It’s finals week. You’re living on coffee and chocolate. Your days are spent in the library. Your nights are spent in the library. You’re wracking your brain trying to remember historical facts no one knows about and chemical equations you will never use. You’re stressed and crazed and far from in the mood to write. But write you will have to do.

Because in exchange for not having to take a final for that literature class you have to write a paper. And not just any paper, but a good paper. A really good paper. Because this paper is worth a large chunk of your final grade. The problem is though, you’ve never really gotten a grip on that whole paper writing thing. Sure, you know the basics, but do you know the specifics? Do you know how to avoid the mistakes that will keep that A just out of reach?

Well, I do.

After four years as an English major, one year as a literature tutor, and two semesters worth of thesis writing, I think I’ve cracked the code. And I’m going to share my secrets with you. Below are the most common grammatical and paper writing mistakes, the things you always miss, the things you need to know, the rules standing between you and that elusive A. So bookmark this page and consult it when writing those final papers. You’ll thank me later.

1. No thesis statements.

Don’t even think about starting your paper until you have one of these. Your thesis statement is the entire point behind your paper. It’s the reason you’re writing your paper. It’s the idea that you are trying to prove. You can’t write a paper without a thesis statement. If you do your paper will have no focus. At all.

2. Confusing they’re/there/their.

Let’s clear up the confusion behind this one, shall we?

They’re is a contraction, used in place of the phrase “they are.” Did you hear about Justin and Selena? They’re going out.

There is used to represent a place. Where are Kourtney and Khloe? Over there at the bar.

Their is used to show possession of something. Who are the parents of baby Suri? Tom and Katie. She is their baby.

3. Not proving your point.

Once you have a thesis statement, something you want to prove, you actually have to prove it. So don’t just throw a whole bunch of important sounding information on a page and call it a day. That information has to be both useful and relevant. Before you dedicate a paragraph to something ask yourself, will this help me prove my thesis?

4. Mixing up affect and effect.

Affect is used when actions are affecting someone. My mental stability is far too affected by the lives of celebrities. Effect is used when one is talking about the effects of a situation. I’m still feeling the effects of Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds breakup.

5. Not using transition sentences.

When you move from paragraph to paragraph don’t just jump into a new topic. Yes, the first sentence is a topic sentence, but it also the closing of your last topic. So the first sentence of your new paragraph should do both. That’s why it’s a transition sentence. Transition words (however, nonetheless, on the contrary) are really helpful here.

6. Using the wrong than/then.

Here’s the deal.

If you’re writing about time or order you use then. Then Brad dumped Jen and got with Angelina.

If you’re comparing or contrasting you use than. I think Angelina is way prettier than Jen any way.

7. Using personal pronouns.

Do not use I. Do not use me. Don’t use us or we or we’re. Personal pronouns are a big no-no in formal papers. You are a detached voice relaying information, not a particular person sharing your beliefs.

8.Using double negatives.

This one is guaranteed to make your professor cringe every single time. You cannot use more than one negative in a sentence. That means you cannot say Ronnie didn’t do nothing. Rather you would say, Ronnie didn’t do anything.

9. Not citing your sources!

Whether you’re quoting Spark Notes or the Norton Anthology cite your sources. If you don’t it’s plagiarism, even if you don’t mean for it to be. So cite your sources. But do so correctly. First you have to find out what format your professor wants you to use. If you’re taking an English class it’s probably MLA. Find out which one you need to use and then check the guidelines.

10. Its/It’s.

It’s is a contraction. It represents “it is” or “it has.” It is very nice to meet you Leo. I loved you in Inception.

Its represents the possession of something, sort of like a gender neutral his or her. Look at the cute puppy cuddling with its mother.

Need more basic college studying advice? Check out the ABC’s of getting A’s and B’s in college.

I still haven’t written my personal statement yet.

You know, the one that more or less says “explain yourself in 700 words or less.” The one that asks you to take the last four yours of your life and make them fit in an essay. The one that asks you to be creative, and witty, and unique, while also demonstrating your intelligence and artfully adding in all of your accomplishments. The one required for college admissions, scholarships and awards, and, in my case, the one required for grad school applications.

Yep, that one.
I just can’t seem to write it.

The truth is, I’ve never been a big fan of personal statement essays, or as grad schools like to call them, statements of purpose. (Because changing the name will differentiate them from the nightmare that was applying to college.) They all sound exactly the same, and everyone says what they think the admissions board wants to hear, and everyone talks about family history or motivation or their many deep and meaningful reasons for pursuing the career path they’ve chosen. And basically, what it comes down to is one giant cliché. And I hate clichés. And so do the admissions boards, or at least, that’s what they claim.

The personal statement is important, they tell you. We want to know more about you that what appears on your transcripts, they say. Be creative. Be unique. Be yourself. But also include all of your accomplishments in the past four years, any significant events you may have been a part of you, why you want to go to this school, what you can bring to this school, and why we should even bother to consider your application. Yes, that leaves lots of room for me to be unique, doesn’t  it? The questions are cliché, so the answers are going to be cliché. And as I’ve mentioned, I hate clichés.

But that’s exactly what I end up sounding like every try time I try to tell these people who I am and what I want to do with my life. Because the thing is, I have absolutely no clue who I am or what I want to do. Sure, I’m a college senior. Yes, I have things I’d like to accomplish. But those goals are more along the lines of “make it through 18^th Century Literature,” “improve my beer pong playing abilities,” and “stop watching Private Practice.”  They don’t exactly detail my grand post college plans, and that’s mostly because I don’t have post college plans.

So I should probably focus on the “who am I” part of the essay, right? That would be a great idea, except I just can’t seem to figure out how to go about doing that either. I’ve never been a big fan of labels, because I like to think that people are a bit more complex than that, and I don’t think the admissions board wants my age/height/weight/hair and eye color stats chart. So what are my opinions? Childhood memory that changed my life or distant relatives that have inspired me to become the person I am today?  No on those counts too. I just don’t believe it’s possible for someone to understand who I am based on a 700 word statement, or any statement for that matter. People just don’t work that way.

So what exactly is a girl to do?

Maybe I should just link them to this post instead? I mean, it’s honest and real and so full of such flattering compliments for the entire application process and everyone it involves that I’ll be admitted immediately.

OK, so maybe that’s not my best bet, but what is?

Click here to follow Jenn’s other ups and downs of senior year.

But I did something this past weekend that I haven’t done in five years: I did NOT have sex when I wanted to, and could have.

A man who I’ve had a flirtatious relationship with for the last 10 months has recently been coming on more strongly. He’s been asking me out on ‘official’ dates and telling me how it drives him nuts that I hook up with other guys but I have never attempted to even touch him. (And I laughed some sort of maniacal laugh in my head at that one…I loved finding out that I was driving him crazy with desire. I’m real sick like that.)

We made some plans for Saturday night and I blew them off. I was busy with my writing and had no desire to leave my neighborhood. I kindly let him know that he was welcome to meet me in my neighborhood, but that I was on too much of an artistic kick to travel. (He’s an artist, so I didn’t expect this to be weird for him to hear at all). And apparently, it wasn’t weird for him, because he got in a car and drove over.

I invited him into my house and I knew that he must have been sure, in his own mind, that we would be having sex. After all, we’ve been friends for a while now. He knows about my other ‘hook ups’ and I know about his. We’ve expressed a mutual attraction for each other and then to top it all off, here I was blowing off actual plans and just inviting him back to my house instead.

We hung out, shooting the sh*t. It was late. Really late. We ordered in food and watched HBO. There was no alcohol to be found.

He eventually made his way over to sit on the floor in front of me, then reached behind his head to play with my hair. Ahh, the first physical embrace. (Doesn’t that anticipation suck?)

But there was nothing more. I was getting sleepy and wanted to go to my bed. I told him he could stay over, knowing this was making him POSITIVE that he would get laid. But, as our bodies drew closer to one another, I made up my mind: I would cuddle with him and maybe kiss him, but I wouldn’t let ANYthing else happen. No sex. No oral. Not even heavy petting.

I didn’t decide this for ‘self-respect’ reasons or anything of the sort. Rather, I wanted to make a point. This guy seems to get girls everywhere he goes and I wanted to be the girl he couldn’t get right away. And so I was. And it was f*cking empowering. In the morning, he asked me to go to the movies and then lunch with him. And we left it at that.

I feel better about myself than ever. I still maintain that when I want to have sex – both emotionally and physically – right away, I do it. And I feel good about it. This time, though, I wasn’t ready emotionally to have sex with him and nothing makes me more proud than following my gut.

Maybe one day he’ll be able to say that he did have sex with me…but regardless, he’ll always have to say that I made him wait.

[photo from: metro.co.uk]

A difference to the human race…

–Princeton, Avenue Q

Like so many wide-eyed college students, I decided that the ‘practical’ degree was not for me. I had no intentions of going to med school, which is to the benefit of the general public, and I certainly wasn’t about to take any more math than absolutely necessary. No engineering for me, Mom and Dad, even if you do get set up with interviews through the university. I was majoring in English.

I often lament this rebellion when I look at my checking account. Unfortunately, my other rebellious idea was to move to New York, so being young and broke has taken on an entirely new meaning altogether.

As jaded as the most expensive place in the country has made me of late, I like to pause and reflect on what I can do when I feel like my degree is nothing more than a large receipt with a FINAL SALE stamp on it.

1) Write a book. Everyone with a lit degree is urged by their non-bookish friends to write the next great American novel. This is one of few opportunities to boost your ego by using your liberal arts diploma as a foundation, so please, take advantage and modestly say, “Oh, I’m okay” when you’re introduced as a writer at parties. (Said writing does not guarantee getting published, but hey. It’s a start.)

2) Live the life of a human thesaurus. I probably get four emails/phone calls a week asking for a better word than what a friend of mine is using. See? Maybe you know nothing about actuarial math, but at least you can articulate your ignorance beautifully.

3) Join the Grammar Police force, which justifies your anger when you see typos in an email. Or my personal favorite, the emails where you are addressed by your first name, misspelled, when your email address is actually just your name at an address. Are people really not able to read it??

4) Roll your eyes after a movie and sigh, explaining to whoever accompanied you that “the book was so much better.”

5) Bust out your stellar vocabulary in conversation and remind everyone that while you may not make the big bucks, you’re a walking wealth of knowledge.

6) Become a starving artist… by working in media. You have to pay your dues with a salary that’s almost laughable to start, but eventually, in 3-5 years, you may be able to support yourself. Part of the starving artist mentality is taking a second job, like, say, freelancing. Take a breath and remember you’ll survive, at least your work sounds interesting.

7) Get thee to a graduate program. No one wants to crush your hopes and dreams in undergrad, but you’ll realize a year or so after you graduate that passion can’t always pay the bills. You can join all the frat boys you graduated with in taking the LSATs, try and re-learn basic math for the GRE, or throw yourself completely out of your element and go for the GMAT so you can go pursue an MBA and go on to wearing a suit for your 9-to-5.

Any other ideas? Please share with us!

Okay so it’s finals week, and that = lots and lots of papers, lots of tests, and, of course, the perfect time for a major attack of Writer’s Block! (scary music) We’ve all been there– staring at a blank screen at 3:20am, wishing you were anywhere but here, surfing the web for flights to Romania and cool jobs that don’t require a college diploma. Here are a few more practical solutions:

1. Step Away from the Computer! Do something non-computer related (and non-TV related for best results) for 15-30 minutes– take a short walk, read a magazine, doodle a bit. Then go back to your paper.

2. Trying using paper and pen for awhile: I usually write my topic or thesis at the top of the page to get me started.

3. Switch up your playlist. My writing music ranges from Apocalyptica to Pink and MC Solaar to Röyksopp.

4. Change your font color and text style to something fun: it sounds crazy, I know, but just try it — it helps.

5. Call it a night. Seriously. Even if it means you have to get up at 5am the next morning to finish it, a few hours of sleep will drastically improve your writing ability.

[Got any other ways to battle writer's block?? Let us know!]

I’m sure that many of you have stories to tell in response to the question that the NY Times is posing, “What is love now, in this age of 24/7 communication, blurred gender roles and new attitudes about sex and dating?” There’s no one better to address this complex and ever-changing question than someone in our generation.

How can you enter?

E-mail your 1500-2000 word essay (attached as a Word document AND pasted within the body of the e-mail), name, e-mail address, phone number, college, and year of graduation to: essaycontest@nytimes.com by March 31, 2008.

Also, if you need to look at past Modern Love columns to get a sense of the format, style, etc. check out the Modern Love archive.

The winner will be published in the paper, as well as on the website on May 4, 2008. If you are even considering entering, just go for it, you have nothing to lose. Good luck!

Chick lit—one step above romance novels and one step (OK…maybe a few steps) below Jane Austen on the Ladder of Lit.

I love chick lit, mainly because it gives me great comfort to know that there are people out there whose dating mishaps and embarrassing moments are even worse than mine…even if those people are fictional.

If you have the impression that most chick lit is just about as brainless as a pile of sawdust, well, then you’d be right. The cream of the crop, though, has both good writing and great laughs. Try these awesome titles to start:

First of all, if you’ve never read Bridget Jones’s Diary (check out that bargain price on Amazon), you have committed a serious sin against your sex (and no, seeing the movie does not count). This book is the groundbreaking work of the chick lit genre, and for good reason. Guaranteed to be one of the funniest novels you’ll ever read.

Sophie Kinsella’s Shopaholic series is a blast to read, even if you don’t like shopping. The main character, Becky, is incredibly easy to identify with and has the added bonus of possessing a brain that actually works.

Finally, for a touch of the exotic, pick up one of Anjali Banerjee’s books. I recommend Imaginary Men, in which the protagonist invents a fiancé for herself, tells all her family and friends she’s getting married, then somehow has to deal with the fact that there actually is no fiancé.

Even I haven’t been in that desperate of a situation.

Got any other good C. Lit reads? Let us know!

“I would rather set my hair on fire than read this book again.”

“Saying this is the best book I’ve ever read doesn’t do it justice.”

Got an opinion? Like to read books? Then head over to Goodreads, the best site out there that you may not know about.

Goodreads is the ultimate winner: a user-motivated review site that’s also a social network. If you love to read (or have to for class, as the case may be), rate the books you go through and post reviews.

If you want to protect everyone out there from the heinous piece of trash your English prof is calling “literature,” call it out on Goodreads and tell other people to stay the hell away from it. If you think everyone on Earth should read your favorite book, find it on the site and write a review that will move even the soundest skeptic to sob with longing.

You can search the site for specific books, see what others thought of them, and get book recommendations from friends. If you’re a writer, you can also post excerpts from your writing and read snippets of others’ work.

If that’s not enough for you, the site also allows you to create a profile, form or join groups based on a common hobby or favorite type of book, and craft lists of books you’ve already read and would like to read in the future.

Starting an account is easy and free, so do yourself a favor and sign up for one now.

Remember what your kindergarten teacher told you: “A book is a present you can open again and again.”

I was an English major during undergrad, and people often have the misconception that English majors enjoy writing papers. I enjoyed writing papers about as much as I enjoyed the stench of a pungent dorm lounge the day after a particularly disgusting kegger.

I did manage to ace out on most of those papers, though, and thus I am offering this sage list of do NOTs to others in the world of paper peril:

* Do NOT stay up all night writing a paper.

I know, I know, sometimes it just has to be done. But believe it or not, your brain will have time to energize and recharge and think of better ideas if you write your paper over a period long enough to allow for Sex in the City-watching, meal-munching, and beauty sleep.

* Do NOT write your paper via AIM or your cell’s text-message screen.

Yes, you should absolutely take breaks to spend time with your friends and get away from your paper. But texting away while you are actually writing will only lead your prof to knock a few points off your paper because it contains “OMG HAWT++!” somewhere in the middle.

* Do NOT forget the evidence.

Here it is: the art of bullshit. Profs (aside from those looking for regurgitation of their own oh-so-important words) are looking for intriguing topics that have “proof” to back them up. The great part is that you can twist the evidence however your own twisted mind desires.

And just one last note before you hunker down to write that paper (perhaps the most important note of all): no matter what happens, do NOT forget to keep handy a never-ending, high-quality supply of dark chocolate.

We’ve all been there. It’s a little past 2am and you’re 3 paragraphs into a paper due in a few hours, on a subject you only vaguely understand, for a class you go to only when it’s on the way to happy hour.You’ve typed every word that relates to your paper topic into Google, and you’ve come up with nary a Wikipedia entry.

So what’s the problem? Well, besides your knack for procrastination and admirable laziness, it could be your research skills.

Before you give up and accept defeat (and an F), pour yourself a hot cup of coffee and check out these research sites that have saved me more than once:

Spark Notes: You may not have used this site since high school, but I assure you, it’s even more useful now. From novel summaries that you’ve been using since 7th grade English class to summary-style subject reviews, you can find help for almost anything here, from Shakespeare to physics. I’ve gotten A’s on papers on books I didn’t read because of this site, and it saved my butt when I was cramming for a psychology final and couldn’t for the life of me, understand a specific topic. Their review for specific subject are great at explaining something simply and thoroughly.

Find Articles: This site indexes articles from over 500 publications, and you can read the entirety of the article for free. The more specific your topic is, the less useful this site becomes, but it’s a great tool if you use it to get some background information on your topic, and you can come out with some gems if you take the time to read through the entire article.

Digital History: This is the place to go if you’re doing a paper on something related to US history. If you can’t get any help from their digital textbook or essays, you’re a lost cause. Best of all? They have a ton if primary sources, like letters, so you look like you actually put some effort in and perhaps started the paper a few days before it was due.

All Experts: A database of over 3,000 experts, All Experts is bound to connect you to someone who can help you out or can at least point you in the right direction. You can email experts your questions on anything from the diamond industry to classic cars.

Infomine: This site is awesome because it functions as a search engine that limits results to those found on academic sites, so you can be confident that your best source for a paper on Ford’s advertising history isn’t the 47-year-old guy who collects toy cars in his mother’s basement.

Happy procrastinating!