It’s weird when you think about it – the way a simple word can gross you out as much as watching those nasty surgery shows on TLC or stepping over fresh puke on your way to class on a Monday morning. But it happens. A lot. There are just some words that give us all the heebie-jeebies and after my mother used the word moist to describe how amazing her brownies were this morning, I decided 1) I’m too grossed out to eat a brownie right now and 2) it’s time to make a list of the words that make me feel icky, uncomfortable and downright dirty.

Yeah, I guess I’m a masochist.

Crusty: I know that crusty bread can be a good thing, but that’s usually not what I’m thinking about when I hear this word. Hard as I try (and trust me, I try!), I can’t get “crusty underpants” out of my head.

Panties: Ask me how many times I’ve uncomfortably giggled when the older, voluptuous lady at Victoria’s Secret offered to show me where the ’5 for $25′ panties were. Is it possible for a 20-year-old girl to feel like a dirty, old man at the mere mention of the word??

Facial: A big thanks to the porn industry for ruining one of the most relaxing spa treatments known to mankind. Never again will I be able to comment on “the best facial I’ve ever had” without feeling absolutely disgusting.

Moist: “Mmmm, these muffins are really moist.” Shudder.

Supple: If you are writing a super market romance novel, this word is perfect. “The supple young woman walked over to the counter while every men’s gaze was glued to her.” Anything else is just plain wrong.

Wet: This term not only describes something that is covered with liquid but also what is not dry. Yes, wet can be used to describe a counter top, or a plate. But it is also used to describe other things: “Did you hear that slimy, wet fart?”

Ointment: The word itself sounds like an infection. Which makes me think about all the gross, oozing things that you’d need ointment for. Which makes me want to barf.

Yeast: Even seeing it on a recipe card for some yummy homemade bread just makes me think of…. down there. And no one wants to put some fresh jam on that ish. (Editor’s Note: And if they do, well, double ew.)

Pimply: I don’t know if it’s the combination of the “p” and the “l” or if it’s the mental image of some poor soul whose entire face is covered by those juicy pimples, but yeah – I kind of threw up in my mouth.

Tits: Boobs, breasts, lady lumps….they all sound so much more pleasant than ‘tits.’ It’s just so derogatory and ugly. As are the people who would actually use this term.

Chunky: Think about it – is there anything positive in this world that can be described as ‘chunky’??

What words give you goose pimples? (Ew. Pimples.) Share ‘em below and maybe together we can forge a campaign to rid the world of this nastiness once and for all.

Mornings are hard enough without having to deal with fancy make-up techniques and surprise zits. Keep these 3 steps in mind when you’re rushing out the door and you’ll be sure not to show up to class with an eyeliner disaster.

1. First things first; after you splash your face with fresh cold water in the morning and smile at yourself in the mirror (damn girl, you lookin’ fine) make sure to avoid these make-up blunders. I think Snooksters should read this…

2.  Acne is the first thing I notice on my face in the morning. For some scary reason I thought the zitty buggers would stop popping up after I endured a brutal awkward phase and puberty. Hmph, not so much. It’s a mine field on your face sometimes. Come morning, take the natural route in fulfilling your wildest clear skin dreams.

3. And most importantly, remember to love yourself.  As you look in the mirror every morning, take this note to your body (personalized for you) and recite it.  Being comfortable in your skin is the best beauty tip out there.

There’s almost nothing worse than waking up in the morning and discovering a big, fat zit in the middle of your forehead. And it always seems to happen the day of sorority formal/a new ID photo/a presentation/any random Tuesday when you pass your crush on the way to class.  No matter how hot you look otherwise, that eyesore on your face brings you back to being an insecure 13-year-old, and you start bargaining with god to just make it go away as you furiously wash/exfoliate the sh*t out of your face.

You’d do just about anything to get rid of that honker. Anything.
Or would you?

A University of California student just wowed the world with news of an all-natural, totally effective way to rid the world of acne. It’s a breakthrough in skincare that has everyone abuzz. The only problem is: it’s breast milk. Read More »

Like most ladies, the way my face looks is pretty important to me. I like to minimize bright red zits, reduce the black circles under my eyes after a long night at the ‘brary, and generally not look like a 45 year old woman at the ripe old age of 22.

And like most ladies I load up on every product that will keep my face looking fresh, clean and daaaamn good.

But according to a recent article in The New York Times, most ladies are pretty dumb for buying into all that facial cream mumbo jumbo.

No matter how smart we are, we all want to believe that a skin cream can fix all of our problems. Yes, even relationship issues. And it doesn’t hurt when the beauty companies throw scientific terms into the mix, furthering our beliefs that this product is different, and that one really will work!

But if what all the experts in this article say is true, we could get the same effect from a wash cloth and some basic soap that we would get from purchasing a $40 bottle of “rejuvinating night cream.” The same goes for all those “cellular level cleansers,” “biomolecular” eyecreams, and that “microsmoothing” face serum. Read More »

I went from cracking jokes about Jessica Simpson’s ProActiv ads to wanting to be in my own acne treatment ad basically overnight. I never had acne problems as a teen. Even buying something as simple as face wash seemed like a foreign concept to me-after all, I had perfect skin. Of course I’d have the occasional tragic zit that would drive me up the wall — but that was as far as my derma-traumas were concerned.

Until I switched my birth control.

Once I switched my birth control my hormones went completely out of whack. A few months ago, after the switch, I started breaking out ALL OF THE TIME. I felt uncomfortable going outside without makeup on. As a singer, I didn’t want to be on stage. As a model on the side, I stopped showing up to interviews. I felt gross and about as far from pretty as a girl can possibly feel without having to be a D list Hollywood drunken starlet.

I wasn’t about to give in to a bleak marriage with acne. My skin’s future needed to be free and happy, not tied down to bullsh*t anxiety.

I finally got to that breaking point where I caved and decided I would try ProActiv-or something like it. Something like it is what I went with when I saw Acne Free at the drug store. It was right there in front of me and for much less than what I hear ProActive goes for (it was $20 for the package). I rationalized with myself for a while before the purchase.

“Elizabeth…you spent $20 at a bar on drinks in an hour. You can chance it for better skin…”

And so I did. Read More »

Jessica Simpson is set to rake in 3 million dollars to renew her deal with the pimple poppers over at Proactiv.

Basically, this means she gets more money than she gets to star in all of her blockbuster Hollywood films…to just stay kinda pretty and smile a lot. But get this! In the past, Jessica the Genius has gone on record saying that it was the prescription Accutane that cleared up her zits.

It wasn’t until she signed a contract with Proactiv in 2005 that she had what seems like a change of heart:

“I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining. I’m passionate about Proactiv because it worked for me and it gave me so much confidence.“

Maybe her face was shining because she’d returned to being excessively oily after the effects of Accutane wore off. Or maybe she’s just, you know, lying to make a ton of cash for putting in almost no effort. Read More »