We’re now right in the middle of the Ten Days of Repentance, the week and a half following Rosh Hashanah during which Jews reflect on past sins they’ve committed and ask for forgiveness (kind of like Sunday Confession for you Catholics out there), as well as forgive those who’ve sinned against them (I always have a bit of trouble with this part…like, do I really need to forgive my friend for hooking up with my ex?). These ten days are supposed to prepare us for this weekend’s upcoming holiday, Yom Kippur. Otherwise known in my family as that day where every gets extremely cranky and hostile. Oh and extra bonus: my dad suddenly feels compelled to talk about his decreasing blood sugar every six minutes.

The Deal: Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. It’s the day that we ask God for forgiveness and for a good year ahead. Essentially, Jews believe that God decides on Yom Kippur whether or not the upcoming year will be the best ever, a living nightmare, or something in between. So, in hopes of swaying God’s opinion, we repent. We pray, we atone for our sins, we mourn those lost, and we look forward to a better future. It sounds depressing, I know, but it actually ends on an optimistic note and starts with the Kol Nidre service, which is absolutely gorgeous. We’re not allowed to play instruments, but the singing for this particular service is some of the most beautiful of all of our prayers. Unless your chorus has that token loud singer who insists on overshadowing everyone with her tone deaf voice. Like, you’re not Beyonce. You’re Shira Goldberg, head of the Scarsdale PTA.

In addition to Kol Nidre, we have a few other traditional ways of expressing our repentance:

The Fast: One of the biggest and best-known aspects about Yom Kippur is that we’re supposed to fast for twenty-five hours. Yes, this definitely can make us a little touchy (and might explain why your Jewish friend balled you out for tagging an unflattering photo of her last Yom), but the purpose is to cleanse our souls for our new beginning. Think of it as a colonic for the soul.  The more religious observers will take this a bit farther and, in addition to not eating or drinking, will also abstain from gum-chewing, showering, and even brushing their teeth (and now you’re like “so was that smelly kid of my freshman year celebrating Yom year round?” No, he was just disgusting).

No Leather: For Yom Kippur, Jews also abstain from using products created out of the hides of animals. That means no leather shoes, no leather belts, no leather bags, etc. The idea is to strip yourself of luxuries, especially those that come at the expense of another. Many Jews will also refrain from wearing make-up, perfume, or anything overly flashy. The goal here is modesty and respect. So yes, Yom Kippur is one of the few Peta approved Jewish holidays. But that could all easily change this year if my Rabbi takes a page from Lady Gaga’s book and wears a meaty tallis.

And if that’s not hard enough, we also have to stand for most of the 3-4 hour long services to ensure total focus on our prayers.

So, from half an hour before sundown Friday to Saturday half an hour after sundown (yay for the Lunar calendar), try not to eat or drink anything near us, and don’t be surprised if we apologize for that time last October when we borrowed your favorite bag without asking. We’re working on correcting our mistakes. Promise.

Oh and take note, minutes after the holiday is over we eat until we’re sick the game is back on until we have to repent again.

Please note: all writers AND editors involved are Jewish…and sarcastic. Really sarcastic.

Here are some tips to make your holidays away from home as enjoyable as possible. (This doesn’t just apply to Jewish students – every student can find the right balance between religion, relationships, classes, activities, and a part-time job.)

First and foremost, talk to your professors if you plan on missing a class because you are observing a religious holiday. My freshman year I had a foreign professor that refused to excuse me from his 1-credit seminar class because of Yom Kippur. I was intimidated but my parents (typical Jewish mother syndrome) convinced me to talk to my advisor right away. He was made aware of the situation from day 1 and it became a non-issue. Your university should have a policy stating religious discrimination is unacceptable. Do your research just in case a similar situation arises.

Seek out student organizations geared to your religious affiliation. Hillel and Chabad are great places to spend the High Holy Days if you are Jewish. Penn State Hillel, for instance, provides a home-cooked meal every Friday night after services – a big improvement over the dining hall food. The students involved in these groups have created a balance in their lives and they can advise you how to do the same. You already all have something in common. You can compare how many times a day your Mom has called or share stories about your yearly winter vacations to visit Grandma in Florida. Who knows… you will probably be able to find someone who went to the same sleepaway camp as you did (the Six Degrees of Jewish Separation is no joke).

Bring the holidays to you and your friends. If you live in a dorm, order chicken noodle soup from a local deli and share with your roommates. Plan your own festive meal. Teach your Gentile friends about the importance of rye bread and good bagels. You can be extremely adventurous if you have your own kitchen and make your own “Jew Food.”

By the time the High Holidays roll around, everyone’s going to be so sick of Ramen and late-night Easy Mac that they’ll think matzo balls are better than sliced bread. Which, as any Jew knows, they totally are. Unless that bread is challah. Yum.

I will not apologize for my beauty sleep. I will not!

This week, in light of the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I’m not Jewish, but the fact that my 21st birthday falls on the day of repenting has caused me to think about the fact that I’m doing the exact opposite: indulging and sinning.

I’m so not chosen for a reason.

Last week the CollegeCandy writers shared the things they want to ask forgiveness for. I’ve decided to take a different route and reflect on the things I’ve done wrong and have no desire to repent for. I’ve got enough Catholic guilt as it is.

10. Borrowing my sister’s clothes without asking.
Sorry Meredith, I just had to have that black shirt. You never wear it!

9. Indulging in cupcakes. At any hour of the day.
8 AM. Magnolia Bakery. Totally appropriate and healthy.

8. Exceeding my budget (by a lot a lot) for the sale at Saks.
It’s not like I need groceries.

7. Skipping class to sleep.
Not going to feel guilty for those extra z’s over watching a video on gender roles in advertising. Barbie, bad. I get it. I can find it on YouTube, right?

6. Lying about having a boyfriend to get out of a date.
Yeah, sorry I have this super protective boyfriend that won’t let me even text other boys.

5. Staying out til 3 AM. On a weekday.
Tuesdays are the new Fridays.

4. Using that emergency credit card for a Pad Thai emergency.
“Dad, I’m sorry, I needed it! I promise I won’t do it again, or at least I won’t until next weekend.”

3. Shamelessly Facebook-stalking.
Just making sure you still have more chins than quality personality traits.

2. Making out with my ex-fling.
If it happened in a different state, than it doesn’t count. Ah, who cares? Totally. Worth. It.

1. Telling friends I’m sick and can’t go out. In order to stay in and watch movies with my real best friend: peanut butter M&Ms.
Okay, maybe saying I’m “swining out” was a little overboard.

And then we get to eat bagels and lox and cake. Yum.

I didn’t think it was fair that only Jews atone for their sins on a yearly basis. I mean, I know we all have a few things we’re sorry about (or should be sorry about!). So I opened up my big Jewish arms (probably all that kugel) to all of the CollegeCandy writers to join me on this holiday and repent for their sins. They all turned me down on the whole fasting thing, but here are their apologies for their biggest sins of 5769…er…2009.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: Dear, Boyfriend. Please forgive me for always using up the squirt bottle of fake butter.

Kari – Florida State: Dear Boyfriend, Please forgive me for thinking dirty, dirty thoughts about Alexander Skarsgard at a somewhat unhealthy frequency.

Maddie – Tufts: Dear boss: Please forgive me for spending so many hours on Facebook this summer while I was at work. If you hire me again, I promise not to log in once.

Kim – Stanford: Dear 7/11 gas station, I’m sorry that my friend pissed in your cooler and stole a pack of gum while I looked on and laughed and you called the police and they pulled us over after about 5 blocks. Our bad.

Melanie – Northeastern University: Dear Liver, Please forgive me for my 21st birthday this upcoming Monday.

Nina – Michigan State University: Dear Ex, please forgive me for Googling your current girlfriend. I didn’t find anything good anyway.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Dear Random Guy Whose House Party I Crashed: Sorry I stole those Bagel Bites and cooked them in your microwave. And also sorry for busting in on you having sex when I was trying to sneak said Bagel Bites out the back door…which was actually your room.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: Dear Papa. Please forgive me for having sex in the back of your brand new Mercedes. Also, please forgive me for driving it far too recklessly as a getaway car (same night), wearing only an orange Victoria’s Secret push-up.

Thu – USC: Dearest friend. Please forgive me for posting and tagging all of those embarrassing videos of you even after you told me not to. They were simply too hilarious.

Elizabeth – University of Missouri: Dear high-school math teacher, please forgive me for throwing up under your desk at winter formal senior year… Lesson learned: Brandy and Bacardi don’t mix, especially on an empty stomach.

Cristina – Michigan State: Dear “forgot to ask your name but I know you’re a sophomore, too”: Please forgive me for making out with you and in the sweaty graffiti party basement and then running away to never catch your name.  A true Cinderella story.

Elise – Stanford: Dear Mother, please forgive me for interpreting the word “Emergency” during the use of my credit card to include the immediate need of frozen yogurt.

Zahra – Northwestern University: Dear Various Weird Men that Hit on Me on the Street. Please forgive me for rolling my eyes when you pay me compliments. I shouldn’t insult your creativity like that since you always seem pretty delighted with your pick-up lines.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Dear liver.  Please forgive me for my alcoholic tendencies.

Carly – Grinnell: Dear downstairs neighbors, please forgive me for working out at 8 a.m. most mornings in big thumpy shoes on the thin wood floor.

Ricki – University of Michigan: Dear Steph – Please forgive me for yelling at you at 2am last night.  Trust me, no one was thinking clearly at that point.

Kiki – University of Missouri: Dear Dad. Please forgive me for shutting the garage door on your  brand spankin’ new SUV. This is why I drive the ’94 Dodge pick up truck.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Dear guy who sits behind me in Bio; please forgive me for reading gossip rags during class…I know it’s distracting. My B.

Ness – Sheridan: Dear Dad, please forgive me for spending oodles of your money to move away and attend college. Hopefully you’ll get your money’s worth some day when I’m a famous writer. Love you!

Want to clean your slate? What do you need to apologize for?

Last year we decided to take it one step further and we all decided to give something up for Lent. We set a rule that we all needed to give up something very near and dear to our hearts. One roommate gave up sprinkles (she would eat them with a spoon), one gave up eating after 10pm (that bitch lost 10 pounds), and I decided to give up using the word “pussy” (I have no idea why I use it so often).

One of our neighbors came by at the beginning of Lent and asked what we had all given up. I proudly exclaimed, “I gave up pussy for lent!”

Yeah, awkward. Not to mention the fact that I was two days in and had already failed.

This year I am going to do it right – I have become quite obsessed with cupcakes lately, so I am gonna give those puppies up. Hopefully I’ll be more successful than last year.

What are you giving up for Lent?

1. I regret that time I met a guy at a bar and did some naughty things at a very public table. That other people may have been sitting at. And the bar also happened to be a restaurant. And it was definitely not sanitary.

2. I regret purchasing condoms while drunk and choosing that the ones that glow in the dark/have spikes “for her enjoyment.” I did not enjoy them that night, nor did I enjoy the way those spikes made me feel for the next 3 days.

3. I regret thinking hooking up in a boy’s bathroom was “hot” – it was not. In fact, it was dirty, moldy and didn’t have a lock. So, with that, I regret that guy’s roommates walking in and getting quite a show.

4. I regret hooking up in my roommate’s bed because she then hooked up in my bed in retaliation…and made a much bigger mess.

5. I regret keeping my hot stilettos on during a particularly wild romp that led to a giant gouge in my wall and a large, bloody gash down my man’s back.

I know I am not alone in making poor hook up decisions. What are your biggest regrets?

Why will we be giving up bagels, lox and all those other Jewy foods for an entire freaking day?

To atone for our sins, people.

We have one day and one day only to apologize to God for everything we did wrong over the course of an entire year. That is not a lot of time, which is why everything that does not involve repenting must be given up. Like eating.

Or admiring good looking men.

Or personal gratification.

Or shopping.

Or reruns of Friends.

Or massages.

Or ice cream.

Or ice cream sundaes.

On top of a cupcake.

Served by him.

Or all those fun things that got us in trouble in the first place.

Tomorrow night – and my clean slate/macaroni and cheese – can’t come soon enough. Until then, be nice to your Jewish pals; it’s gonna be a long day.

Today is the first full day of Rosh Hashanah, which means that I just spent 4 hours thanking God for everything he has given me in the past year (followed, of course, by a large and delicious meal). While in synogogue, I thanked the Big Guy upstairs for my family, my friends, my education and the fact that my money is still safe in a bank somewhere.

I also thanked him for my wonderful job, my great hair and the awesome deal I got on that green pashmina I wore to services.

I thought I covered it all until I got home and realized I left a major “Thank You, GOD” out: a hearty thank you for all the super hot Jews in Hollywood. And for the DVR that allows me to record them, the iPod that allows me to hear them and the vivid dreams that allow me to…er…interact with them.

It doesn’t matter if you are Jewish, Christian, Hindu, or Agnostic; I think we all owe someone a giant thank you for these boys. (Click on the pic for more delicious pics!)

I just don’t know if 2 days is enough for me.

Being that I have such a public forum at my disposal, I thought I would go the extra mile this year and clear my slate of sins before I even step foot into synagogue this evening. So, without further adieu, here are my apologies. Please forgive:

- I am sorry for doubting the Wolverines and their ability to have a KILLER comeback in a football game.

- I am sorry that I called that girl a bitch in the bathroom because she refused to pass me toilet paper under the stall.

- I am sorry for all those times I cut people off while driving; I thought I had more important places to be than them, but I now realize that getting home in time for Oprah is really not important at all (mostly because I have DVR).

- I am sorry for talking badly behind people’s backs all year. I am also sorry that I will do it again next year.

- I am sorry for stealing internet from you, upstairs neighbor. But you should be sorry for waking me up at 6am on weekends while having (LOUD) sex with your boyfriend.

- I am sorry for this.

God I love this holiday. The apples and honey, the family meals, and the fact that all my wrong doings can be erased simply by asking. I can see why Lindsay Lohan wants to be a jew.

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Rumor has it

Yes, like many non-Jewish women who fall head over heels for the Jews (and who can blame them?), Lilo is (allegedly) converting for her gal-pal, Samantha Ronson.

Being a card carrying Member of the Tribe, I feel it is my duty to whip up a (Kosher) Jell-O mold/some bagels and lox and welcome Linds to the Jew-berhood.

We are so excited to have yet another celeb on the verge of a mental breakdown to call our own!

Before I hand over the bagels, though, I need to make sure Lohan is in it for the long run. We Jews take our religion seriously and, like the bouncers at the Waverly Inn, don’t let just anyone in. Is she ready to use guilt to get everything she wants in life? Does she fully understand just how much time we are forced to spend in synagogue? Does she know that being Jewish is about more than searching for a good deal at Marshalls?

And, most importantly, is Lindsay truly devoted to our people, or is it all about the allure of Yom Kippur, a holiday where we atone (and are completely forgiven) for the sins we have committed in the past year? Lord knows Lohan has a lot of atoning to do, starting with that line of leggings she created.

Oy. As if having Speidi at church wasn’t bad enough, now we have to worry about having Lohan at Temple. God help us all.