Happy Presidents’ Day, ladies!

That’s why your classes were canceled today, in case you were wondering. And why mattresses are “60% off TODAY ONLY!” So while we sleep in and high school students get a week off, and the rest of the world remembers all the great things our nation’s leaders have done for us, I’m going to  do some remembering of my own, but remembering a bit closer to home…

Remember (see I told you) when you were a little kid and you use to have to write those essays about what you did over summer vacation, what you wanted to be when you grew up, and oh yeah, what you would do if you were president for a day? Well, I’m finally getting around to writing mine. (Because I don’t know what else to do with myself now that I’ve finished my senior thesis.) In honor of Presidents’ Day I present to you, the top ten things I would change if I were president.

Disclaimer: This list is not to be taken seriously. These are not serious suggestions nor are they things I would ever actually consider doing if I were in such a situation of power. It’s just a little bit of fun. Read More »

Conan O’Brien speaks.

7 ways to break up using social media.

Which celebs had the best hats at this weekend’s Derby?

And which were partying at the White House?

Uh oh. PLEASE don’t let this be true.

These advertisements are brilliant.

I have to take off my flip flops to get on a plane, but they'll let anyone into the White House.

By now everyone has heard about the infamous couple who somehow managed to crash a party at the White House. Michaele and Tareq Salahi gained entry to the White House state dinner last week without being on the list, rubbing shoulders with Joe Biden, Katie Couric and Obama himself. Everyone wants to know who these people are and what they were thinking.

What I want to know is who the hell was the security guy and how can I get him hired in my city?

I think the White House needs to make some cuts, let this guy go and perhaps hire some security guards who have “able to read guestlists” on their resume. (I mean, come on, what’s next – will Bin Laden just saunter into the Oval Office??) Then this guy will be free to work a number of venues, (where he has no way of sacrificing our national security) and help me out big time.

The Liquor Store Near Campus
Now that I’m 21, I no longer sweat buckets buying a bottle of wine, but for all of my poor under-age college friends who still do, this guy would be a big help. He obviously doesn’t want to offend anyone by say, turning them away. We could all march in there anxiety free, pick up a couple cases of beer and confidently claim we’re 25 year old Susan from Canada.

An Overpriced New Years Eve Venue
This year NYE is really stressing me out. All the cool places want to charge me an arm and a leg to party all night long, sending me straight into the new year with a big fat negative in my bank account. But this White House guy can really help me out. If I shmooze him and claim that I did in fact purchase a $300 ticket but absent-mindedly left it home, chances are he will believe me and let me pass. Being able to party at a venue I can’t afford without giving up eating for a month? Priceless. Read More »

Jessica Simpson’s got beef with the CW.

How does the First Family do Halloween?

What’s the best sandwich in the USA?

Are ponchos coming back?

Is LiLo switching teams again?

This might be the most disturbing thing I’ve seen all day.

Looks like someone kissed a boy and liked it…

What will Obama say to the kiddies?

Ludacris is the new Oprah?

Add some bling to your mani.

Whitney Port has a fashion emergency.

Chris Brown uses Michael Jackson for comeback.

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!  This week, kick back and relax with a big cup of  Kal Penn.

Not many men can put a gun to their heads one day and accept a highly prestigious federal job the next, but leave it to Kal Penn to pull it off. Earlier this week, the scrumptious House star had fans in a tizzy when they tuned in to discover his character, Dr. Lawrence Kutner, had committed suicide. Turns out, Penn had his character on the popular show killed off so that he could accept a job as President Obama’s Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison! With the economy being what it is, for anyone to make a career leap at this time is impressive, but the (literally) show-stopping switch by Kal is infinitely effable. Read More »

Our Star Search hero has been hospitalized for Pneumonia.

Is your beau more obsessed with fashion than you?

Remind me not to borrow anyone’s iPhone.

Yikes! What’s going on with Annalynne McCord’s makeup?

Check out First Lady Michelle Obama’s White House portrait.

Is Megan Fox a transformed woman?

Will Drew Barrymore produce the next Twilight movie?

I wonder why Kellen Winslow got traded.

Are you addicted to porn? If so, MTV wants your number.

I think I’d be a little nervous to try a wasabi mask.

Meet the finalists of the Intel Science Talent Search, AKA the kids ruining the curve in your classes next year.

Two of the sexiest men in the world in one room. Why wasn’t I there??

This would be perfect for a spring break road trip!

Wait, that can’t be… is that… is Lady Gaga naked?

Easy steps to Amanda Seyfried’s red-carpet hair.

Need an excuse to get off the phone? Try these.

Who’s Kanye’s bald new GF?

Does this mean Kathy Griffin’s off the D-List?

Britney’s dad is not happy.

Justin Timberlake and Ciara team up to make “Love Sex Magic”

Time for roommate confessions… and you thought you had it bad.

Someone heard my prayers.

Does dressing alike improve a relationship?

Mark McGwire’s brother plans to spill family secrets.

Welcome to twacne: the twenty-something skincare problem.

Want to score a 160 on the LSAT?

John Travolta has been targeted in a $20 million extortion plot.

Obama orders an end to Gitmo.

No instant messaging in the white house?!?

Chief executive of Merrill Lynch, John A. Thain, resigns from Bank of America.

The six layer makeup technique.

Remembering Heath Ledger, a year later.

Beanie Babies are back. Presidential (daughter) style.

Dear President Barack Obama,

I know you’re just moments away from being inaugurated, but in my opinion, the Bush era has been dead for awhile now, and you have been the prez since the results were announced. I figured out how to fill out an absentee ballot for you, Mr. Obama, and I can’t even handle bills that come in paper statements, so that’s saying something. The day you were elected, Mr. Obama, my roommate and I screamed and jumped up and down on our futon like we’d just watched a really hot episode of Gossip Girl. One of my friends from the bloody United Kingdom texted me to congratulate me on our country’s finally making a good decision, even though it was about 4 a.m. in his time zone.

There’s a lot riding on your presidency, Mr. Obama, and while I have enough faith in you to fill out that freaking absentee ballot, I would also like to give you some tips, so you take the same downtrodden path that so many of our past leaders have taken. Read More »