I had known Jon (name has been changed since I know homeboy reads this site) for a little over a year. Our entire relationship was based on drinking together; we met through a friend at a bar, exchanged numbers and quickly became one another’s drinking friends. You know, the one you call when you’re drunk at 10:30 on a Friday and looking for fun people to meet up with. Preferably with cute friends.

Our relationship was flirty and filled with sexual tension.
Yeah, from the moment we met I knew we would inevitably be taking a train to Sexy Town.

And so we did. Last weekend, after drinking one too many vodka sodas at a karaoke bar, I ended up at Jon’s apartment (after stumbling down the street and making a weird pit-stop at some stranger’s apartment who was entertaining 12 hippie friends with a 12-foot bong. Who knows?). Jon and I were talking in the living room and the next thing I knew we were making out on and our way to his bedroom. Read More »

Let’s face it: s**t happens. Sometimes we get a little crazy and accidentally go home with someone(s) that we did not intend to. Now, I’m not condoning that you engage in any activities of this sort, but if you happen to do so, I want to be sure you have a way of 1) getting out of there, 2) not repeating the same mistake for quite some time, and 3) having a hilarious story to go along with it.

So, here are a few tips for handling the most difficult of situations.

“I think I had an accident…” – Now I hope this hasn’t happened to you, but if you ever happen to wake up and realize that you took one too few bathroom trips last night, I have a solution for you. My friend Chris once peed himself (for lack of a better phrase) and promptly asked the girl he woke up with for a glass of water. As soon as she handed it to him, he spilled it all over his lap. Hey, I’d much rather be compared to a klutz than an accident-prone toddler.

“What’s your name again?” – Waking up next to a rando is pretty embarrassing. But nothing is worse than waking up to a relative stranger when you can’t remember their name. Even if you’ve narrowed it down to Jose and Jackson, you really can’t just test one out to see if it’s right. If you’re planning on never seeing them again, it’s totally acceptable to use the word “you” in the place of their name in any sentence. If you plan on seeing them again, however, ask them to enter their number (and name!) into your phone. Don’t pull the ol’ “How do you spell your name?” when you enter it in. Believe me, it’s pretty mortifying when he snaps back “B-E-N” while staring you down. Read More »