In our consumer culture, money is everything and everybody wants it. A lot of it. Enough of it to buy gold and diamond plated teeth. But according to a recent poll, it looks like money may not be people’s top priority anymore.

According to the too-good-looking newscasters on CNN this morning, when people were asked whether they’d rather have a million dollars or the perfect body, over 20% of people chose the perfect body.

Pretty crazy, right?

To me, the answer seems obvious. And it’s all about the dolla dolla bills. I mean, money is everything in today’s world, right? Even if you didn’t have a perfect body, with all that cash money you could easily look up the best plastic surgeon in Hollywood and buy yourself a perfect bod. Just ask Heidi Montag! Not to mention, you’d still have a large chunk of change to spend on other rich cheap tricks (cars, designer handbags, ponies, etc…).

But then again, it’s kind of crazy how obsessed our culture has become with achieving perfect body status. Every time you turn on the TV or open a magazine, there’s an ad for some new weight loss pill (“I lost 275 pounds with Xenadrine MAX!”) or some new celebrity workout DVD. Plus, when you have a perfect body, you tend to attract a lot more attention (models, reality show stars, or ANYONE Hugh Hefner dates) and you’ll probably score yourself at least a few free dinners and at most, a reality TV show on E! (and multiple spin-offs) with your family and all the crazy shenanigans they get themselves into.

So if a genie popped out of nowhere and offered you one or the other, which would you choose: one million bucks or the perfect body you’ve always wanted?

So John Mayer quit Twitter. Yeah right. We’ve heard that one before. Somehow this reminds me of the time Jay Z “retired.” And Brett Favre “retired.” And Amanda Bynes “retired.” And I swore to god, as I rest my head on the toilet bowl, that I’d never drink again.

Read: Not happening.

The truth is, John Mayer is far too egocentric to stay away from Twitter too long. A website dedicated to oversharing about yourself? It’s like it was created with Mr. Mayer in mind. So with that in my mind (and Katy Perry’s latest hit in my head, thanks to the radio station playing it every four minutes), I want to know:

Would you rather date John Mayer or hear Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” on repeat every time you were gettin’ sexy with a boy?

Things to Consider: Having a polygamous relationship with your boyfriend and Twitter, general douchebaggery, Katy Perry’s baby voice, “I might get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans.”

Think about it. Think about it some more. Vote. Then tell everyone why below.

[Sidenote: Stupid song is stuck in my head. Thank god for this.]

So after a few weeks abroad, I just landed back in the U.S. of A. from Europe! I can’t believe my trip went by so quickly; I had the best time I’ve ever had in my entire life, and, being a college kid, that’s saying something. I did so many things that I’m grateful I got to experience, from walking down streets I’ve read about in Sherlock Holmes books to trekking miles to see the Eiffel Tower. And the food. The food. Never in my life have I eaten as well as I did in Paris. If you’re a foodie, make sure you get over and sample as many heavenly pastries as you can stomach.

Or do as I did and take down well more than you can stomach and end up totally uncomfortable for days on end….

Now that my trip is over, I (and you lucky kids who are also on the quarter system) still have about a month left before I go back to school. I’m sure the time will pass quickly, since it always does when there are no classes to wake up for or papers to write, and I’m determined to make the most of it.

So that got me thinking (since I got nothing else going on…):

Would You Rather win an insane shopping spree for a totally brand new back-to-school wardrobe OR get to sit down and chat with your favorite celebrity (dead or alive) for five minutes?

Things to Consider: these, this, touching Justin Bieber’s hair (!!!!) or, you know, talking to someone you love.

Vote now and give us the dirty deets below!

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m still reeling from Monday’s Bachelorette finale. I’m not sure whether I am so sad for Chris L. or so happy that he’s still a single man (and I’ve got a free Southwest Flight to use to hop on over to Cape Cod to snatch him up). I just can’t imagine what Ali was thinking. I know, I know – it’s not like Roberto was the Vienna of Ali’s season, but still.

It’s Chris Freaking L! COME ON.

But what’s done is done so now it’s time to move on and look forward. And what am I looking forward to? Tonight’s episode of Top Chef (yes, reality TV is the only constant in my life). Because we all know that the only thing that can take anyone’s mind off of Chris L’s body is a perfectly seared scallop with some lobster foam.

And all that got me thinking (and drooling):

Would you rather be the next Bachelorette OR be a judge on Top Chef?

Things to Consider: 25 guys vying for your love, romantic dates in exotic locations, gourmet food, eating…for a living.

Vote and explain yo’self below.

You know those hermits you hear about that live in caves, hunt wild animals, and never cut their beards? Well, whenever I come home during a break from school, I give them a run for their money (minus the wild animal and beard parts – I like my meat cooked and my face fuzz-free). When I’m home, I hang out with my family and might make it to lunch with some friends a few times, but that’s pretty much the extent of my human interaction. As an only child, constantly being around (drunk) people at school can drive me absolutely crazy, so I love coming home and locking myself away for however long I can manage to.

With that said, last night I ventured out for my high school best friend’s birthday dinner. My mind, which had been reacquainted with constantly being with sober people, was blown. The champagne guzzling started at the dinner table and turned to shots as we headed out to a sweaty, packed club where there was so much grinding I was tempted to go home and get an STD test. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun…until everyone got super sloppy and my role turned from dancing queen to babysitter-to-the-sloptarts.

It got me mad.
And it got me thinking….

Would You Rather have your best friend get so drunk on your birthday that you have to take care of her all night OR have every single last one of your friends be busy on your birthday, so you spend it alone?

Things to consider: Puke on your birthday shoes, annoying drunk people, eating cake alone on the couch while watching Teen Mom.

So I met a boy last weekend. A hot boy. A hot, tall boy. A hot, tall boy who plays in a hockey league. Swoon? I think so.

We spent hours talking online day after day until he finally asked me out. And then we spent hours talking over burgers and beers. And more beers. When he dropped me off at home, he got out of the car and gave me a cheek-kiss goodbye. “Let’s do this again,” he said.

“Totally,” I casually replied (while butterflies threw a frat party in my belly).

I’m one smitten kitten, and it’s exciting. I haven’t wanted to rip someone’s clothes off like this in a long, long time. But while having a crush is exciting, it’s sending me on an emotional roller coaster ride and I want off. Until Hottie McHockey came along, my life was easy. There were no guys on the horizon so I just went about my life as usual. Now, I’m thinking about him, wondering if he’s thinking about me and if he’s going to ask me out again.

And all that has gotten me thinking. So without further ado, tell me:

Would you rather be single with no options on the horizon or have a major crush?

Things to consider: Not knowing what he’s thinking, waiting for him to call, total freedom of being completely single.

Vote now and explain why in the comments section below.

I’m so hot. Not in an Angelina Jolie sorta way, but in a “I can’t stand the way I smell” sorta way. It’s gotten so bad that I actually went to the gym and swam laps yesterday, just so I could be in a cold body of water. (Note: I just wanted to jump in and do a few handstands to cool off but then the 80-year-old man in the lane next to me gave me a look as he lapped me and I felt like I had to do something.) I know I’ve been counting down to summer since snot froze to my face on the way to the bus in January, but this is too much. It’s too hot! I’m sweaty and sticky and smelly.

Waaaaah (Snooki voice).

So what do I do when I’m feeling sorry for myself/melting? I come up with a situation that is even worse so I can feel a little better about my life. And that’s what inspired this week’s Would You Rather:

Would you rather eat 5 rotten cheese slices or lick a dirty toilet?

Things to Consider: Rotten cheese, 5 pieces of rotten cheese, the way a frat house toilet looks on a Monday morning.

Vote and explain. Now.

One of the best parts of summer is how it changes the dating game, hands down. Instead of having to desperately duck into a random cafe so you two don’t become walking icicles, or having to cut your date short because of that research paper that you should have started, you know, yesterday, you can spend hours at an outdoor fair! Or spend the day playing some fun outdoor sport! Or even take long, leisurely walks on the beach at night.

No, seriously, I’m in Miami and people do that. Delightful, right?

All the benefits of dating in summer are great for another reason: my friends have tons of hilarious stories to tell me! Which got me thinking…

Would You Rather go to the bathroom at the end of an amazing date and realize your nipple had been showing the whole time thanks to your new low cut top OR realize you sent your fantastic date a text, meant for your best friend, describing all the graphic things you wanted to do to him?

Things to Consider: Janet Jackson-style repercussions, how dirty your thoughts get after a few drinks, visible evidence Mr. Date Man can show his friends.

Vote and tell the world why below!

In an effort to beat the winter bulge and get my body back into shape for a weekend of bikini-clad fun come July 4th, I decided to pump up the volume on my workout last night. And now I can’t move. Even typing up this very post is sending shooting pains up my arms and I’ve completely given up on reading this website due to the extreme pain that comes with laughing.

And to top it all off, it’s an ugly, rainy day in Chicago. If I didn’t have the Glee soundtrack blasting from my iTunes right now, I’d fall into a deep funk and claw my way out with a gallon of ice cream. Which, of course, would completely defeat the purpose of my post-workout paralysis.

So in an effort to forget about the fact that I can’t move my legs without crying, I will focus on something else. Like this week’s “Would You Rather….”

Would You Rather have an unpaid summer internship with a boss like Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada or a summer job making bank as a nanny for the brattiest group of triplets you can imagine?

Things to Consider: your post-grad resume, your mental health and sanity, your empty bank account.

Vote and give us your reasoning below!

Is that you, Wednesday?

It’s me, the girl who wants it to be Friday already. The girl who has been up far too late every night reading “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” and can’t drag her ass out of bed to get to her internship in the morning. The girl who ran out of clean underwear on Monday and needs a nice, Saturday afternoon to do her laundry. The girl who is about ready to scream if she has to look at one more freaking Excel spreadsheet or get one more GD cup of coffee for her bosses.

Yeah, I’m over you, Wednesday. And the only thing getting me through this long ass day of clerical work and a terrible lunch (so. sick. of turkey sandwiches) is knowing that an ice cold Amstel Light (or 6) is coming my way at 5 p.m. Mmmmm. Refreshing. Too bad those bad boys are gonna leave me feeling fat and achy tomorrow morning…

Which got me thinking:

Would You Rather there be a beer that had zero calories or a beer that didn’t give you a hangover the next day?

Things to Consider: Beer gut, how many calories are in a $1 pitcher, the way you feel at 9am on Sunday morning.

Vote and tell us why below!