Proposition 8 was overturned, and now we have to see that lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres as the new face of JCPenney? Where on EARTH will I shop now? Ladies, we’ve got to do something about this. Let’s protest that crazy talk show host so that her homosexuality doesn’t taint all our kids’ back-to-school clothes and our Christmas shopping.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating the thought process of a member of One Million Moms, a conservative group that’s got their high-leg briefs in a twisted bunch because out and proud Ellen Degeneres is the new JCPenney spokesperson. The group issued a statement following the company’s announcement:

“Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful…By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JCPenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Fox News contributor Sandy Rios, who supports the One Million Moms perspective, summed up this week’s Hot Button Issue while on The O’Reilly Factor: ”The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle and marry her partner, it’s what that represents,” she said. “And the fact that JCPenney is supposed to be middle America, the place where families shop…and people who believe that marriage is between a man and woman and children should not be exposed and propagandized in homosexuality have a moral problem with that.”

Well I’m sorry, Sandy, and the members of One Million Moms, but America—the land of opportunity, the land of the free and the home of the brave—is changing. And for the better. Thank goodness it’s been allowed to change, or else women would never be able to proudly make a buck in any workplace and we’d still stupidly have slaves everywhere who each only count as three-fifths of a person. Though the country has managed to acknowledge the basic human right of being considered an entire person to these minority groups, why can’t such a given be also applied to those who aren’t perfectly heterosexual? Those who choose to be both free AND brave?

If you’re protesting Ellen’s employment with JCPenney, you’re asking that the company discriminates based on her sexual orientation. Hm, discrimination definitely sounds like one of “the negative influences our children are forced to contend with”—you know, the part of society’s “filth” that you should be working to fight, rather than avoiding the hilarious and kindhearted Ellen Degeneres and every product she’s ever endorsed. I’m guessing you’re missing out on the greatness that is CoverGirl LashBlast Mascara and the daily dose of awesome on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Oh man, your kids must have never even seen the movie Finding Nemo! Do you tell them that they can’t go on the Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland because that funny blue fish is the voice of an evil lesbian?!

Oh, and by pushing Ellen down and calling her names, you’re being a bully. That’s right, One Million Moms, all 40,000 of you are guilty of anti-gay bullying.

Thankfully, the group’s protests and cries were no matter for the department store, as the company stood behind their decision. And yesterday, the free and brave Ellen Degeneres addressed her haters and, therefore, her motivators, on her talk show. ”I’m proud and happy to say that JCPenney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.”

On a more serious notes, she continued, “I really want to thank everyone who is supporting me…Here are the values I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.“

To be honest, I’m surprised that One Million Moms even had the time to jumpstart a JCPenney protest. The group has also requested action against Macy’s, ABC’s Modern Family and Mattel. Don’t shop at Target for promoting the destructive program that is Degrassi, don’t watch Dancing With The Stars because the show “aired a definition of ‘transgender’” and don’t support Ben & Jerry’s because of their “tasteless” ice cream flavor names. Thank goodness—that means there’s more Schweddy Balls for me!

Watch Ellen’s full speech now. It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, it’s all things Ellen Degeneres.

Should JCPenney be concerned about losing conservative customers? Or will they gain more respect for taking a stand?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Everyone hates Barbie. Is it because she’s tall, leggy and disproportionately well-endowed? Or is it because her lashes are permanently curled to perfection and is always matched up with the incredibly good looking Ken? Banish the biatch from shelves for good (or at least hide them behind a bunch of much uglier toys). Do what you gotta do, Iran—this pernicious piece of Western culture is eroding morality codes everywhere!

Reuters reported earlier this week that Iranian government officials have recently been enforcing a ban on Barbie dolls as part of a “soft war” against decadent cultural influences. The public must be protected from what they believe to be eroding traditional Islamic values, and Barbie has been deemed un-Islamic since 1996 because the doll incites “destructive cultural and social consequences.”

“About three weeks ago they (the morality police) came to our shop, asking us to remove all the Barbies,” said a shopkeeper in a toy shop in northern Tehran. Though the ban has existed for years, it had yet to be overtly enforced until a few weeks ago, when officials threatened to shut down shops that sold the doll. Instead, Barbies are being hidden behind long veils and other toys to still meet stores’ high customer demand.

Iran’s Barbie ban is this week’s Hot Button Issue, and it’s yet another unflattering angle for the flawless female form. Throughout American history, she’s already collected so much smack for promoting an unattainable standard of beauty and reinforcing a philosophy of white supremacy. And such a pervading definition of perfection is pretty persuasive when constantly played with from a young age, right?

Well…

I’m sorry, but part of me has to disagree. Maybe I’m one of the few American kids who grew up peacefully playing with Barbie dolls without wanting to actually look like them or feeling badly about myself when I looked in the mirror and was then reminded that we were so starkly different. I also didn’t get these feelings whenever I played with Cabbage Patch Kids, teddy bears, Tamagotchis or Super Mario Bros. And on a more serious note, I also never wished to physically identify with perfect actresses or cartoon princesses on TV (really, I think this might be just me who escaped this, but props to you if you did as well).

However, it’s hard to believe that a complete erosion of values or countless body image issues can route solely from one doll, one toy, one childhood token that was supposed to spark your imagination instead of brainwash you with harmful messages. Barbie is supposed to be anything and everything, from a hardworking stay-at-home mom to the President of the United States. And she literally could’ve been whatever you wanted her to be, right? I mean, she’s a doll! She didn’t come packaged with preset plot lines or a concrete back story that you had to stick to as a kid. Does she have to simply stay skin deep just because she’s pretty? Isn’t how we played with a toy more reflective of how we were raised or what other messages were shaping our worldviews until then, rather than a reflection of the toy itself? People create different things out of plain pieces of paper, and outcomes will vary depending on whose hand a weapon is in…it’s not completely up to the material itself, but the person who actually does something with it and then shelves away the blame. Why attribute so much child-raising responsibility to a piece of plastic purchased from a toy store?!

I acknowledge that there must be some kind of continuous ripple effect: one standard of beauty set another; little girls saw Barbies and grew up to become young Hollywood who in turn shaped young America who now has no idea what to do about it, even though there are now Barbies and dolls that reflect various physical characteristics across the board. And I really do apologize if you feel that your childhood companion set you up with an unrealistic physical standard and actually hurt you in the long run (seriously, I do understand that logic, and I really am sorry).

To be honest, I’m still shocked that kids these days—anywhere in the world—still have the capacity to play with Barbie dolls, a toy that doesn’t have any batteries, flashing lights or access to the Internet. In fact, the fact that this ban is still being circumvented by shopkeepers and customers alike actually kinda gives me hope for the dissipating attention spans of the children of the future. But that’s a whole ‘nother issue.

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

I’ll admit it: I’m an addict. It’s a horrible habit that, after so many years, I just can’t kick. It’s available, it’s affordable and, hey, it makes me feel good about myself. And even though it’s probably damaging for me in the long run, I just can’t stop.

Yeah, I’m a consumer of the Kardashian culture. I watch the shows (the originals, the spin-offs and Dancing With The Stars when one is competing), I read the interviews, I follow the obnoxious tweets. And recently, people like Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters are calling me out on my fascination with the most overexposed and yet untalented people on television, the Kardashians. I jumped on the family bandwagon relatively late, actually. I initially denied the attraction to what Barbara Walters referred to as “a strange mix of trashy sex, upscale excess, tabloid melodrama and suburban family life” — though the balance of these ingredients varies with each episode, depending on which siblings are in them. But when Lamar Odom proposed, Reggie Bush called it quits, and Mason was born, my interest was officially peaked for some reason. I was suddenly intrigued by these people who are so famous, and for the life of me, I seriously could not remember why.

Is it really because the late Robert Kardashian was OJ Simpson’s lawyer and friend? Because Bruce Jenner is an esteemed Olympian? Because Kim Kardashian was partying with Paris Hilton during her heyday and recording her sex-capades with Ray J — Brandy’s brother? I guess that by putting all of those famous-by-association factors together, and adding Kris Jenner as a manager and Ryan Seacrest as a producer, these people are worth watching. Over and over again. Why?!?

Daniel Craig of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Casino Royale doesn’t understand it either. ”Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. Millions!” he told British GQ in their January 2012 issue. “I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?‘”

Jonah Hill — who, in Superbad and Get Him To The Greek, often acts like an idiot (with the exception of Moneyball) — feels the same way, but for different reasons: he actually watches the shows. He openly admitted that he felt duped when Kim Kardashian announced her plans to divorce Kris Humphries because, like so many of us, he bought into that gaudy and god awful wedding display. He ranted to The Huffington Post about the infamous family earlier this week:

“I have friends who work in TV and the Kardashians get higher ratings than their TV shows. Shows that people actually work hard on — writing and creating and trying to tell stories. The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like ‘Mad Men’ is disgusting. (Laughs) It’s a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it. Whenever I say I like reality TV, people write about it like they’re in shock. I can’t even understand it, so I watch it. I think it’s funny and I definitely enjoy it in a making-fun-of-it sort of way, but where does the line sort of end? When do I stop making fun of it and become an actual fan?“

I personally don’t know. I’m confused about it all. And I’ve often wondered if they actually see it all as “working” when they punch mirrors, wax each other’s vaginas, lose $75,000 earrings while swimming in Bora Bora and then conveniently find them again once the cameras are pointing another way. Seriously, such scheming takes skills!

So finally, after ranking the Kardashian family as a whole one of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011, Barbara Walters sat down with Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and mother Kris, and asked them flat out: “You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance…you don’t have any — forgive me — any talent!”

And then Khloe, the voice of reason within that crazy clan, revealed the truth that no one wanted to actually acknowledge: “We’re still entertaining people…None of us think we have talent. None of us think we can sing or act or dance.”

But they do call themselves businesswomen. They’re spokespeople, fashion buyers, “perfumistas” even…and now they have a store at The Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas called Kardashian Khaos that sells anything and everything with their names and faces on them. Shockingly, it’s not full of cricket sounds; paying customers are lining up to actually buy their licensed merchandise. Maybe they’re Midwestern Americans looking for a souvenir of Los Angeles celebrity lifestyle; maybe they’re foreigners stocking up on pieces of American culture. Because no matter how you look at it, or whether you’ve been looking away all this time, this random family is famous for being famous, and they’re now forever part of American pop culture.

“I think it’s more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show, and get people to fall in love with you for being you,” Kim said to Barbara Walters. But Kris Humphries filed for an annulment on account of fraud, and he’s got some pretty good grounds…who says you’re even really being “you” at all??!?

After hearing criticisms from Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters, I’m kicking my addiction; but I’m only continuing to watch to find out if they’re all for real. From watching the preview, I think that the next episode will be pretty revealing of their true character, right? Plus, it looks kinda funny.

Do you Keep Up With The Kardashians? Okay, seriously…WHY?!?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

So the economy sucks. Graduating with a university degree no longer means you’re a catch when it comes to job hunting, meaning more grads are moving in with their parents. Moving in with your parents and not having money means you’re taking longer to settle into relationships and therefore get married. For a lot of people this will also mean you’re taking longer to have kids, if at all. And everyone seems to be holding this against women.

A study done by Australian researchers shows women who do not have children are at a greater risk for poor health than mothers. Some women with pre-existing health conditions that would discourage them from having children were included in this survey, therefore increasing the number of childless women with poor health. However, overall, women who have not popped out children may have trouble with social functioning and mental health as a result of societal pressures to have children. I’m sure you could relate if you sat next to your old aunt at Thanksgiving that measures accomplishments by the presence of a ring on your finger and a stroller in front of you.

So women in Australia are feeling the pressure when they’re not having kids. Jump continents to China and unmarried women are the ones feeling the strain. The Chinese government is telling women if they are not married by 30 they’ll be spinsters. Shen Ru, meaning “leftover women,” is being used as a derogatory phrase to describe unmarried women over 27 that are urban and career focused. Yes, future grads you too can be last week’s cold turkey even if you’re accomplished in other ways.

Even though there is a surplus of single men in China, they aren’t receiving any of the heat. As a result, many young women are not acting in their best personal interest out of fear they will not be able to find a partner, thus becoming undesirable as they age.

With all the leaps women have made over the last hundred years it still seems we’ve got a long way to go. One jump forward, one step back.

It’s finally here: Halloweekend 2011. And though many choose to witty, creative or innovative with their costumes (like building a fully-functioning digital camera costume), most choose to simply…wear less. But Nicole Richie is not okay with that option.

“Girls, can we all pledge that we will not dress slutty for this Halloween?” she posted on her Facebook page earlier this week. “The jig is up!”

Hm, who exactly is the “jig” up for? Maybe Nicole thinks it’s completely unacceptable for 30-year-old mothers to parade around on Halloween in color little-to-nothings for fun. Nicole Richie used to be Paris’ sexy sidekick when out on the town and farming in the middle of nowhere, and maybe motherhood has simply moved her on to another phase of her life. One that involves wearing more fabric than others toward the end of the month of October.

But even more so, are slutty Halloween costumes putting us as women back a few steps as we allow others to openly objectify us without shame? Or, like an annual SlutWalk across campuses nationwide, are we refusing to set ourselves up as a target for sexual violence and actually exercising our right to our bodies, our sexuality and how we are seen by others? Guys get to do it ALL THE TIME and it rarely reflects negatively on their character in the ways that dressing up as a “sexy ____” does. Because hey, it’s Halloween, which means we get to have fun and pretend to be something we’re not. So even if I look like a little skanky or slutty or whatever other supposedly derogatory adjective that seems to be a connection between clothing choices and sexual female behavior, it doesn’t mean I am actually a skank or a slut, just like anyone who dresses up as Lady Gaga or a camera or Toy Story’s Woody character is not actually any of those things. So no matter what my costume is this year, I refuse to feel guilty for playing dress up, even if it doesn’t involve wearing a dress at all.

What do you think? Whose side are you on: Nicole’s or mine?  Should slutty Halloweens seriously be over for all women, even if it’s your first one?

I know you are probably sick of CollegeCandy writers telling you to hop on the self lovin’ train (not in the masturbation sense), but I’m having a week of self-hate, so you’re just going to have to grin and bear one more person telling you that you are awesome. Think you can deal?

As of this very second I’m in on of those “between guys” stages. Which shouldn’t be a huge deal, I mean come on I’m successful (as a nanny), I’m fun (my Zumba instructor thinks so), and pretty (at least that’s what my mom says). Maybe it’s because my summer months were full of flings and now the fall lull has set in leaving me alone, or maybe it’s because the heat in my building doesn’t work (but a warm body would). Whatever the reason I’m starting to go down to a deep, dark, horrible, seventh grade kind of place.

The kind of place where reading an unpleasant comment makes me want to hide under the covers all day. Where I continually remind myself how imperfect I am, and that my current crush will never like me (I realize I sound like a 10-year-old, get over it). I hate this me, I’m normally a happy, upbeat, kind of chick. So this whole “woe is me” crap is getting kind of old,especially for everyone I live with.

So, in a hope to catch it before it escalates to worse things (aka answering drunk booty call texts from an ex) here are ten things you should start lovin’ about yourself:

initiating the gallery...

From double DUIs to shoplifting charges, it’s been hard to watch Lindsay make headlines more often from criminal activity than from movie deals (keeping them, at least). She hasn’t led a blockbuster in years, but now she’s collecting attention for racking up $90,000 in unpaid limo bills and getting kicked out of a community service program, before a progress hearing in court. And dentists definitely aren’t her biggest fans—what the hell is up with her teeth?!?

It’s personally painful, all of it. I mean, we practically grew up with her onscreen; she’s a big part of my childhood and I feel like I’m watching an old friend fall by the wayside. Without a toothbrush. What’s a nostalgic fan to do?

LiLo, if it feels like the world is against you right now, we hold your hand in solidarity, regardless of whether your gums are rotting or your fingernails are marked up with swear words. No matter how many mistakes you make and movies you don’t make, we will always remember how you pierced your own ear while away at camp and told Aaron Samuels that his hair looks sexy pushed back. And we’ll click through as many pictures of your awesomeness as we need to until you get it together again:

initiating the gallery...

What do you think: will Lindsay ever be back on top again? In a good way? Or does she belong off the set and behind bars?

Today is Friday the 13th.

The day of bad luck and cursed lives and black cats and broken mirrors. Today is a day to fear. Today is a day to lock our doors and stay inside. Why is Friday the 13th supposed to be such an unlucky day, you ask? I think it has something to do with the superstitions surrounding the 13th and Fridays in general (guess Rebecca Black never heard about that) joining together to be the ultimate source of bad luck on Friday the 13th.  And as a result there are lots of horrors that await us.  Is it true? I doubt it. But even so, you might want to prepare yourself.

For anything.

Here are 13 unlucky situations (AKA, every college girl’s worst nightmare) you better wish you don’t find yourself in on this unlucky Friday the 13th.

1. Your hair straighter/dryer/curling breaks minutes before your big date… with only half your head done.

2. You sleep through your final exam.

3. Your hard drive crashes…before you printed out your final paper.

4. The guy you’ve been crushing on goes Facebook official with your frenemy.

5. Your train reroutes on the way to your interview.

6. You accidentally send a sext to your parents.

7. The heel of your shoe breaks as you’re walking to the bar.

8. Your favorite celebrity couple calls it quits.

9. They’re out of Red Bull at the Stop and Shop.

10. The guy who cut in front of you in line got the winning lotto ticket.

11. You pull a muscle at the gym. Between your legs.

12.You get food poisoning from the dining hall special.

13.Your professor overhears you bad mouthing him…right before it’s time to put in final grades.

Alright ladies, what would be the worse thing that could happen to you on Friday the 13th? 

So there’s been a lot of talk here on CollegeCandy lately about slut shaming, casual sex, and what exactly defines a girl as “whorey.” Instead of clearing all of that up for you with this post, I’m probably just going to create another grey area, but hey, that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?

Right. Okay.

So I want to talk to you ladies about one night stands. Casual sex. Hookups. Booty calls. Those guys you sleep with once and probably never see again. The reason I want to talk to you girls about this is because a lot of you are probably cringing right now, recalling your last one night stand, the last time you slept with a guy and then walked home in last night’s clothes, the last time you had casual sex and then felt guilty about it. In fact you’re probably feeling guilty all over again right now. And I want to tell you to stop. Stop cringing. Stop feeling guilty. Stop second guessing and over thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Because you know what? Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex.

Because when it comes down to it no one can set your boundaries for you but yourself. You define what is right and wrong for you, good and bad for you. You’re in control. And if you’re okay with it then just be okay with it. Don’t try to justify your actions or your reasons to anyone but yourself. If you’re okay with the way you live your life, then, really, that’s all that matters.

Not being all that big on the one night stand myself, it took me a while to figure out how I wanted to approach this post. And of course my musings (just like everything else in life) brought me back to Carrie Bradshaw and Co. The Sex and the City girls. If anyone could make you feel less guilty about doing what feels right in the moment and going after what you want it would be these ladies.

I thought back to the episode where Carrie was featured in a photo shoot entitled Single and Fabulous. But at the end of that title there stood a question mark (Single and Fabulous?) rather than an exclamation point (Single and Fabulous!) and all of a sudden Carrie had herself questioning whether or not she believed there should be a question mark or an exclamation point at the end of that sentence. So, Carrie goes out and has a few drinks and she meets a guy. A guy she flirts with and kisses and almost takes home. She doesn’t. Because she realizes that if she slept with him she wouldn’t be sleeping with him because she wanted to but because she felt like she needed to prove something to herself, that she really was single and fabulous.

So Carrie goes home alone that night, but she doesn’t always, not when she doesn’t want to. And for Carrie that’s why casual sex is okay, that’s why she doesn’t feel guilty. She’s had more than her fair share of one night stands, and she’s okay with that because when she brings a guy home she does it because she wants to. She doesn’t feel guilty about the casual sex she has because she is in charge of her choices, she makes her decision. She defines her own boundaries and does what’s right for her. (That being said even if you’re not feeling guilty after a one night stand, but you’re still feeling unhappy you might need to reconsider the reasons why you’re gravitating towards casual sex. ) You shouldn’t feel guilty about indulging in a one night stand. Why?

Because you had fun. Because you weren’t expecting it to be anything more or anything less. Because casual sex is okay. Because you define your boundaries and no one else. Because you enjoyed it. Because you wanted it.

So if that’s what you want, go out there and get it. Do what you want to do.
Just do it safely.

From feeling better to looking better, here are the biggest benefits to getting frisky:

Sex is Almost as Good as a Gym: We all know you can burn calories from having sex – about 86 calories in a half hour! So let’s do a little math: That’s 172 in one hour. Then if you do the nasty 5 days a week for an hour, that’s 860 calories burned. Sounds way better than a half hour on the treadmill to me.

Sex Keeps you Young: Apparently, having an active sex life reduces the process of aging. Your big O (and all the hormones that come with it) boosts collagen production which aids in reducing the appearance of wrinkles and age spots.

Sex is Cheaper than Proactive: Having sex regularly reduces your hormones levels and balances them out, thus clearing up your skin without wasting time and money on all those washes, toners and zit creams.

Sex Prevents Dry Skin: This time of year always brings out the worst scaly, dry, itchy skin that even a daily moisturizer can’t touch. But sex can! A roll in the hay increases blood circulation, making it more efficient. The more efficient your blood is circulating, the more moisture your skin has. Not sure how or why, but it’s true: sex will keep your skin glowing and looking fresh.

Sex Relieves Stress: So remember last semester (or even last week) when you were struggling to breathe with the amount of work being thrown on you? Yeah, a quick romp sesh would’ve helped you out. Orgasms release endorphins, endorphins make you feel good and relieve your stress. Something to think about as finals creep up once again.

Sex makes you look better. Yes, LOOK better. Click here to find the many ways sex will make you more beautiful.

God, I love sex even more than I did before. And I definitely didn’t think that was possible.