The Week That Gave Us All Premature Heart Attacks

Have the last 7 days made anyone else crave a bubble bath and a good book? How about a Valium?

Anyway, the world kind of imploded this week. Cheerleaders were bashed for being cheerleaders, we had flashbacks to 7th grade when our sworn enemy put a dead fish in our locker, that awkward hook-up just became the top dining hall gossip, and we seriously forgot how to actually care.

To make matters worse, we found out that men cheat on us a lot, and John McCain almost didn’t make it to tonight’s debate.

A week like this makes us want to manufacture our own boyfriend, go shopping at American Apparel, find a much younger guy to toy with, eat some candy bar brownies, and eff Jeremy Piven.

At least we learned how to survive that 8 AM class. If nothing else, we’ll be early for the end of the world.