Oysters, chocolate, and green M&Ms chili. No, I’m not listing off ingredients for a (seemingly disgusting) recipe; I’m listing off well-known aphrodisiacs, AKA foods that allegedly get you in the mood to get freaky with yo bad self (and your partner).

Well, get excited peeps, because there are a few new frisky foods to add to that list.

The Food Research International journal has recently published research saying that saffron and ginseng also boost sexual performance.

The professor behind the research said these natural aphrodisiacs theoretically enhance performance and libido and, because they are simply common spices, are safe to experiment with. Unlike alcohol, another aphrodisiac (the effects of which we’ve all experienced, am I right?), saffron and ginseng will not cause judgment impairment (the effects of which we’ve all unfortunately experienced, am I right?), meaning this is a fun and safe way to literally spice up your love life.

While it has yet to be determined what affect saffron in household cooking will have on your sexual desire, there is no harm in trying it out. If you’re looking to add a little somethin’ spicy to your love life, cooking a meal with saffron could do the trick, especially if you and your bed buddy cook together. (And double especially if you cook together with a bottle of wine nearby.) Paella and saffron rice are two dishes that incorporate saffron. But if you’re not feeling that ambitious or don’t even know where the grocery store is to stock up on saffron, check out your local Spanish restaurant, where saffron dishes are abundant. Bonus points for salsa dancing – if saffron in the paella doesn’t do the trick, a little Havana Nights-inspired hip thrusting definitely will.

As for ginseng, it’s slightly more difficult to use, but as it’s easily found in tea form, you can skip all the efforts of cooking and cleaning and get straight to bed. Easy peasy.

And that’s that. Will you be adding a little saffron into the mix? Have you ever felt the affects of an aphrodisiac? Share your thoughts below.

Oh, and P.S. This study also found that chocolate may not actually be an aphrodisiac and the psychological meaning of chocolate could be influencing this common belief! Yes, the chocolate companies have successfully linked their products with romance, meaning people associate them with sex, but really, pounding a bag of M&Ms (green or any other color) will only make you full.

It’s probably the latter. But still, I can’t help but think that there are certain shopping experiences that really would be made easier if they could be done with some booze in hand…

1. Swimsuit shopping. Bring on the shots. If it were up to me no woman would ever have to endure such a horror sober. Take a shot of tequila before trying on any one piece. Two for tankinis. Three for bikinis. By then, they’ll all look great.

2. Holiday shopping. Holiday shopping is super stressful and extra annoying because you don’t even get to keep any of the stuff that you spend so much time picking out. You’re giving it all away. So next December get your peppermint mocha or eggnog spiked before you start your shopping.  I think it will go a lot more smoothly…

3. Lingerie Shopping. Similar to the swimsuit shopping experience, except the lingerie doesn’t stay on for nearly as long. Go with wine for this shopping experience. Take your girlfriends and have a little bit of a fashion show, and sip some red wine as you do. It’ll relax your nerves for when you buy the lingerie… and for when you use it.

4. Shopping for School Supplies. With book prices these days drinking while book buying should be mandatory. For every $50 you spend, take a shot. For every $100, chug a beer.  Do it before you head out on a Thursday night and you’ll kill two birds with one stone- school supply shopping and pregaming.

The possibilities for such occasions are endless. Tell me ladies, which shopping experiences do you wish you had a drink in hand for?

Your college experience flies by so fast that you’re often stuck standing in line for graduation wondering where the past four years went. You vaguely remember meeting your best friend when she held your hair back after your first frat party and you kinda remember that all-nighter you pulled to get 3 term papers done in one night. But the rest is a blur of theme parties, walks of shame, and begging your older sister for her fake ID.

Before you know it, you’re out in the real world, working a real job alongside real people, wondering what happened to no-class Friday and $3 pitchers. And trust me, it ain’t fun.

It gets pretty easy to get caught up in it all and forget to be young and crazy. That’s why, with only a little way’s to go until I hit the big 2-5, I’ve put together the ultimate list of everything we, as fun-loving and fearless women, need to accomplish before we turn 25.

1. Have a really good one-night stand with a gorgeous guy. Forget about your personalities matching up and forget about Facebooking him the next day. Appreciate the smoking hot naked body…and take some Plan B in the morning just in case, because if you did it right, you have no way of ever contacting him.

2. Do an illegal drug. Otherwise your kids will think you’re totally lame 30 years down the road when they’re all like “Mom, I bet you were so wild and fun back in the  ’10s” and you’ll have to respond “well, one time I drank beer before liquor.”

3. Live in another country (even if it’s just for a short period of time). You’ll get an entirely new perspective on our country, on the world, and on how far reaching American scandals go in other countries. Nothing like your Spanish host mom bringing up Monica Lewinsky years after the fact.

4. Travel on the cheap. Pick a destination and do it up, backpacking-style. Stay in hostels, eat unidentifiable food, and make sure to have anti-diarrhea medicine on hand. Once you’re over 25, your body will no longer be able to stomach staying in those places, eating that food, and experiencing food poisoning in front of a ton of foreign strangers.

5. Confront a fear. Doesn’t matter if it’s a fear of heights or a fear of spiders, figure out a way to face it head on just once.

6. Be brave and be bold and have sex with the lights on. He’ll find you even sexier, which will only boost your own self-confidence.

7. Splurge on an awesome pair of jeans that fit you really well. Bonus points if they also fit your completely different-sized best friends just as well and make magical things happen.

8. Apologize to someone you were mean to in middle school. Except for that one girl who didn’t need braces, everyone was feeling insecure and left out in those days. A quick Facebook message apology will brighten her day.

9. Make a real guy friend who is really just a friend. As in you don’t want to ever see him naked and he doesn’t ever want to see you naked. No points if you’re related.

10. Get a job working with food or working with clothes. You’ll never treat your waiters,  your bartenders, your salespeople the same way ever again. You’ll suddenly understand why they ask you to get off the phone when you’re ordering and why they request that you take your clothes out of the dressing room.

11. Figure out what kind of wine you actually like. There is life beyond Franzia and you’ll feel so mature and adult when you can tell a date that you prefer a dry Chardonnay over a sweeter Pinot. The best way to figure this out on the cheap? Go on a wine tour. You’ll sort things out real quick. Oh, and learn how to work a corkscrew. No wine is enhanced by chunks of cork floating around.

12. Take a roadtrip with your friends. The destination doesn’t matter. As Miley Cyrus once “sang,” it’s all about the climb. Nothing brings friends closer than endless games of “Count the Cracker Barrels,” hours upon hours of deep conversations (out come the family secrets!), and Disney sing-a-longs.

13. Try an exotic food you can’t pronounce.

14. Go to a college football game and go all out. Paint your face, lose your voice from cheering, and tailgate like a rockstar.

15. See a Broadway show. Even the most cynical people leave a show happy.

16. Go 24 hours media-free. That means turn off your cell phone and shut down your computer. With the exception of getting tagged in heinous photos that you can’t de-tag right away, you won’t miss anything.

17. Skinny dip.

18. Give back to the community. Whether it’s building houses for Habitat for Humanity, participating in a campus Relay for Life, or standing for days on end for a Dance Marathon, you’ll have an awesome time and feel really, really good about yourself. After a 12 hour nap, of course.

19. Learn to do your own taxes and how to manage your own money. It will make that transition into real life so. much. easier.

20. Take your parents out to a nice dinner. Because they deserve it.

21. Start a blog about your life and update it regularly. Sure it seems self-centered now, but you’ll be grateful ten years from now when you can reflect on your life when you were really living it up.

22. Go to a Pride Parade. There is nothing on earth as fun, happy and memorable than a parade dedicated to gay pride.

23. Go to Vegas and let go. Party hard, then party harder. Then hit up an all-you-can-eat buffet to sober up…so you can party again.

24. Learn to drive a manual car. They’re cheaper and, really, it’s just a cool party trick. Plus, from what we hear, it’s a major turn-on for guys.

25. Donate blood. If you think donating is scary, imagine being the person who needs it during a blood shortage. And if that’s not enough, there are cookies.

It's like a multi-vitamin for your soul...

“Oh my God, that girl is a freak of nature.  She drinks every day. I mean, come on, that can’t be healthy.”

We all know her.  The girl who doesn’t hesitate at picking up a wine menu…at four in the afternoon.  She’s the classy friend, the one who can explain the difference between a Chardonnay and a Riesling.  Maybe she comes from a European family? Maybe she was raised on Pinot for breakfast?

How is she not dead yet?

Well, not only is “that girl” not dead, she may very well be healthier than you.

A new study out of the Public Assistance Hospitals of Paris claims that those who consume three glasses of wine a day* are generally healthier than those who don’t.  It isn’t so much the wine itself that is lowering the risk of cardiovascular disease, heart rate, stress and depression levels, as well as body mass index; instead, it’s the socializing and relaxing that typically comes with opening a bottle (or box) of wine.

With this in mind, I hope you invite your girlfriends over, pour everyone a glass (or three), and pop the first season of Laguna Beach in the DVD player.  Some good old-fashioned Cavallari bashing and a Wino Wednesday will definitely help send you peacefully into summer…. and many, many summers beyond.

*Now, for you “enthusiastic” drinkers out there, don’t get carried away and think you can save up those weeknight drinks and go crazy on the weekend- ten glasses of wine in one Saturday night will make your liver shrivel no matter what the French say. And let’s be honest: waking up in the morning and remembering all the dumb things you did while drunk is far from relaxing.

Who ever thought the phrase “It’s time to breast feed” could become the world’s greatest pick-up line and make you the most popular girl around? Possibly the best invention since the World Wide Web, a new drinking device may just make this true.  We introduce you to your new best friend:

The Wine Rack.

Yeah, the product name is great, but the actual product is even better.

This handy bra can hold up to 3.5 bottles of wine, 64 shots of your favorite poison, or nearly 7 beers. And with the attached straw, you can sip, sip, sip to your heart’s content.

Holding liquor in your bra? WHY have I never thought of this?  The brilliance!  This bra kills about 27 birds with one stone.  A couple of dead birds:

1.  Best padded bra ever. You’ll start off the night with an enhanced rack, and by the time the liquor is drained, everyone else’s beer goggles will be so thick that they won’t even notice your deflation.

2.  You can sneak your booze of choice anywhere.  Graduation, class, your nerdy cousin’s piano recital,  AA meetings….  it’s at your service whenever you need it.  Practically the Onstar of alcoholism.

3.  You will easily be the coolest girl at any party. You spot a hot guy… so does every other girl.  They all mutter awkward forgettable “Uh hey, my name is uh something, what’s yours?” statements to him and his sidekicks.  And then you interject, “Hey!  I’ve got some Jack in my bra, wanna sip?” BAM. You win.

If anyone ever deserved a Nobel Prize, it’s whoever came up with this idea. Bravo, makers of the Wine Rack. BRAVO!!

Mother Earth Says: No balloons!

As 2009 winds down and 2010 looms ahead, we all begin thinking about the important things in life.  I think most of us can agree that at the top of our list would be one of the most important things of all – throwing an epic NYE bash!

As always, I will be the one to 1) ruin your fun by saying that your party is killing the earth and 2) make it even better by replacing your old faves with your soon-to-be new ones.  Here are some of the most crucial aspects to throwing an eco-friendly, yet equally bitchin’ New Year’s shindig.

1) Choose eco-friendly champagnes.  This article on TreeHugger.com has a great list of organic sparkling wines at all price ranges.   If you’re like me and still too poor to afford a bottle of anything over $7.99 then you can still opt for the favorites as long as they’re grown and bottled as close to you as possible.  For example, if you’re a California girl, such as myself, you have the pleasure of sippin’ on BevMo’s finest.  That’s right, I’m talking about Cook’s and Andre.  You’re welcome.

2)  Use real champagne glasses. I know you are all classy ladies out there, so kick the red cup habit and get something real stylish.  If you can’t afford the cost and the injuries that result from broken glass, opt for acrylic or plastic champagne flutes.  Just be sure to recollect them at the end of the night so you can use them for your party next year (or next week).

3)  Skip the streamers and confetti. Seriously, who decorates their party with streamers past the age of 6 anyway?  If your party is not complete without the midnight confetti toss and next day incessant vacuuming, then be my guest.  But please, please, please don’t waste your money and our precious resources at an overpriced party goods store.  All you have to do is look in your recycle bin, dig out that old newspaper and start ripping it to shreds.

4)  Ditch the Fritos and get your a** in the kitchen! By whipping something up on your own, your food will be yummier, cheaper, and healthier for you than those nasty processed foods.  Plus, there’s really no way to know exactly how much the Earth died (tiny overstatement) just to get you your frozen spinach dip.  If you’re ready to get your hands dirty but you don’t know how, just follow the recipe of your favorite party foods and then substitute the ingredients for organic, fresher, and less processed alternatives.  Eat up!

5)  Spend your money on booze. And not on your NYE party dress.  Get real, you know you’re only going to wear it once anyways!  Be resourceful and utilize all your resources before heading to the mall.  Borrow clothes from your friends and match them with those shoes that you haven’t worn in a year.  (I promise, nobody will notice.)  If absolutely cannot live without a new party ‘fit, hit your local thrift and consignment stores today!  Not only will you spare the earth’s resources, but you also have a higher chance of buying a designer label that’s actually within your price range.

Mmmm holiday cookies.

I could eat my own weight in Grandma’s “Won’t Fail Fudge,” but do I really want to carry around an extra me in 2010? Not exactly. Spring comes quick here in Santa Barbara, so bikinis and spring runs are just around the corner. If you’re located somewhere where you’ll be wearing large sweaters for the next four months – lucky you! (I guess?) But even if you will be bundled up for a few more months, that doesn’t mean you want to have to trade your skinny jeans for your dad’s sweatpants thanks to a few weeks of indulging.

So, here ere are some tips for navigating holiday parties and rounds at the bar so you can enjoy yourself and still look damn good in the new year.

Surviving Those Holiday Gatherings
Food can seem like the main event at holiday parties, but isn’t the point to mingle and mix with one another?

1. Don’t Go Hungry! Pretty self-explanatory, but don’t do it! Eat sensibly throughout the day, and maybe skip a snack if you want to bank a few extra hundred calories for later.

2. Choose foods that are “worth” it to you. Choosing to have a little taste of the things that you’re really craving, say Christmas cookies or some mini-quiches, while holding back on the other hors d’oeuvres at the buffet line can save you hundreds of calories without making you feel deprived. Pick to have a small portion of your favorite one or two dishes, and load the rest of your plate up with veggies and low-fat dips. Some great options are salsa, guacamole, and other vegetable-based dips.

3. Protein, protein, protein! Choosing foods that are high in protein will help to keep you fuller for longer, and help you to combat bloat in your party dress because you will be fuller from eating less! Choose items such as cheese, nuts, small sausages, shrimp, or slices of meat. Just don’t go overboard! Stick to recommended serving sizes: 1 oz of cheese is about the size of four dice, 3 oz of meat is about the size of a deck of cards, and one serving of nuts fits in the palm of your cupped hand.

4. Keep a drink handy. Keeping a low-calorie drink or cocktail in your hand while socializing means that you can’t eat at the same time! Also, you won’t have to worry about talking with food in your mouth.

5. When all else fails, wear something slinky. You’ll attract attention and feel good. If you feel more confident, you’re more likely to make good choices about food and less likely to feel like binging on the nearest plate of sugar cookies. Think about it: wearing a big sweater means room for cookies! A slinky dress means one or two, but not the whole plate.

Bring on the Bar!
These days, I’d gladly take my vodka and tonic over a sugar cookie. But can’t I have both? Please?

1. Mix and mingle with something light. Substitute diet soda or diet tonic water when possible in your favorite mixed drinks. Juices are great to mix with, especially if the bar offers lower-sugar or sugar-free versions. Lime or lemon, and even a cherry, can flavor your drink for only a few calories. OR try flavored liquor on the rocks.

2. Choose wisely and lightly. Choose a lower calorie cocktail (especially if you’re having more than one – New Year’s Eve anyone?) Some good options include:

Wine Spritzer – Wine spritzers are half wine and half club soda. With three ounces of wine and three ounces of club soda, wine spritzers top out at about 60 calories and zero grams of fat.

Red wine or white wine (5 ounce serving)
Calories: 120

Champagne (5 ounce serving)
Calories: 120

Vodka tonic
Calories: 200 (or order it with diet tonic and lime for only about 100 calories!)

Regular beer (12-ounce serving)
Calories: 150

Light beer (12 ounce serving)
Calories: 100

Vodka Cranberry with just a splash of cranberry and mostly diet tonic
Calories: Under 150

And sometimes – like after you come home from bombing an exam to find an email from your long distance boyfriend saying he “just can’t do it anymore” and you knock a glass of water onto your brand new MacBook – you need a lot more. But something about chugging Two Buck Chuck straight from the bottle is neither classy nor refined, and having to keep pouring glass after glass just slows down the healing process.

Sounds like to need this (big) guy.

A wine glass big enough to hold a full bottle of Boones Farm Strawberry Fields?

I’ll take two, please.

Veev:  An excellent substitute for vodka, Veev is actually manufactured from acai berries which are packed with antioxidants and anthocyanins.  What makes this drink even better, however, is the company’s commitment to the environment.  Veev donates $1 towards the Brazilian rainforest for every bottle sold, preserving their sustainable acai supply.  Veev is also the first carbon-neutral liquor company, powering all of their distillers through renewable energy.  Pass up the Smirnoff  and throw one of these back with friends (but don’t forget to toast to the Brazilian rainforest first!).

OneHope Sauvignon Blanc: I bought this baby on a whim at BevMo (5 cent sale, anyone?) and felt an instant karma boost.  With every bottle sold, OneHope donates 50% of the profits to the American Forest, a charity aimed at protecting, restoring, and enhancing our native trees and forests.  If you’re not a sauvignon blanc fan, there are several other wines to choose from, each with their own cause.  Drink chardonnay for breast cancer, merlot for AIDS, or zinfandel for our troops overseas.  Whichever you choose, you can bet you’ll feel a little buzz of goodness with every glass.

New Belgium beer:  This brewery from Fort Collins, Colorado has a long list of environmental actions and achievements.  I am not going to go through the whole list here because, well, I’m lazy.  Here are the most notable ones of the bunch:
* Decreased energy usage in their brewing and in the facility itself due to efficient lighting, sustainable building materials, and efficient brew kettles.
* Wind power and waste water are used to produce renewable energy for the factory.
* Encouragement of bike transportation by hosting an annual bike festival and giving every employee a free bike after 1 year of employment.
* Member of 1% For the Planet, meaning that they give 1% of their revenue to environmental non-profits.

ModMix organic mixers:  The name says it all – ModMix creates a line of fully organic mixers for your favorite cocktails.  This means no chemicals, no synthetic pesticides, and no harmful substances.  You can use ModMix for pretty much any drink you could imagine.  Their products include mixes for citrus margaritas, French martinis, lavender lemon drops, mojitos, pomegranate cosmos, and wasabi bloody marys.  Just be sure to mix these babies with a sustainable alcohol such as Papagayo organic rums, 4Copas tequila, or TruVodka.

When making my decision between drinking a glass of red or white wine, I usually pick vodka. But sometimes that is simply not an option. So my thought process usually goes something like this:

Who doesn’t drink a glass of ice-cold vodka at dinner time? Strange. Wine it is then. But the only people who drink white wine are those trashy housewives in Atlanta and Kirsten from the O.C. We all remember those infamous words before she sent herself off to rehab, “I may like my Chardonnay, but I won’t end up alone! And that’s more than I can say for you!” Wow, that was a train wreck. Better opt for a glass of red. But I’m trying to meet some boys tonight and I don’t think purple teeth are going to work to my advantage. Plus, I’m trying to maintain a glowing smile so I can one day become rich and famous for my million-dollar smile. So I better stick to white wine.

That entire inner monologue could have been avoided had I know this fun fact: White wine is actually worse for your teeth than red.  White wine is high in acid, and that can wear away tooth enamel and intensify the stains left by the double espresso you slammed at the library the night before.

Ub40 was so, so right: Red red wine, you make me (and my teeth) feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time….

So for all of you winos who drink soda through a straw and religiously brush your teeth before and after every meal, your best bet is to skip the 2-Buck-Chuck Sauvignon Blanc and order a bottle of red. Or just chug some Listerine. That should do the trick.