I want to propose the unthinkable:

I think hipsters are kind of OK.

Now, stay with me here.
Many, many people disagree – even some here at CollegeCandy – but if you can look past the obvious (like the mustaches and the outline of the boys’ genitalia through their super tight denim), I think our friends in Bushwick and the ‘Burg have some redeeming qualities. Below, I present a list of their good points:

1. Sometimes their clothes aren’t ridiculous: Just about everyone looks good in a v-neck tee, even if it’s not from American Apparel (sorry, Dov). And skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors may also be hipster mainstays, but let’s not forget, these have been the mark of style for a long time. (Yes, long before some people were rockin’ them out with Wayfarers and fedoras.)  Rock stars wouldn’t be sexy if their jeans weren’t so damn tight and Chucks are comfy with a 40-year history of cool. Everyone from Snoop Dogg to Sylvester Stallone has worn these kicks, and your plaid-clad friends aren’t going to stop now. Neither should you.

2. Cafe culture is fun: Sometimes you deserve to treat yourself to organic coffee grown by only six farmers in the farthest reaches of Kenya on the highest mountain. Savor that $8-cup o’ joe, even if it means sitting through open mic night. Cafes are great for people watching, and you might meet someone cute by the cream and sugar. Nice.

3. They’re sensitive types: Hipsters are devoted to art and many even think they’re good at it. Let a nice guy in glasses and a flannel shirt from Salvation Army write you a song, even if he plays it on a keytar for added “irony” or quirkiness. It’s the thought that counts, right?

4. Admit it–snark can be funny: A little bit of sarcasm goes a long way when it comes to laughing at our daily lives. Case in point: Christian Lander, author of Stuff White People Like (the blog and the book), has the beard, the glasses, and the attitude of hipsters everywhere. And he’s funny.

5. Once you’re in there, they’re…nice: Hipsters sneer at people who watch – and enjoy – reality TV, but after you get them warmed up, they’re just so darn friendly. They’re really liberal with their Parliaments and any other herbal substances you may need. And while you may not like Pabst Blue Ribbon, at least it’s free.

6. They throw great parties: At a hipster party, you know you won’t hear the same five T-Pain songs you heard on your way over there. It’s easy to laugh about hipsters’ taste in music, but I promise you won’t stop dancing as the DJ goes through everything from the oldest rap to the newest mash-ups. Also, see number 5 for hipster etiquette.

Keep this list in mind the next time you happen upon a bar filled with twenty-somethings in plaid and neon brights. You may enjoy it. And I don’t mean ironically.

If I could have just had a super crush on a lawyer…or even a football player…maybe everything would be more normal in my love life.

Maybe I wouldn’t find myself waking up on an air mattress in a loft in Williamsburg… pinching myself and then repeating over and over, “He’s an ARTIST, Elizabeth…he’s an ARTIST.”

But I’m an artist, too. Hell, all I do is write everything from books to songs all day. I even paint. And take pictures. And I dance. And I do mosaic. AND I sleep on a REAL bed in a real apartment that has heat and cable and plants that aren’t dead.

And so I sit on the train pondering this question. With every hipster/artsy looking boy I see, I wonder if he too sleeps on an air mattress. Is this a prerequisite for being cool?

Certainly, my artist lovers past….which would be…ugh…all of my lovers past…didn’t all sleep on air mattresses. In fact, I can only think of one other.

And then I realized:

It is a true struggle being an artist. Especially in a big city. It DOES take time to develop yourself and hone your talents so that you can begin to generate money. However, as I look around my romantic circles…and triangles…I notice something: plenty of the guys who I have dated who are artists have real beds. And some of them have multiple houses. And yachts. And while this point is not at all about material things, there is something to be said for an artist who has harnessed their skills well enough to live like a comfortable, regular person. Although their lives are anything but regular, being able to have the perks of a regular, stable life while doing exactly what you love for a living is a marker of success, to me.

And so I won’t be sleeping on the air mattress again.

Not because I am above it.

And not because it’s necessarily uncomfortable.

But because I’m no longer in that place.

I’m in a place where my art is paying for itself and so I need to leave Mr. Air Mattress in Williamsburg Loft to the high school musical theater girls who will feed off of his “independence” like vultures.

Meanwhile, I’ll be out sipping wine with another hot artist boy who CAN afford to drink outside of his loft.

The line between an accomplished artist and a total loser is very fine. And to be fair, almost all artists were once total losers. But if I’m gonna be a sucker for the artsy guy, well, these days…I’m gonna go ahead and be a sucker while sleeping in a warm, REAL bed. Which, if I may note, Kurt Cobain DID eventually have.

hip·ster1 [hip-ster] –noun Slang.

1. a particular breed of middle to upper class 20 some things that tend to inhabit surrounding neighborhoods of urban areas. The hipster generally has money, yet shuns conventional materialism. They try to appear starving, broken, and angry, yet have the comfort of living in $2000 lofts. Trust funds are a common commodity among hipsters.

The goal of the hipster is to look ironic.

The hipster handbook defines the hipster as “One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term “cool”: a Hipster would instead say “deck.”)

The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.”

It becomes a difficult task to then differentiate between those who actually cannot eat, shower, or afford clothes. The hipster’s style aesthetic is influenced by the homeless. The hairstyles worn by the hipster is generally ragged, dirty, and has the appearance of a lack of care though often hours of care is put into the upkeep of said look.

In areas such as Williamsburg is generally safe to assume that anyone possessing this look is indeed a hipster.

Clutching their Ipods and sipping PBR, the hipster has taken over areas that were once affordable and turned them into a hipster oasis prompting stores such as Brooklyn Industries and American Apparel to move into these neighborhoods.

In main urban areas, like Manhattan, it becomes difficult to distinguish between “homeless” and “hipster.” Unkept hair, dirty clothes, a general disdain for life in general? Homeless or hipster? You decide!

Test your skills with these nifty photos so you don’t give spare change to someone with a trust fund. Play the game after the jump:

Click on a photo to determine “Hipster or Homeless?” Good Luck.

1. 2.

3. 4.

5. 6.

7. 8.

I get on and off of the L train everyday and make the half mile trek down Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn. Since moving to New York, with all its freaks and noises and things that could provoke anxiety in a small town Massachusetts girl, this walk has become the most nerve wracking part of my day.

Bedford Avenue, or the hipster catwalk, is the main drag down oh so trendy Williamsburg. I try to stare straight ahead and smoke a cigarette as soon as I get off of the train, but inevitably some hipster catches my eye and throws me a dirty look. I can’t help but stare back because I wonder how long it took him to squeeze into those pants.

Generally, the guys are the size of one of my legs, and the girls are even smaller. The jeans are always straightlegged, and always so tight that I wonder how movement or blood circulation to the genitals is even possible. The shirts are always of some kind of vintage quality, preferably V-necked, the hair is done messily but with oh so much care. I wonder if they know how ridiculous they look, but then I’m the outcast in Billyburg.

A video on You Tube called “The Hipster Olympics” has been making it’s way around for a little while now. What makes it so funny is the utter truth it tells about the hipster community. They will and do judge you to the point where even the most secure among us, can feel shamed as they make their way down Bedford.

Then I walk past McCarren Park, which is a beautiful park, but is difficult to sit in on a nice day when hundreds of hipsters take the place over. Some of them like to go running but they do so in full hipster regalia, knee socks and head band included.

The best way I’ve found to look conspicuous in Williamsburg is to wear general non-discript clothing, i.e. a t-shirt and jeans. Sometimes I can get away with this, but the hipster’s can smell when there is an invader. I am an alien on their turf, I work for “the man,” I like to eat, and I refuse to spend 34 dollars on a t-shirt from American Apparel.

I moved to Brooklyn to get out of Massachusetts, but now I think moving to Manhattan might be my best course of action.

I’m such a sell-out.