Remember that line Charlotte said in an episode of Sex and the City?

“I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted! Where is he?”

Yeah. That’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I mean, really, between meeting guys who beer bong in the wrong places and giving my number to rather questionable dudes…seriously! WHERE IS HE?!

I’ve got the “learn to be by yourself and love yourself” BS down pat… I’m ready for my prince charming g-dammit!

Then I had a revelation mid-fatburn program on the elliptical: Women have a come a long way and nowadays, we’re practically equal to men. So why should I just sit back and wait for prince charming to come up in his white horse…or BMW? I should get out there, strut my stuff, and find Prince-Effing-Charming myself!

Can I get an ‘Amen’?!

It’s time to get tough with men; no more games, fellas. I’m here for the real deal. I’ve got to be aggressive…be be aggressive!

Then I came back down to earth, and off the endorphins, and  I realized that might not be the best approach for me. I don’t do aggression to well. I need to have a serious sit-down with this guy – he seems to know more things about dating than I do.

I mean, if Heidi Montag can get hitched…then there has to be hope for the rest of us!

The week is officially over people, and I have to say that brings a sigh of relief from my end of the computer.  I’m not sure what made this week such a doozy, but it’s over now and I can start planning my date with icy, fruity alcoholic-filled drinks (watermelon soju = best summer drink ever).   Now that I know how many delicious Mai Tai’s will kill me, I can plan my night accordingly.

August is here and with it (I’m hoping) comes some consistent summer weather.  I didn’t really plan my summer wardrobe well enough to include the necessary rain accessories for the monsoon season we’ve been having.  Therefore I’ve been staying inside a lot…and cabin fever has definitely set in.  Not only have I packed on a couple pounds from avoiding the rain-soaked jog to the gym, I’ve also started acting a bit more wild than usual.  It turns out that working out may not actually make me thinner anyway, so I guess I’m stuck inside eating Cheetos and watching Hulu.

Another effect of the incredibly rainy/wickedly hot first week of August is that my libido has gone into overdrive (I think it must be confused by all the weather changes).  That cute guy at the bar I’ve been creepin’ on all night?  I think we might end up getting engaged…for a few hours (if not purely to end my rainy-day boredom).  Then again, if we’ve been at the bar for awhile, he might need a little “pick me up”, such as a deliciously covert piece of gum. Let’s just hope we can avoid any bedroom weirdness…

Finally, because it’s August, I can look forward to going back to college.  There are so many things I’m excited about and topping the list would be my group of school friends (in addition to massive amounts of drink specials and late-night library fun).  Let the countdown to Welcome Week begin, ladies!

It’s been an interesting week.  Now that we’re in the thick of summer, we’re starting to look ahead to the…fall?  What?  Despite my resistance to any and all cool weather thoughts at this time, they are here.  Once you’ve got your fall dorm assignments, you can’t help but look ahead and wonder what the semester will bring (besides swine flu).

If you’re a freshman, you have to wonder how you and that person you don’t know will share such a small space.  Obviously, you’ll have to make a schedule if you want to continue working out for free in your own room.  If you’re not a freshman, you’re probably looking forward to seeing all your school friends again…and dreading seeing the ex-boyfriend (they crop up in the weirdest places!!).  Then again, if you see your ex, you’ll have a chance to demand your break-up compensation!

If you’re one of the lucky few that attend a university with a Quidditch team (oh yes, you read that correctly), then jump on that!  Nothing says “college” like running around with a broomstick between your legs and throwing balls at your friends.  Just make sure that you keep your game playing to the physical realm, not the emotional/mental one.  Nobody likes those kinds of games.

Before we head back to campus, we should try to live up the rest of our summer.  Shots, anyone?  They’re delicious AND entertaining.  Maybe after a couple shots you and your boyfriend can pluck up the courage to ask that cute girl down the hall from you to join you in a little extra-curricular fun…or maybe not.  We all saw what happened to Erin Andrews and who’s to say it couldn’t happen to you, too?

In any case, might as well pack up a couple of sandwiches (and drinks!) and head down to the pool to enjoy your last few weeks of freedom.  Cheers!

This week was pretty rad, what with so much geek flying all over the place.  The new Harry Potter movie is out and I’m extremely excited (I may not be the only one).  I’m almost to the point where I want to don a cape, grab a wand and do my best English accent (best = horrific).  Instead of going out to buy a brand new cape, I’ll stick with what I have in my closet…and that’s leggings.  Luckily, they go with everything.  Even capes.

Crocs, however, go with nothing and I’m happy to see they’re dying a quick death.  What will we do, now that Crocs are dying and we have space in our closet for more fabulous accessories?  Well, get a vagina wig, of course!  Those things are incredible.  I’m even considering getting one specially made (complete with sequins and bright pink faux fur) for the College Candy party later this month.  We’ll see…

As excited as I am about the fabulousness that will be the College Candy party, I’m nervous about bringing a date.  Every time I start seeing a guy, I get all tangled up in cryptic text messages.  And that stupid (GLORIOUS) book/movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, has apparently ruined me for life, so even if I had hope before, I’ll talk myself out of it now.  Maybe some well-timed Harry Potter pick-up lines can save me!  Or, in the case of Jessica Simpson, maybe not.

Maybe I should just give up sex entirely and take a platonic guy bestie.  Then I can use him as a wing man/drink server.  You never know when a guy friend can turn into a boyfriend.  Either way, I’ll have a good time!

Who’s ready for Happy Hour? WE ARE, WE ARE!!

Maybe it’s the rain, maybe it’s the marathon training, but we are really tired. Maybe even too tired to hit the town, get drunk, and take tons of pictures of ourselves tonight. I know – something must be wrong with us, but it might be a good thing. We don’t want to do something stupid, and we never know where those pictures are going to end up.

Perhaps we’ll stay home and satisfy ourselves?

At the same time, though, we wanna show off our new boobs (thank you, cookies!), try to meet a man that meets our standards (like one of these hunka hunka burning loves) and have sex (but not that other icky act) on the first date! And we have the perfect eff-me shoes to do it!

Decisions, decisions….

Considering we had an extra day this weekend, this past week has been ROUGH. That Monday BBQ was awesome, but Tuesday just felt like the worst Monday of all time. It didn’t help that we ended up with a mullet because we were afraid of  offending our stylist.  Or the fact that we’re just now realizing our current “intimacy lite” situation with the boy we thought was our Prince Charming. But I guess we can’t really complain; at least we have the right to get married, unlike some of our friend in California.

But let’s not go there.

Instead, we’re going to enjoy this lovely spring weekend. Our toes are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie and get suckered into buying even more crap we don’t need.  Hopefully there is some sort of miracle product on there to keep our abs in tip-top shape.  Nobody wants a mid-summer muffin top crisis.

Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only two days long this week!

It’s been a tough week, but we survived it without catching the swine flu! That’s probably because we used that pandemic as the perfect excuse to skip class and spend the day doing more productive things (and avoiding strangers’ sneezes): we learned som new make up techniques, hit up Forever 21, and watched lots of TV. Too bad Miss California and Kim Kardashian were taking over the airwaves.

We  spent the rest of the week thinking about being an independent woman and wondered if we were just being too picky to find that right guy to sweep us off our feet. When that got too depressing we started thinking about the end of the semester instead. There’s still so much left to do before we move out! We have to get ready for graduation, get real jobs or get ready to transfer to a new school (beware if you’re switching to NYU, though; we got some bad news about their financial aid package).

All this stress really made us miss high school, where we would be getting ready for prom right about now. Which is why we are putting the books away for the night and grabbing a drink. Don’t worry, it’s just one.

Big week. Huge.

First was St. Patrick’s Day. Then we spoke to both the Millionaire Matchmaker and last year’s Top Chef, Stephanie Izard (who are both much better female role models than some people out there). Then March Madness kicked off?

And we can’t possibly forget the brand spanking new CollegeCandy.com design. Hollerrrr.

We were so busy we barely had time to breathe, let alone sit at home and waste time online. It’s a good thing we have a giant purse; no need to stop at home when we can load everything from our books to our lip gloss in there. Although it might have been a good idea to leave the phone at home when we were out drinkin’ it up in honor of St. Pat. Drunk texts? Almost as awkward as waking up next to the weirdest guy ever.

Unfortch, the week wasn’t all good. Between all the fun we came to the realization that we have no future, that guys tell each other some intimate details, that Brazilians are going bye-bye, and that everyone’s boobs are growing but ours.

We also witnessed some seriously annoying couples on the way to class, and got stuck paying half the bill when we were out with a new guy. WTF?

We’ve been running on adrenaline since Sunday, which means a Friday night in bed. Movie night, anyone?

OMG. We are so. effing. tired. What a freaking week.

Somehow we managed to stay up way too late every night and we still feel like we accomplished nothing. Maybe that’s because we’re women and we are never satisfied. Or maybe it’s because between consuming large quantities of the best snack ever and trying some new ways to get healthy, we didn’t have time for the important stuff.

Like shopping for some new spring clothes (or making em!), or picking up the Kelly Clarkson Album. Or running to Whole Foods to stock up on makeup that isn’t toxic. Or attempting to change that guy into someone who does want a relationship.

But the week wasn’t a total wash. We learned a bit about hazing, picked up some awesome threads in grandma’s closet, learned how to cook, and planned a SIIIICK St. Patty’s day party. Without green beer. And we invited the boy we heart. Woot!

Oh, and we got tested. That was fun. Ok, it wasn’t too bad. I mean, at least we don’t have this girl’s problem.

Welcome to the first official week of 2009, which is clearly the most important week of the year as this is the week when resolutions are made…and broken. We went through a lot this week and realized it really sets the tone for the year ahead.

So, we are going to look back to look forward.

We will avoid these people. And this guy.

We will never watch Grey’s Anatomy again.

We will involve ourselves in world issues and politics.

We will not hook up in our parents’ house.

We will learn to do our makeup right so it stays on all night.

We will save the porn industry.

We will not let the cold weather deter us from getting cute.

We will cook.

We will do things right this semester.

We will not go to class hungover. (Ok, that one may not actually happen.)

We will manage our time better.

We will try new things….on the phone...with boys (or girls).