they keep us sane, they keep some sort of order in this world of ours. And that applies to college campuses, too. There are all sorts of rules that we live by: no food in the library, no drinking in the dorms, no sex in the stacks.

But with all the attention given to those scoundrels who dare bring a Diet Coke into the ‘brary, those university officials missed a few important rules. The kind that would benefit everyone, allowing all of us to be more successful in our studies and more productive members of society.

We didn’t forget about them, though, so we at CollegeCandy are starting a revolution. Join us on our quest to establish some new campus rules and rid our classrooms of evil… and PDA. 

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself.

4) Militant Political Views (In any direction)

It doesn’t matter if you agree with your new professor’s crazy theories, prof’s who bring their crazy into the classroom end up wasting your time. If you’ve got a super liberal, there is gonna be one Bushie student who never lets anything go. If you’ve got a right-winger, there’s gonna be a granola child who throws red paint on them. Crazy fem-nazis hate you because you have a boyfriend, and idiot chauvinists who won’t stop suggesting your ‘female chemicals’ make you irrational. It’s a free country, and you can believe whatever you want. But I don’t pay you to talk about those beliefs, motherf*cker!

5) Mr/Ms.Smiles

Every class has jerks. Kids who need the credit but don’t want to be there. They ask stupid, sarcastic questions, yell aloud, text and use the cell phone — I even had one girl bring her yippy dog to class. Jerk students are all around distractions, wasting everyone’s time. No one wants a Prof who’s mean, but you need someone who will check these offenders when the time comes, before the classroom devolves into some bizarre Lord Of The Flies type setting. Be wary of teachers who refuse to tell kids they are incorrect or out of line.

[Any other warning signs? Let us know!!]

I’ve talked about American Apparel before. Those ads that look like porn with bad lighting? Those models who may or may not be underage but who are definitely bored and affected?Well, it gets better.

A contributor for Jezebel (one of the funniest gossip sites out there) recently wrote about her experience working at the enigma that is A. Apparel, proving that it’s not just their ads that are pretensions and strange.

“I thought cocaine was kind of scandalous when I started working at American Apparel. And so I naturally found it kind of scandalous that a major coke dealer actually served as a kind of informal HR chief for many of the American Apparel stores in New York.” The Jezebel story begins, going on to explain about the monstrosity that is Dov Charney—the Canadian founder of A.A.

Stories that Charney “masturbated in front of a reporter, berated girls for not finding him hot enough “pussy” with which to staff his stores, [and] took certain female retail employees as glorified concubines whom he would house in special American Apparel apartments and whose shitty retail wages he would subsidize with special allowances” were all apparently true, as well as his famously annoying voice, which was “shrill and weird and babyish.”

A sex addict with a baby voice who’s also an asshole? Sounds like he could be in the running for one of the worst bosses in the history of retail. Or the world.

When there’s a disgusting idiot helming a company who says things like “It is imperative that the people who wear our clothes are really attractive, vain hipsters, and any priority they exhibit that runs counter to looking really awesome should be a warning sign that maybe they should not work here”, it’s not hard to see why A. Apparel is so ridiculous.

I mean, how can a place have good energy if “vain hipsters” who don’t care about anything except “looking awesome” run things? Sure, the chain is successful, but someday (and someday soon) short shorts for guys and gold bodysuits for girls are going to go out of style.

And nobody will care. Except the people who have closets full of them. They might cry.

Oh, and PS? If you’re ever going to take a journey inside A.A (say perhaps, for Halloween? Which is the only reason I’ve ever gotten close to the Mecca of attitude), make sure to wear earplugs. Unless you really dig booming electropop by artists you’re not cool enough to know.

Like the people surrounding it, the music at American Apparel leaves much to be desired.