So in the land of the rising sun, a woman was trapped in the closet. Oddly like R. Kelly. Since she was there for like a year, I imagine there were some moments not unlike those found in Mr. Kelly’s masterwork. What am I talking about?

Well for those of you who ignore the news clickers no doubt found to the side of your email logins, in Japan (aka: Weird Capital of the World) a homeless woman was caught living in a man’s closet. Not for like a week. Not a month. A year.

And the guy was living there. Not just in and out. He lived there.

Seriously, she was like his secret roommate. Like a mooching ninja. He wouldn’t have noticed anything if food didn’t start disappearing. How quiet was she if he never heard her? Or did he hear her and just assume it was just his neighbors making noise? You know, coming from the direction of his closet…In his apartment. Read More »

• I really wish my contribution to society was “:-)”! I’m really jealous…seriously. (Wired.com)

• So, wait, it’s breaking news now that people like to look at attractive people and it only takes a half second to notice them? Any horny college kid could’ve told you that. (Yahoo News)

• If you have a tramp stamp, beware! All of those pregnancies that your stamp has been causing is going to make birth a lot more painful. (wsj.com)

• Bad News: You’re in college and weed is still illegal. Good News: As long as you’re not a raging pot-head. (denverpost.com)

• I almost forgot Halloween was coming. So, just in case you love candy as much as we do at College Candy (ha) check out some sweets that never made it onto store shelves. (i-mockery.com)

• Apparently, the kids are calling it “juking” these days. But back when I was in high school it was just called acting real slutty and awkward. (Chicago Sun-Times)

• Students could learn a lot from this kind of dedication. Minus the dying. (Yahoo News)

• Jack Hanna and a flamingo got stuck in a turnstile. For real. (Associated Press)

• I don’t think South Park or Family Guy would think this comic was all that funny either. (WTNH)

• Cosmopolitan Magazine and its evolution over the past thirty years! Prepare to feel stunned and better looking than the cover model from 1987. (Jezebel)

• Oh Mary Kate Olsen, if there’s one thing I didn’t want today, it was a visual in my head of you running around naked wearing only jewelry. Real visual? Maybe. (People Magazine)

• Am I crazy or have I been seeing satin shorts in Forever 21 for at least a year? Take that Vera Wang. (FashionchickNYC)

• So now all the smug vegans can drive around in their hybrids feeling smug for yet another reason! Good for them! (Yahoo News)

• “People would walk past the serious work I was doing as a painter and want to see the Etch-A-Sketches.” Ummm…Etch-A-Sketch is serious work. (UK DailyMail)

• If you’re unhappy you get more ice cream! But then what if you’re happy and don’t get as much…doesn’t this make you unhappy? Yes it does. Genius! (wemakemoneynotart.com)

These days, energy drinks claim to do just about everything other than actually give you energy. Whether it is weight loss or better mental activity, there never seems to be a shortage of new products available in stores.

But, now, a certain health or energy drink called Boost Plus gave one man an uncontrollable erection, ending up with him being hospitalized. HA. That really must be an inconvenience at work to have a huge boner.

I know I may sound insensitive, but come on, it’s a little bit funny…right? Anyways, this was not merely an annoyance for this poor man, but resulted in having surgery to calm down his over-excited self.

Yahoo News reports that he went to bed after drinking Boost Plus and woke up “with an erection that would not subside.” He then sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.Because his situation was so bad, surgery was needed in order to implant a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

Man, talk about negative side effects. I wonder what it would do to a girl?

Not since Joe Simpson said of Jessica’s rack, “She’s got double-D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” have I been so creeped out by a father-daughter relationship.

According to this Yahoo article, Purity Balls are on the rise.

What’s a Purity Ball, you ask? Oh, y’know, it’s just like a Sweet Sixteen or a Bat Mitzvah, except that instead of celebrating a girl’s coming-of-age, it is the celebration of a girl’s sexual repression as enforced by her father and The Christian Right.

And instead of getting a digital camera or a car, she gets a Chastity Ring! Good times!

The purpose of said Purity Ball is for father and daughter to exchange the following vows:

Dad: Pumpkin, I’ll protect your chastity and live an unblemished life.

Daughter: Daddy, I won’t have sex until I’m passed on to my next owner husband.

Seriously… is there anything more spine-chilling than a 10 year old girl, dolled up in white, looking her father in the eye and vowing not to have sex until she’s married? Or, worse, a father in a tuxedo, peering down upon his pre-pubescent daughter and promising to not jerk it to online pornography? Ew, ew, ewww! Read More »