Kevin Jonas and Danielle Deleasa’s wedding arrangements are still in the works, but Kevin has already taken the lead on his own bachelor party. Best men Joe and Nick are lending a helping hand in planning their brother’s last night as a ladies man. I can only imagine what a JoBro bachelor party would look like.

But if I had to guess, I imagine it would go something like this:

They start off at a Build-a-Bear workshop where the brothers and friends gather to make cuddly mementos of Kevin and Danielle’s love. Inevitably, one of Kevin’s cheesier friends will make him his own wedding day Love Bug. That one will definitely take its place at the foot of Kevin and Danielle’s marital bed.

Joe and Nick have already confirmed that they’re forgoing the typical Las Vegas trip in exchange for something much cooler. I imagine they are chartering a private jet to Disney World where they will dine in style at Cinderella’s castle. For dessert, Minnie Mouse will pop out of a cake and give Kevin the Eskimo kiss of a lifetime. But no pictures guys, things could get wild (with Kevin drinking some sparkling apple juice) and it could be incriminating. Read More »

Whore.

I used that word liberally until people starting calling me that. And they’ve used it on me a lot.

I was able to train myself to treat it like any other word, like it wasn’t dripping with spite. Now it no longer affects me, though there was a point in time during which I could have named every single person who had ever used that word on me.

Only women have called me a whore.

Whores aren’t raised. There was nothing that my mother, who was unwavering in her aspiration that my hymen would remain intact until my wedding night, did that made me approach sex so callously. When I was a child, I hated being needlessly touched – poking, tickling, even hugs – and I know that my mother found some solace in that, hoping that it would hold over into my adolescence and adulthood.

It did; I still hate to be needlessly touched, except that my definition has grown from tickling and hugs to include cuddling, be it pre-, post- or non-coital.

Sex has a purpose, so the only touching that I could tolerate was in order to obtain sex. You could say that it was the only poking that I’d deal with. Read More »