Hi Dude!

Well here’s the deal: my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year or so. Now we’re graduating from high school and (finally!) going to college and he is going to study abroad. Since he was a virgin when we first met (yes, I popped his cherry) I think this could be a really great chance for him to have new experiences… sexy ones. I’ve always been (kind of) popular with guys so I have a lot more experience than him and so we have had some issues with his self-esteem and such.

So … how do I ask him to… you know … “explore” some new possibilities without causing a misunderstanding? I don’t want to break up with him and I really wouldn’t mind if he were to hook up another girl. Actually, I think it would help him feel less curious about how it feels to sleep with someone else. It is not as if I would let him cheat on me every time he feels like it, but (!) I think having an affair would probably help his self-steem.

Thanks for your help!
— Probably Crazy Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,
I have recently found a new guy that I really like and now things are getting exciting in the bedroom department. However, I am very self conscious about my body and I always tend to stop things before they go any further. I would just like to know that if guys pay attention to those things. Like, does he notice my cellulite? The extra weight on my thighs? I know this seems like a ridiculous question, but it’s sorta paralyzing me and I don’t know what to do.

Thank you,
Totally Self Conscious Read More »

Dear Dude,

With summer quickly approaching I started to think about what has happened in my love life over the past year and realized something major… I keep hooking up with my guy friends. I’ve always been the “single” girl in my group of friends and have no issues with that. Also, I’ve always been a “guy’s girl,” I just get along better with boys. But last summer (after graduating high school) I ended up hooking up (ranging anywhere from just making out to the full monty) with seven guys. SEVEN. Some of these boys I have known since elementary school! I though that this pattern would end after the summer, but it didn’t. I have seen them on breaks and even visited some of them at their own schools, and every single time, even if I am not planning on it, we end up fooling around!

What I want to know is why. Why did they suddenly start wanting to make out with me instead of just hanging out? Is it because they trust me?

I’m so confused about this and need to know why. I love my boys, I really do, but I really am looking for a man who is willing to commit to me. I don’t really want a romantic relationship with any of them, I want to find someone new, outside of our group of friends who I connect with. But how can I do that while they still want to be my friend with benefits?

Help!
– Can We Just Be Friends? Read More »

Hi Dude -

I’m 21 years old and a junior in college.  I’ve had a few boyfriends, but none lasting any more than 9 months, so I’ve spent quite a bit of time being single in the last 3-4 years.  On the flip side, I’ve never just casually dated someone, it’s always turned into a relationship.

Recently, I had a date with a really great guy that I met through the organization that we both volunteer for.  We hit it off right away, had great conversation for the 4 hours we were volunteering together, and he asked if I was interested in hanging out with him the next day.  We went to a local concert, had a lot fun, had a few drinks, had great conversation (again), he took me home, walked me to my door and we had a long, passionate kiss.  Before he left, I told him that I understood how busy his schedule was (he’s graduating in May, on top of having a job and an internship), but I would love to see him again.  He agreed, saying we would “definitely” do it again.  I texted him the next day, thanking him for everything and wishing him a great day.

Fast forward two weeks, and there has been no contact.  At all.  I felt hurt and a little upset.  I ended up sending him a casual, “Hey (name), hope you had a great week, just wanted to say hi.”  He said his weeks had been stressful, asked how I had been doing, and sent nothing back after my response.  Like I said before, I understand he is busy with the semester wrapping up, but I have never not been followed up for a second date.  This wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t think I would ever see him again, but before going on this date with him I secured a summer internship at the organization – meaning I will be seeing more of him over the next 4 months.  He knows I’m interested in seeing him again, so I’m considering just waiting until summertime to let things progress, if he chooses to let it.  But I am also preparing myself for the possible, “I’m just not feeling this thing” talk.

My question is, because I’m new to this whole casual-dating thing, how can I learn to not become so attached to someone after just one date?  I’ve never known anything different, so when rejection strikes, I take it somewhat personally.  How can I be better at handling this?

–Falling Fast Read More »

Dear Dude,

So, I met this guy at a bar a few weeks ago. He is a little bit older (27 and I’m 22).  He made some small talk with me and my friend, we left, I didn’t give him another thought.  Then, a week or so later we run into him again.  He asks if we remember him, we say we do but can’t remember his name.  The thing is, he remembers my name and a few small comments that I had made to him, and ends up buying me a drink and asking for my phone number before leaving.  The following week he texts me a few times to see “what’s up,” but each time I either had other plans or was not interested in going out to the bar.

Then, Wednesday night he texts me and says plainly “I’m taking you out on Saturday, don’t make any plans.”  I agree not to.  He follows up with me a day or so later to make sure we’re still on.  Friday night, he texts me to see “whats up” again.  I tell him I’m out with a friend. He asks where and then says he is coming to meet us there.  I tell him the place is about to close but we could meet up somewhere else.  He gives me the name of a bar to go to and actually calls me on the way to make sure I know where I’m going and says he “needs to see me.”  So, the night goes well.  We talk easily and laugh. He says, he’s planning to take me to dinner and then to a party with some friends the next night. (The Saturday date we had planned earlier in the week.)  As we’re leaving he says he’ll call after he gets off work.

So, Saturday I don’t hear from him until almost 8pm.  He completely disregards that we had dinner plans and asks if I want to go bowling with some of his friends.  I’m a little frustrated at this point so I say I think I’d like to rain check for another night.  He ignores this and says, How about karaoke.  So, I say I’ll see what I can do (with no real intention of trying to make it out to the bar with him and his friends).  A few hours later he calls me, I say, again, that I really just don’t this it will be a good night to get together.  I didn’t want to come off as “needy” or mad that he had been so flakey about our plans, so I figured it would be best just to stay away from him that night.  The next day, he texts me just to say he was thinking of me.

Now I’m so confused.  What is this guy’s deal? Does he like me?  If he didn’t want to take me out on an actual date then why would he initiate it and then flake about our plans?  I have given him no indication that I’m willing to hook up with him and so far we haven’t even kissed, so I’m not sure if maybe he is losing interest because of that, but he hasn’t even tried! I have so many questions and nothing is making sense!

Please help!
-  Deal Breaker? Read More »

Dear Dude, 

Get ready for a toughy—the way this guy has demonstrated interest in me is far beyond my comprehension. He started flirting with me in October: sitting next to me in class, texting me nonstop, asking if I had a boyfriend, etc. I was very receptive and flirtatious back, but nothing happened. Physically speaking, the most we ever did was hug one another. We haven’t done anything more than study alone together several times in his dorm room—again, nothing physical. Out of the blue, he has told me that he has a lot of respect for me and that he thinks I’m intelligent, and he has mentioned my various accomplishments to his friends. You think everything would be good and that he’s just a little timid, but here’s the tricky part:

Sometimes when he texts me, they’re very direct and sexual.

Earlier on, he has asked me how far I’ve been even though he knows I’ve never had a boyfriend before and that I take my morals very seriously (although, I’m not entirely against having premarital sex—I just want to make sure I am in a committed relationship before doing so). At the very beginning of second semester, we were joking around via text that we were cold and that we should warm up together. When I asked him if this was an invitation to snuggle and have a movie night, he said he only cared to snuggle without pants on. I got really upset by this when he continuously pursued the topic, asking me what I was afraid of and telling me that trying new things could be fun, even though I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that by any means. He did apologize for the behavior and things were just as normal as they always were when we saw one another in class a few days later.

Then about a week ago, he has asked on several occasions late at night for me to come over for what he phrases as being a “pajama party.” I responded that I would like to hang out with him so long as it wasn’t in obscure hours of the night, but we haven’t actually set anything up. I’m severely frustrated by the whole situation, and my friends have mixed feelings about him, some professing that he’s toying with me and others saying that I’m paranoid for thinking that he’s using me for sex.

What is he exactly after? I think I have made myself perfectly clear on my unwillingness to casually hook up, so if he is trying to just hook up with me, why does he continuously pursue it when this has dragged on for months and his tactics aren’t working?

I really don’t know what do anymore. Everyone refers to him as the prototypical nice guy, so I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. It just kills me, and at the risk of sounding cliché, I never cared so much about a guy before, and I’m not willing to give up just yet, which probably makes me sound certifiably insane. At the very least, if something doesn’t develop between us, I don’t want to make this more awkward than it already is.

Help Me,
Victim of Sexual Cryptic Texter Read More »

I have this constant fear that my friends’ boyfriends hate me. I’m a large pill to swallow; I know that.

Even more than that, though, is my fear that a guy may judge me by the company I keep. I love my friends, but they can be a lot to handle. Especially when we are all together. Or when alcohol is involved (and isn’t it always?).

Do guys judge their girls on their friends? Will his feelings towards a girl change based on who she hangs out with? And would a guy still like me if he couldn’t stand the people in my inner circle? Friends are a huge part of anyone’s life (duh), so it’s an important question to ponder.

I asked a guy and here are his thoughts on the sitch: Read More »