It’s not easy being a woman. We only earn $.78 for every dollar dudes earn, we have to put up with things like periods and high heels, and—maybe worst of all—we’re constantly being bombarded with advice from lady mags, lady sites, and lady-oriented talk shows that purport to know what we should be doing to get thinner, sexier, and happier. Too often their tips are questionable at best and downright moronic at worst.

So every week I’m taking a look at the advice that falls into the “moronic” end of that spectrum. If I can convince even one girl to reconsider whatever’s being professed in her glossy of choice, I’ll sleep a little better at night.

In the relatively small pool of article templates that women’s magazines turn to month after month (find the best jeans for your body type! Learn how to make a smoky eye! Consider swinging—wait, whaaa?) there are two perennial models that will never go out of style: tips on how to lose weight and tips on how to snag a man. Knowing this, the editors at Women’s Health have come up with a genius idea for an article that combines both topics. It’s called “Prevent Love Chub,” and it’s about how your S.O. is making you fat.

Yes, even though ladymags believe any female who isn’t constantly attached to or trying to become attached to a man is kind of sad at best and totally pathetic at worst, now Women’s Health is also saying that boyfriends are any body-conscious chica’s worst enemy.

See, men sabotage our toned limbs and flat bellies in five distinct ways—they love eating out (… at restaurants! Get your mind out of the gutter!), they prevent us from being physically active, they encourage us to eat more in order to keep up with them, they buy unhealthy food, and, worst of all, they make us happy. And as author Jill Waldbieser says, “Research shows that what’s good for your heart may be bad for your hips.” More specifically: “A study published last year in the journal BioPsychoSocial Medicine found that happy people were less likely to succeed at losing weight than those with a ‘slightly negative and cautious outlook.’” Read More »

It's time to try something new. And that includes wearing an actual shirt to the gym.

If magazines like Women’s Health or Fitness are considered a part of your required monthly reading (or, really, as long as you haven’t been living under a rock), you have probably learned that switching up your workout routine is vital. In addition to being a surefire way to speed up weight  loss by ensuring that you’ll burn more calories, varying the things you do at the gym will ensure that your body is up for any challenge.

Now, if only I had listened…

Last week, I returned home from school for the long-awaited Christmas break and was informed by my mom that I would be accompanying her to her training session. She works out once a week with a nice (and semi-attractive) man who seems to be pretty un-intimidating, and seeing that she is a 52-year-old mom and I’m a 22-year-old rock star in pretty good shape, I figured that it would be a piece of cake. I can run on the treadmill, right? I can do bicep curls with ten pound weights! Bring it on!

Instead, I was forced to endure pull ups (I cannot do these), lunge and squat around the entire room while carrying crazy weighted sticks, lie down on that squeaky medicine ball while doing sit ups, fling around little black weights that looked like cowbells and bruised the inside of my wrists, and lower myself into numerous machines while I pushed and pulled and panted until I could barely breathe. Meanwhile, my mom was just humming to herself and completing her tasks without a word. Read More »

Attempting to lose weight can be seriously stressful when you feel like you have to follow a laundry list of rules—don’t eat after 7 pm, banish white flour, etc., etc.—in addition to hitting the dreaded treadmill and the stinky weight-room. According to Women’s Health magazine, however, it’s possible to shed pounds successfully without listening to every piece of diet advice that gets thrown around (or, you know, printed in Women’s Health).

What are the diet rules you can break?

Eat many small meals a day instead of three big meals:

Many people insist that eating small portions throughout the day instead of stuffing your face with three big meals will lead to weight-loss by revving your metabolism and keeping it going from morning until night. But Women’s Health points out that if you’re eating multiple times a day, you’re running the risk of consuming more calories than you might if you stuck to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Instead, make sure that mealtimes are defined by fiber-rich foods and lean proteins (those will fill you up without packing in the calorie), and leave the daylong grazing to the farm animals.

Brown rice and whole wheat breads and pastas are better than their evil white flour twins:

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your pasta is white as long as you’re consuming the recommended six ounces of carbohydrates each day. Women’s Health says that a study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association reports that people on high-carb diets were slimmer than their carb-banning counterparts even when they consumed “bad carbs.” While you should make sure that half of your daily carbohydrate intake comes from whole grains, white bread isn’t going to lead to weight gain any more than whole-wheat bread if you keep your portion sizes small.

Don’t eat after dark:

Women’s Health quotes doctor Ann G. Kulze, who explains that the body handles calories in the same exact way no matter what time they’re consumed. Figure out how many calories you should be consuming each day – this number depends on your age, height and activity level – and stick to it. To make sure that you have enough energy to fuel your daily activities, you should spread out caloric intake throughout the day. But if you eat two cookies at 9 p.m., you’re not going to gain any more weight than you would if you ate them at 6.

Ban desserts:

Putting foods on the do-not-touch list only makes you want them more and can lead to binges. Eating dessert is okay as long as you tweak your diet accordingly, which means eating less for dinner and picking desserts like chocolate-dipped fruit and sorbets instead of ice-cream sundaes. Women’s Health points out that restaurant dessert portions are often ridiculously large and high in calories—an Applebee’s chocolate chip cookie sundae, for example, contains 1,620 calories, more than many people should be consuming all day long! The magazine also suggests re-thinking the traditional idea of dessert when you want to indulge. Your after dinner treat doesn’t need to be chocolate; a craving for something sweet can be met in the form of a yogurt and cereal parfait.

As we head back to college, there are a few things we must not forget; ample amounts of underwear (the more pairs of clean underwear a girl has, the less she has to visit the laundry), bathroom sandals (you know have no idea what’s gone on in those shower stalls), and condoms.

You can keep them in a cute little box, a nondescript bag, or right out on the nightstand (depending on how classy you plan on being), but just make sure you have them. Guys don’t always come prepared, and nothing ruins the mood faster than knocking on your friends’ doors for a spare.

In case you’re at a loss as to which condom to buy (because there are like 50,000 different choices), Women’s Health has compiled a list of some of the most “sensational” latex love gloves out there.

A few examples include:

LifeStyles Warming Pleasure: One of those water-based lubricated condoms that stimulates the “clitoris, labia, and vaginal wall”, this brand actually makes good on it’s claims, providing a “mild but very sensual” warming sensation.

Naturalamb: Since these “second skin” condoms don’t protect against STD’s, they’re recommended for monogamous couples. Made from natural animal membranes (yup), Naturalamb is supposedly the thinnest condom available—an awesome find for the long-term couple, as long as you’re alright about that whole ‘membrane’ thing… Read More »

In our health conscious and body obsessed world, almost any activity you do can be converted into calories burned. Whether you test out websites such as calorie-counter.net or caloriecontrol.org, there is definitely not a shortage of calorie info.

Everytime I walk up the four flights of stairs to my new apartment, I wonder just how many calories I am burning off. I try to justify my exhaustion by reminding myself what great exercise it is and how great my calves will look after a month. This tactic makes me feel better about 5% of the time.

Well, if you are sick of boring and tedious ways of burning a few calories here and there, check out the list from Women’s Health Magazine called “100 Ways to Burn 100 Calories: Who knew fighting fat could be so much fun?”

Just to give you a little taste, here are the top 10:

1. Slather on lip balm 765 times.

2. Relive the ’80s. Lip sync George Michael’s Faith 16 times.

3. DVR an episode of Arrested Development and watch it commercial free. (Ten straight minutes of laughter can burn 40 calories–no joke.) Read More »