Fact: These boys aren't from Alaska

You know when you meet a great guy and you really hit it off? Everything is going swimmingly and you’re starting to imagine the wedding and the kids and the white picket fence, when you reach between his legs and… womp, womp, womp… all your dreams come crashing down.

It turns out that your tube of Nars Orgasm lipstick is bigger than what that dreamboat is packing. And you had no idea.

Disappointment and shame to follow.

Well, women of the world rejoice! Manhunt Daily has offered you salvation. Now instead of asking guys their star sign to see if you’ll jive, you can learn all you need to by simply finding out where they were born.

Manhunt compiled a list of the states in order of largest to smallest average penis size. And topping the charts at a whopping 7.59 inches is Washington, D.C.!  That’s fitting; it takes some big cajones to run this country, and now it’s been confirmed that they got they’ve got the joystick to match.

New York came in second at 7.50 inches, which truly shocked me. All this time I thought city guys were just overcompensating for what they were lacking in their nether regions. But as it turns out, they may be lying about their bloated bank accounts, but they have a right to be cocky about their cocks.

Coming in last at a small, but still respectable, 6.34 inches is Alaska. But what else did you expect? Imagine jumping into a freezing cold swimming pool every day when you step outside. One word: Shrinkage.

The days of wondering and worrying about what your man has going on under his jeans are over. The next time you meet a man from Delaware (#49 on the list) with an in-your-face bulge happening down below, expect to find an extra sock or two once the clothes come off.

But just remember, it’s not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean that counts, ladies.

Dear God, I wish I didn’t see this. Can someone please get this woman into rehab? (Or my bikini waxer?)

With airline ticket costs soaring, some people are coming up with more creative ways to travel.

Thank God for United States Postal Workers; delivering our mail…and finding old ladies trapped under cars.

Mini Me isn’t so mini…if you know what I’m sayin’.

Women aren’t the only ones with a biological clock.

Everyone loves bacon!

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Corey Haim just can’t win.

John McCain hates bloggers. Well, Mr. McCain: we hate you too.

I eventually had to weigh the pros and cons.

PROS

The sex with Brian would be wonderful.

Brian is incredibly well-endowed (adding to the wonderfulness of it).

It would be easy. He would be leaving town the next morning.

CONS

He would be 45 miles away.

The weather got crappy.

The two of us having real privacy would be a gambling game.

And still, the biggest question lingered in my mind:

Would it really be sex without strings attached? This was the guy who proposed to me, who offered to buy me a house in any city I wanted…I was the first girl he had said “I love you” to in his adult life. And then I broke up with him during that drunk text message.

Would it really be as easy as I thought it would be?

Considering the doubt in my mind, on top of the distance and crappy weather…I ultimately decided against it.

I would have loved to have had sex last night, but I think I made the right choice.