Questionpantses for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for possible answerpantses.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years, and I’ve been beating myself up ever since. The first half of our relationship was blissful – we were like best friends, had tons of fun together and he treated me like a queen. Even though it was a long-distance relationship, we made it work with frequent visits, and having him in my life eased my transition into college.

But about halfway through our relationship, I began to think about my long-term desires, and realized I was unhappy. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have had access to private education for most of my life, but my boyfriend was not so fortunate. He dropped out of high school (but got his GED) and failed out of college, and hasn’t been able to find a job for months (he is 22). Furthermore, I felt as though he could not hold a conversation on the intellectual level that I would like, and to top it off, his persistent erectile dysfunction (which has plagued us since the first time we had sex) was giving us intimacy problems.

I chalked all these issues up to class differences, thinking that maybe we were just too different as a result of our backgrounds. However, since we broke up, I keep asking myself if I just let “the one” walk away. Although he is lazy (or maybe he can’t find a job because of the recession) and unmotivated (or maybe he just cracks under pressure in school), he has always treated me like a queen, and loved me like no other. He was always there as my therapist, protector, confidante and lover, and I wonder if I’m crazy for not thinking he is good enough for me. I also worry that I will regret my decision or change my mind if he gets a job and goes back to school, but I don’t know if he will ever do these things. Is it too much to ask for an educated man with a job/ prospects? He is definitely one of the few “good guys” left in my city and I feel stupid to let him go. Should I just settle and learn to appreciate the little things? Or maintain my high standards and run the risk of never finding the man of my dreams?

Sincerely,
Lonely Ever After

Dear Lonely,

Giiiiiiirl.

This is a really tricky question, because–well, is class an issue? Yes. Is it comfortable to discuss? About as comfortable as a colonoscopy.

Okay, well, first of all, erectile dysfunction is not an issue of class. But it is an issue in your relationship. However, sexual dysfunction is not necessarily a reason to break up. If you do end up getting back together, I highly recommend that you get your boy to a doctor and find out what the problem is. Chances are, it’s easily fixed.

The problem, then, is that you want to know if you should deal with this guy despite his socioeconomic situation. Okay. Well, I’m going to be honest: my initial gut impulse was to chew you out for being so messed up and dated.

But then I got to thinking, Lonely, and, I gotta be honest, you have a point. Well, look, you want certain things, right? You want a guy who can support himself (and hold his own financial weight if the relationship becomes long-term). You want a guy who is smart and motivated, and, although it’s not terribly PC, it’s true that the culture in which he was raised may (or may not) be a contributing factor.

However, you also want someone who is kind and loving, which you say he is, and that’s really much harder to find. Jerks with six figures are easy to find but hard to swallow (ew). Guys who love you genuinely and generously are gems and shouldn’t be so easily dismissed.

On top of it all, it sounds like maybe he’s suffering some kind of depression or anxiety or something equally treatable. The lack of motivation, the sexual problems–maybe he just needs a trip to a therapist or perhaps a psychiatrist.

So here’s my advice, girl. Follow your heart. If he really, truly is the gentle and giving soul you say he is, give him another chance. But tell him that, because you’re considering a long-term relationship with him, you need him to get his life together. Tell him you want to be with him, but he needs to either get a job or go back to school, and he definitely has to see a doctor (or doctors) about his erectile dysfunction.

And then be happy. Because loving a good person is a privilege most people never get to enjoy.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Would you want this guy taking you 30,000 feet in the air?

Drinking on the job seems like such an enticing idea. Make the work day a little more bearable, ya know? I know I’d be a hell of a lot friendlier to those jerks taking out books at the campus library if I had a little Ketel One in me. Sure, I’d be making 412 runs to the bathroom, but everything is more fun when you’re drunk…and re-shelving books could sure use a little boost of fun.

But after hearing countless stories of drunken pilots getting stopped moments before taking flight, I realized that there are some careers that are simply not suitable for boozing. For example:

Your Pilot: Does the phrase “do not operate heavy machinery” mean nothing to you, man!? Your flight home for winter break may soon become a terror ride as your highly intoxicated pilot does figure eights in the sky… and then right into the ground.

Your Gyno: At first thought, a drunk gyno doesn’t seem so bad. I mean it’s basically the same thing as drunk foreplay on a Saturday night, right? Wrong. One wrong move and those exploratory tools can become a torture device… in the wrong hole. I shudder to think.

Your Hairdresser: Never drink and drive. And never drink and cut. The combination of alcohol and scissors is terrifying, especially so close to my face. Chances are you’re going to leave there looking like this. And that’s not gonna grow out pretty, I’ll tell you that much.

Your Guidance Counselor: The whole point of having a guidance counselor is so that you can go out and drink on the weekends while she stays in and figures out your life for you. Your future is not bright when your guidance counselor using your grad school application to wipe up her barf.

And finally…

The girl who gives you a Brazilian: Something tells me you’re going to get a wild design waxed on your lady parts. But that’s only if she doesn’t overheat the wax and give you some nasty third degree burns first. You think a burnt tongue is painful? Try burned…lips.

Finally being dropped into the “9-5” has me thinking a lot more about my future. What if I want to be the chief executive one day? How feasible is that? What would my income be?

Although it is possible for a woman to become a CEO, out of the “Fortune 500” (the USA’s 500 biggest publicly traded companies), only thirteen of those CEOs are female. That’s only 2.6%.

We’ve had our first female presidential and vice-presidential candidate in the past year and higher education for women is on the rise, yet women are still not holding top positions in companies. The cherry on top of all of this? Even the women who have managed to make their way to the top are still the worst paid out of all CEOs.

Aside from the incredible income disparities, the issue we should be focusing on is why women CEOs are such a rare commodity, not necessarily the size of the paychecks. In 2005, Sheila Wellington was interviewed by Anne Fisher (CNN Money) on this exact issue. Wellington was no stranger to gender discrimination; she was forced to sign an agreement when she accepted her first position after graduating from Radcliffe that stated that she must not get pregnant for at least her first two years.

Wellington went on to become the president of Catalyst, a non-profit research group and is now a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. When confronted with the question of the lack of female executives, Wellington stated, “I think we are in the midst of a cycle right now where there is a widespread perception that women aren’t fully committed to their careers. It tends to happen every time the spotlight is on a high-ranking woman who flames out, like [former Hewlett-Packard CEO] Carly Fiorina. You start hearing all kinds of people analyzing ‘what women are doing wrong.’”

Wellington goes on to say that the corporate perception of women must alter before women can reach high levels. She blames sexist perceptions such as, “women don’t like to travel” or “women don’t take risks” as platitudes that cloud judgment when hiring female executives. The antiquated mindset that females won’t succeed because of familial obligations, emotional reactions, high drama and lack of critical thinking hinders women from succeeding. Don’t think those perceptions are still out there? Just ask Neil French who resigned as WPP Group worldwide creative director after saying women in advertising “don’t make it to the top because they don’t deserve to.” This sentiment is common according to Wellington.

Does this mean that I can’t become a CEO one day? Working for a Fortune 500 has pushed my desire to do just that. But when I do get that position, do I have to give up my femininity, desire to have a family in the future, penchant for emotional outbursts once in a while, and indulging in guilty pleasures like Gossip Girl? I think not. The mentality around females in executive positions needs to be changed, not the female executives themselves.

Once the archaic stereotypes of women have left the workplace, then companies will realize that women are valuable assets in executive positions. It’s up to Gen Y to break those stereotypes, put much more than just cracks in the glass ceiling and finally finish construction on that bridge to somewhere.

"If I clean this toilet I can have a beer tonight."

I’m constantly amazed at how challenging it is to be an adult. It’s like everyday there’s something new I have to do that won’t get taken care of unless I actually take the initiative to do it.

I’ve basically had to turn into a parent for myself in order to get anything done. I remind myself to do things repeatably even though I heard myself the first time, I nag myself incessantly to do gross chores around the apartment, and I even discipline and reward myself with a behavior chart I keep on the fridge. Five gold stars mean I can go out for happy hour on Friday.

I’ve recently put myself in time-out (spent all day on the couch watching whatever Sandra Bullock movie TBS plays) for breaking curfew and I’ve lectured myself about not taking vitamins when I started sniffling last week. I’m at the point that I think my actual mother feels left out when she calls because I’ve already covered her territory. She calls expecting an opportunity to nurture (tell me what to do) and instead she gets a co-parent complaining about misbehavior and paying the cable bill on time.

While I’ve enjoyed being a parent to myself and ending each night with a warm glass of milk and Goodnight Moon, I’ve started to wonder when I will transition from being a faux-adult to being a real one.

Will I ever take care of myself just because I want to or will I spend the rest of my life threatening myself to either eat broccoli or suffer the consequences (No Hulu in bed)? Does scrubbing the toilet ever get exciting or will it always be something I’ll do while gagging and whining? When will I feel compelled to change my sheets on a regular basis and not just when I spill cereal on them?

I don’t know. Hopefully not soon because I’m really enjoying earning gold stars on my discipline chart (finished all my work for today = 2.5 stars). And I’m really looking forward to treating myself on mother’s day – after all being a parent is hard work and it will be nice to get a day dedicated to myself.

Turns out I was wrong. I’m so dead by the end of the day that I can barely keep my eyes open when I crawl into bed at sunset. Truth be told, I cannot figure out why. I possibly have the least physically demanding job in the entire world. As a freelance blogger I spend half my days in bed on the computer and half my days on a couch on the computer. Sure my fingers are getting a work-out (ever seen a thumb with biceps?) but the rest of me might as well be sold off for spare parts. If anyone knows how much legs (partially shaved) are going for these days, please leave me a message below.

And it’s not only the exhaustion that’s taking a toll on me. It’s also being responsible for the work that I do everyday. In the past I’ve had part time jobs doing things like working at an ice cream store. But if I didn’t bring my A-game to work it wasn’t that big of a deal. All it meant was that some kid had an allergic reaction because I wasn’t paying attention when his mother asked if nuttybutter-walnut ice cream had nuts in it. Same with internships. I could make a million mistakes and then shrug my shoulders and be like “sorry, I’m just an intern, I didn’t know that pressing backspace would delete a year’s worth of work.”

But now it’s like I make a mistake and I receive a scathing e-mail seconds later asking me if I was raised speaking English or if it’s a recently acquired skill. When people are paying you real money for your work, they’re a lot more demanding–as well as open with the constructive criticism. If I had a penny for every e-mail from an editor telling me to change this or be wittier or be more serious or write all your words backwards for style effect, I might be able to afford to eat three meals a day.

Unfortunately for my stomach no one is attaching pennies to e-mails these days. Until then I’ll keep on chuggin’ along trying to keep my eyes open long enough to catch the 5:00 news. And by news I mean Family Matters reruns.

Take a break, dude. You deserve it!

Part of the reason I write a Weekly 10 is because I’m paying homage to my man David Letterman (seriously, my dad hasn’t ever missed an episode), and partly it’s because I like lists. Particularly lists where I can prattle on about whatever issue I feel is super relevant. Ya know, like how I’m just not that into you or being super fabulously sober.

This week I’ve decided to list the 10 jobs that totally deserve to sleep in past noon this Monday, Labor Day. Why is it even called Labor Day? Shouldn’t it be Not-Labor Day? But I digress. Some people deserve a break for all they do/deal with on a daily basis. I don’t have the power to give it to them, but maybe they’ll note my appreciation and hook me up in the future.

So here are the people both on and off campus that totally deserve the holiday and our respect on this last official day of summer.

10. The Pizza Guys
Now, I don’t know if you are on first name basis with your 2 AM pizza man, but I certainly am. Heyyyy, Dimitri! Let me tell you, the guys who work the counter at the hot spot pizza place deserve this day more than anyone. I can’t even fathom the amount of drunk kids that Cappy’s (Northeastern’s pizza joint… only apropos when wasted) deals with. Hopefully they’ll take this day off, enjoy no one vomiting on their counter and maybe indulge in some food that isn’t deep fried.

9. College Janitors
Throwing sawdust and cleaning up vomit? Peeling pizza off dorm hallways? Scrubbing out showers covered in nasty, cheap beer? Please take a beach vaykay. We heart you and all you do for us.

8. Heidi and Spencer
Just take a vacation from the media, for the love of God.

7. The ladies who make the sandwiches in the cafeteria.
Recently, my good friend went to order a sandwich off the menu, but she had a few demands. Here’s how it went down.
Friend: Okay, I see that you have the Hemenway Special Sandwich. Yes, I want that. But can you make it a wrap?
Sandwich Woman Glares
Friend: Thanks… whoa! What are you doing with that mayo? No mayo. No actually, light mayo.
More Glaring
Friend: Can you substitute the ham for low fat turkey?
Sandwich Woman: I MAKE THE SANDWICH!

You totally deserve a Labor-less Day, lady.

6. Any and all taxi drivers
Mostly because my roommate insists that every cabdriver he drunkenly encounters is Ben Bailey and demands that the cabbie: “ASK US A QUESTION! WE’RE IN A CASH CAB!!! WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION? COME OOOOONNNNN BRO!!” I won’t be leaving my bed today, so hopefully they’ll get to enjoy this day off as well.

5. The Health Clinic Nurses
“I totally don’t know how I got these ping pong balls stuck in there…”

4. The Bouncer.
Take this holiday to shave your neckbeard and not play Jadakiss and make calls on “who’s real and who’s not” on their IDs.

3. Campus Security
Take the day to make the types of decisions that you bust students for. Maybe take a trip to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, walk a mile in our shoes. Or, you know, one broken high heel. Hypothetically.

2. The People Who Give Out Parking Tickets.
REALLY?? I was only 60 seconds late to get back to my car. Come on! Screw Labor Day, take a Labor Year.

1. The Dean
Helicopter parents, pompous professors with tenure, students who want A’s (even when they only showed up for a good four days of class) and alumni wondering why oh why the basketball team just can’t quite win the NCAA tournament. Ringleader, take a break from the campus circus and kick back with “The Economist” and a nice glass of wine. Enjoy a Monday without Mommy calling and asking why little Quentin can’t have his very own dorm room with a school-provided humidifier. You most definitely deserve it.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of the city and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

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You know those times when that little monster inside of you just wants to lash out? Well, here are some bold (and bitchy counterpart) responses to ease the inner bitch while still putting someone in their place.

You go girl.

Someone Cuts You in Line
Bitchy: Get the f out of my way, you line cutting ho.
Bold: Excuse me? I believe I was here first, but feel free to get in line behind me.

Someone Macks on Your Man
Bitchy: Back off before I go Jerry Springer on you. HE’S MY MAN.
Bold: I appreciate the compliment of you admiring my man, but he is taken…. by me. (Smiley aggressively)

Someone Tries to Steal Your Idea at Work
Bitchy: Isn’t it funny how that idea wasn’t yours at all, but my idea? I think our boss will also think it’s funny. When I tell him. RIGHT NOW, bitch.
Bold: I find it interesting that your “idea” was so similar to my input and original thought. I guess, in the future, I won’t collaborate with you at all.

Someone Insults Your Outfit:
Bitchy: I was actually going to tell you that I saw your outfit on Hollywood Boulevard on one of the regulars. Men seem to really like her.
Bold: Sometimes it is hard being an individual and actually thinking for myself in terms of fashion. Some praise me for it. Some don’t, obviously.

Be a classy lady, dip your insults in sugar, smile, and relish in the thought of all the good Karma you’ll receive for keeping your cool rather than bitching it out. Because, really, no one wants to look like a Real Housewife of Atlanta, right?

Rainy weather in New York really sucks. I know that rain sucks wherever you live, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the Big Apple is probably the city that is least conducive to rainstorms. As all of you east-coasters probably remember, it rained, thundered, lightning, misted – you get the drift – every day in June. Then July rolled around and we thought the horrendous weather was over, until yesterday.

I was commuting from New Jersey, and my mom generously offered to drive me to the bus stop. I tumbled out of the car with my paper bag lunch in hand only to trip over the slippery sidewalk, causing my three hard-boiled eggs (don’t hate) to fall out and smush together on the street. Accident #1. On the bus, I began to apply my makeup and things were going smoothly until the bus driver stopped short (why does everyone forget how to drive on the highway when there’s a little water on their windshield??), and mascara was dragged across my cheek and nose.

My arrival in Times Square reminded me how horrible the subway is when its rainy – wet umbrellas dripping all over you, everyone smelling like a wet dog, the air conditioner causing your wet clothing to stick to you like plaster, etc. And walking down the street is just the worst. All those people with the “big umbrellas,” the ones that could house a small family and are constantly dripping on all the smaller people with smaller umbrellas, kept bumping into me and I had to duck to avoid dangerous contact. I happen to work four blocks away from Grand Central station, so you can imagine how crowded it was.

The sky was dark all day – it perpetually looked like 5 pm – and everyone in the office was depressed… I could just feel it. I didn’t even want to go outside to buy my routine packs of gum and Cheez-its at the bodega next store to my office. At least things weren’t as bad for me as they were for the intern I work with. She chose to wear a long sleeved silk blouse and arrived to the office completely drenched. Her shirt spent the next two hours hanging over the air conditioner and I can imagine that it wasn’t feeling too silky when she finally put it back on.

Around 3, I heard two women in the bathroom discussing the downpour.
“I read that every summer is going to be like this from now on,” one of them said.
“It’s because of global warming,” said the other. (Umm, right… I believe this is old news. Sometimes you have to wonder how some people got their jobs! Ha. I chuckled to myself from the stall where I was spying.)

My day ended with the most entertaining rain-accident of them all (and don’t tell me I’m an a**hole, cause you’d laugh too): A Wall-Street-esque man was racing down the sidewalk when he slipped on the wet sidewalk and fell right under the counter of a Halal cart (you know, that weird mystery meat that smells oddly good and is sold on the street all day long). He was fine, just a little wet in the tushy area. I scooted off before he saw me, and about fifteen other people, holding in their laughter.

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like T&A jobs!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s generally frowned upon, many companies have policies against it, but the fact of the matter is when you put a bunch of people together in the same space day after day there’s a fair chance that some of them are going to start dating. But is it OK to get it on with a co-worker or are the bosses right about inter-office hanky-panky?

On the one hand, it makes sense to date someone you work with – you share the same schedule, you know the same people, you probably do a lot of the same things, and odds are you have at least a few interests in common that led you both to work there. Plus, you see them every day, you get to know them pretty well and he’s always dressed for work, so you never have to see him in the stained sweatpants your ex refused to throw out. 

The downside, of course, is if it doesn’t work out, not only do you have to awkwardly make conversation in the elevator everyday, but you might have to work with the guy again, which would be pretty miserable. It’s like hooking up with someone on your hall, only so. much. worse. Throw in the fact that at some offices dating a coworker is a firing offense, it’s a pretty big risk. And even if it does work out, the best case scenario has you spending all day checking out your hot boyfriend without ever being able to touch him. Not always an easy thing to do.

So what do you think? Would you throw out the rule book for the cutie by the copier? Or is that sort of thing best left to your private fantasy world?