The difference between the girl with a remarkable man and the girl with a remarkable number of STDs manifests itself in a woman’s character. Of course too much cleavage and sexual activity can also play into this realm of whoredom, but these aspects are not nearly as important as how a sexy woman carries herself. To be sexy (and not whore-y), a woman has to be filled with playfulness, sexual entendres/innuendos, and mystery. In short, she must master the art of the tease.

I don’t need to tell you what a whore is. In fact, you have probably already seen the bottom half of her ass sticking out of her way-too-short “dress.” She’s the one slurring her words at the club or messing around in the upper bedroom at the house party. We all know what she is (not) wearing and whom she has slept with. Now the more important question is: how do we avoid being her?

Mastering Playfulness:

A tease doesn’t need to rock a mid-drift and sky-high heels to get attention. (She gets too much of it already.) Instead, she gains and maintains a man’s attention through extreme amounts of playfulness. This can take place in numerous scenarios. Simply by turning her body, making eye contact, and smiling, she has already made the first move. If the man has enough guts, he will approach her. It’s just that simple.

After obtaining a man’s interest, a tease walks the fine line between approachable and unobtainable. Think: “Sure you can flirt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re going home with me.” This can be accomplished through coy behavior and the right amount of provoking. Put him down a little. Make harmless fun of him. Warning: it is important to do this about meaningless topics (like his favorite football team or love for girlie martinis, not his baby beer gut or the way his ears stick out), maintain a smile, and keep an “I’m just kidding,” attitude the entire time. The goal is not to piss the guy off, but to encourage him to play along.

You’re from Italy? Oh, you know what they say about Italians, don’t you?

[These are best played with a little push or nudge to add physical contact.]

Mastering Sexual Entendres & Innuendos:

The English language is filled with suggestive vocabulary. From “large” and “hard” to “wet” and “fast”, words with double meanings are great for throwing into casual conversation. A tease wants to imply “sex” without explicitly saying anything about it. It is vital to leave him wondering: “Did she mean to refer that or am I just imagining it?”

What are you doing tonight? You know I am always up for anything.

Overall, the point is to get the man thinking of sex without knowing you are thinking the same thing. But make sure to keep a balance. If you start coming off as too forward, make sure to mention that you are going to a baseball game with Steve later in the week, “forget” to answer one of his text messages, or leave early in a conversation. Men like competition and it is always important for a tease to leave before she is left.

Will you excuse me for a second? My friend, John, just walked in and I need to go say hello.

[Constantly switching from sexual flirtation and pulling away will keep him wanting more!]

Mastering Mystery:

Never give too much away! The more secrets a woman appears to have, the more interesting she becomes. This can be accomplished by refusing to give complete answers to questions or by returning his questions back to him.

I had a dream about you last night. I can’t tell you about it here. But it was a good dream!

Generally, a tease wants to leave most of the work to his imagination. If she is showing off the girls, she’ll cover up with some blue-jeans. If she is rocking her legs, she’ll cover up with a conservative top. Nothing is ever too-low, too-short, or too-explicit. A tease wants to leave a man needing to see more of her. She is Alluring. Confident. Sexy.

But definitely, absolutely not a whore.

[This post was originally written by Ashley - University of Michigan]

One of the easiest ways to send me into a rage blackout is to start slut shaming anyone.

Our society has incredibly dysfunctional, scary, and repressive ways of approaching sexuality, especially female sexuality. If we dare to step outside those narrowly defined boundaries, society finds it completely acceptable to hurl words like “slut” and “whore” at us. We’re called sluts for endless reasons: our hair is too big, our nails are too red, we wear too much glitter, our skirts are too short, we look like we may enjoy giving blow jobs, we dance too suggestively, our sense is humor is too raunchy, we like casual sex, we talk about sex, we’re not ashamed of our breasts and vaginas…the list could go on for ever. We all know a lot of men who hate women, and will find any excuse to brand women as sluts.

But there are far too many women who openly buy into those standards and hyper-judge other women.

The other day, I read a CC article giving advice on how to be sexy and not whorey. This attitude merely perpetuates the idea that women can’t openly enjoy sex. Indicating you enjoy sex doesn’t mean you want to have sex with everyone, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re reckless and riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. (Sidebar: 80 percent of sexually active adults will contract at least one STD in their lifetime, so maybe we should stop stigmatizing them). And maybe women wear high heels because they make our legs look long and give us an extra boost of fierce confidence, not because we’re walking street corners hoping to lure some sucker into paying $50 for a BJ. And perhaps we wear cropped shirts because our stomachs may never be this flat and toned again, so why not relish it and show it off?

And if we meet a new love interest and we’re interested in dating/sexytimes, why wouldn’t we want to tell him (or her) the deal and get the ball rolling? Personally, I hate subtlety when it comes to courtship. I don’t enjoy wasting my time trying to decipher signals. If I were talking to a guy who was being all coy and cagey and mentioned that he was hanging out with other girls and started negging me, just so I wouldn’t think that he wasn’t that interested in me? I’d strut off in my stilettos to find a guy who is not afraid to tell me he likes me, and I would definitely extend the same courtesy. Life is way too short to play silly mind games, especially if you’re only playing them for fear of being labeled a slut.

In my dream world, loaded terms like “slut” and “whore” would be completely eradicated from our vocabularies. They only exist to stifle brazen female expressions of sexuality (it’s telling that there are no equivalent words in the English language to describe male behavior). Society has been trying to silence and suppress women for ages, and there is no reason for women to continue to perpetuate this cycle. It’s time that we all embrace the fact that some women are loud, unashamed, and don’t give a f*ck. Teases and sluts and prudes and everyone in-between should all be able to co-exist free from the catty remarks of other women. Let’s leave the misogyny to the crappy, clueless, insensitive guys out there.

I don’t need to tell you what a whore is.  In fact, you have probably already seen the bottom half of her ass sticking out of her way-too-short “dress.”  She’s the one slurring her words at the club or messing around in the upper bedroom at the house party. We all know what she is (not) wearing and whom she has slept with. Now the more important question is: how do we avoid being her?

The difference between the girl with a remarkable man and the girl with a remarkable number of STDs manifests itself in a woman’s character. Of course too much cleavage and sexual activity can also play into this realm of whoredom, but these aspects are not nearly as important as how a sexy woman carries herself. To be sexy (and not whore-y), a woman has to be filled with playfulness, sexual entendres/innuendos, and mystery. In short, she must master the art of the tease.

Mastering Playfulness:

A tease doesn’t need to rock a mid-drift and sky-high heels to get attention. (She gets too much of it already.)  Instead, she gains and maintains a man’s attention through extreme amounts of playfulness. This can take place in numerous scenarios. Simply by turning her body, making eye contact, and smiling, she has already made the first move.  If the man has enough guts, he will approach her. It’s just that simple.

After obtaining a man’s interest, a tease walks the fine line between approachable and unobtainable. Think: “Sure you can flirt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re going home with me.” This can be accomplished through coy behavior and the right amount of provoking. Put him down a little. Make harmless fun of him. Warning: it is important to do this about meaningless topics (like his favorite football team or love for girlie martinis, not his baby beer gut or the way his ears stick out), maintain a smile, and keep an “I’m just kidding,” attitude the entire time. The goal is not to piss the guy off, but to encourage him to play along.

You’re from Italy? Oh, you know what they say about Italians, don’t you?

[These are best played with a little push or nudge to add physical contact.]

Mastering Sexual Entendres & Innuendos:

The English language is filled with suggestive vocabulary. From “large” and “hard” to “wet” and “fast”, words with double meanings are great for throwing into casual conversation. A tease wants to imply “sex” without explicitly saying anything about it. It is vital to leave him wondering: “Did she mean to refer that or am I just imagining it?”

What are you doing tonight? You know I am always up for anything.

Overall, the point is to get the man thinking of sex without knowing you are thinking the same thing. But make sure to keep a balance. If you start coming off as too forward, make sure to mention that you are going to a baseball game with Steve later in the week, “forget” to answer one of his text messages, or leave early in a conversation. Men like competition and it is always important for a tease to leave before she is left.

Will you excuse me for a second? My friend, John, just walked in and I need to go say hello.

[Constantly switching from sexual flirtation and pulling away will keep him wanting more!]

Mastering Mystery:

Never give too much away! The more secrets a woman appears to have, the more interesting she becomes. This can be accomplished by refusing to give complete answers to questions or by returning his questions back to him.

I had a dream about you last night. I can’t tell you about it here. But it was a good dream!

Generally, a tease wants to leave most of the work to his imagination. If she is showing off the girls, she’ll cover up with some blue-jeans. If she is rocking her legs, she’ll cover up with a conservative top. Nothing is ever too-low, too-short, or too-explicit. A tease wants to leave a man needing to see more of her. She is Alluring. Confident. Sexy.

But definitely, absolutely not a whore.

Life would be a whole lot easier if money weren’t an issue, right? You wouldn’t have to worry about those pesky bills, you could travel the world in style, enjoy daily shopping trips at your favorite boutiques…

Whoa. Sorry – zoned out there for a minute.

Anywho, even if people don’t want to admit it, marrying someone with money would be pretty fan-effing-tastic, no?  Just look at all those Real Housewives – their lives aren’t too shabby. Who wouldn’t want to have all that (minus the ridiculous dramz, of course)?

So, is there anything wrong with trying to find a wealthy man to sweep you off your feet? And does looking for a man with a cushy bank account make you a – how did my friend put it? – prostitute? There’s a fine line between liking someone with money and liking someone for money, but, at the end of the day, is either one really ok?

See both sides below, then weigh in on the topic in the comment section!

I think last night might have been the best episode of Tough Love yet. In fact, I’m ready to say it might be some of the best TV I’ve seen since Bromance (but then again, I clearly have no standards). Watching that episode sent me on a roller coaster of emotion and since the shades on my window were open and the people across the street can see into my place, they would have seen this:

Me laughing.
Me staring at the screen in shock.
Me laughing really loud (this is probably when Taylor was talking; that bitch is funny).
Me eating snacks.
Me plucking my eyebrows during the commercials.
Me picking my jaw up off the floor.
Me screaming at the TV.

Steve’s idea to bring the girls’ past and present together into one seriously awkward dinner party was deliciously brilliant. Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a part of that, but it was pretty awesome to watch. Especially a few select ladies:

Natasha: I always found this girl to be incredibly boring. She was what I like to refer to as “tofu,” because she has no flavor of her own and only picks up the flavors around her. Last night, though, I learned that the girl has some major flava…and she probably tastes like whiskey.

Natasha did what any shy, uncomfortable girl would do when she’s faced with her immature Indian ex boyfriend and a perfectly nice pretty boy in one place: she hit the bar. Hard. And then she not only embarrassed herself, but she called the guy a d-bag on national television. I felt for her – we’ve all dealt with awkward situations by getting completely sh*t-faced – but watching her left me feeling so uncomfortable. Sorta like watching Meet The Parents. Or a train-wreck.

Jacklyn: So her Texas ex and her California stud muffin are in the same place. And then Jodi gets involved and starts trying to “fix” things. Awkward? Yes. Do I feel bad? I’ll put it this way: No.

That girl gets to make out in a hot tub with the hottest guy ever and I get to sit home alone on Sunday nights with a bowl of granola and a cup of tea living vicariously through her. I feel bad for me. And I want a Brock of my very own.

Arian: There is so much to say about Arian last night that I really don’t know where to start. Birth would probably be a good place, considering the mother that she comes from. Now, I totally understand a mother siding with her daughter (even when she gets totally wrong information), but calling my boyfriend someone a tool as an adult woman is just despicable. And then laughing about your daughter being a total whore and explaining it as “she’s just like me, she just takes it one step further” totally explains that unstable, insecure and promiscuous daughter you’ve produced.

After watching Arian break down about getting in the hot seat and then throwing her suitcases down the stairs, I’m a little worried about Steve’s safety. Homeboy needs some serious protection (and I’d be happy to assist). But now she’s gone…and probably humping every guy in L.A., so Steve is free to give his attention to drunk Natasha, annoying Jessa, and the rest of the ladies of the house.

So much drama. So much amazingness.
And when did Taylor get so damn lovable? I think I might want her as my new BFF (no offense to my current BFF)!

My best friend even has a Top 10 Melissa Tramp Outfits, and there are easily three Halloween costumes on there. (Editor’s Note: So 70% of those outfits were a normal day? Awesome.)

So, in order to keep myself off any Tramp lists this year, I decided to seek out non-slutty alternatives to my typical Halloween looks. After all, I’d much rather be recognized for my creativity than my boobs on October 31st this year.

Shocking, I know.

Marilyn Monroe

This may be a questionable choice to some, but I don’t find this trampy in the least. The pink number from Gentleman Prefer Blondes is iconic and it’s almost like a two-in one deal because you can say that you’re the fabulous Marilyn or Madonna.

Carrie

Halloween isn’t Halloween without a little fright and gore (note: not boobs and legs), and if you’ve seen the movie Carrie then you’ll know what this is allll about.

The Goddess

This version is called ‘Atlantis Queen.’ I love it not only for the pretty blue, but because it proves that to be a goddess you don’t need tons of cleavage or a super short skirt.

Gangster Moll

This version is free of garters or inappropriately short anything where you have to worry about who might be looking at your hooha when you bend over to pick up that beer pong ball off of the floor. And even better: pants and jacket = warmth! If you want to make this more ‘girly’, you can opt for the pink version of it.

Get political.

With either the right pant or skirt suit, you can easily be Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton.

The Classic Witch

Long sleeves, long skirt and a high neck and still totally classic. If the typical witch isn’t your thang feel free to switch it up; I always loved the witch from Sleeping Beauty.

Or, if you’d prefer to steer clear of the classics, my three favorites that I’ve found so far are:

If you do decide to go with Twister, though, don’t let anyone put any hand on yellow. Or blue. Or green.

[All photos from buycostumes.com]

But wait! There is good news. Finally, something to be excited about on a sad, sad Wednesday morning:

Happy Endings.

Yeah, you read that right. And no, I am not talking about a giant piece of carrot cake (with extra frosting) after a great meal. I am talkin’ about happy endings. You know; the kind that every man dreams of when he goes in for a massage. Those infamous acts that are quite popular in East Asia.

I am talking about ORGASMS, people. Orgasms that you don’t have to get dressed up for. Orgasms that you don’t have to wear heels for. Or work for. Or bat your eyelashes for.

Orgasms you can just….order.

While Happy Endings have been quite popular for men for centuries, they have been hard to come by for the ladies. (Note: Not because women are harder to…happy end?) Perhaps it has always been more taboo for a woman to simply want/need an orgasm (like men), or maybe we could just never find someone who was willing to do it, but spas offering this “service” to women were hard to find.

Not anymore. At least for some lucky bitches in NY. Rumors have been circulating (and confirmed) that there are now spas in NY that (discreetly…you have to ask the right questions) are offering women a special stress relieving package. (Editor’s Note: Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Ayooooo!)

Talk about female empowerment! An orgasm without the work? An orgasm without having to rely on a boyfriend/mate? An orgasm without the stigma of being a whore for going home with someone? The ability to fill an innate need just like men do? These Happy Ending spas may finally close the gaping gender gap that has existed for centuries!

Or, this could just be an awesome way to spend a Saturday at the spa: mani, pedi, facial, O.

Sign. Me. Up.

[Photo courtesy of bestofbanff.com]

Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Monica Lewinski must be green with envy. Sure, she got a book deal, but she could have found “true love” in front of millions of strangers, and the producers would probably have thrown in a mansion as well!

If the dating show falls through, I’d like to pitch some backup ideas to Dupre’s new producers:

1. Dupre’s Deal or No Deal- Combination dating-slash-game show: Dupre’s bachelors be able to buy some sex after their “one-on-one” dates. But what about after elimination?

2. Hooker and the Geek- 10 prostitutes and 10 geeks are paired up to learn from each other. The geeks teach the girls financial skills and politics (so they can find themselves their own Spitzer prototype), and, well, you can guess how the ladies reciprocate.

3. What Not to Wear: Escort Edition- I think the name says it all.

4. Real World: The Brothel- This is the true story of seven pimps and prostitutes picked to live in a house…

5. Are You Smarter than a Harlot?- Jeff Foxworthy would host this one for free!

6. The Slutty-real Life- Okay, so my Surreal Life pun needs work. But they can invite back reality skanks Trishelle Cannatella and Adrianne Curry, and let the STD’s begin!

Shows that probably won’t end up in TV Guide: Made: I Want to Have Sex for Money; So You Think You Can Screw; Celebrity F*** Club.

If programming catapults Ashley Dupre to the top of the celebutante ladder, why stop there? Throw in a record deal! If Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag can cut an album, it might be a charttopping success! They can also add a movie deal, creating a modernized version of Pretty Woman… but in the end, instead of Richard Gere showing up with a limo, a money-hungry producer shows up with a TV contract.

Seriously, though, where are we going to go when this novelty wears off? How dirty is reality television going to get before draw the line? How many talentless nymphomaniacs are going to get rich while we struggle to pay off our student loans? I, personally, am sick of seeing these women re-objectify the gender every week and make a bad name for sexually liberated women who don’t need the cameras rolling 24/7. I prefer my walks of shame to go unrecorded, thank you very much.

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust.

I think we all take for granted the fact that, no matter what, at the end of the day we have someone we can turn to that has our best interest at heart. And if no one else, it is usually a parent. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for a lot of people in showbiz (just look at Britney!) and it is certainly not the case for LiLo.

Even her father has been known to leak her personal info to the press just to see his name in print. On many occasions. And now he is trying to get back on Lindsay’s good graces with this voicemail. The message is creepy and just total bullsh*t. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he thinks of how he can use her next. He is a total sleazeball. I am beginning to wonder if he paid that Kristi Kaufmann to plant that “He’s the father of my baby” story.

Poor Lindsay has to cut her own parents (we know she’s not talking to Dina since she wants nothing to do with her terrible reality show) out of her life to get some privacy. That is just sad. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t keep my family around me or count on them to protect me.

No matter how many Miu Miu bags this girl has, I can’t help but feel bad.

Not that I still don’t want one. In fact, I’m just gonna keep my eyes open for one of them on EBay. I’m sure Michael will have them up there soon.

[photo courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com]

I don’t remember most of these people so I hope that I don’t have to hear them talk. I wish that Jay had missed his flight out of Jersey.

Everyone is out on stage except for Chad, Bo and Kristy. I guess Chad has to be kept away from Bo, especially if there’s some lawsuit lurking.

We’re treated to clips of everyone making fun of Jay because he sucks, Glitter because she’s crazy and George for being nocturnally creepy. What’s up with staying up all night to watch everyone sleep?

I wish that someone would fill a tube sock with silver dollars and smack Jay in the mouth to make him shut up. You are NOT a bad ass; CHAD had to fight ‘for’ you, little man, because you can’t head butt anyone in the face unless they’re too short to go on the upside down roller coasters at the county fair.

I don’t know who’s calling Jay out, but I like her. Who threw a chair at him? Haaaaa!!!!!! Do it, Jersey girl Lauren!!!

Please interview Lisa now; this ish is draaaaaagging. Oh, Britanny’s up and she was always pretty, but she’s gotten prettier. I didn’t know that she’s a “gold star” lesbian – meaning that she’s never done anything with a boy.

We are then treated to the Glitter Montage of Tears. I feel really badly for laughing at the tears but I will say that she looks good on this reunion show.

And FINALLY Lisa is up; she’s the only one I care to hear. If you’re reading this, you looked smokin’ and you’re totally not manly to me. And it’s appropriate that Lisa’s mini interview closes with Glitter working the pole since the two are such good friends.

Chad comes out in a blue blazer like he’s on “Miami Vice” and I laugh at Glitter saying he looks like a douche because she’s right. I really liked him until what he did to Bo; I could have over-looked the Jay friendship. I don’t even know how that dumb fight started.

After the Chad clip medley, Ryan the Host points out the frequency with which Chad referred to his penis size. Polish guys have huge wang bones? I never heard that. Like I think that every other nationality is known for their penis size in some way except for the Polish guys. Chad’s shoes were clearly stolen from Crockett’s closet. Why would you call Bo’s mom a whore? That’s stupid, totally lame and wholly unoriginal.

When it’s Bo’s turn to come out, Miami Wang Bone has to be put in a cage. Ryan Stout, the host, asks Bo why everyone was annoyed by him and Bo turns the question to the other contestants. Lisa talks about how Bo was in love with Tila the celebrity (hah) and someone tells Bo that he sucks for not calling Chad out for calling his mom a whore…And that’s when the throw down begins.

Chad goes from Miami Vice to shirtless “Fight Club” and they have to take it to commercial so that (possibly fake?) fight doesn’t turn into an explosion of blood and more liability for MTV on stage.

After the break, we see that Chad’s been escorted out and Bo is seated again with the host. Then Kristy comes out – and Sirbrina and Britanny are making out on stage? I’m sure that you’re proving a point to someone.

Bo/Brandon and Kristy clip show and then Kristy makes the Ryan knead her ass to prove that it’s real.

So that was a waste of an hour.

I am grateful that the finale is next week. I’m going to call Kristy for the win because it seems that no one can resist that ass.