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This is it, folks, the grand daddy of all college rivalries! Noted by ESPN as the greatest North American sports rivalry today, the bad blood between the University of Michigan and the Ohio State University is unequaled. This weekend marks the one hundred and sixth meeting of the two teams, in the last regular-season football game. If you don’t happen to be one who bleeds maize and blue, or scarlet and gray, now’s your chance to catch up on the rivalry that will be on the tips of everyone’s tongues this week.

Quick Facts:
University of Michigan: Public research university in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Enrollment of over 50,000. Mascot is the Wolverine.
Ohio State University: Public research university in Columbus, Ohio. Enrollment of over 50,000. Mascot is the Buckeye.

1. Football Victories

Michigan: 52 wins, 42 losses, 3 ties
Ohio State: 42 wins, 52 losses, 3 ties

Three credits to: Michigan. The Wolverines have also won 42 Big Ten conference titles (compared to Ohio State’s 33) and 11 national titles (compared to the Buckeyes’ 7).

2. Memorable Moments

Michigan: In one of the most famous football games in history, the 1950 Wolverines fought their way to victory 9-3 in Columbus.  In what is known to history as the “Snow Bowl,” the match took place in one of the worst Ohio blizzards on record. Before its start, Ohio State had the option of forfeiting the game and retaining the Big 10 championship title. However, since they decided to play, the two teams duked it out in the cold and snow, punting 45 times, occasionally on first downs. Michigan stealing the victory, and the title, on enemy turf? How sweet it was!
Ohio State: In the 1973 match-up between the Wolverines and the Buckeyes, both teams entered the game undefeated. The match would decide the Big 10 conference champion and which team would travel to the national championship at the Rose Bowl. When the game ended in a heart-wrenching tie, athletic directors of the other Big 10 conference schools had to vote by secret ballot for their choice of a winner. Ultimately, OSU became the victor, in what was one of the most legendary games in history.

Three credits to: Ohio State. With stakes raised to the limit–a conference championship, a trip to the Rose Bowl, and a tie with your most storied rival–having the confidence of your fellow conference members is something to relish.

3. Terrific Traditions

Michigan: American composer John Philip Sousa, who made a career of writing march songs, once declared the UM march song “the greatest college fight song ever written.”  Called “The Victors,” it has not only been played on the field and at commencement, but as the entrance theme song (in lieu of Hail to the Chief) for proud alum President Gerald Ford.
Ohio State: A seemingly cliche quote by one of OSU’s coaches turned into a legendary tradition for the Buckeyes. When asked about how he he planned to approach the Wolverines, Ohio State coach Francis Schmidt said, “They put their pants on one leg at a time same as everyone else.” Since then, the “Golden Pants Club” has awarded statues of golden pants to each OSU Buckeye who has scored a victory over Michigan.

Three credits to: Ohio State, for marrying college tradition appropriately with potty humor!

4. Ass-Kicking Alumni

Michigan: James Earl Jones, Tom Brady, Lucy Liu, Arthur Miller
Ohio State: Roy Lichtenstein, Jesse Owens, Patricia Heaton, Jack Niklaus (attended)

Three credits to: Michigan– how can you argue with the voice of Darth Vader (and CNN), and Super Bowl MVP?

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Michigan: 42.1%
Ohio State: 52.3%

Three credits to: Michigan, definitively.

And the problems don’t stop there.

Apparently, Speedo is causing quite a stir.

Their newest high tech design, the Speedo LZR Racer, has become the talk of the world. This is more than just a bathing suit; it is a record breaker. Since its introduction to the pool, 13 world records have been broken. All in the Racer.

Surely, that is no coincidence. The suit (designed with help from NASA) repels water, molds the swimmer’s body into a perfectly aerodynamic shape and even helps a bit with buoyency. Those unable to wear the suit (due to endorsements with other companies) are crying foul: their Racer-wearing opponents have an unfair advantage.

If I were a swimmer, I would be pissed off too. But I am not. I am simply a fan and to me there is a much larger issue here…

The fact that this suit covers up…everything.

Seriously; what the hell happened to the itty bitty Speedos of our past? I know that NO ONE wants to see those on some fat old dude on the beach, but BRING THEM BACK. These swimmers are in the best shape possible. I don’t care about records. I care about abs. And I want to see them.

I am not sure I can even justify watching the swimming competitions now. Sure, I want to see my fellow Wolverine, Michael Phelps, bring home 8 Golds, but I want to see him do it in one of these. Is that too much to ask?

For the first time since graduation, my college roommates and I made a return trip to Ann Arbor for a weekend reunion full of drinking, Michigan football and a general return to the life of college students. I can’t even tell you how excited I was to get back to campus and run amok around the town; visit our old house, drink at our favorite bars and, of course, visit our favorite late night eateries.

And for all intents and purposes, the weekend far exceeded the fun-factor I was anticipating. I got my Long Island Iced Teas and ate my New York style White Pizza. I watched the Wolverines win (even if it was a crappy team) and finally picked up my Michigan Alumni t-shirt.

It was perfect.

But this weekend also made me realize some very key post-graduation truths:

1. I can’t drink like I used to: In the old days I could down a couple (10) cocktails and dance the night away only to wake up the next morning, hit the gym and get to class. Not anymore, my friends. After getting good and drunk on Saturday night, I am still experiencing a hangover. And it is Tuesday. On the plus side: I still got my boozey-moves on the dance floor…and the videos to prove it.

2. College bars are cheap: I always used to hate those grads who came back to campus and screamed about how cheap the drinks were. Now that I am a grad, I have to scream it: drinks are so cheap! Nowhere else can a group of girls get 8 pitchers, a round of shots and 3 orders of cheese fries for $95 including tip! I may have even taken a picture of the bill.

3. Though we are far apart, my girls are exactly the same: I was a little scared for the way everyone would act after having been living on opposite coasts and building new lives over the past year. We were as close as anyone could be when we graduated, but who knows what the dynamic would be like now? One minute in the car together and I realized I had nothing to worry about. The friendships we built (and you are building now) are strong and will survive just about anything. Especially when a drunken dance party is involved.

4. Going back is totally bitter sweet: Being back in Ann Arbor made me so happy and sad at the same time. I love that town and everything that happened to me while I was there, but I also realized – as I walked around campus and didn’t know anyone – that it will never be that way again. College is a one time deal, so make sure to savor every moment while you have it.

Ahhh. So many lessons. And all along I thought this weekend was going to be about beer and selfies. Which, I also learned, create quite the lethal combo.