Mmm. Only 480 calories of fast food goodness.

I can’t lie: I love fast food. So much so that I have mapped out all the fast-food restaurants near my campus and committed all of their locations to memory, as well as the fastest routes to get there. And I may have instructed a cab driver to swing by and grab me a large order of fries and honey for dipping them on the way home from the bar. Twice. Yeah, that’s a bit excessive, but don’t judge; we have all experienced that moment when the dining hall slop is simply too underwhelming and all we want is a Big Mac. And fries. And a milkshake to wash it all down.

It is my firmest belief that fast-food restaurants should be listed as one of America’s deadliest sins. But because I can’t say no to a good drive-thru (Editor’s Note: Don’t try the drunken walk-through-the-drive-thru…they don’t like that), I decided to figure out the healthiest options to order in hopes of keeping obesity at bay. And it’s surprisingly not that hard to find healthy options at grease pits these days.

If you’ve got a hankering for some good ol’ fast food but don’t want to undo that 90-minute Vinyasa class, these are the best options for you:

Wendy’s: I truly believe Wendy’s to be the 4-star restaurant of the fast-food nation. I wish they could all be a little more like Wendy. I would recommend the Mandarin Chicken Salad with Oriental Sesame Dressing and Roasted Almonds. It’s 480 calories and delectable to the last bite. If salad isn’t your bag, try the Ultimate Chicken Grill Sandwich. Only 320 calories and yet still a hearty sandwich. As the name states, it’s the ultimate.

Taco Bell: Taco Bell’s Fresco menu is basically the same items, minus the sour cream. You can get a crunchy taco for only 150 calories. That’s like a 100-calorie pack taco meal. I like the sound of that. But just a warning: You may be saving on calories, but it won’t save you any more time in the bathroom. It’s the curse of Taco Bell. Learn to live with it.

Burger King: We all remember the Whopper Freakout. We don’t need that happening again. It seems the Whopper is undeniable, so I won’t tell you not to eat it. But I will advise you against the Angry Triple Whopper as it clocks in at 1,360 calories. You’ll get the same bang for you buck with the Whopper Jr (370 calories), and you won’t have to do a Target run for larger pants on your way home.

Dominos: The late night Domino’s delivery is inevitable. Accept it. So when you’re craving a slice of pizza to soak up all the alcohol in your system and, face it, you’re going to order a large, here are the lightest options: Cheese, Veggie, Philly Steak, Ham and Pineapple and Grilled Chicken and Veggies. These pizzas all weigh in at about 250 calories per slice. Try not to eat the whole pie by yourself, though. Disaster.

KFC: Resisting their Famous Bowls is like turning down a date with Jude Law for me. But KFC has so many low-fat choices that I simply can’t chow down on biscuits and mashed potatoes in good faith. Now that they are offering Kentucky Grilled Chicken, there is no excuse. Also, may I present for your enjoyment the Honey Barbecue Sandwich—300 calories. Delish.

McDonalds: If Super Size Me has taught you anything, DON’T SUPERSIZE YOUR MEAL! If you ever wondered why the arches are golden, it’s because they’re deep-fried in grease, so back away from the fries, people! Try a Premium Asian Salad with Grilled Chicken (300 calories and 10 grams of fat) or a Grilled Chicken Snack Wrap (260 calories and 9 grams of fat) instead.

Chipotle: If you want to be healthy, just don’t go to Chipotle. It may be buffet style giving you complete control of what you will be eating, but if you’re like me, you’re not going to be able to deny all the toppings they have to offer. In fact, you’re probably going to demand extra guacamole. Right there you’re talking about 1,437 calories and 57 grams of fat. I’m currently hanging my head in shame.

What should your brow shape be?

Heath Ledger on Vanity Fair.

OMG! A caffeinated Wendy’s Frosty?!

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Becks and Posh are leaving us…but they’re coming back! PROMISE!

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Zac + Johnny= hotttt pirates!

Janet’s not making ends meet?

Audrina in a dunk tank. ’nuff said.

Some candy for the men…Angelina’s boobies!

What is with the Hogan parents dating people that look like their children?!

Aunt Becky’s boobies are timeless…

Mistrial shmistrial – Brit Brit’s lookin gooood

Sure, people may run away screaming in horror, but there are just some weird food combinations that you can’t help but want. Stop hiding out in your bedroom dipping the pretzels in frosting; embrace that delicacy! (Seriously – that sh*t is good!) Your friends probably have some weird cravings too.

Gross Foods That Are Actually Delicious

1. Ketchup With Everything. To me, ketchup is its own food group. And while I slather this tomato paste on fries, hamburgers, and hotdogs, I like eating the stuff with mashed potatoes too. My friends think it’s disgusting and can’t stand to watch me eat it, but ketchup and mashed potatoes together are seriously delicious (and it is not that far off from putting that stuff on fries!). I have also seen people put ketchup in chicken noodle soup and or those who slather it on a slice of pizza. Delish.

2. Unnatural Dippers. One time when my friends and I were drunk we began a rabid scavenger hunt throughout the house in search of food. Since none of us could drive (drinking and driving is always a no), we were forced to eat whatever we could find. In this case it was some Teddy Grahams and McDonald’s barbeque sauce.  We could have used the excuse “Oh, I was drunk” when we found the leftovers on the counter the next morning, but instead we just dug right in again. And it was still good. Also good: chocolate chips in salsa and just about anything dipped in buttercream.

3. Anything That Can be Made Into a Sandwich. I think my sandwich eating habits are pretty normal. I occasionally dip tuna salad sandwiches in ketchup, but that’s about it. My boyfriend, however, loves putting roasted peppers and cheese on a bagel sandwich. I’ve also seen people mix tuna sandwiches (delicious) with peanut butter (not so delicious), and someone even pour a Wendy’s Frosty onto her hamburger. I haven’t really tried the last one, but Frosty=good, so how bad could that be?

Now that I’ve admitted to some weird eating habits think what you want about them, but don’t knock it till you try it. With an extra side of ketchup.

What are some of the weird foods you love?

(23:56) Me: Can I ask you a question?

(23:56) The Bro: Ya, but hurry. I really wanna go to Wendy’s.

(23:57) Me: well, let’s say a girl walks into Wendy’s…and you’re standing in line behind her, and she’s wearing a short skirt and low shirt. Do you think her clothing gives you the right to stare at her?

(23:57) The Bro: hmm, the right? That’s funny wording

(23:58) Me: maybe “the right to ogle her”

(23:58) The Bro: I mean, technically, it’s my right to look at anything in a public place. Men look at breasts automatically. It isn’t something we do on purpose. We can train ourselves not to. Like for example, when I see MaryAnne, I know she has huge boobs. So I stare at her eyebrows. HARD. Or I look past her.

(00:00) Me: but if a girl’s wearing a cleavage-showing shirt…and she catches you staring…what do you do?

(00:00) The Bro: Most girls don’t say anything. They catch people all the time.

(00:01) Me: What if she gets pissed, and is all “what are you staring at, red beard?”

(00:01) The Bro: I’d just say sorry if she was upset but I wouldn’t feel bad. And I’d do it again. Mainly because it’s genetically coded.

(00:02) Me: what I’m getting at is…when a girl wears something most people consider risqué…do you think she’s asking for people to stare?

(00:02) The Bro: It’s her prerogative. She should ask herself why she’s wearing it. Tube tops certainly don’t look comfortable. But I can’t comment.

(00:01) Me: Should she get mad if people stare?

(00:03) The Bro: Men will always stare at women’s cans. It has nothing to do with patriarchy.

(00:04) Me: So if a girl catches a guy staring at her, and then she gets mad because he’s obviously being a leering moron…is he allowed to tell her she asked for it?

(00:04) The Bro: I would consider that rude. I’d never say anything like that. I don’t think that’s what I’d even think.

(00:04) Me: Right, but we’re going on principal here. We all know you’re a nice gentleman.

(00:05) The Bro: Let me communicate something to you. Women don’t like to think about it but the frequency at which men look at women’s cans and butts – its astronomical

(00:05) Me: really? astronomical? Even if she’s ugly and 60? Do men stare at OLD LADY’S BOOBS?

(00:06) The Bro: They look and go ‘no way’. It needs to be checked. But we digress. In this hypothetical situation, the girl needs to realize that it’s not necessarily her fault he looked, but it’s her fault he can see as much as he did. Men really, really don’t control that. POLITE MEN will look, and snap their necks up, but they still look. It can’t be helped.

(00:07) Me: would you think less of a girl if she dressed semi-skanky?

(00:08) The Bro: it depends on the temperature outside and other mitigating factors, if I know her, etc

(00:08) Me: Say she was reading this really smart paper on politics, standing up in the middle of class in a miniskirt and 4 inch heels…?

(00:09) The Bro: I would think ‘why would she wear that if she wants men to actually hear what she’s saying’?

(00:09) Me: final question: do men ever notice a woman’s shoes?

(00:10) The Bro: Never

(00:10) Me: Never ever?

(00:10) The Bro: or nail polish, or hair, unless they’ve made them ugly on purpose. Example: girl with fake unwashed dreads, pink and green alternating nail polish, and bowling shoes. That’s a red flag. Not about her looks. The fact that she’s a nutcase. Girls could never get their hair done and be fine. Men love messy hair. Unkempt hair represents a girl who can probably keep up with you and doesn’t spend like 200 hours in the bathroom.

(00:11) Me: But say a woman’s wearing these really awesome pair of pumps…do you ever notice them and go, “hmm, nice shoes”?

(00:11) The Bro: No. Never. We don’t care about shoes.

(00:12) Me: what would you think if a girl asked you to go shoe shopping with her?

(00:13) The Bro: I’d say no. If she actually got upset, I’d dump her on the spot. Because that’s like me being like, LET’S GO TO THE ARCADE. HOLD MY QUARTERS. It’s rude. Men don’t care about any of this shit so women need to stop deluding themselves that they do.

(00:16) Me: Kinda like how I feel about hardware stores.

(00:16) The Bro: Exactly. But men don’t think you actually care about hammers

(00:19) Me: Final, ending question:

(00:19) Me: what are you getting at Wendy’s?

(00:19) The Bro: I don’t know yet. I haven’t eaten at Wendy’s in 12 months. I’m probably going to go pretty big. I gotta go before they turn everything off. Peace out.