Once a key to success, wingmen have become so commonplace (there are even books about their rules and various codes) that even the women preyed on by bros and their wingmen know their lingo and their tactics, making their hard work a big waste of time. If guys want to improve their game and up their chances of wooing a lady, they are gonna need to change up their Bro Strategy.

Enter: the Wingwoman.

Wingwomen are the future. Whereas most women are hip to the movements of wingmen, wingwomen are the stealth operation of the “game,” and the key to successful mingling between the sexes. And not just for the guy we might be wingin’ for; for ourselves, too!

For all of you skeptics out there, I have here for you, the five reasons that wingwomen rock:

1) We are better with the grenades. So let’s say that this skanky girl is chasing your guy friend around the bar and he can’t seem to shake her loose. Trying to pawn her off on one of his bros has proved futile, either because she only has eyes for him or because even they won’t take that hit. What’s a bro to do? With the wingwoman in their arsenal they need not do anything at all. She just stands near him, performs a simple neck stroke or arm-around-the-waist maneuver and that hippo knows this guy is not for the taking.

2) We know the enemy. We are girls, you know. So for ladies who have a general mistrust for the opposite sex, it always helps to have someone with a foot in both camps. A guy who says, “trust me, he’s such a cool guy,” definitely has an ulterior motive behind the movement, while a girl who says “no, believe me, he’s the nicest guy,” is way more trustworthy. We tend to believe it when girls say it, since we believe them to actually have our interests at heart. And if a girl says it, it also tends to be true. There are very few wingwomen out there vouching for guys who are total scum.

3) We have girlfriends. If a guy already hangs out with us, he knows that we’re awesome. And since birds of a feather flock together, well, he knows our flock is pretty awesome, too. And that goes both ways, meaning our girlfriends and our guy friends now all have some new (totally rad) people to mingle with.

4) Their bros will be impressed. Girls who hang out with groups of guys are able to tap into a whole different side of the game, shocking guys everywhere. Guys love finding out that girls are into sports and outdoorsy activities, while being hot at the same time, and what better way to show your Giants love than by hanging out with your guy friends and talking about the grief that you now feel following the G-Men’s heinous showing this year? Their bros will be crazy impressed that your guy friend has such a cool girl friend, which ultimately raises your status as well. You’re welcome.

5) We are cool people. Guys wouldn’t hang out with us in the first place if we didn’t rock, so not only are we extremely useful in the battle that is modern day dating, but we are also sweet people to hang out with in general. Having a girl who is a friend seems lame in theory to most guys, but in practice we are the bomb. We know the game and are a wealth of information about the opposite sex, as well as hold many interests that they had know idea we shared. We are also the people guys come to to share guilty pleasures (perhaps your SECRET Lady Gaga love? I know your game…) and talk to about things they can’t talk to with their bros. Guys need us!

See? Flying as a wingwoman for the evening really is the best way to go. For everyone involved.

[This story was originally posted by Sammie - Fordham University]

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[We scoured the country to find the ultimate sorority girl to share her sisterly expertise with you. After reading through tons of applications followed by hours Facebook-stalking all the candidates (which proved difficult thanks to FB's privacy settings....), we found her. She gave you the lowdown on rush and now that you're sitting pretty in your new house, she's moving on to more important topics: date functions.]

It seems like every year ALL the fraternities try to cram their date functions and formals into two weekends in the fall and spring. For a socialite like myself and the rest of my pledge class, juggling all these events can be a bit overwhelming for a girl! (Who am I kidding? The BF is a Pi Kappa Alpha, so unless it’s his fraternity’s function I sit on the sidelines and watch my friends get dolled up while I wish I was, too, desperately throwing together a toga!)

Speaking of toga, who doesn’t want to get asked to a fraternity date function? FINALLY you get to go to your date’s house without worrying about a drunken slew of GDI girls ruining the mood. Just you, your date, his brothers, and their dates – perfect. BUT there are plenty of ways to make the night not-so-perfect.

Everyone has had that “OMG I’m so glad I’m not that girl” moment at a party, and Greek events are definitely no exception. News travels at lightning speed through the Greek community so for your sake (and your sorority’s sake) heed my advice and don’t be that girl! And, believe it or not, ALL the things I am about to advise you NOT to do I have seen first hand. And it’s not a pretty picture.

Girl fight? Tsk, tsk. There is absolutely nothing attractive about two girls yelling and screaming at each other at a fraternity, ESPECIALLY at a fraternity date function. Seriously- have some class and keep it together. Causing a scene at a dance will not only to completely embarrass your date at HIS house, but also your sisters or friends who are there too.

Ditch your date? How rude! Ok, Ok I know sometimes we get asked on dates or to functions by guys that…well… aren’t exactly our first pick. Been there. Done that. BUT make the most of it and have a good time. DON’T purposely lose your date ten minutes after walking in the door. At least build up some liquid courage and attempt to make some decent convo. If all else fails, hang out in a big group to make things less awkward.

Use your date as a garbage can/toilet. Do I even have to say it? Watch how much you drink. The last thing your rep needs is a picture of you all over the Book with vom all over yourself…and your date. Only you know how much you can drink – don’t try and be superwoman and drink your date under the table. Trust me: you will lose.

BUT, if (and only if) you pinky promise you will not do anything listed above, then hell yeah go to the date function!  What can you do to spice up your date night?

Blind date? YES! Especially after a brutal break-up (again, from experience), tagging along to a date function with a few good sisters (that’s you Mere, Meg and Emily!) and meeting a rando blind date can be fun AND take your mind off of your depressing ex situation. And even if there is no ex situation, take advantage of set-ups; you never know who you’ll meet!

Be a wingman? SO fun. Tagging along as a third wheel (when invited) can be a blast. You get to play up your friend to her date and avoid the pressure of trying to impress anyone yourself. Highly recommended!

Are YOU getting ready for a date function?? Anything you wanna know? Let me know! Let’s talk date functions!

To unnamed questioner from VTEXT: I wanna help you out, but I need a little more information. Mo’ details, pleez.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a close friend in college who is seriously concerned about her likelihood of getting married. She’s never been in a relationship and constantly worries that at the rate she’s going, she’ll never get married before she’s 30! She’s under the impression that she needs to start seriously dating now (at age 20) in order for her to have a family by the time she’s 28. Her mentality seems ridiculous to me since we’re so young still, but she just doesn’t understand that we have plenty of time. I think she’s mostly worried because she doesn’t want to end up like her 25 year old brother who can’t get into grad school, lives at home with their parents, and doesn’t date.

Recently, a close mutual friend of ours had a surprise romantic encounter with this amazing guy and it happened without her even expecting it. This made my other friend feel down that she wants a relationship so badly and can’t make it happen with anyone while my other friend has had smooth sailing.

So Tuffy, what should I do or say to this friend of mine? Should I try to set her up with someone or let her find somone on her own? She’s the most considerate person I know, and I know some lucky guy will see that in her someday, but she thinks that she’s running out of time. She’s been really harsh on herself lately and I can’t stand to see such an amazing person feel so low. Any words of wisdom that I can share with her?

Sincerely,
Helpful Friend

Dear Helpful Friend,

You really are a good friend. I chose this question to answer this week because it’s so heartfelt. Refreshing for ol’ Tuffy to see someone caring so much about someone else. Hearts to you, Helpful friend, hearts.

So, onto your question.

Your friend really is being redonk. At 20 she’s a failed cat lady with purses full of stolen Splenda?! Please. She’s just gotta stop getting so down on herself.

See, guys like confidence. You’ve heard this before. But, kids, you’ve heard it because it’s true. The only kind of men who like insecure women are the unfortunately ever-present creepy controlling asshoops. If you want a real man, you can bet he’s looking for a real woman.

It sounds to me like your friend is just suffering from some major insecurity. Why doesn’t she think she’ll meet anyone? Because she doesn’t think she’s good enough/pretty enough/whatever enough to meet someone who will fall in love with her. But girl, that’s so not true! Judging from how kind you are and how much you like her, I’d be willing to bet your friend is a total sweetheart. That should really help move things along, once she gets more comfortable with herself. But even if your friend was awful and a heinous borscht, she would STILL find the right guy for her eventually. Most people don’t end up alone, kiddo. Almost everyone eventually finds a match.

So help your friend get some confidence. Be her wingwoman! Go out together and have some fun: get dressed up, go dancing (or whatever you crazy kids do these days), and talk to some guys. Once she gets comfortable being herself with guys present, she’s bound to attract some good ones. Remind her that it’s not about finding a HUSBAND–men can smell that kind of desperation a mile away. It’s about just having fun and meeting someone she genuinely clicks with, which she’ll only know when she’s able to drop the insecurity and start enjoying meeting people, even when she knows he’s not The One.

And if she’s not married by 28–so what?! There are SO many happy singles out there who don’t get married till their thirties. It’s a new world, baby! Go do it!

Good luck to you, Helpful Friend, and good luck to your Lucky Friend To Have You As A Friend. I hope you can help her get over her insecurity–and have some fun in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Yes, we're even better than Barney.

The wingman: a legendary tool of bros worldwide.

Once a key to success, wingmen have become so commonplace (there are even books about their rules and various codes) that even the women preyed on by bros and their wingmen know their lingo and their tactics, making their hard work a big waste of time. If guys want to improve their game and up their chances of wooing a lady, then, they are gonna need to change up their Bro Strategy.

Enter, the Wingwoman.

Wingwomen are the future.  Whereas most women are hip to the movements of wingmen, wingwomen are the stealth operation of the “game,” and the key to successful mingling between the sexes. And not just for the guy we might be wingin’ for; for ourselves, too!

For all of you skeptics out there, I have here for you, the five reasons that wingwomen rock:

1)   We are better with the grenades. So let’s say that this skanky girl is chasing your guy friend around the bar and he can’t seem to shake her loose.  Trying to pawn her off on one of his bros has proved futile, either because she only has eyes for him or because even they won’t take that hit.  What’s a bro to do?  With the wingwoman in their arsenal they need not do anything at all. She just stands near him performs a simple neck stroke or arm-around-the-waist maneuver and that hippo knows this guy is not for the taking.

2)   We know the enemy. We are girls, you know.  So for ladies who have a general mistrust for the opposite sex, it always helps to have someone with a foot in both camps.  A guy who says, “trust me, he’s such a cool guy” definitely has an ulterior motive behind the movement, while a girl who says “no, believe me, he’s the nicest guy” is way more trustworthy.  We tend to believe it when girls say it, since we believe them to actually have our interests at heart.  And if a girl says it, it also tends to be true.  There are very few wingwomen out there vouching for guys who are total scum.

3)   We have girlfriends. If a guy already hangs out with us, he knows that we’re awesome. And since birds of a feather flock together, well, he knows our flock is pretty awesome too. And that goes both ways, meaning our girlfriends and our guy friends now all have some new (totally rad) people to mingle with.

4)   Their bros will be impressed. Girls who hang out with groups of guys are able to tap into a whole different side of the game, shocking guys everywhere.  Guys love finding out that girls are into sports and outdoorsy activities while being hot at the same time, and what better way to show your Giants love (I still love them even though they were miserable failures this season. Sore subject) than by hanging out with your guy friends and talking about the grief that you now feel following the G-Men’s heinous showing this year?  Their bros will be crazy impressed that your guy friend has such a cool girl friend, which ultimately raises your status as well.  You’re welcome.

5)   We are cool people.  Guys wouldn’t hang out with us in the first place if we didn’t rock, so not only are we extremely useful in the battle that is modern day dating, but we are also sweet people to hang out with in general.  Having a girl who is a friend seems lame in theory to most guys, but in practice we are the bomb.  We know the game and are a wealth of information about the opposite sex, as well as hold many interests that they had know idea we shared.  We are also the people guys come to to share guilty pleasures (perhaps your SECRET Lady Gaga love?  I know your game…) and talk to about things they can’t talk to with their bros. Guys need us!

See? Flying as a wingwoman for the evening really is the best way to go. For everyone involved.

I got some serious game.

I know that sounds incredibly cocky, but it’s actually quite the opposite. You see, until about two years ago I was the girl who sat on the sidelines and watched as all my friends flirted with and won over the very boys I wanted for myself. I was essentially the hook-up water boy, holding everyone’s cocktails when they went to the bathroom and checking to make sure no one had anything in their teeth.  I accepted my role and went on with my life thinking I wasn’t pretty or skinny or perfect enough to be seen as anything more than the girl best friend.

But then something happened. I had a one-night stand with a boy who everyone wanted and – like that – everything changed. I started walking with a little swagger in my step, approaching anyone and everyone I wanted and suddenly I had developed my game winning moves.

I’m not kidding, if there were a Hall-of-Fame for pick-up lines, I’d be its first inductee.

So, after luring in my own men and playing professional wingman to all of my friends (I advise them on making a move and they pay me back with vodka-on-the-rocks), someone who has benefited from my work countless times finally convinced me to share my secrets with the world. If you can master these few little tips, you can win over any guy, any time.

[Now, just so you know, playing the game isn't just for ladies looking for some late night nookie. It's for those of you crushing on a guy and looking for something longer term, too.]

To begin with, I just want to say that no one is going to fall in love with you if you don’t show them there’s something to love. And I’m not talking about your nipples, honey. I’m talking about your confidence. If you sit back or do the wallflower thing, you will not lure in the hottie from Chem. But if you do whatever it is you do that makes you feel really good/hot/confident (for me it’s black eyeliner, straight hair and a great pair of jeans) and approach a guy with ease, he will be like putty in your hands.

Yeah, you have to approach him. Or you could wait for him to notice you in your group of 12 friends, think of a way to bust open the circle you guys are standing in and come up with something to say to  you. Seriously, just think of something witty and walk over there.

Ok, so you’re standing next to him. Now what do you say?
I have a few tried-and-true lines that get the conversation flowing every. single. time.

- “Whatcha drinkin?” – Easiest line in the book. (Hm, maybe I should write a book!) He’ll tell you, he’ll ask you what you’re drinking, you’ll start some conversation about how the bar always waters down their drinks, soon your drinks will be empty and he’ll be buying you a new one. Boom.

- [Squeeze in next to him at the bar while you battle for drinks] “I think we should work together. How about you try and lure the girl bartender and I’ll use my cleavage to try and get the dude.” Not only are you being cute and openly flirty, but you got him to notice your sex appeal without really asking for it. Plus, teamwork always fosters flirtation and witty banter will follow. I promise you that.

- Bring up something relevant. So, if he’s standing against the wall at a party, say something cute like, “You know the party is more fun if you actually talk to people.” If he’s on the dance floor gettin’ his groove on, compliment his moves. If you run into him at the party store, comment on what he’s buying and ask him where the party’s at. Yes, it all seems cheesy, but these lines get the convo started without making you look dumb/desperate/cliche.

And that is that. All you need is a little self-love, a few witty lines (which, by the way, I use over and over again. The guys won’t know how many times you’ve tried them before!) and you’re good to go. Once you try these out a few times you’ll see how easy picking up a guy can be.

Just don’t spit this game in any bar or party I frequent. That’s my territory, ladies.

I hate waiting for guys to approach me, mostly because they never do. So, instead of standing in the corner giggling with my girlfriends while simultaneously sucking in my belly, I do laps around the bar and approach the guys who pique my interest. Or libido.

It seems to work for me, but during a recent interview with the Millionaire Matchmaker (which will be coming soon!), I learned that women should never make the first move. Ever. Not in one million years. Bad idea. Never do it.

I wanted to believe Patti – after all, she knows her sh*t – but I just wasn’t sure if all guys felt the same way she did. I mean, guys are lazy and have fragile egos; surely letting the girl do all the work would be a huge turn on? I asked my go-to guy for his take on the situation.

See what he thinks about making the first move:

Since learning that confidence is the most attractive thing to a man, I have been pretty successful in my late night endeavors. I see a man I want and I go for it. The general “walk up to a guy and flirt your heart out” approach is most definitely the way to go, but it is the variety of pick-up lines that makes the whole thing so much more fun.

My 5 most successful are listed below. Feel free to use ‘em…they work like a charm. (Just make sure to thank me later. I accept cookies, hugs and dates with Jake Gyllenhaal.)

1. Did you go to [Insert school here]? It is always good to have something to talk about when you approach a man. I mean, you would look pretty creepy if you just walked up to him and stood around. The school thing is always the best way to go because even if you know for a fact that kid did NOT go to Michigan, it is a great way to start off a convo. And let him know how smart you are.

2. My friends and I are fighting and I need your opinion. Is it true that all you guys need is a handful? Always a good line for the flatter ladies out there. This says, I have small boobs and I’m fine with it. Oh, it also shows the guy you have a sense of humor…and you want him to look at your boobs. Later. In bed.

3. Tell your friend you don’t need a wingman. Dudes always bring out a wingman. Without one, they just look like creepy/sleezy guys looking to get laid. Just tell him to ditch the friend and you have yourself more one on one time…instead of all that time wasted hanging out with the friends and trying to think of a way to get home.

4. [Chugs drink in front of boy.] I can’t seem to get a drink around here…Maybe you’ll have better luck? What can I say? I like getting free drinks… Oh and free drinks lead to drunk/horny people, which ends up working for all of us in the end.

5. What do you do for a living? Oh? I write a sex column. This one gets them every. time. And maybe that’s why I’m always using it. Men simply cannot turn down the opportunity to see their name in print. The minute I tell them what I do (and prove it by whippin’ out the iPhone), they can’t stay away. Not a sex columnist? Lie. I promise…this one always leads to happy endings (and not the kind you have to pay for).

Got any others? I’m always open to trying new ideas….

Instead, I have friend-couples (you know, the couples you were friends with before they were couples) sprinkled through my social calendar, all with their own cute little anecdotes and acknowledgments that without me, they probably would’ve given up halfway through.

One of my best friends even said that she wished I had a me, so that I could be dating someone, too.

If you’re pausing because, hold up, the best way to have a me is for her to a be a me, that’s what I thought too. I tried to explain that to her.

Fact is, there are some seriously negative aspects to being a matchmaker. Beyond the fact that everyone is always using you for your skills, you’ve got to constantly reassure both parties that they actually are good enough for one another, and you’ve got to be prepared to deal with the questions.

“What’s her favorite flower?” “Where should we go to dinner?” “Am I cuter than his ex?” “Does she actually like me?”

You want to scream, ASK HER/HIM, NOT ME! But you don’t. Because you’re too good a friend. And so by means of you, they do the most romantic, adorable things for one another, for which you receive no public credit. Which is fine, even if you’re the one who remembered every allergy or pet peeve of your friend’s, just so their boy/girlfriend can get a perfect gift.

Sometimes you want to tear your hair out, because this really doesn’t benefit you at all. You’re just a mediator, making absolutely no profit outside of the respective happiness of your friends. And for me, sometimes, that’s enough. When it’s not, and when you have to jump in to defend a buddy’s character, then you need to draw a line.

Stick up for yourself. Remind them that you’re friends with both of them, individually, and you didn’t sign on to take sides when there’s trouble in paradise.

It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be the third wheel just to make your friends more comfortable, and they should respect that.

It’s also okay to say nothing. You have no obligation to give any information you don’t deem appropriate to share, and you definitely don’t need to chime in your opinion, especially if you know it’s going to fall on deaf ears.

Have you been a middle-man in your friends’ relationship without wanting to? How do you handle these awkward situations?

[photo courtesy of www.manestreetgraphics.com]

Let’s just say I don’t qualify as a shy person. I’m gregarious, loud and completely immodest. The other day my sister called me a force and whether that’s a force of nature or a force to be reckoned with, I’m not sure. What I do know is I pretty much do, say and act how I want, even when the opposite sex is involved.

Sometimes though, you just lose your mojo and the sexy confidence you once had peaces out — leaving you feeling like a totally undesirable specimen. There have been times (much to my chagrin) when I have neither the confidence nor the ability to just approach a guy in a bar.

If you’ve never been one to make the first move or you’re just feeling a bit out of sync in playing the game, these are a few helpful hints to get you out in the scene and back on track. According to Heather Hunter, the lovely lady who consulted a few dating gurus in order to make the first move herself, this is what you need to know:

1. We have the upper hand for two reasons

1) Breasts. 2) We smell good. Easy enough!

2. Have something to say when you approach him. Make something up; ask him for his opinion, anything to get the ball rolling.

That’s it. Pretty easy, eh? Sometimes, hitting the bar with a wing woman (especially if she’s taken) can help. Not only do they provide an extra boost of confidence, but they also give you a reason to use the opening line “My friend and I were debating on topic X… What is your opinion?”

In my own experience, you just have to keep at it and brush up with a little practice. It’s a total myth that guys don’t want to be asked out or approached. And in your favor, if you do the asking out, you never have to worry about going out with a guy you don’t really like.

But if the lad is a total tool, move on. There are always boys at the bar (or the bookstore) looking for a lady to make the first move.