Every week I count backwards from ten. I know, I’m kind of a big deal. Usually these countdowns have a theme like which phrases really grind my gears (“grind my gears” should be mentioned) or how I’m still effing sober, despite the fact that I could really go for a dirty martini right now.

I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need. Read More »

If you notice that your mom’s eyes are a little bloodshot the next time you see her, it might not be because she’s been crying about how much she misses you.

As Slate’s Daniel Engber reports, a 2007 survey reveals that about 6 percent of Americans between 50 and 59 reported smoking pot in the past year. That means that more baby boomers than ever before are lighting up—and it’s fairly likely that our parents are among them.

Worried? I know I am. Sure, my mom and dad were teenagers in the ‘60s and ‘70s, when pot was as prevalent as ridiculous hairstyles, but it’s weird to think that they ever smoked in the first place—let alone that they might be doing it this very moment. And because I’m at school, I can’t keep tabs on them to make sure that our house is a toke-free zone.

But if any of the following things happen, I’ll know for sure that Mom and Dad are celebrating 4/20 a few months early. Without further ado: 6 Signs That Your Parents Might Be Stoners. Read More »

[There are some women out there that we just can’t get out of our minds. No, we aren’t switching teams - yet - but we do have some serious crushes on some pretty fierce females. These ladies are all special in their own right and we aren’t ashamed to tell the world we love them.]

This past Monday, season five of Weeds premiered on Showtime and reminded me of one of my biggest girl crushes – Mary-Louise Parker – who plays the sassy, snappy California soccer mom turned rebellious drug-dealer on the television mega-hit. Beautiful, talented and unafraid to show off her stuff (Parker posed nude in advertisements for the third season in 2007 and appeared naked in a bathtub in the season 4 finale… not bad for 46 years old!), Mary-Louise has come a long way from her hometown of Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

In addition to earning acclaim as Nancy Botwin, Weeds’s pot-pushing, Mexican-border-hopping protagonist, Parker has demonstrated that she is well suited for the stage. In 2001, she won a Tony award for her Broadway performance in Proof (which was then turned into a movie and snatched up by Gwyneth Paltrow), and she received both a Golden Globe and an Emmy for her work in the HBO miniseries Angels in America. MLP added to her Emmy tally, and added a Screen Actors Guild Award to her resume, for her guest performances on seasons three through seven of the political drama, The West Wing. Read More »

[Just to preface things, because I know some of you out there are probably gonna surmise as much, I am indeed 500 pounds, have never had a boyfriend, am missing one eyebrow, and am so intimidated by other people's attractiveness that I cry myself to sleep every night atop of a pile of melting cookie dough.]

It’s no secret that here at CC, we love Entourage. HBO and Showtime never cease to entertain with shows like Dexter, Weeds, and True Blood, but for some reason, Entourage has always held a special place in our hearts (and no, it’s not just because of this).

Besides the witty and quippy writing, Entourage is almost always hilarious, last night’s episode being no exception (everyone trips on shrooms in the desert and Ari desperately calls Lloyd to get him through his ordeal). The characters are strange yet likeable, and the Hollywood “scene” has never been drawn quite so wackily. So yeah, we love the show. Love it enough to stay up late on a Sunday night or TiVo it to watch immediately after work.

But here’s the thing: there’s pretty much no way to feel good about your body once the credits roll. A show created, produced, directed, and mostly written by men, Entourage is bursting at the seams with “hot” women. I’ve been watching for 5 seasons, and I honestly can’t remember a time when a female character was anything less than absolute runway material.

Everyone has big boobs. Everyone is thin and tall enough to dunk a b. ball like Michael Jordan. It’s like the casting director opened up a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, pointed to every single girl in there, and made sure she got a spot on the show. Read More »

I was raised, essentially, without TV. I use the word ‘essentially’ because we did have a TV. We just also had extremely conservative republican parents filtering everything that we watched on the total of 2 or 3 channels that we received with our antenna on the top of our TV. (One of those channels was, conveniently, The Christian Network where I was routinely made to watch The 700 Club.)

So, needless to say, TV wasn’t a big part of my childhood. That was fine by me; I spent my time outside and learning how to play guitar.

When I moved out and into dorms at 18, I still didn’t watch TV much. I think there was one in my dorm, but I wouldn’t have noticed either way. It just wasn’t a part of my life. But when I moved in with new roomies in a real apartment when I was 19, everything changed. Not only did we have a TV, but we had every channel (not to mention On Demand and, mmmm, DVR). I learned to love TV.

In fact, I’m watching it right now.

Since I have spent a few years getting to know the ins and out of this tube and the entertainment that it so benevolently offers me, I have noticed that there are some very bad people on TV. And I love lists. So, naturally, I made a list of the worst people on TV. Read More »

As I write this I am sitting at my boyfriends house, hanging out with his roommates dog and watching Weeds onDemand while he is in class. I’m also wearing his sweatpants.

This wouldn’t be such an uncommon scenario if he didn’t live 1,000 miles away, if kissing him didn’t cost two hundred dollars and seeing him didn’t require vacation time.

But it does. And for that reason, the LDR (or the Long Distance Relationship) is a lot of work. And you have to work at it. While it is wonderful, the LDR sucks so you should be completely and totally sure its right for you. I don’t advocate them.

And we all know our guy blogger Andrew really doesn’t advise them.

In fact, I never imagined I would be in one. But we were right together and right for each other and I couldn’t imagine not being with him.

So, we’re together even when we aren’t together. Seeing each other every five weeks does not a relationship make, which is why even though we should be in our “honeymoon phase”, having sex and wanting to spend every moment together, we’re already having to work on the relationship.

The good folks at CNN also saw the problems that lie within the long distance relationship. In this article, they provided some good (if not a bit obvious) advice that help make the LDR work.

Communicate

Ugh, communication. Sometimes it sucks talking on the phone ALL the time. So many times I would rather just sit next to him and watch a movie rather than sitting on the phone talking to him about it. Despite the fact that I feel like we talk all the time (which I don’t really mind) it helps because I feel like I’m a part of his day-to-day life even if I’m not there every day. Just saying hi in the morning helps me make it through my day. Read More »

What’s almost as creepy as a real kiss between Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood? An onscreen kiss between Mary Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley who is 42 years her senior. Woof!

MK is making her first real on screen debut in The Wackness starring Josh Peck and Ben Kingsley who play a drug dealer (Peck) and a therapist (Kingsley) that form a friendship.

Olsen is one of the dealer’s clients and in some tangled web ends up in a “passionate scene” with Kingsley. Interesting. Read More »

There is something about Mary Kate Olsen that sets her aside from Ashley. It could be the Boho wardrobe, the sad Cupie eyes, or the protruding collar bone. Whatever it may be, Mary Kate is becoming an individual. MK’s recent departure from her identical (yet, fraternal) twin included a small part in last year’s Factory Girl that wound up on the cutting room floor but that doesn’t seem to be discouraging Olsen from venturing off onto her own.

This season Mary Kate will make her television return, sans sister Ashley, on the hit Showtime series Weeds. Olsen will be playing Tara a Christian girl from a church community called “Majestic”. It is reported that Tara will become the love interest of Nancy Botwin‘s (Mary Louise Parker) son Silas.

Set to appear in 10 out of 15 episodes, it leaves us wondering if audiences are ready for Mary Kate’s solo debut or if the CEOs of Dual Star Entertainment have become a package deal. Read More »