The New York Times did an article on fitness guru Jackie Warner and the return of her popular reality show,Work Out, on Bravo. Instead of focusing on the show itself the article addressed the girl-crushes some straight, middle-aged women have for Ms. Warner. Said one fan,

“I’m straight. Very straight, and even I would seriously consider batting for her team.”

Really? Jackie is obviously fit and she’s far from unattractive, but should the opportunity/inclination arise, she would not top my list. Which stars would? I’m glad you asked.

Top 5 Middle Aged Lesbian Celebrities I Would Go Gay For Before Jackie Warner

5. Jodie Foster

She’s still got it after 40+ years in the business. Biggest turn-off? Panic Room. Read More »

My first all-nighter at the end of my freshman year taught me some important lessons about what my mind and body is capable of when placed under the stress that is going without sleep for more than 24 hours.

1) Between 3 and 5 a.m. I am incapable of forming coherent sentences on paper and possibly aloud. I have some stellar thoughts, complex ideation that I am incapable of during normal waking hours. But when it comes to recording them, I have the language capability of a non-Einstein like fourth grader trying to write about quantum physics.

It’s funny in retrospect, but it makes me want to jab a pencil in my eye when I need that thought to get me through a paragraph or two at 6 a.m., when I’m able to write again.

2) Hot chocolate disappoints like no other, as it’s more of a distraction than an aide in concentration. Marshmallows – either their presence or the mere of idea of them melting sugary goodness in your cup – are the funnest thing ever when you’ve been studying pre-colonial African history for seven hours.

Coffee will never let me down, but hot chocolate is more of a party in my mouth kind of beverage and not quite the upper I wanted and needed it to be.

3) If I end the 24 hour no-sleep-athon with a 20 minute run, upon beginning my cool down, I will have an orgasm. Read More »

I had seen the little symbol before: some weird upside-down horseshoe in a circle. My yoga instructor had even referenced them in the middle of class.

“Grab your legs, ladies. And don’t worry about stretching out those lululemons.”

I just never made any sort of connection. Lululemon? Is that some new way to refer to the va-jay-jay?

And then my sister in law brought me up to speed. Lululemon was a brand of workout apparel. The “best workout clothes around,” according to her; not to mention “super cute.”

“Lauren, they are seriously amazing,” she told me. “They are totally worth the money.”

So, when I was shopping with my mom this weekend and came across a brand new lululemon store, I decided to pop in and see what all the fuss was about. I sat my mom down in a chair and began sifting through the infamous black pants stacked neatly in little bamboo cubes.

I pulled out a pair labeled “tall;” simple black with some cute black diamond stitching at the top. They looked nice. Felt nice too. And then I saw the price tag. Read More »

When the writers out in Hollywood began their strike a month ago, it really didn’t affect me.

Sure, I support their cause – everyone should be compensated fairly for the work that they do – but I didn’t really care if they were striking because my Thursday night line-up was still intact.

Now, one month later, I am beginning to feel the pinch.

Whereas I used to stress out about the sheer number of shows backed up on my DVR (“Ahh! There is never enough time to watch them all!”), the lack of new episodes of my favorite shows this past week has left my poor DVR out of a job. And left me with nothing to do after a long day at my job.

I have been forced to get a little more creative with my free time and have discovered some wonderful new activities to enjoy beyond my couch and remote. If you too are experiencing a little non-reality-TV-withdrawal, fill your newfound free time with some of these:

Reading For Pleasure: I didn’t realize just how little I have read in the past year until I sat down and began reading some new books this week. My God, there are so many good books out there right now! My new favorites (that everyone absolutely must read) are: A Thousand Splendid Suns and Eat, Pray, Love. I finished both in under a week!

Discovering New Music: Everyone knows iTunes is the bomb for finding just about anything, but my favorite feature is when they recommend new artists based on the music you like. I started playing around with it and three hours later I had found some awesome new stuff (like Dave Barnes). Read More »

As temperatures rise and shorts, bathing suits, and skirts become less about fashion and more about necessity, it becomes more and more vital that I love myself. I must love myself because I’m not always the biggest fan of my thighs and stomach. I must love myself because I always think my arms could be firmer and my knees could stop looking so weird.

As I type this, I’m sitting at my desk in a bathing suit (living in New York has kept me far away from any type of swimming pool, but bathing suits are much more acceptable than a bra and underwear if someone were to knock or accidentally look into my apartment. Or if a stranger crawls through my window while drunk. This has happened. I am now always prepared), sweating and drinking water like a mad woman. Read More »

So, I got these shoes. They’re called “Shape Up Shoes”, which is a silly, silly name. I’mma go ahead and call ‘em “Fitness Flops”, which is far more clever.

Anyway, these shoes were just chillin’ in my office’s infamous Sample Pile and I was all, “Hey, I’m supes short and have size 6 feet! Bring on the platform flips!” Then upon further investigation, I found that said flips were not normal flips at all, but Fitness Flops – aka flips perched atop a bizarre plateau.

Me: Well that’s weird.

Their scheme effectively deployed, I found myself on www.shapeupshoes.com. The shoes allege that they promote weight loss, posture, and balance while reducing lower back pain, plantar fasciitis, lymphedema, poor circulation, diabetes, varicose veins, spider veins, cellulite, and cold feet. I’m surprised they don’t heal gun shot wounds or Gonorrhea! Read More »