Yay! Another baby for Amy Poehler!

Did Sandra Bullock’s husband cheat on her?

Jesus, is everyone breaking up?

Feel happier every day.

Kate Winslet leaning on Leo?

Learn how to kiss well (or teach your man).

And if your name is Amy Poehler, I’ll even share dessert with you (and I don’t share dessert with anyone).

I’ve been crushing on Amy hardcore since her early days on SNL. Amy’s quick wit and perfect timing proved once and for all that women don’t have to be ugly or lesbians to be successful comedians, and I tuned in every Saturday night to get my weekly dose of Poehler. She made a name for herself almost immediately, and was probably the only cast member who could fill Tina Fey’s shoes…er…chair on Weekend Update.

But Amy Poehler isn’t just an improv genius; the woman can act and has found herself in some of the best comedies everrr. Remember her infamous role in Mean Girls? How could you not? What about Wet Hot American Summer? Or Deuce Bigalow?  Amy stole the show and put those movies on the top of my “Best Movies to Watch While Stoned” list.  Needless to say, I was ecstatic when I found out about her NBC show, Parks and Recreation. And she didn’t disappoint.

Part of me wants to hate Amy Poehler for stealing my Hollywood boyfriend, Will Arnett, but I can’t. In fact, if I was gonna lose my future hubbie to anyone, I’m glad it was someone as talented, beautiful and effing hilarious as her. I just hope that one day I can get in on that shiz. A threesome with Poehler and Arnett? Probably the only thing better than an Arrested Development marathon.

Need to vent? This site was created for that sole purpose.

My boyfriend Will Arnett is hosting a Super Bowl Party!

Guy gets it on with travel toothbrush?

Are you a coffee shop-aholic?

Evan Rachel Wood clears up the Mickey Rourke rumors.

I’m pretty sure I could win Wing Bowl 2009. 

Are chandelier earrings coming back?

Is that Dakota Fanning!?

Check out Alexander McQueen for Target!

Are colleges going to eliminate grades?

Kelly and Donna are reunited!

Now it’s Pete’s turn to discuss Jessica Simpson’s weight.

And I’m not alone. Unlike men who get weird just brushing against another dude, we ladies are able to admire and look at (and even makeout with) other girls without a problem. We can talk about another girl’s great boobs, or how hot she looks in a dress without thinking twice. Lots of girls have girl crushes, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers which lady could get them to switch teams.

And I gotta say – we have really good taste.

Erica – Kent State: Helena Bonham Carter, but only as her character Marla Singer from Fight Club. Yum.

Elisabeth – UA Huntsville: Eliza Dushku. She rocked on Tru Calling.

S.E. – Fordham: Megan Fox. ‘Nuff said.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Amy Poehler. I have a thing for funny girls. And maybe I could use her to get to Will Arnett?

Sarah – East Carolina University: Milla Jovovich. She kicks ass and looks fantastic doing it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Kat Von D. She’s beautiful and a B.A.M.F.

Kathryn S.: Emily De Ravine from Lost – she’s hot, and maybe I could entice her into having a three-way with Josh Holloway or Naveen Andrews. Bonus!

Sara C – Fordham: Heidi Klum! She’s a bombshell, and when we’re done doing the deed she can help me construct a better wardrobe. What’s not to love?

Leah – Ryerson University: Jessica Alba.

Carly – Grinnell: I think I probably have to go with Keira Knightley.

Noa – CU Boulder: Elisha Cuthbert. She’s just hot.

Devon – UCLA: Megan Fox.

Madison – Puget Sound: I think my person would have to be Adriana Lima. Who can resist a Victoria’s Secret model?!

Liza – Grove City College: Hands down, Rhianna. No question!

Mandy – Hofstra: I’d definitely switch teams for my girl crush, Kim Kardashian. I don’t know what it is about her, but the girl’s hot!

Kelly – UMass: Angelina. No questions.

So, who’s yours?

Ok, so that’s a lie. I don’t usually leave the bar before a 2 a.m. screaming rendition of Like A Prayer. I did begin DVRing SNL, though, and rewinding Weekend Update over and over again. That sh*t is funny and Amy Poehler is the woman I dream to become: funny, witty, successful, blonde, and married to Will Arnett.

So, yeah, SNL has been making me laugh lately. A lot. But last night it made me cry again. Not because it was so unfunny that it hurt (like that Michael Phelps ep.), but because my favorite little lady is leaving the show for good. Amy P. decided it was time to stay home with her new baby (boooo!) and took a little time out of last night’s episode to say goodbye.

It was everything you’d expect from a Poehler goodbye, though the comic relief could not stop my tears. (I know, pathetic.) Let’s just hope this is only a little pause in Poehler’s career and not the end. And that SNL doesn’t start majorly sucking now that she’s gone.

Nipple Covers: Every girl needs em.

Johnny Depp is kinda weird…

Brad Pitt. OMG. So. effing. hot.

The perfect going-out-look for a crisp night.

Did Family Guy go too far?

So, The Hills is fake. I mean, we knew it, but we didn’t want to know it

Seriously – does Tara Reid work?

Ellen and Portia might be the cutest couple ever.

Oooo. A JoBro was spotted doin’ a little smoochy, smoochy.

Is Will Arnett getting another show!?

How many calories are you burning during sex? Find out! 

Something New: Semi-Pro (2008)

The Connection: Both are disco-licious basketball comedies – my favorite genre

I am a cynic by nature. I don’t go to church. I don’t play the lottery. I don’t read books that the general population agrees are good. I don’t watch Extreme Home Makeover. I don’t think Barack Obama can revolutionize America. I don’t believe in procreation. I don’t coo over puppies.

But one of the few things that can consistently penetrate my hard-ass realist exterior is an underdog sports movie. Seriously. I can’t explain it, but ever since Rudy, this cheesiest of movie genres has had the ability to burrow in to my stone-cold heart and leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, and sometimes even a little teary-eyed. It’s embarrassing but true, and I take a special kind of guilty pleasure in indulging this ever-so-sissy aspect of myself.

And while The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh is certainly no Rudy, it does the double-duty of being a satisfying underdog sports film and a campy tribute to the disco age (YESSSS!). Set in, duh, Pittsburgh, the film centers around a pro basketball team called the Pittsburgh Pythons that’s on the brink of extinction due to their horrendous track record. In an attempt to save the team, the young waterboy contacts an astrologer (Stockard Channing) to ask for advice, and she determines that the key to success is to create a team of players born under the sign Pisces – hence, the film’s title.

Featuring a whole host of old school bball players including Julius Erving and Meadowlark Lemon, the movie is really pretty much total crap but in all the right ways. The storyline is so outlandish, the acting so bad (Because when has an athlete ever been a good actor? Besides Shaq in Kazaam!, of course.), the budget so obviously low that the fact the film was even made is kind of an admirable underdog story in and of itself. Plus, for all conventional ways in which the movie blows, it makes up for it with the fancy ball-handling and trick shots from Dr. J and Lemon and the truly fabulous disco soundtrack.

Taking obvious cues from it’s predecessor, Semi-Pro is a lot like The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, only it’s less an exhibition game with a storyline and more, you know, a movie. Newly released on DVD, Semi-Pro is Will Ferrell’s most recent comedic endeavor about a failing ABA team called the Flint Tropics. Ferrell is the team’s owner, coach, and power forward who realizes he needs to step up his play when he learns that the NBA will be absorbing the ABA, and only the top four teams will make it in to the more established league. The usual Ferrell barrage of hilarious one-liners (containing considerable more f-bombs than most Ferrell films) and celeb cameos ensues, all set to, of course, a booty-bumpin’ disco soundtrack.

While the film’s major players (Woody Harrelson and Andre Benjamin) drive the storyline, it’s the secondary characters that make it worth watching. Will Arnett and Andrew Daly are perfect as the Tropic’s announcers, and Andy Richter plays his perpetual role as That Awesome Other Dude to a T. Is this the new Anchorman? Hells no. But it does deliver what you expect/want from Ferrell, and leaves you feelin’ good like a sports movie should. Make sure to check out the DVD extras – the deleted scenes contain some funny improv, and as a Michigan native, I loved the “Four Days in Flint” footage.

BOTTOM LINE

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh: Good crappy camp fun. Toss it on your Netflix and watch it on a rainy Sunday.

Semi-Pro: Nothing new, but standard issue Will Ferrell is way better than most of the shit out there.